从根本上说 友谊区域有点在关系中煎熬的意思
So fundamentally the friendzone is a bit of a relationship purgatory
尽管这并不是性别排斥
where although it’s not exactly gender exclusive
但大多情况都是指男人对女人的性趣
It’s more often than not when a guy’s sexual interest in a girl
只通过柏拉图式的友情来满足
is met with only platonic friendship.
现实中 女孩喜欢
And realistically, It’s totally fine
一个男人的个性 这很正常
for a girl to like a guy’s personality,
但是她们并不真的想发展成情侣
but not really be interested in a relationship.
这种问题通常来自这样的事实——
The trouble usually comes from the fact that
大多数情况下
a lot of the time
男人们甚至都没有意识到他们已被设定在友谊区域
guys don’t even realize they’ve been friend-zoned,
导致这种情况的原因有很多
And this can happen for a lot of reasons.
但有时候尽管女孩内心并无兴趣
But sometimes even though a girl might not be interested,
男人也可能误解她给出的信号
a guy can misinterpret the signal
而变得过于亲近
she’s giving off and get too attached.
所以如果你是女孩
So if you’re a girl,
尽量避免和男人在一个房间
try to avoid being in the same room,
看向同一个方向
looking in a general direction, or
或者是同时眨眼睛
winking both eyes at the same time.
有时候这样做男人还是不能get到女孩的意思
And sometimes if a guy really doesn’t get it,
这时候女孩就需清楚地告诉他：我们只是朋友
you might have to clearly tell him that you’re only friends
不然之后他就可能会在其他某个方面
or he’s probably gonna end up with hurt feelings
感觉受到伤害
at one point or another.
就像我最近去星巴克的时候
Like I was recently a Starbucks,
给我点单的是一个非常可爱的女服务员
and there’s a really cute girl taking my orders.
我们聊了几句
So we chatted for a second
她问了我名字 以写在咖啡杯上（便于区别）
and she asked for my name to write on the cup
当我拿到我的咖啡时
and when I got my drink,
我看到自己名字边上有两颗心
I saw that my name had two hearts around it,
老实说 那时候我的感觉真是极好的
and I was honestly one of the best feelings of my life
而当我正想对她说点什么的时候
And I was about to say something
又看见她紧跟其后 又在另一个名叫亚伦的男人的
when I saw that she also drew a couple of hearts
杯子上也画了两颗心
for a guy named Aaron right behind me.
去你妈的婊子
Fucking slut.
我敢肯定你们当中某些人很想知道
Now I’m sure some of you are wondering
自己现在是不是友谊区域中
if you’re in the friend zone right now.
友谊区域形成通常有以下几个步骤
and it usually progresses in stages,
你可以对照看自己到哪一步了
so you can see which one you might fall into.
第一阶段 否认
The first stage is denial
即相信你自己并不是在友谊区域中
which is believing you aren’t in the friend zone
第二阶段 愤怒
The second stage is anger
即开始相信或许你已经处在友谊区域中
which is coming to the realization that maybe you are
第三阶段 讨价还价
The third stage is bargaining which is
即尽管她总是给你看其他男人的照片
begging to take her on a date
你仍乞求地带她去约会
even though she’s always showing you pictures of other guys.
第四阶段 沮丧
The fourth stage is depression
即意识到她给你看这些照片
which is realizing she was showing you those pictures
是因为她觉得你是个同性恋
because she thought you were gay.
第五阶段也是最后一个阶段 接受
And finally the fifth stage is acceptance
即意识到这些人他们当中的某个确实很讨人喜欢
Just realizing that one of them is pretty cute
以及 什么是你终要放弃的呢？
and what do you have to lose?
现在 最重要的问题是
Now the most important question of all is
你能从友谊区域中走出来吗？
can you get out of the friendzone
有趣的是 不久前
And interestingly not too long ago,
我读到几位宾夕法尼亚州州立大学的心理学家
I was reading that a few psychologists at Penn State
为男人们实际编撰了一个应用指南
actually compiled a practical guide
指导他们走出友谊区域
for men to get out of the Friendzone.
大致结构是这样：
It looks like this.
当然第一件事是
Of course the first thing is identifying
判断自己是否身处友谊区域
you’re actually in the friendzone.
然后实行以下的步骤
then you execute the following steps.
第一 使自己更有吸引力
Step 1: be more attractive.
这很值得一提 因为这一建议十分有效
It’s worth mentioning while this guide is certainly effective
真正实行起来也会有点难度 要花点时间
can be kind of difficult to implement and at least takes a bit of time.
所以我一会前最后给出的一条建议就是
So one last piece of advice I was given a while ago was
如果心有疑虑
if you ever in doubt,
就去问女孩本人吧
ask the girl out.
如果她说好 那就完美
The logic being that she either says yes and that’s great,
如果她拒绝 那至少你也有了自己的答案
or she says no and you have your answer.
但我发现无论什么结果
But I realized that the same greatly underestimates
都会使我的反省能力下降
my power for debilitating retrospection
这就是为什么下次我们要讨论怎样走出友谊区域
Which is why next time we’re talking about how to get out of the friendzone
走进友谊区 获得好处
into the friend with benefits zone,
走进那种井井有序 无人狎昵的状态
where nothing goes wrong and no one gets too attached.