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关于一夜情 – 译学馆
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关于一夜情

Casually Explained: One Night Stands

一夜情实质上就是当你与某人共度一晚后
So, one night stands are essentially when you hook up with someone
就不再见面或至少不再亲近缠绵
and never see them again or at least never sleep with them again
我一度曾这样想
and at one point I remember thinking:
噢 这听起来又肤浅又没有意义
Wow! That sounds so shallow and meaningless.
就像是两个人屈从于原始的性欲
It’s just two people giving into raw sexual attraction
而不蕴含任何感情和浪漫因素
with no chemistry or romance whatsoever.
然后有人会说: “你试过吗”
And then someone said, “Have you tried it?”
这话虽然伤自尊 不过却挺有道理的
That hurt my feelings but they had a point
我认为如果两个人想嘿咻 并向对方负责
and I think that if two people want to hook up and are responsible about it,
将会是一段美妙的经历
it could be a good experience for both of them.
那先说重点 你应该随时做好准备
So, first things first, you should be prepared at all times,
当然若你喜欢我(的视频) 而你的套套都过期了
but if you’re like me and all your condoms are expired
那就很难说是否需要预先准备了
it can be hard to decide if it’s worth preemptively investing.
我认为你至少要在你床头柜里
In my opinion you should always have at least a couple
准备一对(套套) 来给自己点希望
on your bedside table to keep the hope alive
反过来说 若你是一个有想法的家伙
and on the flip side If you’re a guy that gets around,
那就别省这个钱或想走捷径
don’t try to save money or cut corners.
我听过一个很荒唐的事
I’ve heard some pretty ridiculous stories,
我朋友告诉我她听说
and my friend told me that she heard of a guy
有个家伙居然把套套洗后重复使用
who washed out a condom to reuse.
是不是感觉很蠢 把套套翻个面不就好啦
That’s being really stupid, just turn it inside out.
那一旦你做好了必要准备
So once you’re well stocked in the necessary prerequisites,
你当然想要狩猎个目标来享受一夕之欢
you of course need to find someone else to help you make God disappointed.
无论是在酒吧或在Tinder上认识某人
Whether it’s meeting someone in a bar on Tinder,
或是通过通讯录
or through your contact list,
你都必须懂得如何舒缓忐忑的心情
you have to be good at managing expectations.
即使你们都认同
Even if both people agree they’re just hooking up
这只是一夕欢愉
and you’re on the same page,
但你们也会面临尴尬的开始
you won’t be the next morning,
所以我会尽量坦率一点
so I like to be as transparent as possible.
如果她说
If she says,
“我其实没什么经验的 我都不知道要注意啥”
“I don’t really do this kind of thing that often, what should I expect?”
我会诚恳地说
I just be honest and say,
“其实就是个易拉罐 只是稍短一点”
“It’s about like a coke can, but a bit shorter.”
所以如果你跟谁约炮
So if you’re hooking up with someone
若双方都认可了以后不再见面
and there’s a mutual understanding you’re probably not going to see each other again,
你可以大胆尝试一些新的技巧
don’t be afraid to try some new techniques.
举个例子 有一天
As an example, the other day,
一个女孩告诉我她的出轨经历
a girl was telling me about her sexual escapades
说如果有机会的话
and said I should try using coconut oil
你真该试试椰子油
when I get the opportunity.
可恶的是我就没机会
I haven’t had the opportunity.
我手都磨玉了好吗
One of my hands is now incredibly soft.
所以性行为本身其实是件美妙的事
So the act of sex itself is a very beautiful thing.
当然不是指外在的过程 而是从人的感受来说
Not literally, it’s really gross, but the concept is there.
我有自知之明 所以没啥秘诀给你
I don’t have any tips because I know my lane,
但我认为性与功课恰恰相反
but I like to think of sex as the opposite of homework.
因为对于功课 我一般都会想
Because with homework, I’ve always thought:
我不想做这个
I’m not looking forward to this.
从头到尾都好难啊
It’s gonna be really hard the whole time,
我怕是永远都做不完了吧
and I’m gonna take forever to finish.
噢 总算把它做完了
At least I’ll be glad I did it.
那当你第二天早上醒来
So when you wake up the next morning,
首先你心里不由自主就会想
the first thing you have to think about
这事会有啥后果呢
is the reprecussions of what you just did.
若被你的朋友们发现
Your friends find out about it,
他们会怎么说你呢
you have to be ready for what they might say.
如果你是女孩 你可能听得最多的是
So if you’re a girl you’ll probably be hearing a lot of:
“阿曼达 你到底想什么呢”
*sigh* “Amanda, what were you thinking?”
而如果你是男孩 你可能听得最多的是
And if you’re a guy, you’ll probably be hearing a lot of:
“老兄 牛逼呀”
“Dude, nice.”
另外 你可能醒来后会想
In addition, you might wake up thinking,
噢 天哪 我想我只是来了一发呀
“Oh my God, I thought we were just hooking up
那我怎么会有种奇怪的感觉呢
but what’s this weird feeling I have maybe…
难道是我对她有感觉啦
maybe I’ve caught feelings.”
可能只是你感染衣原体了 所以伙计 镇定点
It’s probably just chlamydia so play it cool.
经过以上的心理活动
After mentally processing that,
是该看看睡你旁边那位了
it’s time to check on the other person in your bed
因为若你们其中一方感到满足
and this is a major turning point
会很容易动情
because if either of you had a good time,
所以这是个重要的转折
it’s easy to get attached
于是当你转身看时
so when you roll over and look,
可能有以下三种场景
you’ll see one of three scenarios:
她在旁边
they’re there,
她不在旁边
they’re not there
或者从来就没有过她
or they were never there.
所以准备好每种场景的应对吧
So plan ahead for each situation
是想方设法躲着她的电话
whether you’ll be trying to avoid their calls,
还是疯狂电话追求她
trying to call them,
再或者闲在家洗洗衣服和刷刷楼顶
or just doing laundry and repainting the ceiling.
[欢快的结束号角]
[Cheery instrumental fanfare]

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视频概述

一夜情 是情感的宣泄还是纯粹的欲望 不管怎样 你做好准备了吗

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgrUyIoBHCA

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