未登录,请登录后再发表信息
最新评论 (0)
播放视频

和川普一样脑回路奇葩的卫生观

Fear of GERMS - George Carlin

That’s the way Americans are now.
现在美国人就是那样
They’re always willing to trade away a little in their freedom in exchange for the feeling,
他们总愿意用一点自由交换
the illusion of security.
一种安全的假象
What we have now is a completely neurotic population
现在我们面前的是一群完全神经质的人
obsessed with security and safety,
他们沉迷于安全
and crime and drugs and cleanliness and hygiene and germs.
犯罪 毒品 清洁 卫生和细菌
There’s another thing, the fear of germs.
还有一件事 对细菌的恐惧
Where did the sudden fear of germs come from in this country?
在这个国家 对细菌突然的恐惧从何而来
Have you noticed this? The media constantly doing stories about
你注意到了吗 媒体不断地报道
all the latest infections: salmonella, e.coli,
所有最新的传染病:沙门氏菌 大肠杆菌
hantann virus, bird flu,
汉坦病毒和禽流感
now they have West Nile fever,
现在又有了西尼罗热
and Americans panic easily.
美国人很容易恐慌
So now everybody’s running around,
所以大家都忙来忙去
scrubbing this and spraying that and overcooking their food
擦擦洗洗 喷这个喷那个 食物过度烹煮
and repeatedly washing their hands trying to avoid all contact with germs.
反复洗手 尽量避免与细菌接触
It’s ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths in prisons.
这太荒谬了 在监狱里更是荒唐至极
and this is true, in prisons before they give you a lethal injection,
在实行注射死刑前
they swab your arm with alcohol, it’s true, well, they don’t want you to get an infection
他们会用酒精擦拭囚犯的手臂以防感染
and you can see their point: wouldn’t want some guy to go to hell and be sick.
显然他们不希望一些人带着病下地狱
It would take a lot of the sport out of the whole execution.
执行死刑真是大费周章
Fear of germs, what a bunch of pussies,
害怕细菌 真是一群胆小鬼
you can’t even get a decent hamburger anymore.
现在连个像样的汉堡都买不到
they cook the sh*t out of everything now
他们把所有的东西都煮烂了
because everybody’s afraid of food poisoning.
就因为每个人都怕食物中毒
Hey, where’s your sense of adventure, take a f*cking chance.
你的冒险精神哪去了 赌一把吧
you know how many people die from food poisoning in this country every year?
你知道每年美国有多少人死于食物中毒吗
9,000, that’s all. it’s a minor risk.
9000人而已 风险很小的
Take a f*cking chance bunch of godd*mn p*ssies.
只是冒个小险 一群胆小鬼
Besides, what do you think you have an immune system for.
另外 你认为免疫系统是干嘛用的
It’s for killing germs but it needs practice
是用来杀死细菌的 但它也需要锻炼
it needs germs to practice on.
它需要细菌来练习
So if you kill all the germs around you and live a completely sterile life,
如果你杀死了周围所有细菌 过无菌的生活
then when germs do come along, you are not gonna be prepared.
当碰到细菌时 你都没准备好
And never mind ordinary germs,
先不管普通的细菌
What are you gonna do when some super virus comes along
当碰到能将你的器官都搞坏的超级病毒时
that turns your vital organs into liquid sh*t.
你要怎么办呢
I’ll tell you what are you gonna do,
我来告诉你怎么做
you gonna get sick, you gonna die,
你会生病 会死掉
and you gonna deserve it because you are f**king weak
而且你活该 因为你太弱了
and you got a f**king weak immune system.
你的免疫系统也太弱了
Now, I’m gonna tell you a true story about immunisation.
现在我来讲一个关于免疫的真实故事
When I was a little boy in New York City in the 1940s,
20世纪40年代 我是个住纽约的小男孩
we swam in the Hudson River
我们会在哈德逊河游泳
and it was filled with raw sewage.
河里都是未经处理的污水
Okay? We swam in raw sewage.
没错 我们就是在污水里游泳
You know, to cool off
你懂的 就是为了凉快点
and at that time the big fear was polio.
当时令人望而生畏的是小儿麻痹症
Thousands of kids died from polio every year,
每年成千上万的孩子死于小儿麻痹
but you know something, in my neighborhood, no one ever got polio,
但你知道吗 我家附近没人得小儿麻痹
no one, ever, you know why?
一个也没有 你知道原因吗
cuz we swam in raw sewage, it’s strengthened our immune systems
因为在污水里游泳 免疫系统增强了
The polio never had a prayer we were tempered in raw sh*t.
小儿麻痹症没有可能会成功 因为我们是在污水里泡大的
So personally I never take any special precautions against germs.
所以我个人从不用任何特殊预防细菌措施
I don’t shy away from people who sneeze and cough,
我不回避打喷嚏和咳嗽的人
I don’t wipe off the telephone,
也不擦擦电话
I don’t cover the toilet seat,
我也不盖马桶盖
and if I drop food on the floor I’d pick it up and eat it
如果食物掉地上了 我会捡起来吃掉
I eat it even if I’m at a sidewalk cafe in Calcutta
即使在加尔各答的路边咖啡馆 也会捡起吃
the poor section on New Year’s morning during a soccer riot
那可是新年橄榄球赛暴乱之后最糟糕的地方
and you know something, in spite of all of that so-called risky behavior
你知道吗 即使我做了这些所谓冒险行为
I never get infections, folks, I just don’t get them,
我从来没也没被感染过
I don’t get colds, I don’t ge flu,
没得过风寒 没得过流感
I don’t get food poisoning and I don’t get headaches or upset stomachs.
不会食物中毒 头疼 也不会胃不舒服
And you know why, cuz I got a stong immune system and it gets a lot of practice.
因为我有很强的的免疫系统 还经常锻炼它
My immune system is equipped with biological equivalant of
我的免疫系统装备了军事级的生物全自动
fully automatic millitary assault rifles with night vision and laser scopes
夜视带激光瞄准镜的突击步枪
And we have recently acquired fast first grenades,
我们最近又配备了生物手榴弹
cluster bombs and anti-personnel fragmentation mines.
集束炸弹和地雷
So when my white blood cells are on patrol
所以我的白血球在巡逻时
reconnoitering my bloodstream seeking out strangers and other undesirables
辨认出血液中的陌生的 不受欢迎的细菌
If they see any, any suspicious-looking germs of any kind,
如果他们看到任何可疑的细菌
they don’t f**k around
他们不会坐视不管
they whip out the weapons whacks the motherf*cker
它们拿出武器 看着那些混蛋
and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon
把这些倒霉鬼直接直接扔进我的大肠
directly into my colon, there’s no nonsense,
不废话直接扔进我的大肠
there’s no Miranda warning, there’s none of that three strikes and your out sh*t.
没有米兰达警告 三振都没有就出局了
First offense, BAM! into the colon you go.
第一次冒犯我 就直接扔进大肠
Speaking of my colon, I want you to know that
说起我的大肠 我想告诉你的是
I don’t automatically wash my hands everytime I go to the bathroom
每次上完厕所我不会主动洗手
Can you deal with that? Sometimes I do sometimes I don’t.
你能理解吗 有时候我洗有时候不洗
You know when I wash my hands?
你知道我何时会洗手吗
When I sh*t on them.
当我手碰到屎会洗手
that’s the only time
除此之外都不洗
and you know how often that happens?
你知道我多久洗一次吗
Tops! Tops! two three times a week tops!
顶多顶多一周两三次
Maybe a little more frequently over the holidays you know what I mean.
可能放假会多一点 你懂我说的吧
And I’ll tell you something else, my well-scrubbed friends.
让我再告诉你点别的 精致的猪猪们
You don’t always need a shower everyday, did you know that?
你知道吗 你不需要每天都洗澡
It’s overkill.Unless you work out or work outdoors
除非你大量运动或者在室外工作
Or for some reason, come in intimate contact with huge amount of
或者因为某些原因每天都要接触
filth and garbage every day you don’t always need a shower.
大量污秽垃圾的话 你不需要总洗澡
All you really need to do is to wash the four key areas,
你真正需要的是洗四个关键部位
armpits, assh*le, crotch and teeth, got that?
腋窝 屁屁 裤裆和牙齿 懂了吗
The hookers bath, armpits, assh*le, crotch and teeth
再说一遍 腋窝 屁屁 裤裆和牙齿
In fact you can save yourself a whole lot of time
你能节省很多的时间
if you simply use the same brush on all four areas
实际上如果你用同样的刷子洗这四个区域

发表评论

译制信息
视频概述

一起来看看我们是否有必要对细菌过度恐惧

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

肥嘟嘟左卫门

审核员

审核员SR

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_L6AS1Huno

相关推荐