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在星球战中如何使用心脏除颤器 – 译学馆
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在星球战中如何使用心脏除颤器

An intergalactic guide to using a defibrillator | Todd Scott

去年 我碰巧看了最新版的《星球大战》电影
Last year, I got a chance to watchthe new “Star Wars” movie,
这非常奇妙
which was fantastic,
但有件事一直让我很困惑
but one thing kept bugging me.
我不知道你们有没有注意到
I don’t know if you noticed this or not.
在这个科技发达的世界里
In this entirely technicallyadvanced world,
我竟然找不到一台AED
I did not see a single AED anywhere,
这让我非常震惊
which was totally shocking —
就跟有人不知道AED到底是什么 一样震惊
almost as shocking as not knowing what an AED is,
我相信你们在座都很了解
which you guys do know.
但对于那些不知道的人
But for those at home,
AED其实是自动体外心脏除颤器
an AED is an automatedexternal defibrillator.
当心脏骤停的时候
It’s the device you usewhen your heart goes into cardiac arrest
这仪器可以让它恢复跳动
to shock it back into a normal rhythm,
就像我的一位学生如此概括:
or, as one of the guys I was teachinga class to referred to it as:
“那个电电心脏的盒子啥的”
“The shocky-hearty-box thing.”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但我真的没法怪罪银河帝国
But I really can’t blame the Empire,
因为健康和安全规章
since health and safety regulations
也不是他们最重要的事情
aren’t really their firstorder of business.
虽然 如果我们
Though, even if we —
我觉得比没有AED更糟糕的是 的确有一台AED
I think worse than not having an AEDwould be if there was one there,
却没有人知道它放在哪里
but just, no one knew where to find it.
这些设备可以极大提升 人们存活的几率
These devices can drastically increaseyour chance of survival —
就好像咚咚兽对于霍斯星人一样
almost like a tauntaun on Hoth.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但我十分确信 无论我们手头是否有AED 帝国冲锋队都会惨败
But I’m pretty surethat stormtrooper is going to be toast, regardless if we have an AED or not,
因为他们的胸甲太难取下来了
since what happens is the chest plateis going to be quite hard to get off.
就像咚咚兽一样
And like that tauntaun,
AED只有在心脏骤停后 短时间内有效
the AED has a very short window of timeat which it’s highly effective.
对于这种情况 我们必须在心脏骤停10分钟内使用
In this case — basically, we’ve gotto use it within the first 10 minutes.
而绝地武士又不同 他们的着装完全不会影响
The Jedi, on the other hand,have no problems with their outfits.
那些袍子直接就打开了
Those robes open straight up,
你可以把电极板直接摁到胸口上
you can place the padsright onto the chest —
分别放在胸口右上侧
so upper-right-hand side of the chest,
还有左下侧
lower left,
等到AED自动判定 心律是否适合电击
wait for the unit to determineif it’s a shockable rhythm
然后就自己放电了
and get ready to shock.
但是绝地武士来说 也会有个问题
But, the Jedi do have a problem.
就是他们头上长着的触角
They have a head appendage issue.
假如我都准备好给他电击了
And so I can be totally clear,thinking I’m ready to go,
但不小心碰到了他的触角
but I’m accidentally touching a tentacle
结果很不幸 我会被电死
and inadvertently shocking myself.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
所以在你按下电击按钮前 务必保证自己安全
So before you hit that button,make sure you are clear
其他人也安全
and everyone else is clear.
回到帝国冲锋队的话题
Going back to that stormtrooper:
假如我把胸甲及时取下来了
If I did get that chest plate off in time,
此时你突然发现是个伍基人 你会怎么办?
what would you do if you suddenly foundthere was a Wookiee under there,
或者是两个伊沃克人?
or possibly two Ewoks?
(笑声)
(Laughter)
那么很幸运的是
Well, lucky for us,
AED套件里有剃须刀
in the kit there’s actually a razor,
能够把胸口右上方的毛发剃掉
and we can use that to shave the cheston the upper right-hand side
左下方也一样
and the lower left.
伍基人还有一个问题
Wookiees also have another problem.
他们身上会佩戴其他东西
They have an accessory issue.
那我们要做的就是把这些东西拿掉
What we want to do is remove these —
任何挡在两个电极板间的东西 都要取下来
anything between the two padswe want to remove,
因为它可以造成一种叫 “电弧放电”的现象
since it can causesomething called “arcing.”
对于那些不知道电弧放电的人
For those who don’t know what arcing is,
你们记得皇帝吧
do you remember the Emperor,
他的指尖可以释放电流
when he shoots electricityout the ends of his fingers —
这就很像电弧了
that would be kind of like arcing.
另外就是…
Another thing that —
哦!随便说下 那都是他的羊毛短袜生的电
Oh! By the way, he creates thatby wearing wool socks under his robes.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
如果我们的胸部很湿 那我们也能得到电弧
We can also get arcing if we havean extremely wet chest.
电流通过皮肤表面传导 而非经过心脏
The electricity travels across the surfaceinstead of through the heart.
我们可以引用道格拉斯·亚当斯的不朽名言予以修正:
We can correct this with the immortalwords of Douglas Adams:
大多数人如今都会说:“不要恐慌”
“Don’t panic,” which most of ushave done today —
然后赶紧去找一条毛巾
and also always having a towel.
这些都是警世良言啊
So, good words to go by.
不幸的是这个金属的比基尼 却让我们感到很恐慌
The metal bikini — unfortunately,this is where panic sets in —
就像现代的胸罩一样
like the modern bra,
我们一定要把它取下来
we have to make sure we remove,
因为它会造成强烈的电弧 还有灼伤现象
because this can causesevere arcing along with burns.
可这又产生一个棘手的问题
But unfortunately this opens up an issue
几乎跟讨论星战前传一样棘手
that’s almost as controversialas talking about the prequels.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
只需提到“乳头”这一个词
The mere mention of the word “nipples,”
大家就开始感到很紧张
and people get into a littlebit of a tizzy.
顺带提一下 这不是乳头 这只是个纸杯蛋糕
By the way, that is not a nipple,that’s a cupcake.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
比较现实的情况是 如果你要使用AED
Chances are, if you do have to use this,
也应该是用在你认识的人身上
this is going to be on someone you know.
一定记得 每个人都有乳头
And remember, everyone has nipples,
除了贾巴
except for Jabba.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但他确实很爱纸杯蛋糕
But he does love cupcakes.
提到贾巴
Speaking about Jabba,
如果我们要对他用AED
if we do have to use an AED on him,
放置电极板的位置是一样的
remember pad placement is the same,
即使他的确没有乳头
even though he doesn’t have nipples.
所以是胸口右上方 左下方
So it’s going to be upper right-hand side, lower left.
我们做好这些后 就可以准备电击了
If we were going through, we’re shocking,getting ready to go —
电击完成后
after we’ve done the shock,
我们需要做的就是按压了
one of the things we need to dois remember to do compression.
首选的办法是
The preferred methodis 30 compressions and two breaths
位置在胸口中心 乳头之间按压30次 进行两次人工呼吸
in the center of the chest,between the nipples,
每次向下按压至少5厘米
pressing down at least two inches,
不要超过6.5厘米左右
no more than two and a half,
频率至少每分钟100次
at a rate of at least 100 beats a minute,
不要超过120次
no more than 120.
但又有个问题 鉴于贾巴的嘴太大
Unfortunately, due to the sizeof Jabba’s mouth
而且他在嘴里塞的各种东西
and also what he puts in said mouth,
我们可能不太想做嘴对嘴呼吸那部分
we may not want to actuallydo the mouth-to-mouth part.
所以取而代之的是 只有采用心脏按压的复苏的办法
So instead, we can docompression-only CPR.
有一种可以记住按压步骤的方法
The way of rememberingthe compression-only part
其按压节奏就跟帝国进行曲一样
is we can actually use the Imperial March.
我可以唱给你们听
I would sing it for you —
(笑声)
(Laughter)
但可惜的是 这种事情还是交给审讯机器人去做吧
Unfortunately, that would be moresomething an interrogation droid would do.
聊聊尤达
Yoda.
这个小个子 跟小孩儿一样
Small little guy, like a baby.
我们某种程度把他当成一个小孩儿
What we do is basicallytreat him like a baby,
这样我们就要把一个电极放在胸部中间
in the sense that we’re going to placeone pad in the center of the chest
另一个放在背部
and one in the back.
如果我们把它们都放在前面
If we place them both in the front,
它们会靠的太近 因而引发强烈的电弧
they can be too closeand cause severe arcing,
所以我们要尽量避免
so we want to avoid that.
希望这可以回答
Hopefully, this helped to clarify
在星球大战宇宙中使用AED的
and put some lighton some of the darker issues
一些比较禁忌的问题
of using an AED in the Star Wars universe,
在其它世界也一样
or any universe in total.
我最后给大家一个忠告
I’ll leave you with one point.
务必记得 如果你真的要给伍基人做心肺复苏
Remember, if you do find yourselfdealing with a Wookiee,
千万别把他全身的毛都剃了
do not shave the entire Wookiee.
这实在太耗时间
This takes way too much time,
而且他们也会相当不爽的
and it only pisses them off.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
非常感谢你们
Thank you very much.
(掌声)
(Applause)

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有一天我偶然间看了星球大战,有了一种奇妙的感觉,发现每个人都会忽视的问题,而这个问题很重要,一起学学吧

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