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童年创伤:你并非天生懦弱、天性凉薄 – 译学馆
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童年创伤:你并非天生懦弱、天性凉薄

How Our Childhoods Affect Our Adult Lives

当然没有人希望发生这种事:
No one intends for this to happen, of course,
但在我们童年的某一处
but somewhere in our childhood, our trajectory
我们通往心理成熟的轨道必定会受到阻碍
towards emotional maturity will almost certainly be impeded.
就算我们被细心呵护
Even if we are sensitively cared
被温柔照料
for and lovingly handled,
我们也不能指望在没有受到任何心理伤害的情况下
we can be counted upon not to pass through our young years without
安然度过年少时光
sustaining some kind of deep psychological injury –
我们将其称之为“童年创伤”
what we can term a Primal Wound.
某种程度上童年向我们打开了情绪损害的大门
Childhood opens us up to emotional damage in part because,
因为人类和其他生物不一样
unlike all other living things,
人类构造使其使其有一个漫长而幽闭的青春期
homo sapiens has an inordinately long and structurally claustrophobic pupillage.
马驹出生30分钟就能站立
A foal is standing up thirty minutes after it is born.
而人类直到18岁
A human will, by the age of eighteen,
由父母陪伴25000个小时左右才能自立
have spent around 25,000 hours in the company of its parents.
石斑鱼妈妈每年
A female grouper mother will
会在北大西洋海滨的沙滩上
unsentimentally dump up to 100 million eggs a year
毫无感情地产下一亿只卵
in the sandy banks off the north Atlantic seaboard
之后对自己的任何一个后代再也不看上一眼
and never see a single one of heroff-spring again.
就拿地球上最大的动物
Even the blue whale, the
蓝鲸来说吧
largest animal on the planet,
他们五岁时就已经性成熟并且能够独立了
is sexually mature and independent by the age of five.
但我们人呢 我们踌躇着逗留着
But for our part, we dither and linger;
可能一岁时才能迈出第一步
it can be a year till we take our first steps
可能要到两岁才能说出一句完整的话
and two before we can speak in a whole sentence.
快20岁时我们才能被划分为成年人
It is close to two decades before we are categorised
与此同时
as adults. And in the meantime,
我们在拥有高度奇特和扭曲制度的家庭庇佑下幸存
we are at the mercy of that highly peculiar and distorting
而且我们甚至还有更具特色的监督人 我们的父母
institution we call home, and its even more distinctive overseers, our parents.
在童年的漫长酷暑和寒冬里
Across the long summers and winters of childhood,
我们耳濡目染着周围大人的处事方式
we are intimately shaped by the ways of the big people around us:
我们渐渐熟知大人的口头禅 他们的生活习惯
we come to know their favourite expressions, their habits, how they
以及他们迟到时是什么反应
respond when they are late,
以及他们叮嘱我们如何过马路
or the way they address us when they’re cross.
我们记得七月上午阳光普照时家里的氛围
We know the atmosphere of home on a bright July morning
我们记得四月中旬下午倾盆大雨时家里的气息
and in the afternoon downpours of mid-April.
我们记得地毯的纹理 衣橱的气味
We memorise the textures of the carpets and the smells of the clothes’ cupboards.
人到中年
In middle-age,
我们仍然还能回忆起
we can still recall the taste
放学后家里烤的美味的小饼干的味道
of a particular biscuit we liked after school and know intimately
依然记得父母聚精会神
the tiny sounds a parent makes as they concentrate
看报纸上某篇文章时的窸窣
on an article in the newspaper.
在我们漫长的婴儿时期
During our elongated gestation, we are at first,
首先在感官上 我们完全依赖于监护人的看顾
in a physical sense, completely at the mercy of our caregivers.
我们如此脆弱 小小的摇篮能将我们囚禁
We are so frail, we could be tripped up by a twig;
家猫对我们来说大如老虎
the family cat is like a tiger.
我们过马路 穿衣服 写自己的名字时都需要帮助
We need help crossing the road, putting on our coat, writing our name.
我们的弱点是过于情绪化
But our vulnerability is as much emotional.
我们还没有开始理解这个陌生的环境:
We can’t begin to understand our strange circumstances:
不知道我们是谁 不知道我们的感觉来自何处
who we are, where our feelings come from,
不明白为什么自己会悲伤 会愤怒
why we’re sad or furious, how our parents
不明白父母怎样融进了更广阔的社会 以及他们行为的动机
fit into the wider scheme, and why they behave as they do.
我们必然会把周围大人所说的话
We necessarily take what the big
当成不可亵渎的真相
people around us say as an inviolable truth;
我们忍不住要夸大父母在地球上的角色
we can’t help but exaggerate our parents’ role on the planet.
我们注定要与父母的态度 抱负 恐惧 喜好纠缠不清
We are condemned to be enmeshed in their attitudes, ambitions, fears and inclinations.
父母对我们的养育基本上是特别的 独一份儿的
Our upbringing is fundamentally always particular and peculiar.
作为孩子
Being children,
我们能接触到的世界非常有限
we can brush very little of it off.
我们没有自我保护的面具
We are without a skin.
如果父母对我们大吼大叫的话
If a parent shouts at us,
我们会觉得整个世界的地基都在颤动
the foundations of the earth tremble.
我们不能分辨出某些尖锐的话语其实是没有恶意的
We can’t tell that some of the harsh words weren’t perhaps entirely meant,
我们分辨不出哪些话是工作时的场面话
or had their origins in a tricky day at work
哪些话是一时兴起对孩子的逗弄
or are the reverberations of the adult’s own childhood;
我们只是觉得最强大的 无所不知的大人已经决定了
it simply feels as if an all-powerful, all knowing giant has decided,
他们出于某些好的(或未知的)原因 反正我们就是不能反驳
for certain good (if as yet unknown)reasons that we are to be annihilated.
我们也不能明白父母何时会出去过周末
Nor can we understand, when a parent goes away
或者何时想搬往另一个城市
for the weekend or relocates to another country,
我们不明白父母丢下我们 不是因为我们做错了
that they didn’t leave us because we did something wrong
不是因为我们不值得父母的爱
or because we are unworthy of their love
而是因为身为成年人的他们也并不能一直掌握自己的命运
but because even adults aren’t always in control of their own destinies.
如果父母在厨房里大声争吵
If parents are in the kitchen raising their voices,
我们会想当然地以为
it can seem as though these two people
他们一定非常讨厌对方
must hate one another inordinately.
孩子偷听到父母的争执(摔门声 诅咒)
The altercation the children overhear (there was a slammed
会觉得对自己的影响是灾难性的
door and several swear words) can feel catastrophic,
会觉得安全的生活即将破碎了
as though everything safe is about to disintegrate.
没有任何迹象表明孩子可以抓住争吵的本质:
There is no evidence anywhere within the child’s grasp
争吵是婚姻生活中正常的一部分
that arguments are a normal part of relationships;
一对夫妻可能一边决定携手共度一生
and that a couple may be entirely committed to a life-long union
一边表示有时想掐死对方的强烈愿望
and at the same time forcefully express a wish that the other might go to hell.
同样 在父母各执一词的理论面前
Children are equally helpless
孩子感到相同的无助
before the distinctive theories of the parents.
他们不明白为什么在学校里要分清自己的和别人的东西
They can’t understand that an insistence they not mix with another family from school,
为什么要遵循特定的着装规范
or that they follow particular dress codes or worry as much as they do
不使其沾染泥垢 还不能迟到
about dirt or being late represent a very partial
并且他们对财产的概念知之不多
understanding of priorities.
孩子没有工作
Children don’t have a job.
无处可去
They can’t go elsewhere.
孩子没有广大的社交网
They have no extended social network.
甚至可以说 孩子就是一座开放的监狱
Even at its best, childhood is an open prison.
早年的这些独特性很容易让我们变得扭曲
As a result of the peculiarities of these early years, we get distorted.
我们的内在开始往奇怪的方向成长
Things within us start to grow in odd directions.
我们发现自己不能轻信别人
We find we can’t easily trust,
需要保持房间整洁
or need to keep cleaning the room,
很容易被周围人提高的音量吓到
or get unusually scared around peoplewho raise their voices.
我们怀疑别人为了发泄自己严重的扭曲
No one needs to do anything particularly shocking, illegal,
而对我们做一些惊世骇俗的 违法的 邪恶的 恶劣的事情
sinister or wicked to us for very serious distortions to unfold.
我们童年创伤的原因罕见地 戏剧性地展现出来
The causes of our Primal Wound are rarely outwardly dramatic but its effect
但是它的影响不乏重要性和长久性
is rarely anything short of momentous and long-lasting.
童年本是脆弱的
Such is the fragility of childhood,
其实我们身上并没有发生任何很可怕的东西
nothing outwardly appalling need have happened to us
所以我们内心也根本卷不起多大的风浪
for us to wind up inwardly profoundly scrambled.
我们足够了解悲剧的重点
We know the point well enough fromtragedy.
在古希腊的悲剧故事中
In the tragic tales of the Ancient Greeks,
并不是巨大的错误触发悲剧的机关:
it is not enormous errors and slipsthat unleash drama:
而是极其细小 最为无辜的失误造成了悲剧
it is the tiniest, most innocent errors.
看起来并不重要的开始造成了可怕的结局
From seemingly minor starting points, terrible consequences unfurl.
我们的情感生活和悲剧在结构上具有相似性
Our emotional lives are similarly tragic in structure.
我们周围的每个人在幼年时就一直尽己所能
Everyone around us may have been trying to
但我们现在成年了 却成为了这副模样
do their best to us as children and yet we have ended up now, as adults,
疗愈某些心理创伤的同时 创伤使我们的生活少了许多可能性
nursing certain major hurts which continue to make us so much less than we might be.
最终 最令人心酸的是
Lastly, and most poignantly,
我们最终还是发现不了
it’s a feature of the imbalances that stem
心理失衡根植于童年创伤
from childhood wounds that they don’t cleanly
而童年创伤 不管是向我们的内心还是向整个世界都不会公布它们的起源
reveal their origins, either to our own minds or, consequently, to the world at large.
我们真的不确定自己为什么会如此频繁地逃避
We aren’t really sure why we run away so much,
如此频繁地发火 如此强烈地散发出骄傲自大的气场
or why we so often get angry, or have a proud, haughty air,
如此的学习差 如此过分依赖所爱之人
or underachieve or cling excessivelyto people we love.
我们就假设自己天性如此 还认为有理有据
We simply assume this is the way we are – and are assessed accordingly.
我们找不到疾病源头
Because the sources of our ailments escape us,
这些疾病并没有明显地告诉我们
they don’t feature in the explanations
人为何如此
for why people are as they are
所以我们变得毫无悲悯之心
and we miss out on a vital source of sympathy.
我们的问题由创伤引起 如果创伤可以被准确了解与解释
Our problems begin with a wound which, if it were known
将会自然地使我们温柔并富有同情心
and adequately explained, would naturally elicit tender understanding.
但是由于创伤引起的结果可能极没有吸引力
But because the consequences it breeds tend to be so much less appealing,
而且不作解释
and explanations are lacking,
我们就会从外向变得刻薄 爱挖苦 自憎
we are left open to disdain, sarcasm and our own self-hatred.
我们的创伤或许由肉眼看不见的东西引起
Our wound may have begun with a feeling of invisibility,
但是现在它让我们表现得令人讨厌
but now it looks as if we’re just show-offs.
或许创伤由失望开始
Maybe it began with being let down,
但现在我们给别人留下有疯狂控制欲的形象
but now we simply come across as crazily controlling.
或许创伤由一个爱动手 好胜心切的父亲引起
Perhaps it started with a bullying, competitive father,
但我们现在却变得懦弱无能
now it seems as if we are simply spineless.
是我们自己把路越走越难
We make our lives tougher than they should be
因为我们一直在臆测人类
because we insist on thinking of people,
把自己和他人都想得邪恶 卑劣
ourselves and others, as evil and mean rather than,
并不考虑情况的多样性
as is almost invariably the case, primarily
从根本上说 现在的受害者都在某种程度上有这样一段经历:
the victims of what we have all in some ways gone through:
一段极度棘手的早年经历
an extremely tricky early history.
希望你喜欢本视频
We hope you enjoyed this film.
若想了解更多关于“认识自己”的信息
If you want to learn more about self knowledge
请立刻点击屏幕上的链接
follow the link on your screen now.

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视频概述

很多性格缺陷都是由童年创伤引起的,孩子的世界有限,或许别人眼中微不足道的一件小事就足以让他们一生耿耿于怀……

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员YZ

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn7Q0m_o-Xs

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