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成大事者,拘小节

Act Like the Leader You Want to Be

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[Music]
像你想要成为的领导一样行事
Act like the leader you want to be.
你不得不去擅长这些
You can’t afford to not be good at this.
在你的工作中你是领导 需要指挥别人行动
You’re dependent on your job as a leader to get other people to take actions.
在人际交往 扩大影响力和互动沟通方面你需要做到应对自如
You need to be skilled in relationships, in influence and communication.
只此一路
There’s no getting around it.
这项技能被视为软性技巧但它确实能推动事业进展
So it gets labeled as soft skills but it’s really a hard business driver.
这背后有确切的科学理论背景作支撑我们也明白它是如何运作的
And there’s hard science underneath it that we understand how it works.
所以它并不只是软技巧
So it’s not just soft.
更是成为一名有感染力的沟通者的非常重要的一部分
It’s a critical piece of being an effective communicator.
当人们谈论起领导风度或有气度时
People talk about executive presence or having a presence.
大部分人都认为那种能力是你天生就有的或者是个人天赋
And most people think it’s something that you’re born with or that person just has.
而事实是 如果你做高管的话你会发现那只是一系列表现行为
It turns out, it’s just a set of behaviors if presence is something that you do.
五种体现权威性的行为
Five behaviors that convey authority
这一系列的行为我想把他概括为五个
There’s a set of behaviors that I like to encapsulate down to about five points on
均衡的方面
either side of that equation.
(第一放慢速度)要想表现出权威
On the authoritative side there is slowness,
你要在举手投足间放慢速度
in how you move and how you speak.
(第二沉静)沉静下来 就像现在一样沉静
Stillness, just being very still like right now.
我并没有经常转动我的头
I’m not moving my head very much at all.
这就是个人选择了我内心通常还是有点波动的
That’s a choice, normally I have a little bit more motion in me.
所以 一定要沉静
So, stillness.
(第三沉默)沉默是极具震撼力的
Silence Is very powerful, and
并且如果你能适应沉默你就可以利用这点变得更有权威
if you can be comfortable in silence, then you can use that to be more authoritative.
(第四肢体协调)保持身体的协调对称 对于表现权威也有帮助 稍微倾斜身体
Symmetry has to do with do I slant a little, or
或者脑袋偏向一侧 都会产生影响
does my head go off to the side.
我能说这样(歪着头)比这样(正着头)看起来更没有权威
I would say this is a little less authoritative, than what this is.
(第五空间)所谓空间
And then space.
即你能拥有的空间
What space do you own?
我是否能够伸手去搭别人的肩膀或者
And can I reach out and touch someone’s shoulder or
与他们握手并且主动去接近他们
shake their hand and make that first move to invade their space.
这都取决于具有权威的那一方
Those are all on the authoritative side.
五种让你更平易近人的行为
Five behaviors that makes you approachable
以下五种方法会让你更平易近人
So on the other side with approachable, there are five Fs.
第一个是 填满空间
And that is filling space.
如果对话过程中没有出现尴尬的沉默的话那么就表示你是亲切的
If you can’t let a silence happen, that’s more approachable.
如果你说话或者动作很快
If you speak or move fast,
通常在被打断之前说完你所有话
you’re usually trying to get all your words in before you get interrupted.
那意味着你表现出的不是权力
That’s not a place of power.
因为你知道你无法控制对话
You know that you don’t have the control to talk so
所以你尽可能在集中的空间内一股脑把话全部说完
you try to get everything in all in one space.
下一个是收拢的身体姿势
The next one is folded.
在这种情况下你通常会折叠自己身体某个部分比如交叉双臂
And that’s where you’re folding your body, like crossing your arms,
和交叉双腿这些都是表达自我保护的动作
crossing your legs is all a way of sort of protecting yourself and closing in.
这些动作会让你显得亲切一些
It’s a little more approachable.
即使仅仅是将一只脚搭在另一只脚上
And even just that, sort of, twisting on one foot,
或者翘二郎腿都会使你跟其他人距离很近
or crossing one leg over the other, is a little closer together.
但这些动作会显得你坐立不安如果你频繁得做这些动作
And it’s related to fidgeting, so if you do that and the motion keeps happening,
很可能会让人以为你在调情
that also gets very close to what flirting is.
有很多我们日常动作 手势都表现出调情的态度
And there’s a lot of little gestures and motions that we do that are flirting,
包括眼神接触或打断眼神接触这些都让你看起来更轻浮
including making and breaking eye contact is more flirtatious.
最后一点是要给予足够的空间
And the last one is about giving space.
你应该将其他人纳入你的空间
You allow people into your space.
甚至邀请他人占用你的空间
You invite people to take your space.
以上这些就是想要表现亲切而应该有的特点了
So those are all of the characteristics of being on the approachable side.
要如何学习这些表达呢
How do I learn these behaviors
首先就是要有这种意识而当你提出上面的问题时 其实你已经有了这种意识
The first thing is awareness and you have that if you’re asking the question.
其次就是要审视自己并且学会观察
And the second thing is to just look at yourself, just start to observe.
在不同场合我应该如何表现他人又是如何表现
How do I act in different situations and how do other people act?
我经常会跟学生聊天 他们通常都提出需要一些建议或训练 因为他们正在寻求
Often I talk to students and they want some coaching because they’re ready for
晋升的机会
a promotion.
他们想要得到合作伙伴的位置或者晋升到更高的职位
They want to move up into that partner position or into the next level.
因此我时常提醒他们学会观察
And I always tell them to observe and
并且总结那些职位更高的人的言谈举止
report on how do those people act behave, verbally, non verbally.
因为你必须得像他们一样表现
Because you need to act in that same way and
毕竟让你坐到现在这个位置的经验并不会帮助你有更大提升
what got you to where you are isn’t what will get you to the next stage,
但你有绝妙的观察机会
but you have a perfect opportunity to just observe.
以上就是第一点第二点则是
So that’s the first place and the second place is to try and
尝试做出些改变 任何改变都行并且反复练习
make some change, any change and practice it.
这些表演课程又有什么帮助呢
How can acting classes help?
即兴表演 或者来自社会、剧院、专业学校的任何表演课程
Improvisational acting or any acting class from community
都会对使用之前提到的方法有所帮助
theater to a professional school hones and works on these tools.
此外 这些课程也很有趣
They’re also really fun to do, it’s a fun place to play and
尽管很多人很畏惧参与表演课程
many people are afraid of going to do it.
而事实上 那些表演班甚至是世界上最安全的地方
And those classes are some of the safest places in the world.
因为如果想要真正学习表演 就必须得在绝对安全的环境下
Because to do that work you have to create a really safe space for people to take
这样人们才可以冒险尝试表现出与平时不一样的自己
some risks and try to show up in different ways than they normally are.
表演课程的老师们富有技巧 也会尽可能给予充分的支持
So their people are very skilled and the groups that are there are very supportive.
因此在绝大多数情况下 人们抱着害怕的心理参加课程
So in most cases people come in a little afraid and
但到最后却都会兴高采烈地满载而归毕竟课程实在是太有趣了
leave just elated because it’s so much fun.
如何运用表演技巧但始终保持真实
How can I use acting tools and still be authentic?
首先你得认识到表演并不是假装做什么
It starts with the fact that acting is not pretending.
尽管大部分人都这么认为
Most people think it is.
如果你看到演技不好的演员表演
And if you see actors that are not great in film and
没错他们确实在假装
TV, they are the ones that are pretending.
但表演实际上是寻找一种真实的状态
Acting is about finding a truthful place.
因此 当你看到好演员演戏时
So when you see a really good actor,
你会感受到 那个人物在那种背景下就应该是那样的
you’re seeing how would that person actually show up in that setting.
比如 当场景很危险 有恐怖的事情发生时
So if it’s a dangerous setting and scary things are happening,
好演员就会表现出一个真正恐慌的人应有的反应
you’re seeing that person react in the way they show up as a scared person.
我们看的时候 也会觉得那十分可信 因为它就是真实的
And when we see that, it’s really believable, because it’s authentic.
真实意味着情感状态必须真实
Authentic means in tune with the emotional state that you’re actually in,
而不是分离的
and not something separate.
举个例子来说 如果我想向你表达愤怒
So an example of that would be if I try to put on mad for you.
我不认为这看起来真的是在愤怒
I think this doesn’t really look mad.
这更像卡通化的愤怒
It looks kind of cartoonish.
就好像要求一个小孩向我扮张生气的脸
It’s like when you ask a small child to show me your mad face.
这并不是真正的愤怒
It’s not really mad.
而只是一副面具
It’s a mask that they’re putting on.
如果你确实愤怒了
When you’re really authentically mad,
你会真正地传达出愤怒的情绪
you show up in a way that it’s clear that you’re communicating that emotion.
这才是真实
That’s what authentic is.
以此理解的话 任何人都可以表现出真实的权威性
Everyone can be authentically authoritative or
真实的亲切感
authentically approachable, anywhere along this range.
不同人所表现的会稍有不同
They will do it slightly differently.
我所表现出真实的权威或者力量 都和你们的不同
My authentic authority, my authentic powerful is different than yours,
也和其他任何人都不同
which is different than everyone else that is out there.
但它是真实可信的 这样的话 人们会相信这种表演
But it’s truthful, and if it’s truthful, then we believe it and
表演出的其实就是你自己的一部分
it’s really part of you.
因此 表演并不是带上面具 穿上戏服或者扮演角色
So acting is not about putting on the mask or the costume or the character,
而是找到真实状态 并且把它表现出来
it’s about finding the truthful place and bringing that out.
如何为大型会议做准备
Preparing for a big meeting
步入会议室之前 你可以先做些手势或动作
Before you walk into the room, you could put on these gestures and these poses.
你可以自己偷偷完成或者在休息室练习
You can do it by yourself, you can go to the restroom and do it.
也可以在电梯完成 或是在路上和角落里
You can do it in the elevator on the way up or around the corner.
伸展你的身体 自己默念演讲稿或者只是自言自语几句
Expanding your body, saying your speech or a few lines to yourself
如果你想用缓慢而低沉的语气演讲 此时就这么说
using the slow and low tones if that’s how you want to show up.
这种准备工作可以改变你 让你由内到外放松
And by doing that preparation, it changes you inside and
并且将这种状态持续到会议上最终带领你走向成功
it will carry over into the meeting and that sets you up for success.
出门前就可以这么做了
You can start that before you leave the house.
我就专门收集了一些长篇伟大电影的原声带
So I have a couple of playlists that are ultimate, epic movie soundtracks that
以及超级英雄电影里的重要桥段并且在有重大会议前听听它们
are the important themes from superhero movies, and I start listening to that.
我知道这样做的结果
And I know what’s going on.
我也知道我是在用这种方法欺骗自己但它每次都奏效
I know I am tricking myself and it still works every time.
我也会嘲笑自己竟然真的被骗了
And I laugh at myself noticing that it’s working and
但我确实感受到电影里主人公的心情
then I really feel the emotions.
因此
And so
在录制这次讲座前 开车的路上我就一直听着那些音乐
today I had a lecture before I came in on the car, I was listening to that music.
踏上舞台之前 我也在后台
And behind the scenes backstage before I stepped onto the stage,
听些音乐 甚至举起了双手
I had the music on and I raised my arms.
在休息室里没有别人
I’m in the back in the green room, nobody’s around and
即使有 我也不在乎
even if they are, I don’t care.
利用所有方法热身
But using all those techniques to get my body ready,
并且乐观看待接下来会发生的之后
to think about how good it’s going to go.
我就可以自信地走上台 如同我想要展示给大家看的那样
And then, I walk on stage very confident, full of the way I want to show up.
如果演讲出现差错怎么办
What if a presentation starts going bad?
一旦你意识到 这种情况在你身上发生了
Once you know, if you are aware enough to notice it’s going on in you,
你就肯定意识到 是时候做出改变了
you are aware enough to then make a change.
如果演讲出现差错 基本上任何改变都可以挽回一点局面
And if it’s going poorly, almost any change you make will make it better.
或者你注意到你已经开始啰嗦哔哩吧啦说了一大堆
If you notice that you’re babbling a little and you’re going on too much or
或者语速太快时 一定要立刻停下
talking too fast, as soon as you do, stop and
暂停 深呼吸 去喝点水
take a pause, take a breath, get a drink of water.
甚至直接向大家说 不好意思耽误两秒我要对照下之前的笔记
Even say, just a second, I want to check my notes on this before I continue.
让观众稍等 你可以有机会调整呼吸重新开始
And make them wait, and it gives you a chance to breath and to stop and to reset.
在任何地点你都可以这么做
So you can do that at any point,
在董事会会议面对股东或者剧院里面对观众 情况都一样
from boardrooms to audiences in theaters, they all are the same.
他们会为你留空间 谅解你的举动
There’s a piece of them that will allow for
毕竟人人都会紧张或忘词
you to be a human being and to show up in that way.
就算在剑拔弩张的谈判会议中
And even in a aggressive negotiation meeting with someone,
对方也会体谅 你可以暂停然后恢复
they’ll allow for you to do show up and stop and pause and recover.
这并不会使整个会议停止
It will not stop the meeting.
尽管有时会产生这种错觉但我认为你可以停下休息重新开始
It feels that way sometimes, but I think you can always stop and reset.
每个人都会影响我们所处的世界
We impact the world around us
如果我突然向你展示笑容 你也会表达笑意
If I just start smiling a little more, you’re going to start smiling,
接着我们就会来来回回这么做
and we’re going to start mirroring back and forth.
但我一旦停止微笑 你也会逐渐停止微笑
And if I stop doing it, it will pull you a little that way.
在任何场景 你都可以看到盘腿坐的人群
You can watch in any room the wave of crossed legs and
和不盘腿坐的人群这意味着我们在有共鸣的事物上具有一致性
uncrossed legs happen as we all get in sync in resonance.
因此我们总在互相作出反应 而事实是
So we are always reacting to each other and the reality is
我们都在即兴创作自己的生活这种即兴创作非常有用
we’re all improvising our days, that’s why it’s also a really useful tool.
因为没有人会在每天早上起床后拿到一天的剧本
Because nobody gets up and
除了演员之外 没有人会有人生剧本
gets a script, well actors do, but nobody gets a script for their day.
生活总在前进 我们随时
We are all making it up all the time we are all reacting to
对发生的事做出反应
everything that’s going on.
我认为我们在我工作中所探讨的东西 是要求我们更清醒地认识
I think what we’re talking about in the work that I do is being more aware of it,
更轻松舒适地理解并做出选择
being more comfortable to make more choices.
了解生活读取可用信息 以及作出你想要表现的反应
Reading the room, and making choices about how we want to react.
当你面对着重要的事物
When it’s important,
当你认为它充满意义当我们愿意为别人服务
你都可以这么做
when it’s meaningful and when we want to do it in service of others.
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