最新评论 (0)


Alan Alda: Grow Your Empathy Through Better Visual Perception

Something I learned from improvising really helps in communication.
There are basic improvising techniques and exercises, like the mirror exercise where
你成为我的镜子 无论我往哪儿移或做什么你都要做出同样的动作
you become my mirror, and whatever I do, wherever I move, you have to do that at exactly the
仿佛你是那块镜子 且没有任何延时
same time, as if you were the mirror with no lag time.
假如我是那个正在看镜子的人 而你是我的镜子 但你无法成为我的镜子
Well, if I’m the person looking into the mirror and you’re my mirror, how can you be my mirror
unless I help you be my mirror
I’m responsible for your being with me in-sync at every moment.
这是一种很好的象征性的画面 为交流的意义所在 因为这是我的工作
And it’s a wonderful image of symbol ,of what communication is, because it’s my job—if
you don’t understand—it’s my job to help you understand.
在即兴创作中 每个创作者都有让别人变得更好的职责
In improvising, each improviser has the job of making the other one look good.
You share the experience.
“yes,and……(是的,而且……)” 法则就是那种例子
The principle of “yes, and…” is an example of that.
It’s an improvising tool to use this idea of “yes, and…”
比如 我们处在同一个场景中 你向下看并说道
For instance, if we’re in a scene together and you look down and you say, “Whoa look
“哇呜 看下面的水” 而我说 “那不是水 那是地板”
at all that water down there,” and I say, “That’s not water, that’s the floor,” well
可能场景外的观众会觉得我好笑 但是我已经破坏了这个场景
maybe I’ll get a laugh out of that from the audience, but I’ve just destroyed the scene
and I’ve made you look foolish.
你说这是水 但显然它是一块地板
You called it water, it’s obviously a floor.
That’s not even “yes,” it’s just “no.”
而你可以说“没错 但是…” 然后用“但是”中断 但如果你说
And you can say “yes, but…” and cut it off with the “but,” but if you say,
“yes and:是的 看那些水 让我们跳进去 游到鲸鱼那里
“Yes, and: yeah, look at that water, let’s jump in and swim out to that whale and catch
抓住它 和它一起游走”
onto the whale and swim away with the whale!”
Now I’ve accepted what you’ve given me and I’ve added to it.
这是一个非常有价值的交流技巧 不要跟对方说
This is a really valuable technique in communication: to not say to the person, “Yes, but you
“好吧 但你知道那不是真的”
know that’s not true.”
There’s something about it that may be true.
或许另有深意 有人说 “我希望自己知道这个世界的运转机制
Maybe it’s under the surface: the person is saying, “I wish I understood how the universe
worked, and I think the universe works like this: we’re all connected psychically and
we’re all telepathically…” and it could go off into someplace where you don’t really
agree at all.
但人们会试着解决这些问题 你会表示认同
But the person is trying to figure out things, and you can agree about that because nobody
因为没人知道所有事情的最终答案 (至少)我不这样认为
has the final answer on anything, I don’t think.
所以 对此你可以说“是” “而且”
So you can say “yes” to that part of it “and” you can explore some part of it that
you both can explore together.
但关键是 若切断联系 沟通也就结束了而你的工作
But the idea is, if you cut off the connection then communication stops, and it’s your job
to keep the other person with you.
你的行事之道 与别人沟通的方式 就是坚持解读
And the way you do that, the way you keep the other person with you is, keep reading
从对方身上获取的线索:他的脸 他的眼睛
the clues you’re getting from the person: the person’s face, the person’s eyes, the
他的语气 肢体语言 以及坐椅子的方式
tone of voice, the body language, the way they occupy a chair, all of these things are
所有这些都是 和他们交谈时 了解其想法的线索
clues to what’s going on in their head as you try to communicate with them.
有趣的是 我发现这不但在你与对方面对面时适用
And the funny thing is, I think I found that this works not only when you’re talking to
与他们在不同的时间或地点时也适用 比如
them face to face, it also works when they’re separated from you by time and distance, like
当你为他们写东西时 并不知道谁会在什么地方或
when you write something for them and you don’t know who’s going to read it where or
什么时间读它 但写下第一句之后 却知道
when, but you can figure out when you put down the first sentence what that’s done to
their mind.
Where are they now
So where is my next sentence going to pick up on where they are now and take them to
the next place
如果我们不考虑读者 就只是系统的阐述
And if we don’t think about the person we’re writing for, we’re just formulating thoughts
头脑中的想法 (那么)我们仅仅考虑了自己 而没有想到他人
in our head, we’re caring about ourselves, we’re not caring about the other player.
I think communication is a partnership.
You have to think about your partner and help your partner.
It’s not me pouring stuff into your empty brain.
首先 你脑子里应该已经有很多东西了 而那些是我应该要了解的
First of all, you’ve got plenty of stuff in there already that I ought to want to know about.
写这本书时我就想 不是每个人都有机会去参加
While I was writing this book I thought, not everybody is going to be able to go to an
improvising class.
然后转念一想:不仅如此 我也不是每隔几天就去即兴创作班的啊
And then I started to think: not only that, I don’t go every couple of days to an improvising class.
关于同理心奇怪的是 尽管很有价值却容易失去
And this strange thing about empathy is, as valuable as it is, we tend to lose it, it
tends to evaporate.
It’s very easy to lose your touch in making contact with other people.
这事儿发生在我身上 也发生在他人身上
I see it happening to me, I see it happening to other people.
所以我在想 自己可否做些什么 建立同理心 并使
So I thought, is there something I can do on my own that would build empathy and keep
my empathy thermometer at a high enough temperature?
因此 我开始在自己身上试验
So I started experimenting on myself.
I love to experiment on myself.
我认为这没什么 这和解读情绪有关 何乐而不为呢
And I thought okay it has something to do with reading emotions, so why don’t I—as
我沿着街道行走 当走进饭馆或是和朋友交谈时 为何不试着去
I walk down the street, as I go into a restaurant or I talk to friends—why don’t I try to
了解他们的感受呢 如果我能说出那种感觉 就太好了
figure out what they’re feeling and maybe it will be really good if I name the feeling.”
我曾与一位心理学家谈过这个 他说 “是你自己想到的吗”
And I was talking to a psychologist about this and he said, “You came up with this by yourself?”
我说 “是的”
I said, “Yeah.”
他又说 “我很想研究一下”
He said, “I’d like to study that.”
之后 他做了一项为期一周的研究 并让人们在每个白天都进行测试
So he did a study where he had people doing this during the day for a week.
他在第一天给了一个标准的同理测试 在最后一天
He gave them a standard empathy test at the beginning of the week, and at the end of the
又给他们另一个移情测试 通过他们曾做过的事控制变量 看看经过训练后
week he gave them another empathy test to see if their scores in empathy would go up
他们的同理分数是否会提高 有趣的是:
by doing this exercise, and he had other things they did to control variables.Now what was
他们的分数提高不仅是因为测试得多 那些
interesting was: not only did their scores go up the more they did it, so that the people
只做了两次的人分数提高不是很多 但那些在一周中做了上百次的人
who only did it twice didn’t go up very much but the people who did it a hundred times
分数提高得非常快不仅如此 测试不仅要他们
during the week their scores went up considerably, not only that: it wasn’t just naming the emotion
that they thought they saw in the other person, it was just noticing the other person, noticing
留心你的头发 你的眼睛
your hair, noticing your eyes.
What color are your eyes
这非常神奇 下回你和某人交谈时去想一想:你和你刚认识的人交谈
It’s amazing—just think about this the next time you’re talking to somebody: how long
多久后 才真正注意到他们的眼睛是什么颜色
do you talk to somebody you’ve just met before you really notice what color their eyes are
What shape is their eyebrow
What color clothing are they wearing
如果是一个女人或一个男人 他们戴珠宝了吗
If it’s a woman or a man, are they wearing jewelry
What is it
Where did it come from
How are they sitting
What clue am I getting from them
我们不可能真的那么在意一个人 不会真的想那么多 那些在意他人的人
We don’t notice one another nearly as much as we think we do, and those people who noticed
在一周结束时 会获得很高的同理分
the other people got higher scores in empathy at the end of the week.
我觉得这个实验树立了我的同理心 至少我这么认为
And I found it has built up my empathy—at least I think it has.
But I find myself much more comfortable with other people.
This is an amazing thing: I find other people less annoying!
Isn’t that funny
Because I get a little more empathy about what they’re going through or what I think
的事有更多的同理心 或者说我能理解他们所说的话 而不是被他们惹恼
they’re going through or what I can hear from things they say, and instead of being annoyed
我想:‘我知道这是从哪里来的 并且解释它’
by them I think: ‘I think I know where this is coming from and it explains it.’
有了解释后 这些本来令人讨厌的行为
And just getting the explanation of what might otherwise be annoying behavior or an annoying
或讨人厌的话都不那么讨厌了 我所有的厌烦情绪都消失了 不是同理心让我成为
thing they’re saying, the annoyance kind of evaporates.It’s not that empathy is making
一个更好的人 它只是让我多了一点儿耐心
me a better person, it just gives me a little more patience.
我发现并且认为 那些研究同理心的人已经发现
I find—and I think other people who have studied empathy have found—that there’s
more patience associated with empathy.
所以 在这方面 它可能会让你更容易与人相处
So in that regard it probably does make you a little easier to get along with.
但我注意到当我更具同理心时 声音变得更亲密 脸显得更热情
But I noticed when I get more empathic my voice gets more intimate, my face is more
有趣的是 我发现同样的事也发生在和我交谈的人身上
welcoming, and the funny thing is I think I see that happening on the person I’m talking to.
我想这是他们对 发生在我身上的事情作出的反应而我从他们那里获得一个更加放松的语气
I think they’re responding to what’s happening to me and I’m getting from them a more relaxed
tone, a more relaxed, accepting visage.
适当注意你的同理心是没错的 当你感受到它时
It’s a good idea to monitor your own empathy a little bit, to be aware of the empathy as
you experience it.
And I’ll give you kind of a concrete example of this.
我有一个朋友因脚的问题去看医生 医生检查之后说
I have a friend who went to a doctor with a foot problem, and he examined her and he
“我的天啊 我认为你患上了足底筋膜炎”
said, “Oh my God, I think you’ve got plantar fasciitis!”
她(听后)吓死了 心想 这会不会是不治之症啊
She got scared to death, she thought, ‘Is this an incurable disease?!’ because she hadn’t
heard the term before.
这是个痛苦的状态 医生曾经遇到过这种情况 因此一旦他发现
And it’s a painful condition, and he had had the condition once, so once he figured out
她有这种情况 就会想 ‘噢 天啊 她一定觉得很痛
that she had this condition he thought, ‘Oh my god she’s going to feel terrible.
I experience her pain.’
He was swamped with her emotion.
He was swamped with her pain.
写这本书的时候 我采访了一些具有同理心的
And I interviewed someone, in writing the book, who teaches scientists, teaches doctors
to be empathic.
她教过他们的其中一件事: 你必须进入对方的
And one of the things she teaches them is: you have to get inside the other person’s
脑袋 但之后要出来
head, but then you have to get out again.
你必须控制自己的同理心 而且还不能被它淹没
You have to manage your own empathy and you can’t be swamped with it.
这就是她所说的“情感流沙” 你陷入那种感觉是因为
It becomes what she calls ‘affective quicksand’ where you just sink into the feeling because
part of the theory of empathy is that you understand what the other person is feeling
因为你自己感受到了 你意识到这种感觉
because you feel it yourself, you recognize a feeling in yourself and that gives you an
understanding of what they’re going through.
但是如果你沉迷于这种感觉并且迷失其中 另外如果它开始控制
But if you sink into that feeling and get lost in it, and if it begins to rule your
你们交流的结果 那么它就不再是一个工具 而是某种与你为敌的东西
end of the communication then it’s no longer a tool, it’s something that’s working against you.
You’ve got to have possession of your own tools.