Hey, this is Leo for actualized.org.
And in this video, I’m gonna talk about communication skills.
Master Your Psychology.Create an Extraordinary Life.
Alright, so let’s talk a little bit about communication skills,
and what it really takes to improve your communication skills
and how do you become a good communicator.
Before we go into that, now let me give you six.
Six key points that you need to follow to become a very effective and lethal communicator.
But, before we get to that,
let’s talk a little bit about why this is even important.
Why this is something that you should be concerned about.
Communication skills is something that I see ruining people’s lives.
Lack their of, when you lack communication skills.
If you lack communication skills,
you’re gonna have a problem in your intimate relationships.
If you had lacked communication skills,
you’re gonna have a problem at your job, at your work.
If you lack communication skills,
you’re gonna have a problem managing employees or running a business.
If you do that working with clients,
that something that’s really big that I found communication skills are important in.
And overall in life having solid communication skills
is important to make your life smooth.
Just like little things will work better for you
when you have good communication skills.
Even something as simple as like placing an order at the restaurant.
Placing a clear order
and doing it in the way where you get what you want
from the waitress or the waiter. And getting your way in life.
在生活中 比起你表达不清楚 含糊其辞
This is much easier when you have solid communication skills,
rather than when you’re unclear,
you’re mumbling, you are not sure what you want,
you’re not certain of it, you have all these problems.
So let’s go into that and talk about it.
Communicaton’s skills are something that you want to work on,
because this is something can last for you whole life.
Right. As your life goes on,
you’re gonna run into people,
you’re gonna have problems communicating,
you’re gonna have problems writting.
you’re even gonna have challenges with marketing yourself.
Whether you’re selling yourself in a resume format,
or you’re pitching yourself to your employers,
and you try to get a better job
Or you’re selling some sorts of business proposal that you got.
Or maybe your products, your services you’ve created that you really want to be successful.
And that’s important to your purposes in life.
Well, to do all those things effectively,
you need to be able to communicate effectively.
So let’s talk about that.
What does it really take to become a good communicator?
I would say that there are six pillars.
At least for me that I set down and I can thought about,
ok, what does it really…what are these essential components.
So here they are.
I’m gonna list them off.
And we’re gonna go to each one to some detail.
And you’re gonna some…get some clarity around that.
And then you can go and work out whatever one of these six,
or maybe more than one you are defficient the most in.
So it’s kind of like looking at your sicking points,
where are your communication skill sicking points.
So here are the six.
Number one is assertiveness.
Number two is authenticity.
Number three is open-mindedness.
Number four is empathy.
Number five is clarity.
And number six is listening, listening skills.
So those are the six.
Now let’s go on and talk a little…a little bit about each one.
So first of all, assertiveness.
Being a communicator
and the reason that you communicating anything at all,
is because you usually want something to happen
because of your words or however you communicating.
You could communicate not just using words.
You can communicate using body language and imagery and other things.
But ultimately, you’re trying to convey some sorts of message,
have some sorts of impact.
So a lot of people, they would communicate things,
but then they don’t get what they actually want with the communication
because their communication is not assertive.
They are not really pushing for their own agenda.
They are not sticking to their guns.
So then they end up not getting what they want.
Maybe this is happening to you in a relationship.
Maybe this is happening to you in a debate.
Maybe it’s happening to you in office meeting.
Or somewhere else in your life.
Well you have to be assertive.
You have to be assertive.
That means you can’t be a doormat.
You can’t just let other people impose their agenda upon you.
Your communication has to be such that
people perceive it as, as serious,
that way they take your words and your language seriously,
and they take your attention, your ideas seriously.
So this is something that is very important.
You have to know how to be confident in your delivery.
Not just that, but also be insistent and persistent.
Right. Like I know people, friends of mine,
who are really really good at this.
Personally, I tried a little assertiveness myself,
I was always kind of meek
in the way… that ah I would interact with people.
And I still aim to a certain degree I’ve worked on it a lot.
But this kind of meekness really hold you back,
because a lot of times you want something simple,
and you won’t be able to get it simply because you give up
before your message has been delivered.
And some times your message has been repeated
and repeated and repeated persistently,
until you get what you want.
It can be just a very simple thing.
Like maybe you go to a hotel
and they don’t have your room.
For some reasons, they sold your room to somebody else.
And now you need to…you need a room for the night.
So basically, what can you do?
Well you can just accept it as it is.
Maybe ask them about why they screwed up your reservation and accept it.
Or you can be assertive, you can be persistent.
You can get the manager to come out.
You get his manager to come out.
You can, kind of, plump away at the problem
until maybe something clicks and something happens.
And you’ll be surprised how often
something like that when you’re being assertive and being assertive.
Sometimes just some sorts of spontaneous solution presents itself,
or as if you were meek,
then you would have just been hit.
You would have taken that hit.
And you wouldn’t have ultimately got what you wanted at the situation.
So assertiveness is important.
The next point is, point number two, authenticity.
Authenticity is critical.
Authenticity is about being true to yourself.
How often are you true to yourself being communitor in communication.
Uh… If you are like most people,
then what most people do is they hold back.
They wanna be polite, they wanna to be courteous.
They…they don’t want to offend somebody.
And they will do anything to
to make the…the transaction, the verbal transaction go well, the communication go well.
And they won’t really worry about whether they’re being honest and true to themselves,
whether their own values are being honored here, in the situation.
要做的这一点 首先 你要知道 你真实的自我是怎样的
To do that, you have to, first of all, know what your authentic self actually is,
so you have to kind of be clear about your own values.
If you know about what your own agenda is,
what you wanna have in life.
And what is true, what is not true for you.
You have to know where the boundaries are.
And then you have to have the courage to go out there and fight for that.
Cause being authentic that’s not something that comes spontaneously to most people.
For most people that takes effort and work,
because we’ve always been taught in many conditions to be polite
and to put this big smile on our face.
And, you know, that can be fine in some situations,
and that will hold certain situations over.
But in the long run, it doesn’t work.
In the long run people see that,
they can see right through your inauthenticity.
And when you are communicating with someone who’s inauthentic,
you can clearly feel it of that person.
So his message and his ideas they get deluded,
they don’t have the power that they wanna have.
But not only that,
but the person who is doing that communication who’s being inauthentic,
he or she is a…is ultimately unfulfilled with him or herself.
So that’s why authenticity is critical.
Number three is open-mindedness.
You have to be open-minded when you are interacting with people.
Open-mindedness means that you’re willing to consider other perspectives,
alternative scenarios and ideas.
Don’t close your mind off to alternate points of view.
Because you will be coming into contact with many people in your life.
And their points of view might be very different than your own.
And a lot of times our got reactions saying
“No, that’s not something I’m interested in.”
“Not something I want.””That’s clearly wrong.”
“That’s…that’s awful. Whatever…”
你评论着 批评着 在你和他人想法交流间
And you judge, you criticize and you drop basically a wall
between yourself and the other person or his ideas.
And when that happens and there’s that wall, a wall between you two,
and so, no effective communication can happen.
If all you’re doing is just being very very insistent on your own points of view,
being very dogmatic and grounded on that.
But then you are not willing to consider other perspectives.
Well, other people are not gonna wanna communicate with you.
You’re gonna be a very stubborn person.
People will label you such,
and then they will try to avoid you.
Because who wants to be in that kind of environment,
who wants to communicate with somebody like that.
People wanna communicate with somebody who’s willing to listen to them,
考虑他们的想法 不仅仅是浅薄的考虑 说实话
to consider their ideas not just in a superficial way, but honesty.
Like there should always be a chance for that person to convince you of their ideas.
所以 有人和你交谈时 即使你不喜欢他们所说的
So if someone is talking to you, and even if you don’t like what they are saying
you can still stay there and listen and entertain their idea,
just because your intelligent
and you’re willing to entertain various ideas that are not necessarily your own
And that doesn’t means you have to adopt them,
but you can entertain them, you can play around with them.
事实上 过一段时间 你就会真的采纳其中一个想法
and then once in a while, you actually do adopt one.
Such is something that’s very critical and important to your own personal development.
Because, if…if you’re not taking on this kind of open receptive minds that
then that means you’re…you’re kind of stucking in your own place.
You’re stucking in your own beliefs and your own ideas.
Not only it’s in a communication’s problem,
it’s just gonna limit your growth as a human being
ultimately you’re hurting yourself by doing that.
So open-mindedness is very important.
The forth point, four, the forth point is empathy.
Empathy is very important for communication.
In fact, human beings, we have and this has been studied by neuroscientists that
we have what are called “mirror neurons”.
Mirror neurons, what they are, are the specialized neurons in the brain.
And what they do is that they allow us to have empathy with other human beings,
and even other creatures.
比如说 我们可以看到 也许
So for example, we can see, maybe,
someone like a friend of ours or spouse of ours walking across the room and stubbing…
let’s say, her toe on, on the…on the coffee table.
And so she stubs her toe on the coffee table,
when I look at that
我不禁嘴角一抽 很疼 对吧？
I wince I go “emm”. Right?
Because I see the pain in her face.
I see her rabbing her toe
and I am wincing because I feel the pain literally in my own brain.
And those of my mirror neurons firing off.
And what the mirror neurons allow us to do is they literally allow us to…
to experience the emotions that we would have experienced
if we were in that situation.
But we’re not, right?
When I’m seeing someone stub their toe on the coffee table,
I’m not in that situation, but I’m seeing and I’m imaging it
I am feeling the pain of it, a little bit.
Not as much, but a little bit of that pain I actually feel
that makes my face scrunch up and wince.
So those are the mirror neurons happening as empathy.
Now why is empathy important for communication.
Well, the other person once to feel like
they are being heard and they are being understood.
Empathy create a common ground.
When you can empathize with the person that you’re communicating with,
that person will feel like,”Oh, ok he gets me.”
“She understands where I’m coming from.”
“Ok, she is just like me!”
We have common ground, let’s communicate.
Let’s see kind of like where this goes.”
And it come…it creates this kind of cooperative dynamic.
Whereas if you have no empathy for the other person,
and you don’t understand their emotions,
you can’t relate to their emotions,
they will sense that off of you.
他们会想 很好 这个男生或者这个女生
And they will think, “Well, this… guy or this girl…”
“…she doesn’t know anything about me.”
He doesn’t know my problems or my challenges.
“So how…how can I listen to him?”
“How can I listen to her?”
“Her message is not gonna resonate with me, because she has very different experiences.”
“Very different from me. It’s on the other side this golf of separation.”
If you notice a lot of my videos,
I talk about a lot of the problems that you have.
When I startup a video, I shall about the problem.
And I talk about the emotions of it. That’s because I wanna build empathy.
And I not just do that to…kind of curry favor with you.
I do that because a lot of times I’ve come
and I have experienced those negative places that I’m talking about, right?
So for talking about some sort of negative emotion
what sort of negative situation or some sort of life that you’re trying to fix.
Well, I’ve had those situations in my life.
And I can use those, I can bulid the common ground between us.
So that you will be more acceptable for what I’m saying.
So empathy. It can be used a very long way in your communication skills,
especially in intermate relationships.
So empathy is very important.
下一个观点 现在是第五点 就是清晰明了
The next point. It’s point number five, is clarity.
Communication needs to be clear.
There is an old idea. I don’t remember where I got this from.
But I think it’s a classic idea
that communication is not what you meant to say
but it’s what the other person received.
So a lot of times we will think that we said something
and then the other person will hear our words, hear our message
and then do something else or believe something else other than what we intended.
Well, here, by this more regulated standard of judging our communication,
what we really want to say is that whatever the person hears and understands,
that’s what was really communicated.
Not what we intended.
So clarity is all about getting your intention in line with what the other person actually perceives.
The best type of communication is extremely clear.
它很精确 人们很好理解 去理解遇到了什么
It’s accurate. It’s easy for the people to understand what has been meant.
It’s not loosey-goosey and nebulous,
and too abstract,
which allows for many many types of interpretation.
Clarity is very important
because if you are not clear in your communication,
what you’re communicating will get misinterpreted
then the people will about doing things that you don’t really intend them to do.
They will start believing that you believe things you did’t actually believe.
This can create problems in your business.
This can create problems when you’re getting instructions from people to do things.
This can create problems with just very simple things
like you tell your kids,
you call your kids on the phone you tell them to… to do something very specific
and if you don’t say clearly in the right way then they won’t do it.
They will do what they wanna do.
So clarity is something that you need to work on.
If you have problems where people are misperceiving what you are telling them
then maybe it’s not them but it’s you,
and the way you are communicating.
You’re not articulating yourself accurately.
最后一点 第六点 是倾听
And the last point, point number six, is listening.
So communication isn’t just talking and talking and talking.
It doesn’t really work unless you also hear back.
Right, as I said before, people want to
want to feel like they are being listened to.
They don’t wanna just be talked at.
They have to be listened.
And listening is not just about opening your ears.
A lot of times it’s just as simple as opening your ears.
But you have to also let the other person know
that you are listening to them, and that they were heard.
For example, just like very simple little things:
being an active listener,
what that means is nodding your head,
when you stand there and you’re listening to somebody
nodding your head so that you are registering it.
saying ,”uh-huh, I want to know why.”
或者是 “嗯哼 我知道了”
Or.”uh-huh, oh I see.”
“Ok.””Oh, interesting point.”
So make little comments like that.
Asking questions, clarifying questions about what was said,
so the person feel that you are actually listening,
you are engaged and you want to know more.
Those are very critical.
They are very critical when you’re sitting down face to face with somebody,
especially when the states are high,
when the issue is big.
You need to let the other person know that you’re actually listening to them, you’re hearing them.
You have to actually want to do that.
OK. So if… these are the six pillars.
Now you have to ask yourself,
if you have trouble with communication skills,
and you wanna improve,
which one of these six
are the one or two,
that are really holding you back?
And that are causing you the most fraction in your communications?
Is it assertiveness?
Lack of open-mindedess?
Lack of empathy?
Lack of clarity?
Or lack of listening?
Pick one or two of those,
然后说 “好的 我会提升的”
and then say,”OK, I want to improve that.”
“I wanna work on that.””I’m gonna devote the next 30 or 60 or 90days.”
Really focusing on that and looking for ways that I can improve,
let’s say you wanna improve clarity.
“I wanna look at ways that I can improve my clarity.”
“How can I write more clear emails?”
“How can I give more clear presentations at work?”
“What does that mean?”
“Do I have to study?”
“Do I have to read some books?””Do I have to take some notes?”
“Do I have to spend more time preparing for my presentation?”
“Do I have to, maybe get feedback from my boss,
in the way that I have been getting before?”
“Do I have to learn some new vocabulary?”
“Maybe I have to simplify down my vocabulary.”
Except of being all high flown and try to be sophisticated.
Maybe I just blow my vocabulary down to something very simple,
for people can actually understand what I’m saying
rather than try to impress them with my big use of fancy words.
So that would a way that you can work on clarity.
And you can do this for all the other ones as well.
And practice. Practice at work.
Practice in you intimate relationship.
Practice at even like very simple places
where you’re going out and you’re ordering your coffee at Starbucks.
Practice there as you’re chatting with the cashier.
You can practice all these things all the time throughout your life.
And the more you interact with people, then the better and better and better you get at this.
But I think that’s important to put your attention on it because lot of people just assume that communication
well that’s just something that comes natually.
I don’t really need to work on it.
Well, if you are any kind of professional, say
then you know that it takes,
it takes actual work and practice to get really good at communicatiom.
You can join organization like Toastmasters,
and maybe volunteer to do more types of public speaking,
speaking about types of things like your job
in order to become a better communicator.
OK, this is Leo. I’m sounding off.
This is how to improve your communication skills.
Go head and post me your comments down below.
I’d love to know what you think.
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我发布新视频 新文章 及其他好物
I releasing new videos, new articles, other goodies
every single week for free… free updates,
with all this kind of information.
This information about how to master your life,
how to understand your psychology,
how to get the mindsets and strategies you need,
also some really powerful techniques.
We’re going out there and creating a passionate, exciting life
where you’ve got big goals you’re actually accomplishing,
that you’re actually feeling you’re seeing that.
The personal growth that you’re doing on yourself is taking shape in your own life.
You will seeing your money situation improve.
You’re seeing your relationships improve.
You will seeing your work and career improve.
I’m really want to get you passion and engage with life again.
that passion that you might have had at one point.
但后来你输了 你忘了 你失去了那种激情
But then you lost, you forgot about. You got track with.
But I want to put you back on track and keep you on track.
The way I do that is through constant updates
every single week. And then you gonna,
kind of baby step your way up and up and up and up,
to get that extraordinary life
that we know your want.
So go ahead and check that out.
沟通技巧 - 6个关键的技巧