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毁灭傻瓜战士(《毁灭战士》2016卡通版恶搞) – 译学馆
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毁灭傻瓜战士(《毁灭战士》2016卡通版恶搞)

DUUMB (DOOM 2016 Cartoon Parody)

*即将进入火星轨道*
*Entering Mars atmosphere*
*准备着陆*
*prepare for imminent impact*
*……火星大气十分稀薄*
*…well, actually the atmosphere of Mars is quite thin*
*几乎不会产生任何摩擦*
*so there should be almost no friction at all…*
*还有更搞笑的,这个称为红色星球的火星却是美国的殖民地*
*also, isn’t it funny that they called it the red planet but it’s colonized by the U.S?*
*抱歉,说多了*
*I’m sorry*
啥……啥玩意儿?
Wh…….what?
你好!
Hey!
欢迎来到火星,Marine,我叫CJ。
Welcome to Mars,Marine, name’s CJ.
你好CJ!很高兴认识你。
Hey C.J, nice to meet you.
听说上校一会给咱做任务简述,是吗?
I heard the Major will be speaking about the mission, right?
没错,老兄,任务简述7点在战情室开始。
Oh yeah man, the briefing/meeting will starts at 7 in the briefing room
就在大厅后面。
Right after the main hall.
得先去前台报到。
Be sure to check in at the front desk first.
好的,谢谢你 CJ,待会见……
Well thanks C.J, I’ll see you there and…hey…
希望任务简述不会无聊到爆!
I hope the briefing will not be boring as hell!
*笑*
*Laughs*
我说, 老兄你真爱开玩笑,哈哈哈……
I gotta say, Marine…you’re a funny dude!…he..he…
我也没办法 CJ…… 脑洞就是这么大!
What can I say C.J…. I got a wild imagination!
*请记住! 报到后即可免费获取执行官配件复制品*
*Remember! ! Praetor Suit replicas are now available for free when you sign up*
*为啥呢?*
*Why?…*
*因为我们觉得这都是些不值钱的破烂*
*Cause we think they are cool as shit.*
*请前往第五区领取*
*Get yours at sector 5!… WAT.*
哦,不好意思!打扰了 ,能问个问题吗?我刚来……
Oh…sorry!…Hey uhm…excuse me.. Can I ask a question? I’m new here…
问呗!
Sure!
额…… 能告诉我U.A.F是什么意思吗?
Uh…..Can you guys tell me what U.A.F stands for?
我没时间看完所有文件,所以……
I didn’t have much time to read all the documentation so..
你完蛋了!
U are fu*ked!
下一位!
Next please!
你好,欢迎来火星!我要在键盘上乱按一番。
Hello sir and welcome to Mars. I’m gonna push buttons randomly on this keyboard
以展示自己是个努力工作的NPC。
for a while like the good N.P.C that i am.
稍等片刻!
Hold on a second!
什么鬼?
Wha….what??…
*欢迎来到UAF火星基地,本基地代表了……*
*Welcome to the UAF station on Mars! This military base represent the ultimate…*
*……美国科学技术的前沿结晶,本基地使用……*
*…achievement of the US state of the art technology. On this station whe use…*
*……银白色能量粒子来制造供整个基地使用的可呼吸空气……*
*…argent energy particles in order to create breathable air for the entire complex…*
*……但还没有什么能和我们最新的发现相比*
*…but that is NOTHING compared to the most stunning achievement that we recently discovered:
*五十瓦的灯泡!*
*The 50 watt light-bulb!*
这地方是什么鬼?
What the f*ck is wrong with this place?…
看起来一切都井然有序。战情室在你左手边的走廊尽头
Ok, everything seems to be in order. The briefing room is at the end of the corridor on your left.
上校在那等你,还有,这是你的苹果手表37。
The major is waiting for you. Also, here’s your Apple Watch 37.
喔,真酷!感谢U.A.F!
Oh cool! Thanks U.A.F!
这可要5千刀呢!
It’s 5.000 dollars.
战士们,欢迎到战情室,我是Tyrone上校。
Gentlemen. Welcome to the briefing room, I’m major Tyrone.
两周前,我们最强最猛的陆战队员消失了。
Two weeks ago, our highest skilled veteran marine has disappeared
事情发生在他在基地东边巡逻的时候。
while he was patrolling the eastern perimeter of the facility.
我们找到了他凭空消失前的监控录像……
We found a security tape that shows him just before vanishing into thin air…
通过视频可以看到他似乎正盯着一个维度传送门……
By analyzing the video, seems like he was looking into a dimensional portal….
……接着白光一闪,监控中断……
…then a white flash of light…..then silence….
这就是各位在座的原因,无论如何,我们必须再次打开传送门,
This is why you folks are. No matter what, we are going to get that portal open again
让那名队员返回基地,做得到吗?
and get that marine back on this base. All right?
真无聊,上校嗨起来……这样的你简直搞笑……
*Yaaawn* BOOORING!…Come on Major…why you gotta be so dramatic!…
任务永远白痴到爆……
Easiest mission ever….
Jenkins他娘的闭上你的嘴!
Shut your GOD DAMN mouth Jenkins!
有案件线索你就该谢天谢地了 ,给我闭嘴!
You should be grateful there’s even a hint of a storyline in this, so SHUT that TRAP!
抱歉,真没想到我的话让你觉得粗鲁,我只是在胡扯而已。
……….I’m sorry I didn’t want to sound rude I was just trying to say *gibberish*
抱歉……我失态了……对了。
Sorry…I lost my temper….anyway.
Marine 你是这次行动的队长,是,长官!
Marine, you’ll be the squad leader for this operation. Yes sir!
基地最厉害的科学家正在尝试重启传送门……
Our most qualified scientist is trying to re-open that portal right now….
几分钟之后开始。
The process will start in a couple of minutes.
啊!对了……
Oh!…And also…
他承诺会从其它维度带回一些可爱物种……
He promised he would bring some, kinda…cute creatures from the other dimension too…
这很棒,不是吗?
Which is nice!!
以上就是你须知的一切,祝你们好运, 陆战队员们。
This is everything you need to know. Good luck Marines.
博士,快点!我们想要看见可爱新物种!
Come on Doc! We want to see the cute creatures!
别急别急,快好了……
Yes, it’s almost ready….aaaalmost ready…
完美……我的邪恶计划进展的如此顺利!
Yes…..my evil plan is going so perfectly!
他们甚至相信了我会从其它维度带回可爱新物种……!
They even bought the lie that I will bring some cute creatures from the other dimension…!
然而……这个基地将被深渊之兽吞噬……
…but instead!…this base will be swallowed by abyss beasts….
与此同时,我将创造死亡宇宙终极传送门!!!
and I will create the ultimate space-death metal band!!!!!
你在干什么?博士,快点!!
What are you doing Doc hurry up!!!!
好的好的……准备好了……
Yes yes….it’s ready….
*恶魔沉吟*
*satanic whispering*
呃……听起来不太有爱……
……uhm…that doesn’t sound very friendly….
再等等……
Wait for it….
诶,看啊!可爱新物种来了!!
Hey look! The cute creatures are here!!!!
BBQ(可爱的外来多维物种)
BBQ (cute multidimensional explorers)
嗷!它们可真萌!
Aaaaw!!!! They are so cute!
哦,真高兴作者没把它们变成血腥品种!
Oh I’m so glad the writer didn’t turn this into a gore-fest!
讲得没错!
That’s right!!
这是什么情况?!这个打开方式不对啊!!
What the hell is going??!! This is not right!!!
我想要是深渊之兽啊!……
I was supposed to bring the evil beasts of hell!…..
这是一个失败品!!
THIS IS A FAILURE!!!!!!!
我们不是失败者!!
WE ARE NOT A FAILUUUUURE!!!!!!!!!
这些物种被‘‘失败’’这个词激活变成可怕之物!
Also: They are triggered by the word “Failure”
啊……天呐!!
Ohhh…….god!!!!
保持……队形!!
STAY…..TOGETHER!!!!!!
他在那!
THERE HE IS!!!!
嘿!快回来,你个混蛋 !你要为这场混乱负责!
Hey come back here you bastard! You are responsible for this mess!
这个婊子养的把我们锁在里面了!
That son of a bitch locked us in!!!
必须有人把这该死的门打开!
Somebody get this goddamn door open!
*通道关闭*报告长官……操作无效,应该有其它安全钮。
*ACCESS DENIED* It’s not working SIR… there must be some kind of security switch.
也许我们可以构建全息图找到它!
Maybe we can activate the hologram and find out!
好吧,试试全息图,还有!
All right, try the hologram. In the meantime….
你们有人知道打开这些门的其它办法吗?
You guys know something else that we could use to open these doors?
非常抱歉队长……我唯一记得的是上校曾说过在指导书里说过……
I don’t know sir…..the only thing I remember is that the Major said in the tutorial…
……我们可以赞美……赞美……某事?
….that we could use glory…glory…something?….
不不不! 不要告诉我你想的就是这种玩意……!
NOOOOOO! Please don’t tell me is what I think it is….!!
没错……就是这个。
Yep…That’s it.
那么……
Well…
必须有人来做!……
Someone has to do it!…
那个贱人坐电梯走了!
That son of a bitch took the elevator!
伙计们 ,快, 检查监控器,他一定在某个角落!
Guys come on, check the monitors! He must be in one of these sections!
报告队长!监控上根本不可能对他精确定位!
Negative Sir! It’s almost impossible to track his exact location….
整个基地就是一片空! 见鬼了!
This whole place is a clusterfuck! It’s so confusing!!!!
好吧,至少比该死的阿尔法实验室好……
Well, still better than the goddamn Alpha Labs in Doom 3…
你必须给他们……
…you gotta give ’em that…
小队集合! 现在让我们乘电梯检查第一层。
All right squad! Let’s take the elevator and check the first level for now.
*恶魔已察觉*
*Demonic presence detected*
*禁闭启动*
*Lockdown initiated*
*也就是说,你们都要完蛋了*
*In other words, you are all dead as f*ck. *
各位,我们将面对的是来自其它世界的生物。
Gentlemen, we are going to face creatures from another world.
这不是我们该做的,但该是时候向这些杂种展示我们的实力了,
This is not what we signed for, but it’s time to show these bastards what we got
等等!……Jim在干什么玩意?
WAIT! ….What the f*ck is Jim doing???
队长, 他在模仿杂志封面图的姿势……
He’s posing for the cover art Sir…
伙计们我们需要更多的碎屑……
Guys we need more particles here…
啊 ,天呐! 什么鬼 Johnson 你现在跳舞?
Oh god..what the…Johnson!….Why are you dancing now!!!??
队长,我不知道! 我被程序锁定了,我控制不了!
I don’t know Sir!!! I just unlocked this in the menu, I don’t know how to stop!
啊 ,天呐! 我们会像猪一样被屠杀!
Oh god… …we are gonna get slaughtered like pigs.
队长 ,这怪物因为某些原因不能被消灭!
Sir! This monster is not going down for some reason!
Rogers ,你TM在干嘛!!这个时候你抱它干嘛!
What the hell Rogers!!! You are not suppose to cuddle them!
你该与之格斗的啊!
You have to use your melee attack!!!
首先,它们被称作荣誉杀手……这是一个通过身份软件的标志……
Uhmm, first of all they are called glory kills….. and it’s a trademark by I.d. Software….
其次……
And also…
这是草莓味的Kool-Aid(卡夫公司出品的饮料)吗?
… Yumm…! Is this Kool-Aid strawberry flavor?
上校 ,我还以为你已经死了 ,而且那也不是Kool-Aid, 那是Roger的血!
Major, I thought you were dead! It’s not Kool-Aid Major, it’s Roger’s blood!
真见鬼! 你这黏稠的怪物 ,到这儿来 ,你将为杀害我的手下付出代价!
OH SHIT! Get over here you monster slime, you are gonna pay for killing my soldiers!!
不 ,上校!你还记得每部动作片抑或是电视游戏里黑人的下场吗……
Major NO!!! Remember what happens to every black guy in every action movie or videogame…
他们通常都是会死的!
They always die!!!
我不会被这个诅咒的,孩子。 来吧! 解决这个瘪三 ,我可是一个无畏的战士!
I don’t give a damn Son! Come on you sons of bitches! I’m a thug!
嘿……额……我们可以低调点吗?
Hey..uhm.. …can we tone it down a notch maybe?
小心!这些东西要飞过来了!
LOOK OUT!!! Those flying things are coming right here!
它们来了!!
Here they come!!!
为什么我的深度洞察力这么差?!
Why my depth perception sucks so bad?!!
告诉我!……
Tell me about it!…
我花了800块买了这玩意 ,可一点用都没有!
I spent 800 bucks for this thing and is not even working!
好吧 ……连这些恶魔都是些傻叉……
Oh great…. even the demons are du(u)mb..
大伙小心 !!大军来袭……
Get to cover guys!! More coming….
该死 ,Jenkins 。干嘛啊你!……
God damn it Jenkins, what the hell!!!….
你不可以用这种艳俗的颜色给武器上色!
You can’t paint your weapon with those flashy colors!
你会很快被杀的!
You’re gonna get yourself killed in an instant!!
别这样 !伙计 ……我可是老手了! 我这样一射一个准的可是会完爆它们的脑袋的!
PSSSH!!! Naah maaan….I’m a pro! I’m like BOOM! BOOM! Headshot baby!
它们甚至都没看见我, 好吗!
They don’t even see me!
我把这称为: ‘’人体头盖骨的压痕 ‘’
I call this: “Impression of human skull”
很漂亮 ,我喜欢这种对比!
That’s really beautiful, I like this contrast.
十分感谢 ,你人真好!
Oh thanks man, that’s so nice of you!
长官!我接收到一个来自地下层的能量信号……
Sir! I’m picking up an energy signature from the bottom levels….
一定是那个科学家……!
Must be that scientist..!
好了 ……我们快上电梯吧。
All right….let’s get on this elevator quick.
如果你想…… 我……可以带你们去那里……
I……can guide you to your destination if you want…
……你TM是个什么东西……
…..who the fuck are you?…
我是Samuel Hayden博士 ,也是这个设施的负责人……
I’m doctor Samuel Hayden and I’m the head of this facility…
滚开!
Fuck off!
谢啦 ……兄弟, 我们已经有了导航!
Thanks dude…but we already have the Auto-map(TM)!
哦……
Oh…
……好吧……
…ok….
好了 ,继续前进 !快跟上!
All right, let’s keep moving! Go, go, go!
[和恶魔一起学厨艺]
[Cooking with Demons]
欢迎来到 和恶魔一起学厨艺。
Welcome to Cooking with Demons.
今晚我要教大家制作人肉无谷蛋白酱。
Tonight we are going to prepare a human in gluten free sauce.
首先通过制作……来开始我们的烹饪
Let’s begin our recipe by making…
等等……
Wait…
没有烹饪器吗……
I don’t see the cooking pot…
可能是因为你没眼睛?
Maybe because you don’t have eyes?
……再说一遍?
…What did you say?
就是……我说……
I mean… I’m just saying that…
你是真没眼睛啊!
I mean, you literally don’t have eyes!
你惹上大麻烦了,兄弟?
You got a problem, bro?
你是在发牢骚吗?
You want beef?
啊?嘿 我没有侮辱你的意思!只是……
Huh? Hey man, I don’t mean to insult you! It’s just…
你是要发牢骚吗?不!我错了!
You want beef?No! Wait, I’m sorry!
不,等等,我真的错了!
No! Wait, I’m sorry!
技术问题稍后再见!
Technically DifficultiesWe’ll be right back!
这里就是挖掘场啊?……
So this is the excavation site huh?…
没错 ,长官。前面是个死胡同……那个科学家一定藏身于此地某处……
Yes Sir. This is a dead end…so that scientist must be here hiding somewhere…
这真是个让人毛骨悚然的地方啊……
This place is creepy guys…
队长 !我发现了个武器堆 ,这应该能派上用场!
Sir! I found a weapon stack here, this should come in handy!
这还有个火箭发射器。
There’s a rocket launcher too.
那是……高斯炮吗……?是不是爱情俘虏(歌曲名)?
Is that…a Gauss Cannon…? Isn’t it a little overpowered?
不是那个!我指的是……
Well it’s not THAT overpowered! I mean…
……管他呢…… 好好利用这东西。
…Whatever!…. Just put that to good use Marine.
现在 ,小心周围。
Now stay focused.
见鬼!
HOLY SHIT!
Jim !!快用高斯炮啊!!
Come on Jim!!! USE THE GAUSS CANNON!!!!
刚刚可真是千钧一发啊……
Whew! That was a close call….
Jim 听到请回答!
Jim report!
长官 ,他挂了……
He’s a little flat Sir…
知道了……听着Johnson……别做蠢事……
All right….listen up Johnson… Don’t do anything stupid…
……我们还活着可真是奇迹……留意周围情况 ,知道吗?
…it’s a miracle we are still alive, so stay sharp now…ok?
看这里 !这儿有个超大的枪!
Hey look! There’s a super powerful gun over here!
不!别碰它!
No! Don’t touch it!
得了吧 ,这能派上用场的 ,对吧?
Ah come on this can come in handy, right?
我们可以用它杀掉很多怪物的!
We can kill so many demons Sir!!!
抱歉 ,不怍不会死……
Sorry but you kinda deserve it!….
我都不敢相信你能活着到这里, Marine……
I’m impressed you made it this far, Marine…..
你给我下来 ,你个神经病! 你要为你所做的付出代价!
YOU!! Come down here you freak!!! You’re gonna pay for what you did!
……太迟了……
….You are too late…..
……最后的仪式已经开始了……
..the final ritual has already started…..
地狱之门将永远开启!!!!!
Let the gates of hell open FOREVER!!!!!
*可爱的声音*
*Cute sound*
不!不是这种愚蠢的生物……!
NOOOO!! Not again with these stupid creatures…!
我要的可是深渊之兽啊!
I want BLOOD!
去死吧,无用之物!!
DIE YOU USELESS FAILURE!!!!!
我们才不是失败者!!
WE ARE NOT A FAILUREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
TM!这会妨碍传送门的……我要在它关上前离开!
Shit!! It’s obstructing the portal… I need to get through before it seals up again!
额……(死掉了)
Aw….
*碰撞补偿……失败*
*IMPACT COMPENSATION ….. FAILED*
……我的骨头啊……
…My bones…
额……我猜这是地狱吧……
Ugh…So I guess this is hell…
这里蛮干净的嘛!有个东西呢!
Oh neat! There’s a collectible!
你TM是在逗我?
Are you fucking kidding me?…
……等下…… 这声音是?这会是…!!??
…Wait!…..This sound? Could it be…!!!???
等下!!长官!!
SIR!!! Wait!!! Sir!!!!
哦!老天!你是海军陆战队中士 Doomguy吗?
Sir!!! Sir…. Oh my god….are you SERGEANT DOOMGUY?
是那个人吗?
THAT Sergeant Doomguy??
现在可没时间崇拜我了,跟着我…….
We don’t have time for autographs kid. Follow my lead…
额…….这种时候你不是应该保持沉默吗?
Uhm…aren’t you supposed to be mute?
我这可是从漫画书里学的,你还记得吗?
I learned from the comic book, remember that?
哦……长官……我们的计划是什么呢?
Oh… my bad Sir…. So what’s your plan?
你看到那边的洞口了吗?……那是那些怪物的老窝……
You see that shithole right there?……that’s the Cyberdemon lair..
我们会杀死这些个杂碎,带走它的灵魂……
We kill that f*cker, we take his soul…..
……打开传送门……然后回去。
…the portal opens…and we go back home.
好的! 长官!
Understood Sir!
然而……我觉得我们带走这些邪恶的灵魂干嘛啊……
Though…come to think of it…. I think you’re confusing this with Dark Souls…
不要在意这些东西。
Oh, never mind.
这只为了以防万一!
Just a safety measure…!
等下!
Hey wait!
现在我们要去……?
So are we going to like..?
别说话,你听……
SSSHHH!!! Listen….
……那些个混帐东西在开趴呢……
….That big motherf*cker is having a party with his friends…
真是可惜了那些厉害的乐队……但我们还是要毁了它。
I feel sorry for those kickass bands but…we’re gonna have to crash it.
(隐藏对话)我跳下去……然后从上面刺死那个女孩。
(hidden dialogue): “And then i jump down…and basically stab this girl with my sword from above.”
各位!真是抱歉,破坏了这场大趴!
HEY!!! Sorry for ruining the party f*ckface!
介意我带个朋友吗??!!
Mind if I brought a friend of mine too???!!
我将教你一些团队合作的东西……
I’m going to teach you some teamwork kid….
……睁大你们的眼睛。
….check this out.
让你们这些瘪三看看我的厉害!!
RIP AND TEAR…MOTHER FUCKEEEER!!!!!!!
拿到了!!
GOTCHA!!!
长官!!……
SIR!!!!…
孩子……就交给你了……
Kid!…… It’s your time…..
拿着这把枪……
Grab the gun!….
可……可我不知道怎么用啊……!
I…I don’t know how to use it Sir…!
这可是把狂拽酷炫的枪……
It’s a big f*cking gun…..
……这是最后的……*咳*……武器……
….it’s the ultimate…..*cough* E.D.M. weapon…
……按下扳机……
…press……the trigger….
然后就是(此部电影的)高潮了!……
and drop the bass!….
孩子……
And kid…..
送它们去死吧……
Give em HELL……
长官……?
Sir….?
医生……
Doctor….
我这是在哪里?……
Where am I?….
你现在在地球,放心,你很好……
You are on Earth now, you’ll be fine…..
……你只是有点……脑子不灵清。
…you are just a bit…..disoriented.
额……什么东西??
Huh…..?????
我去!!!
WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
—见鬼的!!—别紧张!
-HOLY S*IT!!!! -Relax marine!
这些生物现在很友善……
These creatures are friendly now….
我们给了它们一次洗心革面的机会……
We are giving them a second chance by helping us out….
……那个邪恶科学家的计划已经失败了!
….Good thing that evil scientist plan was a failure!

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视频概述
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收集自网络

翻译译者

elegant

审核员

自动通过审核

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI5pUqiVJdw

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