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为什么分手后,被甩的一方还想和前任做朋友? – 译学馆
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为什么分手后,被甩的一方还想和前任做朋友?

Can Exes Be Friends?

有许多原因可以证明 为什么情侣在分手后
There are some very strong reasons why partners breaking up generally
还想跟前任保持朋友关系说得好听点 对于被甩的一方来说
try to remain friends. To the person being – however nicely – rejected, the promise
继续保持朋友关系 如同感情上一个安慰奖 也许不能再与他们
of friendship can feel like an emotionally-reassuring consolation prize. We may no longer be able
共享同一张床 有共同的孩子 陪伴着共度此生 但是至少
to share their bed, have children with them or end our days in their company, but at least
抛开爱情 我们还可以干很多事情:只要你想 你可以继续给他们打电话
something can be rescued from the ashes: we will continue to be able to call them when
倾诉你的担心忧虑 一起看电影 同样的 对于提出分手的一方
we like, share our fears and go to the movies together. To the person performing – however
继续保持朋友关系具有同样的吸引力 我们可能很想
nicely – the execution, the promise of friendship is equally attractive. We may be itching to
摆脱这个伴侣 但是说实话我们不是没有感情的
eject the partner but we are not – for that matter – devoid of feeling. We are, as we
像我们在伤感的时候说的那样我们很喜欢这个即将成为前任的人
might say in sentimental moments, extremely fond of the soon-to-be ex. We just don’t
我们只是不愿与他们相伴终身 以及为他们守身如玉
want to end our time on earth with them, let alone reject all sexual possibilities in their
而且 我们非常不想被贴上“坏人”这个标签
name. Furthermore, we are deeply attached to the idea that we’re not monsters. And
我们都知道 好人总是试图跟前任做朋友 这个想法听起来好像很明智
as we know, nice people always try to be friends with their exes. The arguments may sound wise
但是仔细想想 其实很不安全 而且太随心所欲 容易给双方带来伤害
but, from close up, they are deeply fraught and in their own way, a catastrophe for both
对于被拒绝的一方 从恋人到朋友的转变是一个没完没了的羞辱
sides. For the rejected party, the step from lover to friend is an eternally humiliating
从拥有共度一生的未来到只能每月第二个周四一起吃一顿饭
demotion. To go from the idea of a joint life-long future to a dinner every second Thursday is,
委婉点说 是挺惨的 更严重的是和前任的每次对视都能重新点燃爱的火花
to put it mildly, a come down. Worse, every sighting of the ex is guaranteed to re-ignite
随之而来的是更深的羞辱 这样我们得到的就不是朋友 而我们却更像是一个无意的施虐者
hope and then further insult. One isn’t acquiring a friend, more an unwitting torturer.
对于提出分手的一方 前任会一直是提醒自己的罪过和残忍的存在
As for the executing party, the ex is a constant reminder of one’s guilt and ruthlessness.
他们甚至不能轻易地对对方好 唯恐自己的意图被误解
One can’t even relax into being kind, lest one’s intentions be misread and, after a
几杯酒下肚后 可能会突然声泪俱下 或者蠢蠢欲动 采取下一步行动
few drinks, they burst into tears or attempt to make a move.
和前任成为朋友的想法包含着一个美好的愿望那就是可以保留这段关系中最好的一面
The idea of trying to be friends constitutes a touching attempt to honour the best sides of a relationship
两个人都曾深情付出的那一面
in which two people invested heavily.
情侣们做不到在一切结束后 从彼此的生活中悄悄消失 而这份友情就用来纪念
Lovers can’t, simply vanish from each other’s lives after all that; a friendship is invoked to memorialise
这一段珍贵的真挚感情 但是 从更客观的角度看
an episode of genuine importance. But, looked at more dispassionately, friendship isn’t
友情在任何意义上都不是爱情 和前任的友情其实是一种巨大的伤害
in any real sense faithful to love. Friendship with an ex does a grave disservice both to
是对这段感情最甜蜜的回忆和亲密的友情关系的双重伤害
the memory of the relationship at its height and the merits of intimate friendship. It’s
它不但是对这段关系中曾经美好的一切的背叛 也是对这段友情的轻视
at once a betrayal of everything a good relationship was and a slight on the ideals of friendship,
它不应该建立在另一种更为炽热的感情的余烬上
which shouldn’t be built out of the remnants of another, more ardent condition. What we
我们应该用来替代爱情的不是友情 而是一个更坦率的状态:礼貌的安全距离
should replace love with isn’t friendship but that far more honest state: civil distance.
那才是对这段感情最好的安慰能够让这段感情最好、最持久的一面能够
That and a real assurance that the relationship, in its best and most enduring light, will
永远安全地在待在它应该在的地方——回忆里
always live on in the one place it can safely always do so: memory.

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为什么一些人分手后还想和前任做朋友呢?这样做又到底对不对呢?让我来告诉你答案~

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