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和高冷的人打交道

Dealing with Difficult People

来吧心理学
Psych2go
生活中 我们总是会与高冷的人
In life, there will be times to have to be around
相处或是共事
and deal with difficult people.
幸运的是
Thankfully,
艾琳·施特劳斯·谷根教授对此提出了实用的建议
Dr. Irene Strauss cohan’s has helpful advice regarding this.
艾琳·施特劳斯·谷根教授是一个心理学家
Dr. Irene Strauss Cohan is a psychologist,
也是一个热心的博主 一位来自巴里大学的教授
an avid blogger and a professor at Barry University.
她在心理门诊为人提供咨询
advising in the Department of counseling.
她的兴趣领域是帮助人们
Her main area of interest is helping people
建立人际间的基本关系并使之更牢固
build foundations in their relationships and keep them strong.
她热衷于提高人们的自我意识
She’s passionate about improving people’s sense of self
并竭力帮助让他们做最好的自己
and helping them be the best version they can be.
斯特劳斯博士提出了这样的观点
Dr. Strauss makes it a point
高冷的人和需要帮助的人之间
that there is no real difference between a difficult person
其实没有本质的区别
and someone who needs help.
因为绝大多数情况下 他们都是同一人
Because most of the time they’re one in the same.
她说 你不会对他人充满恶意或伤害别人
She says you aren’t going to be unpleasant or hurtful to people
除非你在内心这样对待自己
unless you feel that way inside about yourself.
我不知道这些人是否特别需要爱与呵护
I don’t know if those people specifically need love and care.
他们中的某些人也许不能接受这种爱
Some of those people may not be in the space to accept the love,
无论其他人如何的爱他 呵护他
no matter how loving and caring the other person is.
某些请况下 与高冷的人相处会变得更加难
Dealing with a difficult person can prove more challenging
如果他恰好是你的家人
if it happens to be a family member
而你又特别巧的和他住在一起
and especially if you live with them.
和这种人相处不很容易
It isn’t easy to be around people
因为他们似乎一直让你的情绪低落
that seem to always bring your mood down,
斯特劳斯教授发现并补充道
Dr. Strauss observed, adding
其实这并没有一个简单的解决方法
there is not one easy answer to this.
斯特劳斯教授建议
Dr. Strauss suggests
要想控制自己以及和这类人在一起的焦虑情绪
to manage yourself and your anxiety around that person.
你需要通过他们接受的教育和他们的经历来理解他们
Try to understand them through their upbringing and story.
最后 接受他们本来的样子
Ultimately, try to accept them for who they are.
如果你能理解一个人
If you can understand a person,
你就能在与之相处时反应不那么大 也能更好的控制情绪
you can better manage emotions around them without feeling so reactive.
斯特劳斯教授也建议
Dr. Strauss also suggests
要关注自己的行为和“逆鳞”
to pay attention to your own behaviors and triggers.
也许你做的有些事
Perhaps there’s something you do
会让别人收到消极影响并反过来让你低落
that allows the person to negatively influence and bring you down.
她说 我已经找到了一个状态
She reveals “I’ve gotten to the point where
在此状态下 我能和高冷的人很好的相处
I can be around some difficult people
而不会有过激的反应
without feeling the need to be so reactive,
要么去让他们变得更快乐 要么躲开他们
fix them to make them happier or want to avoid them.
和我家里的高冷的人相处起来很难
It was hard for me to be around difficult people in my own family,
因为我想看到他们一直开心
because I wanted to see people happy all the time.
一旦我接受我不必对他们的幸福负责
Once I accepted that I wasn’t responsible for their happiness
我就感觉好多了
I eased up a bit.
斯特劳斯教授承认 人与人是相互影响的
Dr. Strauss admits that people can influence each other.
生长在一个长期消极的环境
And growing up in an environment that is constantly negative
会影响你看待和叙述世界的方式
can affect how you see and relate to the world.
但如果你能建立一种生活的平衡 这就不大可能发生了
But if you create a life balance it is less likely to happen.
斯特劳斯教授补充道
Dr. Strauss adds,
谈及家庭中的这种情况 我们无法选择
when it comes to family we can’t really choose,
我认为我们都有一个消极的家庭成员或高冷的人
I think we all have a negative family member or difficult person
而且我们都想躲开他
that most of us try to avoid.
但我不认为 一个人就能彻底毁掉你积极的性格
I don’t think that one person can ruin your positive disposition entirely.
当与消极甚至特别积极的人相处时
When around negative or even highly positive people,
我牢记着 这都是源于他们的焦虑
I remember that all of that derives from their anxiety.
因为有些人的消极性是由于他们的高度紧张
For some people’s negativity comes from being a highly anxious person.
也因为积极的人能帮助他们减轻这种焦虑
And for others being positive may help them reduce it.
所有的负面通常被一个焦虑的人放大
All of the negative is usually exaggerated from an anxious person.
如果你控制好你自己的焦虑
If you can manage your own anxiety
并且看清 无论他们为什么而消极
and look at the facts of whatever the person is negative about,
都不会让你太过烦恼
it won’t bother you as much.
对斯特劳斯教授来说发现一个高冷的人很容易
It’s easy to spot a difficult person according to Dr. Strauss.
他们做的每件事都倾向于自己
They tend to make everything about themselves,
有很少的朋友 而且特别敏感
have few friends and are hypersensitive.
和人争论是一件很常见的事
It’s normal to have a disagreement with anyone,
所以这不能算作一种迹象
so that isn’t always an indication.
另外 如果你发现任何人都很难相处
Also if you find everyone difficult to deal with,
你也许该审视一下自己了
you should probably take a look in the mirror.
和高冷的人相处的一个关键
One of the keys to dealing with difficult people
就是确保你腾出时间爱护自己
is making sure you make time for self-care.
找一些你喜欢的事情去做
Find something you enjoy and do it
这事会因人而异
and this can be different for everyone.
不间断的积极性是没有必要的
Relentless positivity isn’t necessarily though,
斯特劳斯教授描述到
as Dr. Strauss describes,
你需要承认有时候情形确实很糟
some situations suck and that needs to be acknowledged.
我认为如果人们能接受事情的本来面目
I think if people could accept their situations as is
并且更客观的对待他们
and be more factual about them.
他们就能更好的看到隧道出口的那道光
then after they will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
举个例子
For example,
在去一个重要会议的路上爆胎
getting a flat tire on the way to an important meeting
并不有趣
isn’t a fun situation.
但如果你承认他 控制自己减轻压力
But if you acknowledge it, manage yourself to destress,
找一种方式去补胎 之后重新安排你的会议
find a way to fix the tire and then reschedule your meeting.
你会在之后看到事情积极的一面
it will help you later to see the positive of the situation.
在那之后你就能说
After the fact you can say
好吧 也不算太糟
“okay that wasn’t so bad”
至少没人受伤而且所有事都解决了
and at least no one was hurt and everything worked out.
那么你是如何想的呢?
So what are your thoughts?
在屏幕下方评论
Be sure to comment below
或访问斯特劳斯教授的网页
and visit Dr. Strauss’s website.
描述下方能看到链接
A link can be found in the description.
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be sure to like and subscribe
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视频概述

你身边有没有高冷的人?如何和他们打交道呢?快来看看吧

听录译者

洛洛

翻译译者

洛洛

审核员

审核团HL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks3438Q4Vls

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