有话快说吧 因为我不想错过清洁服务
Speak your tricks quickly, because I am not missing my cleans.
我满身都是毒素
I am full of toxins.
啊 对的 什么样的毒素都有
Ah, yes. Good or bad or toxins.
保健行业告诉我们毒素很可怕 它们藏在我们身体里
The wellness industry tells usthey’re terrifying, they are inside of us.
我们需要通过他们高价的服务来排出毒素
We need their high-priced helpto get’em out.
你的血液中有毒素吗?
Did your blood toxic?
血液中的毒素会影响身体的每个器官
Toxic blood can affect every organ in your body,
并且它发生在上百万人身上
and happening to millions of people.
如果你感到疲劳和肿胀 Lee Haney7天排毒计划
If you’re feeling tired and bloated, then Lee Haney’s 7-day detox program.
这正是你所需要的
It’s just what you need.
排毒足贴会修复你身体内的平衡
Detox foot pad will restore balance to your body,
刺激你的身体 排出毒素
stimulate your system,draw out toxins,
改善你的血液循环
improve your blood circulation.
你会感到精神焕发
You’ll feel rejuvenated.
但事实上是 这只是所有天然草药的神话
But the truth is that’s in all natural herbal-strength myth.
不可能 这些东西起作用 看
No way.These things work. Look,
这就是毒素
That’s toxins.
不 它只是变色纤维织物
No, that’s color changing fabric.
这完全是骗局
And a stright up scamp.
尽管保健公司这么说
Despite what wellness companies say,
作为一个基本的生理学问题
as a matter of basic physiology,
它是不可能通过你的皮肤吸出毒素
it’s pretty much impossible to suck toxins out through your skin.
好吧 那我去汗蒸室发汗排毒
Well, then I’ll just sweat themout in the steam room.
也不可能
Also not possible.
我从不拒绝舒服的汗蒸
I’m never one to turn down a nice sweats,
但如果问科学家们 他们会告诉你 汗……
but ask a scientist and they’lltell you sweat is…
99%是水
99% water.
汗水只是你身体的温控手段 仅此而已
Sweat is your body’s temperature control, and that’s it.
排毒不是由你的皮肤负责
Detox just isn’t your skin’s job.
好吧 那么我就多喝水
Okay, then I’ll just drink a ton of water.
水合作用对排出毒素很有效
Hydration is great for flushing toxins out.
抱歉！科学认为 行不通！
Sorry! Science says,”Nope!”
那按摩呢？
What about massages?
深呼吸？拔火罐？请告诉我拔火罐管用
Deep breathing? cupping? Please tell me cupping works.
以克莉茜·泰根那些名模的名义
in the name of all these Chrissy Teigens.
没用
(pops) No.
那么 我该如何排毒呢？
So how do I get toxins out of me?
我担心自己吃了快餐
I’ve been stressed eating fast food,
接触和吸收了塑料制品
and touching classic we can finish these article,
而现在我身体里有邪恶的小颗粒
and now there are evil little particles inside of me.
它们正慢慢吞噬着我
and they’re slowly killing me.
啊！影像上也有毒素
Ah! Graphics have toxins too.
嗨 打破你的想象泡泡
Hi, de-burst your bubble.
但它根本不是这样的
But, that’s not how it works at all.
事实上 毒素甚至不是一种特殊的化学物质
The fact is, toxins aren’t even a special type of chemical.
它只是一个时髦的流行词
It’s just become a trendy buzz word.
事实是 任何东西如果吸收太多都可能有毒
The truth is that anything can be toxic if you ingest too much of it.
吃太多维生素 这也是毒素
Eat too much vitamin C, that’s a toxin.
吃过多纤维素 哦 那也是毒素
Over those on fiber, oh, that’s a toxin.
-喝太多水 是的 也被认为……-我明白了
-Drink too much water, yeah, that is believed…-I get it.
好 幸运的是 你的身体天生就有全世界最有效的排毒系统
Okay. Luckily, your body comes naturally equipped with the world’s most effective detox products-
你的内部器官
Your internal organs.
足贴没那么恶心
Footpads were a lot less gross.
如果你体内有有害物质
If you have harmful levels of a substance in your body,
你的肝脏 肾脏和肺自然会过滤
your lever, kidneys and lungs naturally filtrate.
然后通过你的小便及大便排出
and then flush it outin your pee-pee and poo-poo.
呃 你这么称呼排泄物 怪怪的
Um, weird that you call it that.
不过 等一下 如果毒素从我的……
But wait,if toxins come out in my…
-小便和大便出来-那么我就 我就加速排便
-pee-pee and poo-poo.-Then I will just– Oh, I’ll speed that up.
-我去做肠道清理-噢 别 别那样做
-I’ll get a colon cleans. -Oh no, not that.
受影响的排泄物会造成很多毒素堵塞
Your impacted fecal matter is causing a lot of toxic blockage,
所以我们会用15加仑的水轻轻冲洗你的直肠
so we’ll gently flush it out by shooting 15 gallons of water up your rectum.
很好 我们开始吧
Perfect. Let’s do it.
Julia 请别这样做
-Julia, please don’t do this.
为什么呢？
-Why not?
我的朋友贝索斯说肠道清理就像重获新生
My friend Bezos said gettinga colonic was life-changing.
好吧 如果你问医生 他们会告诉你……
Well, if you ask any doctor,they’ll tell you…
肠道清理会损害你的健康
Colon cleanses are damaging to your and health,
甚至更危险
and can even be dangerous.
Julia 这位是Jerry Mullin医生
-Julia, this is doctor Jerry Mullin.
他是琼斯·海普逊医院肠胃科医生
He’s a gastrologist at Johns Hapson Hospital.
我尽快赶到了
I came as fast as I could.
Julia 有人觉得肠道清理是从肠子里冲出有毒物质
Julia, some people think that colon clease is flushing toxic matter out of the gut.
然而 没有证据证明灌肠有利于身体健康
However, there’s absolutely no scientific evidence that High colonics are good for your health.
唯一能被证实的
The only thing they have been proven in the cause
是可怕的副作用 比如恶心 药物中毒 和痉挛
are awful side effects such as nausea, pharmatic, and cramping.
那么我要怎样才能把那些脏东西排出体外呢？
Then how am I supposed to get all of that odd-you know-out of me?
你不必做什么
You don’t need to.
如果你肠道蠕动正常 你的排泄物排出够频繁
If you have regular bowel movements, your fecal matter is expelled often enough.
而且你不想强行冲洗结肠
And you don’t want to force flush ex-climatic to your colon.
那排泄物会滋养和保护你的肠道
Fecal matter nourishes and protect your bowels.
你的身体如同花园
Your body’s like a garden.
你要在里面放些肥料
You want some fertilizer in there.
哦 太恶心了 谢谢你 Mullin医生
Oh, gross. Thanks, Dr. Mullin.
不必谢 如果你需要帮助 打开屁屁灯
No problem, and if you need me again. Just turn on the butt signal.
对胃科医生来说 这就像是床位信号
It’s like the bed signal, but for gastrologist.
再见
See you.
噢
Ho.