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别担心,没人在乎

Don't Worry, No One Cares

We tend to begin our lives
我们的人生常常开始于
with a deeply unrepresentative experience:
这样一个非常不典型的经历:
that of being surrounded by people
我们身边围着一群
who care to an extraordinary extent about us.
异常关心我们的人
We look up from the dreams and confusions of early infancy
还是小婴儿的我们从睡梦和混沌中抬头望去
and may find a smiling face or two
可能会看见一张或两张笑脸
observing us with the utmost tenderness and concern.
正极温柔极关切地观察着我们
They watch us as a rivulet of saliva leaks slowly from the corner of our mouth
他们一看到我们嘴角慢慢流下口水
and rush to wipe it away
就赶紧把它擦掉
as if dabbing at a precious canvas,
就像擦拭珍贵的画布一样
then indulgently stroke the fine soft hairs on our delicate scalps.
然后溺爱地抚摸我们娇嫩头皮上细软的头发
They declare us close to supernatural
当我们终于第一次笑了
when, at last, we succeed in pulling our first smile.
他们会惊呼我们简直是奇迹
The applause rings for days
当我们迈出第一步 咯咯笑起来
when we take our initial steps, giggle, totter, fall,
蹒跚 跌倒然后勇敢地爬起来继续走
and bravely try to resume our progress.
他们会鼓掌欢呼好几天
It isn’t just at home.
这不仅发生在家里
At school, the best teachers encourage us
当我们在学校遇到困难时
when we find something difficult;
那些最好的老师们会鼓励我们
they understand we might be shy;
他们理解我们可能害羞
they’re keen to detect and encourage
他们热衷于发现和鼓励
the early, tentative signs of our particular talents.
我们刚露出萌芽还处于尝试阶段的特别才能
Then, of course, we grow up
后来当然了 我们长大了
and are inducted into a horrific reality:
于是不得不面对一个可怕的现实:
we exist in a world
我们生活的世界
of astonishing indifference to
对我们的所思所言所为几乎一切
almost everything we are, think, say or do.
都惊人地漠不关心
We might be in late adolescence
到了青春期后期
when the point really hits home.
这种漠视可能会直击我们要害
We might be in a bedsit at university
我们可能会独自一人在大学寝室
or wandering the streets of the city at night on our own
或独自一人在夜晚的城市街头徘徊
– when it occurs to us, with full force,
这时我们就被狠狠地漠视了
how negligible a thing we are in the wider scheme.
在宽广的世界中我们如此微不足道
No one in the crowds we pass knows anything about us.
擦肩而过的人流中没人了解我们
Our welfare is of no concern to them.
我们的幸福对他们来说无关紧要
They jostle against us on the pavements,
他们在人行道上推挤着我们
and treat us as a mere impediment to their progress.
只当我们是他们前行的阻碍
We’re tiny against the towers
与高耸的大厦和辉煌闪烁的广告墙相比
and brightly-lit flashing advertising hoardings.
我们太微小了
We might die and no one would even notice.
我们可能死了都没人会注意到
It may be a stern truth
这可能是个严峻的事实
– but we make it all the more so
但因为我们只关注黑暗面
by focusing only on its darkest dimensions.
事实才显得格外严峻
We remain grief-stricken by how invisible we are,
我们仍因自己的不起眼而倍感悲伤
yet we cease to put this bracing thought to its proper philosophical purpose,
却没有振奋起来去思考它合理的哲学目的
that of rescuing us from another problem
那就是它将我们从一直折磨我们的
which is gnawing at us all the while:
另一个问题中解救了出来
an ongoing and highly corrosive sense of self-consciousness.
这个问题就是持续剧烈侵蚀的自我意识感知
In another side of our minds,
我们有另一种想法
we haven’t accepted the indifference of others at all,
就是完全没有接受其他人对自己的漠视
in fact, we know, and suffer intensely,
事实上我们知道 并且强烈地痛苦于
from just how much (as we feel sure) others are thinking of us.
其他人有多关注自己(因为我们确信他们关注)
We’re extremely worried about how high-pitched and odd our voice sounded
我们会非常在意向服务员多要一点牛奶时
when we asked the waiter for a bit more milk.
自己的声音听起来有多尖锐或奇怪
We’re certain that the sales attendant noticed
我们坚信销售员注意到了
how out of shape our stomach is.
自己的小腹有多走形
The people in the restaurant where we’re eating alone
一个人吃饭时同餐厅的人们
are undoubtedly spending considerable time wondering
一定花了不少时间在议论
why we have no friends.
我们为什么没有朋友
At work, they’re still dwelling on that slightly stupid thing
工作中我们还在细细琢磨自己上个月
we said last month about the US sales strategy.
关于美国销售策略发表的那点儿蠢意见
A person we went to bed with four years ago
四年前与我们共枕的人
is to this day thinking ill of us in some powerful but undefined way.
如今却强烈地莫名地讨厌我们
We don’t really have evidence for any of this,
虽然我们没有证据可以证明这些
and yet it can feel like an emotional certainty.
却能感觉到一定是这样的
It is intuitively clear that
凭直觉我们很清楚
our foolishness and less than impressive sides
自己愚蠢和无可圈点的糗态
are being noted and dwelt on all the time by everyone at large.
一直被每个人最大程度地关注着思量着
Every way in which we depart from what the world
我们做的与社会公认的
considers to be normal, upstanding and dignified
正常 良好 高贵相违背的种种行径
has been registered by the widest constituency.
都被广大群众记录在案了
To liberate us from this punitive narrative,
要想从这种惩罚性的想象情节中解脱出来
we may need to conduct a deliberately artificial thought-exercise;
我们可能需要做个假想的思考练习
we may have to set ourselves the challenge of
我们可能得让自己挑战一下
examining how long we spend
去检视自己花了多少精力
on the foolishness (or just existence) of other people.
去关注别人的愚事儿(或只是别人的存在)
How we think and feel about other people we don’t particularly know
从我们怎么看待我们不很了解的其他人
is perhaps the best guide to the workings of the average human imagination:
就能很好地推测出一般人是怎么想象别人的
to pretty much the rest of the world,
对于世界上绝大多数其他人
we are the very same sort of strangers
我们都是同一类陌生人
or casual acquaintances as we know and deal with in our own daily experience.
或是在生活中认识 打过交道但不了解的人
And here, the results can be surprising.
这个结论可能惊人
Imagine that we’re inner an elevator,
想象一下我们在电梯里的场景
standing next to someone on our way to the 20th floor.
我们要去20楼 此时旁边挨着个人
They think they know that we disapprove of their choice of jacket.
那个人自认为知道我们不喜欢他穿的夹克
They know they should have picked another one and
他知道自己本该穿另外一件的
that they look silly and pinched in this one.
而穿这件使他看起来很傻而且太紧身了
But in reality we haven’t noticed the jacket.
但其实我们根本没有注意到那件夹克
In fact, we haven’t noticed they were born
事实上我们也没注意到他们的出生
– or that one day they will die.
或有一天他们将会离世
We’re just worrying about
我们只会担心
how our partner responded
当我们昨晚对伴侣提到
when we mentioned our mother’s cold to them last night.
母亲感冒时 他们什么反应
Or imagine it’s well on the way into the last bit of a two hour meeting
或想象一下一场两小时的会议接近尾声
that we sense that
这时我们才注意到
a colleague’s hair really is a bit different today,
一位同事的头发今天确实有些不一样
though we can’t quite put a finger on how
不过我们无法品评到底哪儿不一样
– even though they spent a small fortune on their cut
-即使他们花了不小的一笔钱剪了头发
and thought intensely about the wisdom of visiting a new salon.
而且紧张地琢磨着去这个新发廊是否明智
In other words, when we take our own minds as a guide
换句话说当我们以己度人地
we get a far more accurate and far less oppressive vision
去推测其他人遇到我们可能会想什么时
of whats likely to be going on in the heads of other people when they encounter us,
我们可能看得更准而且少了很多郁闷
which is in the nicest way, not very much.
这是最合适的思考方式 不会过度揣测
This kind of news is both very bad and also strangely good.
领悟到这些呢 既糟糕透顶又好得出奇
On the one hand no one may notice when we die,
一方面可能没人会注意到我们的死亡
on the other they are also sure not to notice
而另一方面他们一定也不会注意到
when we spill some orange juice down our front
我们在面前洒了一些橘子汁
or do our hair the wrong way.
或我们做坏了发型
It’s not that we – or they – are horrible.
这并不说明我们或他们不好
Our lacking of caring isn’t absolute.
我们并非绝对缺乏关怀心
If we really saw a stranger in trouble in the water,
如果我们看见一个陌生人落水遇难
we would dive in.
我们会跳下去救他
When a friend is in tears,
当有朋友哭泣
we are sympathetic.
我们会表示同情
It’s just that for the most part,
只不过大多数情况下
we need to filter.
我们需要过滤
Our everyday lack of care occurs
我们日常里缺乏关怀心
for a perfectly sane and forgivable reason:
是出于一个非常理智和值得原谅的原因:
we need to spend most our waking energies on
我们需要将大部分醒着时的精力放在
navigating, and doing justice to, our own intimate concerns.
努力应对和处理自己关注的私事儿上
Once we’ve had to think about
一旦我们不得不去考虑
our relationship,
我们的亲属关系
our career, our finances,
我们的工作 财务状况
our health, our close relatives,
我们的健康状况 亲密关系
our offspring,
我们的后代
our upcoming holidays,
即将到来的假期
our friends
我们的朋友
and the state of our household,
和房屋的状况
there will just be very little time left
我们就只剩很少时间
to reflect on the suddenly high-pitched voice of a customer
去关心一个顾客突然声音尖锐
or the outfit of a colleague.
或一个同事的穿着打扮了
We are owed the upside of an otherwise tragic insight.
我们应该明白这个悲催的领悟也有积极面
We shouldn’t just suffer from the indifference of other people,
我们不该只是苦于他人的无视
we should – where it matters – properly reciprocate it.
有些重要场合下我们应该适当感谢他人的无视
We shouldn’t merely suffer from being ignored,
我们不应该仅仅因为被忽视了就苦恼
we should accept the liberation
我们应该承认我们被忽视的事实里
implicit in the fact that we are being so.
隐含了我们是自由的
And then, in turn, we should embark more courageously on those situations and adventures
然后作为感谢我们应该更勇敢地
where a touch of foolishness is always gonna be a possibility;
去应对我们可能出糗的场合和冒险
the start of a new business,
比如一个新业务的开始
a romantic invitation,
一个浪漫的邀请
or asking a question at a conference…
或会议上的一个提问……
We may fail,
我们可能失败
but we can believe with new certainty
但我们可以以崭新的坚定态度去相信
that almost no one will give a damn if we do,
我们失败了也几乎没人会谴责我们
an idea that may – above anything else –
这样的想法比什么都重要
help to contribute to our future success
它可能有助于我们以后取得成功
(something which, as we now know,
(当然我们现在知道了
no one will much notice or care about anyway).
其实也没人会多么留意或在乎我们的成功)
At the school of life,
在生命学院里
we believe that confidence is the skill we can all learn.
我们相信自信是每个人可以学会的技能
Click now to learn more.
现在就点击了解更多吧

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视频概述

我们被别人无视,也无视着别人。我们苦于被无视,也受益于被无视。有些时候,我们做了些蠢事儿,但别担心,因为没人在乎。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Joanna.J

审核员

审核员XY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gtSNjnjPOk

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