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给《美国队长》换个结局

How Captain America: Civil War Should Have Ended

啊!太性感了吧!
AH! Too Sexy!!!
队长
Captain Roll!
他持有生物武器。
He has a biological weapon!
我马上到位!
I’m on it!
不用了!
No need!
我已经抓到嫌犯
I have successfully apprehended the suspect.
幻视,你在这啊!
Vision! You’re here!
当然在这,不在这,在哪儿?
Of coarse I am. Why wouldn’t I be?
复仇者联盟很危险!
The Avengers are dangerous.
你们能力无限,又无人监管
You have unlimited power and no supervision.
你意识到你要收到攻击了,对吗?
You realize the earth was under attack right?
这个画面是我们正在拯救那天。
That footage is us saving the day.
当你说“拯救那天”的时候已经有人死了!,
People die when you “save the day”.
齐塔瑞来的时候,难道你们没有人在城市里引爆核武器吗?
Didn’t you guys fire a nuke at the city when the Chitauri showed up?
是的,她们引爆了!我在那!
Yeah! They did! I was there! Exactly!
确切的说,我们是向纽约投以大量的拥抱!
Yeah what was that gonna do? Shower New York with hugs?
真的是这样!
Be serious.
各位,我们需要查看一下!
We need to be put in check guys.
我们?
We?!
托尼,你真是个鲁莽不计后果的家伙!
Tony, you’re the one who’s reckless!
(咳嗽)你制造的奥创!(咳嗽)
Cough! You made Ultron. Cough!
房间里的其他人都只是除恶扬善!
Everyone else in this room… just stopping evil
联合国可不这么看!
The U.N. doesn’t see it that way.
告诉联合国,幻影拿着雷神的锤子!
Well tell the U.N. Vision picked up Thor’s hammer.
我们很确定但目前为止我们做的都是对的!
So we’re pretty sure we’ve been doing the right thing up to this point.
我确实拎个锤头。
I DID lift the hammer!
只是除恶扬善。
Just stopping evil.
这正是我说的。
That’s what I’m saying.
如果我们不签,又会怎样?
What happens if we don’t sign it?
那就准备退休吧!
Then consider yourselves retired.
哈哈哈哈,不可思议!
Ha ha ha ha! That’s crazy!
用不上五分钟。这笑话挺有意思!
That wont last for five minutes. Jokes are fun.
嘿嘿,让我来帮你!
He he he. Let me help you out.
删去这的标题。
Here just cross out the title.
改成“托尼”协议
Make it say the “TONY” accords…
现在我们都可以签了。
And we’ll all sign right now.
成交!
Deal.
嘿!
Hey!
当你可以做我能做的事情的时候
When you can do the things that I can
但是你不做
but you don’t
然后可怕的事情就发生了
and then the bad things happen
是因为你,才发生的。
They happen because of you.
不,不是那样
No. That’s not it.
不是吗?
It’s not?
不是!
That’s not the line.
快!好好说!
Come on. Say it right.
什么?
What line?
你是知道的!
You know.
有—
With…
有超能力
great power comes…
就有巨大的责任?
great responsibility?
说对了!
There it is!
他们并没有停下来!
They’re not stopping!
好吧,然后呢
Alright then…
我们来热热身。
Web’em up.
啊!粘性太强了!
Aaaagh it’s so sticky!
嗯!宝贝,做的不错!
Hmm. Great job kid!
快上飞机,巴克!
Get to the quinjet in the hanger, Buck!
马上就到了!
We’re almost there!
啊哈!我是巨人!
AHAA! I’m Gi-ANT-Man!
有东西从我身体里飞过去了。
*gasp* Something just flew in me!
幻影
Vision!
别这样!
Come on, man!
啊!
Screams*
告诉我结果
Give me vitals!
他死了!
Oh he’s dead!
罗兹
Rhooooooodes!
别和我废话,你可明白?
Don’t bull crap me, Rogers. Did you know?

Yes.
坦克导弹!
Tank missile!
对不起,托尼。
I’m sorry, Tony.
我知道我都做了什么。
I know what I did.
我知道我伤害了你。
I know I hurt you.
但我想让你知道
But I want YOU to know…
对不起
I’m sorry.
你没必要对不起!
You don’t get to be sorry!
你说的对
You’re right!
我不应该活着。
I don’t deserve to live.
巴克,你说的不对!
Bucky that’s not true!
你做什么了?
What you did…
那不是你?
It wasn’t you.
我能代表我自己,史蒂夫!
I can speak for myself, Steve! Gah!
我做了那些事!
I did those things!
我负责。
and I accept responsibility.
但是,我很抱歉。
But I AM sorry.
出来吧。
*sigh* Get’m out of there!
走吧!
Let’s go
不!
Nooooo!
你应该从里面弄!
You were supposed to collapse from the inside!
我真是太幸运了,就在你们两个看视频的时候,斯达克来了。
I was lucky enough that Stark even showed up at the same time as you to watch this video!
你们完全破坏了我的计划。
And now you’re totally foiling my plans!
真是的!
Come on!
蹲下
Stay down.
最后警告你一次。
Final warning.
我可以做到。
I could do this all d..

Aaaagh!
啦啦啦,不听。
La la la la Not listening!
不听。
Not listening!
听不见。
Can’t hear you!
堵住耳朵了
fingers in my ears
放下手。
Hands are free!
听不见1
Simply, I CAN’T HEAR YOOOOOOU!
真不好意思。
I’m sorry.
你刚才说什么了吗?
Where you saying something?
不!
Nooooo!
队长
*captain tackle*
所以—
And so…
我们抓住泽莫了
We caught Zemo…
发现他才是真正炸毁联合国的人。
Found out he was the real person who bombed the U.N…
我们从没去过西伯利亚。
And we NEVER went to Siberia.
西伯利亚有什么?
What was in Siberia?
谁知道呢。
Oh… who knows.
是啊,谁知道呢?
Yep! Whoooo knows.
听起来有些奇怪!
Well that sounds kind of anticlimactic.
我有点希望你们这些家伙可以干一仗。
I was kind of hoping you guys would fight each other or something.
我们有分流结派的趋势。
You know! The whole “choose a side” trend.
哦,我们现在也是分开的。
Oh we’re still split.
托尼在组建自己的队伍。
Tony’s still assembling his team.
我们已经组建完成了。
Oh we’ve already assembled!
朋友,这就是钢铁侠的战队。
Team Iron Man’s where it’s at, baby!
你们这些家伙,有人要加入吗?
Any of you jokers wanna join?
我们甚至有我们自己的蝙蝠侠和超人。
We’ve even got our own Batman and Superman!
我觉得我更愿意在
I believe I would prefer to be on team…
美国队长那一队
Captain America.
什么?
What?!
我觉得你们都签了协议的。
I thought you were all about the accords!
托尼,没人签协议。
Nobody is about the accords, Tony!
甚至你也不是
Not even you!
是的,你会从他们背后偷偷溜走,而且,你需要一些不经他们同意的东西。
Yeah! You’ll sneak behind their back the second you need something without their consent.
嗯,但是
Yeah but…
我们有蜘蛛侠。
We’ve got Spider-Man!
斯塔克先生,我很兴奋可以假如,但我要问你个问题。
Mr. Stark, I’m really excited to be here but I gotta ask you a question…
你要和我姑姑约会吗?
Are you gonna date my aunt?
因为我不知道我有没有准备好你当
Because I don’t know if I’m ready for you to be my…
我的姑父
My Dad-Uncle.
我们先别自己吓唬自己。
Now now. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
好的好的,我的错。
Oh Okay… My bad.
他到可以投票的年龄了吗?
Is he even old enough to vote?
他这岁数,偷个大盾牌都可以啊。
He’s old enough to steal that mighty shield!
你应该知道这是什么意思!
And you know what that means!
所以,
Sooooooo
除非你有架飞机
Unless you’re a plane!
或者一个炸弹
Or a bomb!
或者一些冰
Or some ice!
或是一个被洗脑的家伙
Or a brain washed buddy!
或是一个蜘蛛侠
Or a Spider-Man!
你没必要屈服。
Then you don’t necessarily have to yield!
别再唱“上帝之爱”了。
Please stop for the LOVE OF GOD!
不用猜
Huh. Never would’ve guessed.
队长不喜欢音乐。
Cap hates music.
你是什么?五音不全吗?
What are you? Hydra or something?
不是!
NO!
你为什么那么想?
Why would.. Why would you think that?!
B.P如果你不和我们一起,那么我认为你的座位应该在那边。
Well B.P. if you’re not with us, then I believe your seat is over there.
真幼稚。
This seems very childish.
是的。
Yep.
走开。
Move.
要不然,我就帮你滚开。
Or you will be moved.
没有机会,猫男
Not a chance Cat-Man
你知道为什么吗?
Do you know why?
为什么?
Why?
因为我是蝙蝠侠。
Because I’m BATMAN!
天啊,他可以坐我这。
Oh my gosh! He can have my seat!
太挤了。
This is getting too crowded anyway.
哦,感谢上帝。
Ooooooh! Thank God!
我还以为,他永远都不会走呢。
I thought he was never gonna move!
在那多久了?
How long have you been there?
我看到了一切。
I have seen things!
我是泽莫
Yes. I am Zemo.
你可能想知道为什么我把你们带这来。
You’re probably wondering why I’ve brought you here.
并不是让你们大家,但是
It is… not to make you fight, but…

to…
亲亲
KISS!
么么哒
*smooches*
呵呵
Heehee

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peter

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvLw021rVN0

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