We live in a world where sex is a hot topic of discussion.
It’s glorified in advertisements,
电视节目 电影 电视剧中被美化了
TV shows, movies and plays.
Sex drives a lot of people,
but what if it doesn’t drive you?
What if it’s not the number one thing on your mind all the time,
does that make you weird?
If you’re someone who experiences sexual attraction
only when you have a deep emotional connection with someone.
then you may identify as demisexual.
You might be asking, wait,
is demisexuality a sexual orientation?
It is believed to be a subset
and add on to an individual’s identity.
rather than being an individual sexual orientation.
Sexual orientation as people see it
is which gender you are sexually attracted to or not.
Demisexuality is a way of experiencing sexual attraction.
It being about how you want to go about your relationship
rather than who you’d want to be in a relationship with.
A demisexual can also identify as gay,
straight or bisexual
and may not have a gender preference
when it comes to sexual attraction
Many argue that demisexuality isn’t real or valid,
that it’s a made-up label for some to seek attention
or feel like special snowflakes.
Labels may not be absolute or necessary,
but the term demisexual is a descriptive word
for a certain pattern of Attraction
that gives demis more understanding of themselves,
affirmation and help them find the community with people who can relate.
在2012年 一位半性恋者Olivia Davis，写道：
In 2012, Olivia Davis, a demisexual wrote,
“ Demisexuality is about desire and arousal,
not just sex and who you do it with.
It’s not merely that I’m only interested in having sex
with people that I love.
it’s also that I feel a complete absence of desire
or sexual feelings towards everyone else ever.
What makes me demisexual is that absence.”
This means when a demisexual
experiences sexual attraction and desire.
it is only towards the specific partner.
Every demisexual’s experiences is different,
the emotional bond demisexuals need for sexual attraction
also varies for everyone.
It may include familiarity with a person
and learning aspects of their personality.
Forming an emotional bond with someone does not guarantee
that sexual attraction will happen.
It is simply a prerequisite for it to occur at all.
Demisexuality is halfway
between the asexual and sexual spectrum of human sexuality
Demisexuals are often mistaken as choosing to be that way
as opposed to it being their innate orientation.
Demisexuality is not a pattern of behavior,
but rather a distinct pattern of attraction.
Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain from sex,
they are often said to
experience no primary attraction towards anyone
which means no attraction towards the immediate outer appearance
and qualities of a person.
People may find themselves to be sexually attracted to strangers,
people they don’t know well or celebrities
but for demisexuals
they do not experience the initial sexual attraction
The difference between an asexual and a demisexual
is that demi sexual experiences secondary attraction
which is mental and emotional,
stemming from the establishment of a deeper connection.
They may feel sexual attraction
after getting to know someone on a deeper level
and discovering that others value them for their intelligence
with heart or any other attributes unrelated to looks
People who don’t really understand demisexuality
may label those who show a little interest in sex
如拘谨的人 或者害羞的 害怕亲密之类的标签
as a prude or something similar like shy or someone afraid of intimacy.
Just because someone isn’t interested in sex with strangers
does not make them abnormal or a prude,
but at the same time others might mistake demisexuals
as people who only have sex with those they love
Sexual attraction is not the same as sexual behavior,
demisexuals can choose to have sex with
whomever they please whether they love them or not.
it doesn’t make them more or less demisexual.
many non demisexuals choose to have sex with people they love
and that does not make them demisexuality.
Demisexuality refers to the underlying sexual attraction you feel,
sexual feelings directed towards a person that you share an emotional bond with.
Whether the demisexual decides to have sex with them or not,
has nothing to do with the definition of demisexuality.
a lot of demisexuals get uncomfortable with the idea of flirting
and may think it to be pointless.
Demisexuals can still choose to engage in
premarital or casual sex
and many do
虽然这要求真诚 开放 情感结合
though it is trust openness and emotional connection
that really gets demisexuals going
Demisexuals may not like the thought of flirting at a bar,
getting someone’s number
and then leaving with a stranger and being intimate with them.
A demisexuals idea of a fun night
might instead be to spend time with friends talking, dancing
and enjoying each others company.
Demisexuals may feel frustrated
with people’s tendency to overestimate their interest in them
and feel annoyed that they can not just talk to them normally,
without having others hit on them.
Many demisexuals may choose to avoid situations
like big parties or club scenes for that reason.
They might feel more comfortable in dating close friends
as casual dating doesn’t appeal to them.
and they may wonder how others have sex on the first date
or have sex with someone they just met.
Another common misconception of demisexuals might be
that they don’t find anyone attractive ever.
Demisexuals may not just see someone as physically hot
and rate their attraction to someone based off of their appearance.
This is an extension of point 1,
the way demisexuals think about attractiveness
seem to be different from how others think about it
Someone’s attractive nature is found within for them,
physical appearance plays a very small
if not non-existent role in what draws them to someone.
当人们谈到激情 名利 性爱
When peers talk about crushes, celebrities, and sex,
the demisexuals may find themselves a bit disconnected.
Most people on the non-asexual side of the spectrum
feel sexual attraction
whether or not they have a close emotional bond with someone
They may have sexual feelings for attractive classmates,
同事 街上的陌生人 名人 朋友的朋友都有性趣
co-workers,people on the street, celebrities, friends of friends,
however they may choose to wait to have sex
for reasons like it being against their religious beliefs
或者是想确定对方是友好的 值得尊敬的 等等
or wanting to make sure the other person is kind and respectful etc.
It’s different for demis,
they won’t start out with these sexual feelings at all
they’d have to know more about the other person
to feel like there is a deeper level of connection
Everyone has their individualized experiences,
making us different and unique.
Demisexuality is only one subset of an individual’s identity.
If a term helps others understand themselves better
and does not harm to anyone else,
it is as valid as it needs to be.
if you’d rather ditch labels and just be yourself
all the more power to you,
whether or not you are identified as a demisexual
we ask you to keep an open mind.
Allow others to be themselves
and bring their full selves with them everywhere they go.
We’re all human
and whatever we feel or do not feel is valid.
Thank you for watching,
let us know in the comments
if you have heard of peppy sexuality before
Did you learn something new?
We have done a previous video on 10 types of sexualities,
so feel free to check that out too.
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Thank you for your support and until next time.
Hello,friends and neighbors,
my name is Christian Versa
and i did the animation music for this video
I would like to thank you guys so much for watching.
It makes me so proud
to see all your comments on youtube
We’re trying our absolute best to start conversations
and bring awareness certain psychological topics
If you’d like to see more of our videos,
there’s one about signs that you, my friend
are a good catch that should be uploaded this week,
or maybe it was already uploaded, either way,
it’s a super fun watch.
一如既往 谢谢观看 再见
And as always, thank you so much for watching,bye.