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如何在谈到自己时成为聚焦点 – 译学馆
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如何在谈到自己时成为聚焦点

How to Be Charming When Talking About Yourself

有礼貌的人从小就被灌输不能总是谈论自己的观念
Polite people have it instilled in them from an early age that they should not talk too
除了一点点意见以外 为了证实自身的吸引力 他们通常是
much about themselves. A few comments aside, they should – to prove appealing – always
问问别人的生活 或是只谈报纸上的客观话题
ask the other about their lives or stick to impersonal topics found in newspapers, lest
谨防被控自私 但是这种做法没有对讨论自己的不同方式
they be accused of that heinous charge: self-absorption. But this rule fails to distinguish between
进行区分 就像有礼貌的人也时常会忘记的那样
different ways of talking about oneself. There are, as well-mannered people sometimes forget,
分享自己生活的细节也有更好或更坏的方法 问题的关键
better and worse ways to share details of one’s life. It is not the amount that one
不是内容多少 而是谈论自己的方式 有这样一种特别的
talks that should determine the issue; only how one does so. There is one particular way
讨论自己的方法 而且不论谈话持续了多久 都能赢得朋友
of discussing oneself which, however long it goes on for, never fails to win one friends,
能使观众安心 能慰藉有伴的人 也能安抚单身的人 还能赢得敌人的善意
reassure audiences, comfort couples, bring solace to the single and buy one the goodwill
这就是坦白自己的弱点和错误 听到我们曾经的失败
of enemies: the confession of vulnerability and error. To hear that we have failed, that
我们的失落 我们的过错 我们的伙伴似乎并不喜欢我们
we are sad, that it was our fault, that our partners don’t seem to like us much, that
我们很孤独 我们也曾希望一切就此了结——而这其中几乎没有任何
we are lonely, that we have wished it might all be over – there is scarcely anything
值得让人学习的地方 这通常用来表明人性本恶
nicer anyone could learn. This is often taken to signal a basic nastiness in human nature,
但是真相更深刻 听到别人的失败使我们心安 但并不会
but the truth is more poignant. We are not so much crowing when we hear of failure as
自鸣得意 我们心安是因为知道并非只有自己面对着那些
deeply reassured – reassured to know that we aren’t humiliatingly alone with the appalling
只要活着就会面对的可怕困难 我们很容易怀疑自己的
difficulties of being alive. It is all too easy to suspect that we have been uniquely
麻烦是特别的多 因为看到生活圈里的人们都活得风生水起
cursed in the extent of our troubles, of which we seldom find evidence in the lives around
媒体总是无休无止地宣扬别人的成功
us. The media offers us unending accounts of the financial and creative success of others,
我们的朋友和熟人们也一直通过吹嘘着自己和孩子的微小成就
while our friends and acquaintances constantly pepper their conversations with ever-so subtle
让自己的对话更有滋味 极具讽刺意味的是
boasts about their and their children’s accomplishments. By an ultimate irony, these
这些自我推销员们并非是在尝试疏远我们 他们错误地信奉着那些
self-promoters aren’t trying to alienate us. They are labouring under the touching
被严重误导的理论 以为我们会因为他们的成功更喜欢他们
but seriously misguided impression that we will like them more for their success. They
他们想通过展示自己的成功而变得受欢迎 而这事实上
are applying to social life a model of a relationship between popularity and success that in fact
只在非常有限的情况下有效 也许在我们尝试取悦父母
only applies in very selective contexts, perhaps when we seek to please our parents or need
或需要成功人士帮我们升职的时候会有用 但是其余的时间
the help of successful people to advance our careers. But the rest of the time, as the
就像吹嘘者们已然忘记的那样 我们发现成功是最大的问题 我们那么努力变得完美
boasters forget, we find success an enormous problem. We put in so much effort to be perfect.
而讽刺的是 失败才讨人喜欢 因为人是那样需要
But the irony is that it’s failure that charms, because others so need to hear external
听到别人提供的我们都很孤独证据:我们的性生活是多么不正常
evidence of problems with which we are all too lonely: how un-normal our sex lives are;
我们的事业是如何被误导的 我们的家庭是多么令人失望
how misguided our careers are proving; how unsatisfactory our family can be; how worried
我们平时是多么忧心忡忡 揭开任何这种伤疤当然可能置自己于危险中
we are pretty much all the time. Revealing any of these wounds might, of course, place
别人可能会笑话自己 社交媒体可能把这当成噱头 但这就对了
us in great danger. Others could laugh; social media could have a field day. That’s the
我们就是通过揭露一些误信他人而让我们遭受羞辱的事情
point. We get close by revealing things that would, in the wrong hands, be capable of inflicting
来变得亲密的 友谊是感恩带来的红利 它始于
humiliation on us. Friendship is the dividend of gratitude that flows from an acknowledgement
有意义的谈话 不是花哨的礼物
that one has offered something very valuable to someone by talking: not a fancy present,
而是更加珍贵的东西 那是通向一个人的自尊和尊严的钥匙
but something even more precious, the key to one’s self-esteem and dignity. It’s
最讽刺的是我们那么努力让自己在世界面前变得强大
deeply poignant that we should expend so much effort on trying to look strong before the
而事实是 只有揭露一些令人尴尬的
world – when, all the while, it’s really only ever the revelation of the somewhat embarrassing,
忧伤忧郁的 焦虑的地方 才能让别人喜欢上我们
sad, melancholy and anxious bits of us that is what makes us endearing to others, and
并从陌生人转变成朋友
transforms strangers into friends.
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视频概述

在交朋友时 揭露自己的失败比诉说自身的成功更能有效地增进感情

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Aimik

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldmPgQZ52Ec

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