While watching clips from my last Game of Thrones video,
I stumbled across some cast interview clips
and I couldn’t help but notice
how effortlessly charming Emilia Clarke was.
I decided to watch a few more interviews
and sure enough she displays a number of charismatic habits
though all seemingly simple are extremely powerful.
So in this video we are going to break down four of Emilia’s habits that make her so charming.
Many of these may sound basic at first glance,
but there are nuances that
take them from ordinary basic advice to extremely charismatic
if you hit the nuance.
The first one of these is a more subtle point,
but it starts with something that you cannot help
but notice when watching Emilia-
her beaming and frequent smile.
It lights up her whole face.
Smiling is one of the fastest ways to communicate friendly intentions
and put other people at ease.
But since it’s so easy to do,
people have learned to fake it to their advantage,
and we in turn have learned unconscious ways of detecting
which smiles are genuine
and which are meant to manipulate us.
Subconsciously we don’t look at the mouth but the eyes
if a person’s eyes don’t have any flexion in the muscles
below or around their eyes.
We judge that smile to be fake
and sometimes distrust the person for that
perceived attempt at manipulating us.
Emilia isn’t even close to triggering this
though look at her eyes in this next clip.
And … and that’s not an exaggeration
if you were ever talking to Emilia when she laughs.
Her eyebrows literally turned upside down.
Of course Emilia isn’t focused on
squeezing her eye muscles precisely to appear genuine.
And neither should you be.
Instead, her genuine smile comes from
allowing herself to find the humor in everything.
This is the nuance,
and while it might seem like an obvious point
more often than we realize we restrain ourselves
from these genuine smiles or genuine laughter.
Sometimes it’s because we’re uncomfortable laughing at ourselves.
We think that it would hurt our social standing to do that.
Emilia proves that a willingness to laugh at yourself
is actually extremely charismatic.
Hi, I’m Emilia Clark.
And you’re gonna find out some first-time stuff.
No… Don’t say that.[Laughter]
Other times we hold back on smiling and laughter
because we can think of charisma as something that requires us
to always be the leader to be the one in the spotlight.
And when we are in this competitive mindset,
and someone else tells a joke,
rather than laugh we might hold back,
and look for a way to make people laugh at our next joke.
But Emilia doesn’t fall into that ego trap.
In the next clip for instance Seth Meyers is piling onto a story
that she had just told,
and she has no problem shifting the spotlight over to him,
making him feel funny, making him the center of attention.
By the way, the only thing that would be worse than
a guy coming to your house seen this
“嗯？”“是相反 你去别人家里时 看到了这些东西”
– Yes.- Is the reverse, you go into a guy’s house and seeing this
– Yes, exactly!- Yeah!
– Exactly!- That’s the real like!
– Yeah.- Yeah.
It’s counterintuitive, but highlighting the people around you,
making them feel funny,
well like they have the spotlight on them
leads to your own charisma rising.
Now Emilia’s willingness to smile and laugh freely
actually leads to our second major point.
And it’s when our sarcastic comedic instincts
might tell us to cut someone down.
Emilia often takes those opportunities to build people up.
Now the reverse is especially common in young men
who learned to say things like “cool story bro”
when someone makes a bad joke.
But Emilia avoids these low blows.
Jimmy Fallon in this next clip cracks a lame joke.
And rather than tease him for it,
she supports it gets the audience behind him.
– Smashed it.- Smashed it.
“在英国那意味着酷 对吗”“帅呆了 对”
– And in England that means cool, right?- Killed it. Yeah.
– Okay!- I just made it up.
我挺喜欢它的 没关系 slay挺好的
I like it. I like it. Yeah, no problem. OK. I’ll take that. Slay. That’s ok. Slay.
Yeah, the words.[ Laughter ]
You generate massive goodwill
when you laugh with someone rather than at them.
And, yes, even though the whole room might laugh
when you pick on one individual,
it’s usually better to take the supportive role.
And you can still be funny while doing it.
Our videos on yes ending dive deeper into this topic
if you’d like more.
Now to be clear, I don’t mean to say
that you can never lovingly tease people.
Emilia does it on occasion.
But interestingly she often find ways
to sneak subtle compliments into those teases.
Watch as she teases Kit Harington for complaining about
his heavy outfit on the Game of Thrones set.
On the one hand she is lightly mocking him for complaining
but she also says this:
Always in the cold.
I know he does need… just really like to tell everyone about that.
没错 戏服真的很重 真的很重
Yeah, he does. It’s really heavy. It’s really heavy.
So it… hahaha…
So but you could be like warm places wearing silk.
是呢 我们知道……这就是问题所在 基特不停的抱怨
Yeah. We know… know this is the thing. Kit always complain
cuz he’s always in and then it’s a it’s a very heavy cloak.
It’s a very, it’s a very heavy cloak.
– It must smell terrible.- He is… yeah, he’s not holding them up.
And so it’s fine…
To still be cracking jokes but make the punchline that
your friends and loved ones are attractive well-liked and cool.
Chris Evans is an expert at this.
I’m gonna link to a video with him below.
But here are just a few quick examples.
I get pried. I get …
I never get hammer up which is really upset.
[ Laughter ]
Please think I’m Hemsworth. Please think I’m Hemsworth.
– feel like the godfather of these Super Hero movies- whether he feels or not he is
Whether you know he’s gonna say something really like humble and symbol,
I’m not ready. I’m cool.
I’ll be like oh no what happened anyway
This wouldn’t happen without Downey,
and nobody doesn’t know that.
Back to Emilia Clark,
I suspected part of the reason
that those genuine positive emotions come so easily to her
is because unlike so many people,
she isn’t trying to have normal interactions.
She doesn’t want to blend in and match the energy of the room.
Instead she almost always raises the energy of the interactions that she was involved in.
This is an extremely powerful habit
even though it isn’t always immediately noticeable
In this next clip you can see how her enthusiasm
seems to be one level above the people that she’s speaking to
first in her introduction and then in the questions that are asked of her
-Good to see you again.-Lovely to see you as well.
Is it frustrated at all that you can’t talk about it?
对 特别郁闷 我忍不住要说出来了
Yeah, deeply. I can’t wait for this to be out
I’m going to say it. I know it.
Do you have like a emotional connections to the theme partners？
对 就是这样 对 我是 真的
it’s…I really do, it’s… I re… genuinely.
Upping our energy level can be a scary thing to do,
because our default is to try to be normal to blend in,
but when you come in with one energy level higher than
a group one level sillier than the situation calls for
people almost always appreciate it.
Even when we’re in a serious business mode or cool professional mode,
we love to be reminded of the lighter side of life.
And Emelia does this frequently with her higher more playful energy,
and just in case you were thinking this doesn’t apply to business settings,
listen to the Game of Thrones producers
talk about how Emelia won the role of Daenerys Targaryen
in a high stakes audition,
even though she had never acted outside of a few bit roles.
It was quite possibly
the least inviting audition environment we had ever witnessed,
still the president of the company was playing it close to the chest he nodded,
Emilia asked if there was anything else she could do to lighten the mood.
David asked can you dance and without missing a beat
Emilia did the robot,
and even the president had no choice but to smile,
she got the job 10 seconds after she left the room
and the two of us ran to tell her.
so when you find yourself in any social situation,
don’t try to be normal, try to have fun,
even if it means that you’re the first one to be more enthusiastic, energetic or positive,
now the last very simple habit that makes Emilia so effortlessly charming is
that she is an active listener,
she makes the people communicating with her feel validated and heard,
now you’ve already seen examples of this in her validating jokes from other people,
but active listening can be even more subtle than that,
for instance she often listens while repeating phrases that that person has just said.
-it’s just weird-it’s weird, isn’t it?
-“古怪得像50 60岁的人看着你”-“对 就是很古怪”
-it’s weird like 50 60 people watching you.-yeah, that’s mal yeah other times.
Other times she simply says words that are encouraging and affirmative.
很多演员在停机的时间 都会玩Heads up
But everybody plays,there was a lot down time and you’ll play heads up.
对 是的 我们会玩这个游戏
Yeah, exactly. No, we do, we do.
-“这是个消磨时光的好游戏”-“对 是的 完全正确”
-It’s a fun game that passes the time.-Yes, yeah, exactly.
-“这都是梦”-“是的 正确 再正确不过了”
– It was all the dream.- Yeah, exactly! exactly!
The cool thing about this habit is that it is very under the radar,
people begin to feel good,
and to associate that feeling with you without really knowing why,
and it contributes to them feeling
“虽然解释不了为什么 但是我就是喜欢这样” 的情绪
I don’t really know how to explain it but I just like them,
there are a lot of ways to be charming,
but I think Emilia highlights one of the most elegant.
You make other people feel good by modeling how to feel good yourself,
when you are happy and are comfortable expressing it in a generous way
with your smiles your laughter,
your affirmations of other people,
it has a way of rubbing off and making them perceive you as more charismatic.
Now if you’re looking for more resources on how to really lock in
these confident positive habits,
I highly recommend checking out our course Charisma University.
I love love love this channel,
but part of the issue with it is that these can become ideas
that stay in your head as pure theory,
纯粹的理论 即便是在全世界都通用 也不会改变你的生活
and pure theory even if there’s all of it in the world is not going to change your life.
Charisma University is all about taking action
each day has a specific action guide with one thing that you can do,
so simple that anyone can do it
It’s a 30 day program and it’s that day after day action taking
that really is what creates change over the long haul.
So instead of just learning about charisma,
and thinking about it intellectually you are making real changes that lead to you mastering,
你的自信心 你给别人的第一印象 你的身体语言和你的魅力
your confidence, your first impressions, your body language and your charisma.
So if you want to take your charisma to the next level,
go ahead click the link below to check out the course.
It’s going to take you to a page where you can join,
that comes with a 60 day no questions asked money back guarantee
so you don’t have to worry about anything.
Now I hope that you decide to join this course,
either way I really hope that you have enjoyed this video.
And I will look forward to seeing you in the next one.