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标准恋爱关系的替代关系 – 译学馆
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标准恋爱关系的替代关系

Alternatives To a Standard Relationship

To a greater extent than we perhaps realise,
我们可能都没有意识到
when it comes to what sort of relationships we are allowed to have,
当谈到可以拥有什么样的关系时
our societies present us with a menu
社会给我们提供了一份菜单
with only a single option on it:
上面只有一个选择:
The Monogamous cohabiting Romantic Relationship
一夫一妻的同居恋爱关系
usually served up with a Side Order of Children.
通常伴随有孩子
To be considered remotely normal,
再正常不过的是
we are meant to develop overwhelming emotional and sexual feelings
我们会对一个非常特别的人
for one very special person
产生强烈的情感和性欲
who will then become a combination of our best friend,
于是这个人会成为我们最好的朋友
sole sexual partner, co-parent,
唯一的性伴侣 孩子的父母
business associate, therapist, travel companion, property co-manager,
生意伙伴 心理治疗师 旅伴 财产共有者
kindergarten teacher and soulmate,
幼稚园老师和灵魂伴侣的结合体
and with whom we will live exclusively
并且我们将与这个人
in one house, in one bed,
同住一个房子 同睡一张床
for many decades,
长达几十年之久
in substantial harmony
彼此和谐相处
and with an active tolerance for each other’s foibles
包容对方的小缺点
and ongoing desire for their evolving appearance,
对彼此不断衰老的外表保持热情
till death do us part.
直到死亡将我们分开
But what is striking,
不过令人吃惊的是
for an arrangement supposed to be entirely normal,
正是这样一个完全正常的安排
is just how many people cannot abide by its rules.
有多少人无法遵守它的规则
At least half flunk completely,
至少有一半的人完全不及格
and a substantial portion muddle along in quiet desperation.
还有相当一部分人在暗自绝望中混沌度日
At best, only around 15% of the population
充其量 只有约15%的人
ever admit to being totally satisfied
曾表示完全满意
a thought-inducingly low figure
这是一个引人深思的低占比
for a menu option vigorously claiming universal validity.
因为菜单选项有力地宣称了普遍有效性
In our societies,
在我们的社会中
those who can’t get on with Romantic Monogamous Marriage
无法适应浪漫的一夫一妻制婚姻的人
are quickly diagnosed as suffering from a variety of psychological disorders:
很快就被诊断出患有各种心理疾病:
fear of intimacy, clinginess, sexual addiction, frigidity,
亲密恐惧 粘人 性瘾 性冷淡
boundary issues, self-sabotage, childhood trauma etc.
界线问题 自我糟践 童年创伤等等
We powerfully imply that someone might be psychologically ill
我们坚信有一类人可能患有心理疾病
if they don’t want to keep having sex exclusively with the same partner,
如果他们想和不止一个人发生性关系
or seek to spend every other weekend apart
或者想每隔一个周末分开过
or want to develop a close friendship elsewhere.
或者想在别处发展暧昧关系
But there might be another reproach,
但可能会有一些批评的声音
this one drawn from the pioneering work of advocates of gay rights,
这来自同性恋权利倡导者的开创性成果
namely that any taste or proclivity must by definition
即任何品味或癖好都本应是
be acceptable and non-pathological
可以接受的和非病态的
except in so far as it might hurt an unwilling or unconsenting partner.
除非可能伤害到不乐意或不同意的伴侣
From this perspective,
从这个角度来看
while many ways of life might be different
尽管许多生活方式可能不同于
to society’s presently preferred option,
社会目前所偏爱的选择
it cannot be right to judge, correct, amend and seek to re-educate
但不应该去审判 纠正 修正和试图再教育
all those attracted to them.
所有崇尚这些生活方式的人
With this in mind,
记住这一点
the menu of love that we should use starts to look very different.
我们应使用的爱情菜单开始变得不同了
Aside from Romantic Monogamy,
除了浪漫的一夫一妻制
all kinds of alternative ways of living could be devised,
有各种其他的生活方式可供选择
including (to kick-start a list) :
包括(来列张清单):
The Parenting Relationship
父母式的关系
A union oriented first and foremost towards the well-being of children,
一种把孩子的幸福看成第一位的联姻
where parents are free to form unions with other parties,
而父母可以任意与他人结合
once the welfare and security of off-spring are assured.
只要子女的福利和安全得到保障
The Separate Spheres Relationship.
独立领域的关系
A union which understands
这种婚姻认为
that no two people should ever be expected
不应该期望两个人
to be in total proximity night after night
能够夜复一夜地完全亲密
and respects the role of certain kinds of privacy
重视一定的隐私
in contributing to emotional well-being and a robust sense of self.
对幸福感和较强自我意识的促进作用
The Yearly Renegotiated Relationship.
每年重新协议的关系
A union which is accepted by both parties
双方都接受这种结合
as having only a one-year assured lifespan,
只有一年的有效期限
after which it must be re-negotiated
在此之后必须重新协议
but without any presumption that it will necessarily be so
但没有任何推断表明这种结合必然是这样
or resentment if it is not
或如果不是这样而心生怨恨
a source of insecurity with surprisingly fruitful
不安全感的来源会带来意想不到的多重效果
and even aphrodisiacal side-effects.
甚至还有壮阳的副作用
The Love or Sex Union.
爱或性的结合
A union which recognises
这种结合认识到
the difficulty of fusing love and sex in one couple
将爱和性融合在一对夫妇身上的困难性
and makes the possibility of dividing the two
并创造将两者分开的可能性
and seeking fulfilment from alternative sources:
并从其他来源寻求满足:
non-tragic, unshameful and a bit predictable.
没有悲剧 不可耻 还有点可预见性
In love, we accept an absence of choice
在爱情中 我们可以接受选择匮乏
that would be intolerable in other areas of life.
这在生活的其他领域是无法忍受的
We consent to wearing as it were a uniform
我们愿意接受 因为它就像是制服
that cannot possibly fit our varied shapes
不可能适合每个人不同的体型
and without daring to make even minor moves to assemble our own wardrobe.
也不敢对自己的衣柜做出哪怕很小的变动
All our collective energies go into creating astonishing varieties of
我们所有的精力都集中在创造巨量的
foods, machines and entertainments,
食物 机器和娱乐
while the entity that dominates our lives– our relationships
而主宰我们生活的本质—— 人际关系
continue in a format more or less unchanged for the last 250 years.
在过去250年或多或少保持不变的形式
It would be a genuine liberation
如果每当一对新婚夫妇走到一起
if whenever a new couple came together,
都假定他们几乎肯定不会遵循
it was assumed that they would almost certainly not go along
浪漫的一夫一妻制
with the romantic monogamous template,
因此他们有责任
and the onus was therefore on them to discuss–
事先地 真诚地 不带羞辱地讨论出
up front, in good faith and without insult–
一个能够理想地满足他们本性的安排
the arrangements that would ideally satisfy their natures.
这将会是真正的解放
Extra marks would be awarded for innovation and out-of-the-box schemes
创造性的制度将带来进步
while protestations of satisfaction at the standard model would raise a few eyebrows.
但人们对标准制度的满意度会令人惊讶
Once upon a time, male offspring of the European upper classes
曾经 欧洲上层社会的男性后代
had only two career options:
只有两种职业选择:
to join the army or to join the church.
参军或加入教会
Such narrow-mindedness
这种狭隘的思想
was eventually dismissed as evident nonsense and eradicated,
作为明显的无稽之谈最终被摒弃和根除
and the average citizen of a developed country
如今 一个发达国家的普通公民
now has at least 4,000 job options to choose from.
至少有4000个工作选择
We should strive for a comparable expansion of our menus of love.
我们应该为爱情菜单做出类似的扩充
We are not so much bad at relationships,
我们在人际关系方面并没有那么糟糕
as unable– presently– to understand our needs without shame,
只是目前 还不能无羞耻地理解自己的欲望
to stick up politely for what makes us content,
不敢礼貌地表达让我们感到满足的东西
and to invent practical arrangements
无法提出切实可行的方案
that could stand a chance of honouring our complex emotional realities.
为尊重我们复杂的现实情感创造一种可能

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视频概述

一夫一妻制作为标准的恋爱关系存在多种弊端,但它不是唯一的关系,可以找到多种方式来替代它。我们要敢于正视自己的需求,尊重现实中的复杂情感。

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铃木叶子

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审核员PH

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yhVV0oBPdg

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