大家好 这里是“魅力的秘诀” 我是查理 今天想说说
What’s up everybody? This is Charlie from Charisma on Command, and today I want to talk
about how to lead a conversation. So, if you’ve ever found yourself in conversation, and you’re
聊着天气 人们的家乡 本地球队什么的
kind of trapped in small talk–the weather, where people are from, what’s going on with
the local sports team–and you’re really hoping for a chance to connect on a bit of a deeper
却不知从何做起 那么这个视频会帮到你的 我要介绍的只是一小部分
level but don’t know how, this is going to help. It’s just one small piece. There’s lots
of ways to do it, but this one has to do with something called frame control. And if you’re
如果你不熟悉这个词 别紧张 我会用生动的方式为你解释 我们开始吧
not familiar with frame control, don’t sweat it, I’m going to show you live, so let’s get started.
You’ve set up a school in Hollywood, didn’t you? For people like James Garner and Steve
McQueen, and the others.
－是的 －为什么他们想学中国武术呢 角色的需要吗
Yes. Why would they want to learn Chinese martial art, because of a movie role?
那么 问题来了 这不是一个肤浅的问题 他问道
So, this is the question. It’s not a totally surface-level question, but he’s asking him,
“你的学生为什么想学武术呢？” 现在 李小龙本可以回答说
“Why do your students want to learn martial arts?” Now, Bruce could answer because they
want to be good fighters, whatever, but watch what he does.
不完全是 他们大多数 你看 至少在我看来 我教的都是他们想学的
Not really. Most of them, you see, to me are at least the way they want it when I teach
it. All type of knowledge ultimately means self-knowledge.
等一下 发生了些不寻常的事 这就是框架控制
So, wait a second; something is happening here and this is what frame control is. In
any given question, there’s a frame, and that frame basically says the set of parameters
that you’re supposed to answer. Now, some questions has a yes/no frame. We are expected
to say yes or no. Some of them demand you just say the city that you’re from,
比如 “你是哪里人” 或“你是干什么工作的”你就会回答自己的头衔
like”Where are you from?” or “What do you do?” You would say your title.
而有魅力的人则会改变问题的框架 让它更好玩 更有趣
what the charismatic person does is they change the frame of the question to be more fun, more interesting,
让彼此有更多的交流 因此 李小龙抓住这个机会分享了他关于人生与武术的哲学
and to allow people to connect more. So, rather than simply answer why somebody might show
up in the dojo, Bruce Lee takes this opportunity to share his philosophy on life and martial
arts. And what this does, is it moves that kind of boring question and boring answer
out of the way, so you’re not just ping ponging back and forth, and it allows you to go to thedeeper level.
很多人觉得 “好吧 如果要使谈话变得有趣
So a lot of people think that, “Okay, if I wanted to steer the conversation
somewhere interesting, I have to have the world’s most interesting questions, or I have
to have the world’s most interesting conversational partner; not always true. In fact, the way
实际上 转向更有趣话题的方式在于 面对一个问题时 思考它的哪部分能联系到
that you tend to get to those more interesting topics is by taking a question and finding
part of it that you can connect to something more interesting and more in tune with your
own life philosophy. So see how he elaborates here.
So, therefore, they’re coming in to– I mean, they ask me to teach them not so much of how
教他们怎么防身 怎么把人干掉 并非如此 他们想学会
to defend themselves, or how to do somebody in, rather, they want to learn to express
如何通过运动表达自己 表现愤怒 表现坚决 等等
themselves through some movement, be it anger, be it determination, or whatsoever.
The important thing to realize here that the charismatic person, when asked the question,
时常注重自我表达的简洁性 多数情况下 当我们不够自信 或感觉自己缺乏魅力时
oftentimes value self-expression over brevity. A lot of times, we feel, when we’re not feeling
completely confident and charismatic, that we have to answer the question exactly as
it is formulated. No, I’m not recommending that you be a politician that completely dock
the question. What I’m recommending is that you actually go deeper, and give that person
something that’s going to be more fascinating and more interesting that allows you, guys,
以继续交流 我想 现在 要跳到另一个问题
to connect. So I want to, now, jump to a different question and you’ll see how Bruce Lee takes
a new frame and kind of makes it different in this instance as well.
你有很多著名的学生 詹姆斯•加纳 史蒂夫•麦奎因 李•马荣 詹姆斯•柯本
Of all your students famous, James Garner, Steve McQueen, Lee Marvin, James Coburn, Roman
罗曼•波兰斯基 他们哪一位表现最好？对于这项东方运动和防身术 谁吸收得最快？
Polanski, which was the best? Who adapted best to this oriental form of exercise and defense?
那么 现在你面对着一个暗示你“选边站”的问题 哪个人表现更好？
So, right here, you have a question that implicitly has a “pick a side.” Is this guy better or
is this guy better? This is kind of a prohibitive question. You might get yes/no questions.
也许有人会问你 站在哪一边 一个有魅力的人
You might get somebody asking you whose side are you on. What does the charismatic person
do when they answer it? This is a great example.
嗯 因人而异 作为一个斗士 是史蒂夫 史蒂夫•麦奎因
Well, depending, okay? Now, as a fighter, Steve, Steve McQueen, now, he is good in that
他在这方面干得很棒 那家伙内心极其强硬 我的意思是 他会说
department because that son of a gun got the toughness in him. I mean, he would say, “All
“好吧 宝贝儿 我在这儿 老兄”你懂的 然后他就会干起来 詹姆斯•柯本是个和平爱好者
right, baby, here I am, man.” You know, and he’ll do it. Now, James Coburn is a peace-loving
我是说 你见过他 他心地很好很好 善良又温和
man. I mean, you’ve met him, he’s really, really nice, and he’s super and mellow, and
你知道吧？我想说 他欣赏武术里的哲学部分 因此
all that, you know? I mean, now, he appreciate the philosophical part of it, therefore, his
他对武术的理解要比史蒂夫深 所以真的很难说 你懂我的意思吧？
understanding of it is deeper than Steve. So, it’s really hard to say. Do you see what I’m saying now?
我是说 因人而异 也就是 这取决于你在武术中看见了什么
I mean, it’s different. I mean, depending on what you see in it.
那么 谈话中发生了什么？有趣之处在于 李小龙的回答 实际上
So, what has happened here? The interesting part of this is that Bruce Lee answers this
question by actually rejecting the form of the question. The guy asked him who is better,
right? And implicit in that is there needs to be one way to be better in martial arts,
and what Bruce Lee does in his answer is he says, “No, there are a number of ways. You
你可以是一个很棒的斗士 也可以欣赏其中的艺术” 有魅力的人总是这样
can be a good fighter. You can appreciate the art.” This is what charismatic people
如果你观察一下你仰慕的人 就会发现 当问题与他们的世界观相冲突
do constantly. If you look at the people that you admire, they do not take questions at
face value when they conflict with the way they see the world. Instead, they express
themselves. They share their life philosophy when it conflicts with the frame of the question,
and this is why this framing is so important, because conversations, if you look at them
in this way, can be seen almost as a contest of different frames, and when somebody puts
提出一个框架：“好吧 谁表现更好呢” 然后你在心中暗暗否定了这个问题
out a frame that says, “Okay, who’s better?” And you implicitly disagree with that but
you answer their question anyway, you’ve given in to a frame that subverts what you really
believe about the world. So it’s so important that you notice what’s going on in conversation
框架在哪里 别操之过急 找到能够得体而真诚地表达自己的方式
where these frames, and not to be a jerk, but where is it appropriate and honest for
you, to reject the form of the question and assert a new frame. So, one more of this that
I will show you very quickly.
Do you think of yourself as Chinese or do you think of yourself as North American?
You know what I want to think of myself? As a human being, because I don’t want to sound
像是掉书袋 你懂的 子曰……四海之内皆兄弟
like, you know, as Confucius say, but under the sky, under the heaven, mankind is but
one family. It just so happen then that people are different.
So there you go. That is just an example, again, of Bruce Lee, one, rejecting the form
of the question, they use dichotomy questions where you’re expected to say one or the other,
是或否 你在哪一边 你常常想拒绝这个问题的框架
yes or no, who’s side are you on. Oftentimes, you would want to reject the form of the question
回答说我有另一种想法 二者皆非 然后 利用这个机会
and say I think a different way, neither of those options. And, second, he uses this as
an opportunity to share his life philosophy about people. It’s very brief and very quick
可他毕竟说了 好了 希望这两个小建议能帮到你 第一
but he still gets it in there. So, hopefully, these two tips have helped. One, you’re going
找出框架 第二 如果框架不符合你的价值观 就打破它
to see where the frames are, and then, two, break the frame if they do not go across with your life values.
所以 希望它们对你有用 这一切背后的道理是
So, hopefully, you found this helpful. The idea behind all of these is, one, to start
首先 找出谈话中隐藏的框架 必要时 拒绝框架
to see the implicit frames that are in conversation, and when appropriate, don’t accept the frames.
The charismatic thing to do when your life experience or your value sort of conflict
with the types of questions that you’re getting, or you just want to answer in a more fascinating
way that’s going to allow you to connect with someone is to assert a new frame. Share something
that you are passionate about. Tell them why the formative question they have doesn’t totally
你对世界的看法 这会引出一个更丰富 参与度更高的谈话
jive with the way that you see the world. That will lead to richer, more engaging conversation
并且能让你和更多人交流 另外 说实话 这也许会让某些人疏远你
that allows you to connect with more people. And, honestly, it might alienate some people,
but those are the kinds that you’re going to want to alienate anyway.
I hope you found this video helpful. If you’re interested in learning more on the topic of
特别是 对如何给人以良好的第一印象 感兴趣的话
charisma, and, specifically, how to make an amazing first impression on anyone, I’ve created
我做了一个视频 详细讲解了四种情感 如果能让人产生这四种情感
a video that details the four emotions that if you create them in a human being, will
lead to a guaranteed amazing first impression. It doesn’t matter if they’re a new boss or
这就是人类心理学 适用于任何人 秘诀在于 要按部就班的进行
a date. This is human psychology. It will work on anyone. The trick is you have to create
them in the right order, and what most people do is they leave one out or they get them
或是弄错顺序 说实话 你可能早已从别的地方
in the wrong order. Honestly, that’s a lot of what the advice that you might get in other
听来了不少建议 那么 如果你想知道那四种情感是什么
places will tell you to do. So, if you want to know what those are and the order to do
以及正确的顺序 现在就去点击链接吧 如果你喜欢这个视频
them in, go ahead and click the link now. If you’ve enjoyed this video, please go ahead
请点个赞 当然 你可以一直订阅类似的视频
give it a thumbs up, and, of course, you can subscribe for more like this all the time,
and if you have any specific people you’d like me to do, go ahead and write them in
the comments. This is a shout out to bnsgokugreat, who I think has asked for Bruce Lee video
no less than six times. I do read these comments and I take them seriously when you, guys,
因为是你们在支持我的节目 那么这个视频献给你们 下期我们再见
support the channel. So, this one is for you, and I hope to see you on the next video.
大家好 这里是“魅力的秘诀” 我是查理 今天想说说