Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema.
I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.
This week’s artifact is Beauty and the Beast, the first animated film to be nominated for
Best Picture at the Oscars and Best Interspecies Kiss at the MTV Movie Awards.
It lost both.
The film tells the story of a prince who gets transformed into a buffalo for being jerky,
which is a bit of an overreaction since he’s only 11 years old and seems to have no legal guardians.
Even more unfair is that the curse punishes the prince’s employees,
who did nothing wrong and only want everyone to be their guest.
In any event, the spell can only be broken if someone falls in love with the Beast before
a magic flower arbitrarily wilts in ten years.
Flash forward 9.99 years later to a nearby French town
where everyone hates a girl named Belle because she likes to read.
It’s not right for a women to read
While Belle is busy getting sexually harassed by a fuckboy named Gaston,
Belle’s father gets sexually harassed by a pack of wolves,
and stumbles upon a castle he’s never seen before
even though it’s within walking distance of the place he’s lived his entire life.
The Beast gets mad at Mr. Belle for trespassing in the castle and makes him his prisoner,
effectively allowing him to continue trespassing forever.
Belle offers herself as tribute in her father’s place, and the beast agrees,
forgetting that he has no idea how to talk to girls.
Say something to her
His game is so bad that Belle tries to run away,
but those wolves are still hanging around,
ready to help drive the plot forward in any way they can.
The Beast saves Belle, which finally kicks her Stockholm Syndrome into gear.
They play dress-up and throw snowballs for a while,
until eventually Belle gets around to remembering that her father exists.
She looks in the magic mirror that the Beast has for some unexplained reason and
sees that her father lying down for a nap, having spent all this time trying to get to the castle
that’s like a mile away.
Instead of offering to help, the Beast tells her to go to him.
于是她就去了 可是当加斯顿发现了野兽 他非常嫉妒
So she does, but when Gaston finds out about the Beast, he gets super jelly
and recruits the townspeople to go search for the castle and kill him.
Kill the beast!
Seriously, it’s only been ten years since the spell was cast
why does no one in town know about this enormous castle and the prince who lived there?
What is he prince of if not them?
Are they so arrogant as to think they can exist outside a traditional monarchy?
The Beast refuses to fight Gaston, so Gaston takes matters into his own hands
by throwing himself into a ravine.
Belle announces explicitly that she loves the Beast,
I love you
thus breaking the spell and turning him back into Tarzan.
All the household appliances become human again,
but apparently have no desire to leave the place they’ve been trapped in for a decade.
Belle and the nameless prince put on their signature outfits from earlier
and dance like no one above the servant class is watching.
Beauty and the Beast can trace its lineage back to Cupid and Psyche,
a second century story by Platonicus in which a beautiful girl falls in love with mysterious being
who will not show his face but it doesn’t matter because he’s rich.
Earth had a vibrant literary tradition of conventionally attractive women falling for horrible creatures,
比如剪刀手爱德华 金刚 歌剧魅影以及凯文•詹姆斯
such as Edward Scissorhands, King Kong, the Phantom of the Opera, and Kevin James
On the surface, the film appears to argue that appearance shouldn’t matter because
内心最重要 换句话说 你有没有生理结构都行
it’s what’s on the inside that counts, i.e. whether or not your organs work.
Belle’s father looks like a kook, so the dumb townspeople dismiss him as such.
Crasy old Maurice, he is always good for a laugh.
Gaston is jacked and has a bomb-ass ponytail, and therefore the dumb townspeople worship him.
Belle is the only one who doesn’t judge a book by its cover,
since she’s the only one in town who knows how to read.
But the film abandons this message and ultimately concludes that
while it’s great to be beautiful on the inside, it’s even better if you are beautiful on the outside too.
Her is the most beautiful girl in town. That makes her the best.
The fact that Belle finds true love in a sensitive, caring 6
ought to be enough for her to live happily ever after,
but instead the film rewards her with a hot slice of 10.
Similarly, when the sorceress curses the Beast during that really explain-y intro,
she is trying to teach him a lesson about not discounting a person for being
ugly and wearing a weird cloak.
然而 野兽完全没学到这点 因为整部电影都在说他
However, the Beast never learns this lesson, because all the film asks of him is to fall
爱上了一个非常美好的 智慧的 热气腾腾的处女
in love with the incredibly nice, intelligent, smoking hot virgin
who is gifted to him on his doorstep.
Belle is often touted as a strong, empowered female character, particularly by human standards.
While other women in town do their chores and juggle their babies,
Belle has her nose buried in a book.
And not just any book — a chapter book!
As she explains in her native French, she yearns for adventure.
I want adventure in the great wild somewhere
The film’s opening scene echoes that of The Sound of Music, in which a nun named Maria Poppins
also hopes to expand her horizons by hearing music for the first time.
However, unlike Maria, who crosses the Swiss Rockies and saves her family from the Alt-Right,
Belle settles pretty comfortably into the typical Disney princess role.
She yearns for Prince Charming, even though he’s happily married to her friend Snow White.
This prince is prince charming
She plays the damsel in distress when she can’t even handle a simple wolf attack.
And, in the end, she trades her dreams of exploring the “great wide somewhere” for
a gilded cage.
And knowing these guys, that cage probably used to be a butler or something.
这里是凡人影视 我是Garyx Wormuloid
For Earthling Cinema, I’m Garyx Wormuloid.