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依恋理论:童年是怎样影响你成长的

Attachment Theory: How Your Childhood Shaped You

[开场音乐]
[INTRO ♪]
人类是社会性的动物
Humans are social creatures,
很久以前 我们的生存甚至依赖于建立关系的能力
and long ago, our survival even depended on our ability to build relationships—
否则你可能会被美洲豹或其他动物吃掉
otherwise, you’d probably get eaten by a leopard or something.
今天 强大而健康的人际关系依然重要
Today, strong, healthy relationships are still important,
因为它们给我们提供安全感和舒适感
because they offer us security and comfort.
并且它们在人的童年尤为重要
And they’re especially important in childhood.
很多关于儿童如何建立关系的研究
A lot of the research about how babies form relationships
都围绕着一个话题—依恋理论
revolves around an idea called attachment theory,
依恋理论描述了婴儿如何与父母或其他照料者建立联系
which describes how infants relate to their parents or caregivers.
现在 我们知道你婴儿期的经历甚至会
Today, we know that your experiences during infancy might even shape
塑造你今后建立重要关系的方式
how you form significant relationships for the rest of your life.
但是这是如何实现的 你是否能够控制依恋
But how that works, and whether or not you have any control over it,
并不总是那么简单就能说清楚
isn’t always as straightforward.
出生后很短的时间里
Shortly after birth,
婴儿似乎就开始依恋他们的主要照料者
infants seem to start getting attached to their primary caregivers,
通常是他们的父母
usually their parents.
心理学家将依恋定义为一种深厚的情感联结
Psychologists define attachment as the deep emotional bond
这种联结使你想与另一个人呆在一起
that makes you want to be with another person.
这就是你为什么会想念已经离开的人
It’s why you miss someone when they’re gone.
依恋理论的现代观点来自于一项研究
The modern idea of attachment theory comes from research conducted by
这项研究由John Bowlby和Mary Ainsworth在20世纪五十年代开始进行
psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth starting in the late 1950s.
研究依据的观点是
It was based on the idea
儿童会经历依恋发展的不同阶段
that kids go through various stages of developing attachment,
至少与一个主要照料者建立安全的联结
and that forming a secure bond with at least one main caregiver
对儿童社会和情绪发展非常重要
is really important for a child’s social and emotional development.
首先 Bowlby认为 依恋发展大致有四个阶段
First, Bowlby estimated that there are roughly four stages of attachment,
依恋随着婴儿长大会发生变化
which change as a baby gets older.
在婴儿阶段早期 不到两个月的时候
In early infancy, when they’re less than two months old,
婴儿处于前依恋期
babies are in a pre-attachment stage.
他认为那么小的婴儿不能识别或理解
He believed infants that young couldn’t recognize or understand
陌生人与父母的区别
the difference between a stranger and a parent.
但之后研究表明 该观点可能是错的
Research since then shows that was probably wrong,
新生儿能够识别他们的父母
newborns can recognize their parents.
所以可能把他们归入Bowlby的第二类中更好
So it might be better to lump them into Bowlby’s second category:
即依恋形成阶段
the attachment-in-the-making stage,
在这一阶段 婴儿知道他们的照料者是谁
where babies know who their caregivers are
但在陌生人身边也没有问题
but are fine being around strangers.
这个阶段持续到婴儿六个月左右的时候
This lasts until about babies are about six months old,
这时候他们形成了边界清晰的依恋关系
when they develop clear-cut attachment.
在这一阶段 他们开始表现出分离焦虑
At this stage, they start showing separation anxiety
表现为当他们与父母分开时 会大哭或抗议
by crying and protesting when separated from their parents.
所以如果你的朋友把他的孩子交给你
So if your friend hands you their baby
然后孩子开始大喊大叫
and they start screaming,
这并不意味着你和孩子相处不好
it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bad with kids.
最后 当婴儿长到约两岁大的时候
Finally, when infants get to be about two years old,
他们开始明白他们的照料者
they start to understand that their caregivers
有自己的时间安排和自己的个人生活
have a schedule and their own lives,
这种分离焦虑也减轻了
and separation anxiety goes down.
之后 孩子会发展出更多独立性
After that, kids develop more independence
与父母分离时倾向于更放松一些
and tend to be a little more relaxed when separated from their parents.
但是依恋理论并不只是关于依恋的发展阶段
But attachment theory isn’t just about the stages of attachment,
还包括儿童建立的依恋的类型
it’s also about the kinds of attachments children make,
通常在出生后第一年内建立依恋
usually during their first year of life,
以及这些关系在以后如何影响孩子
and how those relationships can affect kids down the road.
Ainsworth为研究这些而制定了一套程序 称之为陌生情境
To study this, Ainsworth developed a procedure she called the Strange Situation
陌生情境本质上是一系列互动
essentially, a series of interactions that involved
这些互动涉及了婴儿 父母 和陌生人
an infant, their parent, and a stranger.
那是二十世纪六十年代
Since it was the 1960s
大多数人认为抚养孩子是母亲的事情
and most people still expected the moms to do the childrearing,
所以这项研究几乎全都是用母亲和孩子做的
almost all of this research was done using mothers and their babies.
但是最近的研究表明
But some recent studies have shown
其他亲子关系也与之类似
that other parent-child relationships seem to work in similar ways.
陌生情境分为三个步骤
There were three phases of the Strange Situation.
首先 母亲和婴儿单独待在一起
First, the mom and baby would be left alone
从而为后续互动提供基线条件作参照
to provide a baseline for their interactions.
然后 研究者会观察
Then, the researchers would see
当陌生女性进入房间时
how the baby reacted
婴儿会如何反应
if a female stranger entered the room,
以及当婴儿独自一人
and what the baby would do
或单独与陌生女性待在一起时
if they were left either completely alone
会怎么做
or left alone with the stranger.
在观察了超过100名婴儿
After observing this test with more than 100 infants
在四项不同研究中的表现后
across four different studies,
Ainsworth及其同事发现并描述了
Ainsworth and her colleagues noticed and described
四种不同的依恋风格
four distinct styles of attachment.
最常见的一种 也可能是最健康的一种 是安全型依恋
The most common kind, and arguably most healthy, is secure attachment.
在陌生情境中 安全型的婴儿
In the Strange Situation, secure babies are comfortable
对四处探索和离开父母身边不会感到不安
exploring and moving away from their parents,
但如果独自一人可能会感到不安
but might get upset if they’re left alone.
之后 他们会在父母回来之后很快缓和下来
Then, they’re quickly comforted when their parent returns.
抵抗型依恋是更加紧张的
Resistant attachment is more intense.
婴儿紧靠着父母
Babies stay close to their parents,
当父母离开时他们会极度不安
and then get extremely upset if they leave,
当父母回来时 有时会表现出愤怒
sometimes reacting with anger when the parent returns.
如果婴儿看上去并不在乎
When a baby doesn’t seem to care whether or not
父母或者陌生人是否在房间里
there’s a parent or a stranger in the room,
这就被称为回避型依恋
that’s known as avoidant attachment.
如果婴儿没什么反应 或看上去很沮丧
And if a baby isn’t very responsive or seems depressed,
但有时又会爆发激烈的情绪
but shows some bursts of intense emotion,
这就叫做混乱型依恋
it’s called disorganized attachment, which is the kind
混乱型依恋与日后的行为问题有最强的关联
that’s been most associated with behavioral issues later in life.
尽管依恋分为了四种类型
Even though there are four categories,
但在近期研究中 依恋风格并不是严格分类的
in recent studies, attachment styles aren’t sharply defined that way.
你可以认为他们在一个频谱上
You could kind of consider them on a spectrum
一个从安全到不安全的频谱 基于特定行为进行划分
from secure to insecure based on certain behaviors.
在Ainsworth的研究的基础上
Building off Ainsworth’s studies,
科学家提出了依恋的两个维度
scientists have described a couple of dimensions of attachment,
两个维度在一起就能表示一个儿童的安全程度如何
which together can show how secure a child is on a sliding scale.
一个维度是寻求亲近对回避
One dimension is proximity-seeking versus avoidant,
主要是说婴儿有多希望接近照料者
which basically means how much a baby wants to be near their caregiver.
另一维度是愤怒抵抗策略
The other is angry and resistant strategies,
描述当照料者留下婴儿独自一人时 婴儿对照料者感到多生气
which describes how angry a baby gets at a caregiver for leaving them alone.
如果亲子关系是稳固的
If the parent-child relationship is solid
婴儿非常想要在父母身边
and the baby really wants to be around their parent
但独自一人时也不会太恐惧不安
but doesn’t freak out too much if left alone,
那么这通常表明婴儿是安全型依恋
that generally indicates secure attachment.
但如果婴儿们无视他们的父母
But if a baby ignores their parent,
或对他们很生气
or treats them with anger,
这通常是不安全依恋的标志
that’s usually a sign of insecure attachment.
但是用连续变化的频谱而不是类型
But it’s not really clear
来研究依恋是否那么有用或有必要还不得而知
if using sliding scales instead of categories is that useful or necessary.
最重要的是观察父母对待孩子的方式
What’s most important is observing the way a parent treats their child
和孩子对父母的反应
and how the child reacts to that.
不论你如何分类
No matter how you classify it,
依恋似乎都会预测日后的行为
that’s what seems to predict later behavior.
依恋类型会受各种各样的因素
And attachment styles can be affected by all kinds of things,
或各种因素的组合的影响
or a combination of them.
特别地 父母的教养方式被认为有很强的影响
It’s specifically thought that parenting has a strong influence,
但婴儿的依恋可以受到几乎所有在一岁前
but a baby’s attachment can be influenced by nearly anything
影响他们与照料者的接触多少
that changes how much access they have to their caregiver
的因素的影响
during their first year of life.
多数情况下 稳定而充满爱的教养方式会形成安全型依恋
In most cases, stable, affectionate parenting leads to secure attachment,
而能负面地影响教养方式的事物
while things that can negatively affect parenting,
例如虐待 忽视 甚至贫困 能引起不安全依恋
like abuse, neglect, or even poverty, can cause insecure attachment.
如果父母能够花费大量时间陪伴孩子
If a parent is able to spend a lot of time with their baby,
和他们玩耍 交流
playing with and talking to them,
保证他们一直有干净的尿布和温暖的奶瓶
and making sure they always have a clean diaper and a warm bottle,
这更容易形成安全型依恋的婴儿
that’s more likely to lead to a securely attached baby.
但是 假如一个单亲父母长时间工作
But if, say, a single parent works long hours
不能花费大量时间陪伴孩子
and can’t spend a lot of time with their baby,
或者照料者忽视孩子
or if a caregiver neglects the child,
那么这个婴儿会成为不安全型的
a baby could end up insecure,
因为他们潜意识地感觉 他们不能依靠父母
because they subconsciously feel like they can’t depend on their parent.
依恋风格还会被像童年时期的疾病之类的因素影响
Attachment style could also be influenced by something like a childhood illness,
当婴儿必须长时间独自一人呆在医院里时
when a baby has to spend a long time alone in a hospital
不能与父母进行足够的互动
and doesn’t get enough interaction with their parents.
依恋风格不只是一堆好听的心理学标签
And this is more than just a bunch of fancy psychology labels.
依恋风格也会在儿童成长时表现出对他们的影响
Attachment styles have been shown to impact children as they get older, too.
许多关于这方面的研究基于一个巨大的数据库
Many studies about this come from a huge database
这个数据库跟踪了超过1000名儿童及其家庭
that tracked over 1000 children and their families
在20世纪90年代到21世纪前十年间 跟踪他们从婴儿期到高中
from infancy into high school in the 90s and 2000s.
这项跟踪研究测量了儿童的照料经历与
It measured how child care experiences related to
儿童期的总体成长和发展如何关联起来
overall growth and development in childhood,
这一数据已经被用于超过600项研究
and the data has been used for over 600 studies.
例如 研究者发现
For example, researchers found that
婴儿期建立安全型依恋能够预测
having a secure attachment in infancy was a good predictor
学龄前儿童是否能够做到自律
for whether or not kids would be good at self-regulation in preschool.
即儿童是否能够用稳定且
That is, if they could manage their emotions
且可被社会接受的方式控制情绪
in stable and socially acceptable ways,
例如不向其他儿童扔乐高积木
like not pelting other kids with LEGO bricks.
同时 婴儿期建立不安全依恋
Meanwhile, having insecure attachments as a baby
使儿童长大后更有可能出现行为问题
made older kids more likely to have behavioral problems,
例如恐惧和社会退缩 或欺凌他人和破坏东西
like fearfulness and social withdrawal, or bullying and vandalism.
一些研究发现
And some studies have found that
当母亲对婴儿不够关注时
when mothers aren’t attentive to their infants,
这会导致混乱型依恋
it can lead to disorganized attachment.
在儿童中期和青春期
In middle childhood and adolescence,
这些孩子更可能与父母发展出控制型关系
these kids are more likely to develop controlling relationships with their parents,
即他们试图指导父母的行为
where they attempt to direct their behavior,
就像他们不知道谁才是父母 谁才是孩子
almost like they’re confused about who’s the parent and who’s the kid.
另一项研究也表明了
And other research has also shown what seems to be
不安全依恋风格与日后情绪障碍的关系
a link between insecure attachment styles and mood disorders,
例如抑郁和焦虑
like depression and anxiety, later in life.
多数情况下 依恋问题并不会达到临床确诊为疾病的程度
In most cases, attachment problems don’t come with a clinical diagnosis,
但如果一个孩子似乎格外地反应迟钝
but if a child seems especially unresponsive
看上去很难过 恐惧 或冷淡
and seems sad, afraid, or reserved,
那么他们可能会被确诊为反应性依恋障碍
they might be diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder.
这是一种很少见的情况
This is a rare condition
几乎只发生在极其严重的情况中
that almost only happens in really severe cases,
例如在虐待家庭中
like in abusive families
孩子不能与照料者建立健康的关系
where the child can’t establish a healthy relationship with their caregiver.
如果这一障碍没有得到治疗
And if it’s not treated,
那么它可能使孩子成为虐待者 缺乏共情能力
it can lead to kids becoming abusive and lacking empathy.
同样 这也不是全或无的
Still, it’s not all or nothing.
婴儿期有某种依恋风格并不意味着
Having a certain attachment style as an infant doesn’t mean
你长大后注定会表现出某种行为或特质
you’re destined to show certain behaviors or traits as you get older.
人和环境是会改变的
People and circumstances can change.
一般来说 当婴儿感到不能依靠照料者时
In general, babies who feel they can’t depend on their caregivers
这些婴儿更有可能在日后生活中遇到其他问题
are more likely to suffer from other issues later in life,
但这并不是一定会发生的
but it’s not a guarantee.
多亏了Bowlby和Ainsworth的研究
And today, thanks to the research done by Bowlby and Ainsworth,
现在还有一个研究领域专门研究成人依恋
there’s also a whole field of study focused specifically on adult attachment,
以及成人依恋与婴儿期有何联系
along with how it relates to infancy.
特别地 成人依恋关注
Specifically, adult attachment focuses on the relationships
成人与朋友和恋人的关系
between adults and their friends and romantic partners.
甚至有研究可确定一个人的成人依恋类型可能是什么
There are even surveys to determine what someone’s adult attachment style might be,
例如成人依恋量表
like the Adult Attachment Scale,
该量表在1990年由两名心理学家开发
which was developed by two psychologists in 1990.
该量表的题目是关于一个人在关系中的信任与亲密程度的
It asks questions about someone’s level of trust and intimacy in relationships,
例如人们对于同他人感到亲近有多困难
like how easy it is for them to feel close to others.
并且就像关于婴儿依恋的新观点
And like recent views of infant attachment,
成人依恋也是从安全到不安全进行测量的
it’s measured from secure to insecure.
正如安全型依恋似乎对婴儿最有益一样
Just like secure attachments seem to be best for infants,
证据显示被列为最希望恋人拥有的特质
evidence suggests that the traits ranked most desirable in a romantic partner
与安全型依恋的行为有关
are associated with secure attachment behaviors,
例如热情和敏感
like warmth and sensitivity.
整体上 被测为安全型的成人
And overall, adults that test as secure
往往比不安全型的成人在关系中更快乐
tend to be happier in relationships than insecure adults.
现在 根据一些研究
Now, according to some studies,
儿童和成人依恋之间有一定的关系
there is a modest relationship between childhood and adult attachment.
在2000年的《儿童发展》期刊上发表的一项纵向研究中
In a longitudinal study published in journal Child Development in 2000,
50名参与者中 约70%
about 70% of the 50 participants
在婴儿期的二十年后保持了同样的依恋风格
had the same attachment style 20 years after infancy.
但如果他们经历过严重的负性生活事件
But if they had experienced a serious negative life event,
例如失去父母
like losing a parent,
家庭离异
a divorce in the family,
严重的疾病 或虐待
serious illness, or abuse,
他们的成人依恋风格会更不安全
their adult attachment style was more insecure.
另一方面
On the flip side,
另一项研究于1997年追踪了超过150名年轻女性
another study tracking more than 150 young women in 1997,
发表于《人格与社会心理学杂志》
which was published the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
该研究发现一些参与者实际上
found that some of the participants actually
随着年龄增长变得更安全
got more secure as they got older.
研究者总结道 这可能与他们
The researchers concluded that it likely had to do with their changing ideas
在关系 信任 稳定性上的看法改变有关
about relationships, trust, and stability.
所以在稳定的家庭环境下 没有改变人生的大事时
So under stable family conditions, and without life-altering events,
你婴儿期的依恋风格可能会伴随你到成年
your attachment style as an infant will probably carry into your adult life.
但这也不是一成不变的
But it’s not set in stone,
有很多方面可以影响依恋
and there are a lot of dimensions that can affect it.
例如 一些科学家认为 如果你的依恋是不安全的
For example, some scientists believe that if your attachment is insecure,
但你与一个安全型伴侣处于同一关系中
but you’re in a relationship with a secure partner,
这可以提升你自己的安全程度
it can improve your own security.
这是说得通的
And that makes a lot of sense.
如果你的童年过得很艰辛
If you had a rough childhood,
那么和一个照顾你 关注你的人在一起
being with someone who is caring and attentive
能改变你对于关系的看法
can change your outlook on relationships.
反之亦然
And the reverse is also true.
有人推测 某些感情经历
There’s some speculation that certain relationship experiences
例如一次糟糕的分手
like a nasty break up
会对你的依恋造成负面影响
could have a negative impact on your attachment,
因为这会让你觉得你不能依靠你的伴侣
because it can make you feel like you can’t depend on your partners.
但我们还在研究
But we’re still figuring out
到底我们儿童期与父母的依恋是如何
how exactly our attachment to our parents in childhood
影响成年后的关系的
impacts our relationships as adults
以及随着年龄增长 我们的生活经历如何改变依恋
and how our life experiences change our attachments as we age.
因为成年期是很复杂的
Because adulthood is complicated,
我们到达成年及形成成人关系的过程是非常多变的
and the paths that take us to it and to adult relationships are super variable.
无论如何 研究似乎很明确地表明
One way or another, the research seems pretty clear
我们刚出生时的关系和受到的照料
that our relationships and the care we’re given as newborns
会对我们的一生产生影响
can have a life-long impact on us.
但这并不是非黑即白的
But it’s not always black-and-white.
被父母用某种方式对待并不自动意味着
Being treated a certain way by your parents won’t automatically mean
你长大后一定出现行为问题
you grow up to have behavioral problems,
或者你一定能建立健康的恋爱关系
or that you’ll be guaranteed to have healthy romantic relationships.
所以依恋理论在临床背景下
So attachment theory is useful in clinical settings
和帮助确定治疗需要的方面十分有用
and to help predict therapeutic needs,
但并非万无一失的最终结论
but it’s not the end-all-be-all.
我猜我想说的是
I guess what I’m saying is
不要太依赖于依恋理论
don’t get too attached to attachment theory.
我们都是不同的
We’re all different.
感谢收看这集的科学秀
Thanks for watching this episode of SciShow!
如果你喜欢学习心理学知识 探索心理的机制
If you love learning about psychology and exploring how the mind works,
那么你可以在youtube.com/scishowpsych上找到许多像本视频一样的视频
you can find plenty of videos like this one over at youtube.com/scishowpsych.
[结尾音乐]
[OUTRO ♪]

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视频概述

本视频介绍了儿童依恋的概念、类型、对日后发展的影响以及成人依恋等相关知识。儿童时期受到的父母的照料会影响你对信任、关系等的理解,甚至可能对一生产生深远影响。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

审核员

审核员H

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t57DCRFZA8A

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