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完美主义者:即使要过好普通人的生活,也要具备足够的勇气和技能 – 译学馆
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完美主义者:即使要过好普通人的生活,也要具备足够的勇气和技能

Good Enough Is Good Enough

完美主义者的困扰
Good enough is good enough
拥有雄心壮志是十分可贵的
High ambitions are noble and important,
但是也会使人陷入麻烦和不必要的恐慌之中
but there can also come a point when they become the sources of terrible trouble and unnecessary panic.
率先在20世纪50年代提出避免完美主义冲动的方法的
One way of undercutting our perfectionist impulses
是一位英国精神分析家唐纳德·温尼考特
was pioneered by a British psychoanalyst called Donald Winnicott in the 1950s.
温尼考特专注于研究亲子关系问题
Winnicott specialised in relationships between parents and children.
在临床实践中 他经常遇到自认失败的父母:
In his clinical practice, he often met with parents who felt like failures:
也许是因为孩子没能进入最好的学校
perhaps because their children hadn’t got into the best schools,
或者因为有时他们在饭桌上会有争吵
or because there were sometimes arguments around the dinner table
抑或是他们的房间不总是那么整洁
or the house wasn’t always completely tidy.
温尼考特的最重要见解是
Winnicott’s crucial insight was that the parents’ agony
父母的痛苦来源于:过高的期望
was coming from a particular place: excessive hope.
刻薄的完美主义 只会适得其反 最终丧失信心
Their despair was a consequences of a cruel and counterproductive perfection.
所以为了帮助家长们减少痛苦
So as to help them reduce this,
温尼考特提出一个令人喜欢的说法:
Winnicott developed a charming phrase:
父母需要认为自己是”足够好”的父母
his parents needed to feel that they were “good enough parents”,
他认为 没有一个孩子需要完美无缺的父母
No child, he insisted, needs an ideal parent
他们只想要父母不错 为人正派
They just need an OK, pretty decent,
多数时候用心良苦的 即便偶尔发怒
usually well intentioned, sometimes a bit grumpy,
但是大体上通情达理的父亲或母亲
but basically reasonable father or mother.
温尼考特认为 这不是因为他喜欢退而求其次
Winnicott wasn’t saying this because he liked to settle for second-best,
而是因为 他从个人经验知道
but because he knew, from first hand,
完美主义所带来的后果
the toll exacted by perfectionism ,
而且意识到 为了基本保持理智(这已经是很大的野心了)
and realised than in order to remain more or less sane (which is a pretty big ambition already)
我们必须学会不恨自己
we have to learn not to hate ourselves
接受自己没能成为与众不同的人
for failing to be what no ordinary human being ever really is anyway.
“足够好”这一概念 是用来避免陷入危险的完美主义
The concept of ‘good enough’ was invented as an escape from dangerous ideal.
它始于亲子关系
It began in relation to parenthood,
但是它也可以被广泛应用于生活之中
but it can actually be applied across life more generally,
特别是关乎工作与爱情
especially around work and love.
即使有许多令人沮丧的瞬间 一段关系也可以被定义为“足够好”
A relationship may be ‘good enough’ even while it has many dark moments.
或许 有时两人性爱很少 严重的争吵很多
Perhaps at times there’s little sex and a lot of heavy arguments.
也许还常常感到孤独 无法沟通
Maybe there are big areas of loneliness and non-communication.
然而 这些情况并不应该令我们产生反常 或是极为不幸的感觉
Yet none of this should lead us to feel freakish or unnaturally unlucky.
这可以是足够好的关系
It can be good enough.
相类似 一份“足够好”的工作有时很无聊
Similarly, a ‘good enough’ job will be very boring at some points,
无法充分发挥我们所有优点
it won’t perfectly utilise all our merits;
无法带来巨大的财富
we won’t earn a fortune.
但是我们可以结识一些志同道合的朋友
But we may make some real friends,
一起体验激动人心的时刻
have times of genuine excitement
一起经历艰辛 享受随之而来的成就感
and finish many days tired but with a sense of true accomplishment.
即使是要过好普通生活 也要具备足够的勇气和技能
It takes a good deal of bravery and skill to keep even a very ordinary life going.
能够坚韧不拔地处理好爱情 工作 和家庭生活的各种挑战 已经是非常了不起了
To persevere through the challenges of love, work and children is quietly heroic.
也许 我们应该常常退后一步
We should perhaps more often sometimes step back
不要不切实际
in order to acknowledge in a non-starry-eyed
而是真实地承认 我们的生活是足够好的
but very real way that our lives are good enough
而这本身已经是
and this is, in itself, already
非常伟大的成就了
a very grand achievement.
你知道生命学院是有其体授课地点的吗
Did you know that the School of Life is actually a place.
事实上 从墨尔本到伦敦 从台北到伊斯坦布尔 全球共有10个这样的学院
Ten places infact, campus’ all over the world. From Melbourne to London, Taipei to Istanbul.
学院开设多门课程 配备各种书籍
With classes and books and lots more.
点击下面链接 可以了解更多详情
Please click on the link below to explore more.

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视频概述

是追求完美好呢,还是退尔而求其次好呢,看看专家的说法吧

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收集自网络

翻译译者

Fiona Feng

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与光同尘

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbtflLkVv4E

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