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熊孩子?请用奖励而不是惩罚 – 译学馆
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熊孩子?请用奖励而不是惩罚

Alan Kazdin: Is Your Child a Brat? Use Rewards, Not Punishment

惩罚 无论是温和地、严厉地还是虐待地 都只会在当时改变了行为
Punishment mild severe abusive changes behavior only at the moment as it deliver.
它无法让孩子的错误行为的轻重程度或次数频率发生任何改变
It doesn’t change the overall level or rate of a behaviour.
所以 假如你的孩子在做很糟糕的事情 而你打了他一巴掌
So if you have a child is doing something horrible and you smack them.
那么在当时这可以立刻阻止孩子的行为 但是这并不会减少孩子以后继续发生这种行为的次数
It will stop it for the moment, but it won’t decrease the number of time they do the horrible thing.
所以你没有其它办法 想一想你到底希望孩子有怎样的行为
So there’s no alternative, decide what behaviour you want.
有时我们把它称为”积极的反其道而行”
Sometimes called “The Positive Opposite”
称赞和鼓励它 这将会使得孩子改正错误的行为
And praise or encourage that,that makes the negative behaviour drop out.
事实上 你可以通过奖励和称赞相反的行为来消除错误的行为
You can actually eliminate the behaviour by rewarding or praising the opposite behaviour.
惩罚无法做到这一点
Punishment won’t do it.
举个例子
So for example,
这里的哥哥总是欺负妹妹
Here older boys always picking on his younger sister.
你走过去抓住这个男孩的肩膀说”不许再欺负她 不许再这么做 不然我就要打你了”
You go to this boy and you grab him by the shoulder you say “You stop bullying her you stop doing that or I’m gonna hit you”
这个孩子在当时会立刻停止 但是接下来他还是会一再做同样的事
The child stops the moment then he will still continue for the rest of the day,the rest of the week.
然后家长就会跑过来说 “我说过一千次了 不许打你妹妹”
And the parent runs in,and says “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, stop hitting your sister”
这样的做法其实一点用都没有
That’s all gonna fail.
这一点我们从几十年的研究中可以知道
We know that from decades of research now.
该怎么办呢?
What to do?
当男孩和他的妹妹玩的很好的时候 你过去说 “你们玩的真好 真棒”
The boy and the girl are interacting nicely, you run in there and you say”You are playing so nicely and that is really great”
然后你抱抱他们
And then you touch them.
坚持这样做 一天一次 一周三次 你就会改变他们之间的争吵和争执的情况
Do that once a day, three times a week,you’ll change the fighting that goes on between them.
可能最糟糕的事情就是 惩罚会让家长陷入一个误区
Perhaps the worst thing is that punishment traps a parent.
你打骂孩子 他们会立刻停止
You hit or you shout at a child, they stop instantaneously.
那就会固化成你的所有处理手法
That locks into your repertoire.
哪怕你理智上知道 那并非有效
Even though intellectually you know it doesn’t work over all.
那在当时有用 你作为家长被这种思想束缚住
It works on that moment, and it locks into you as a parent.
我见到很多家长总是对孩子滥用惩罚
I see parents abuse their children all the time.
而且他们一直知道这一点用也没有 可是他们无法停止
And they invariably know it’s not helping at all but it doesn’t stop them.

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视频概述

如何从根本上改变孩子的行为?惩罚还是奖励?

听录译者

LuciFerWZY

翻译译者

豆子

审核员

霜霜

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i-sFIt1YxA

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