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改善亲子关系的8个方法

8 Ways to Improve Parent Child Relationship

来吧!心理学
Psych2Go
世上并不存在完美的家庭
There’s no such thing as a perfect family,
父母也许会认为他们的所做所为
parents may often think they’re doing
都是为了孩子好
what’s best for their child
他们爱孩子
because they love them,
但是这些行为未必是健康的
but those actions may not always necessarily be healthy.
当孩子进入青春期的时候
As children grow up and reach their teenage years,
情况通常急转直下
this is usually when things take a turn for the worst.
争吵变得频繁
Arguments may be frequent,
误会不断增加
misunderstandings increase,
父母开始疑惑
and parents will begin to wonder
以前那个和他们一起玩的乖宝宝怎么了
what happen to the sweet child they used to play with.
这是一个人们普遍会经历的烦恼
This is a concern commonly experienced
因此我们希望能提供部分解决方法
and we want to help be a part of the solution.
以下8个有效方法能帮助你改善亲子关系
Here’s 8 effective ways that can strengthen parent-teen relationships.
1. 每天拥抱对方
1. Hug each other on a daily basis.
心理学珍妮特•基•柯尔特•格拉泽认为
Psychologist Janice Kiecolt Glaser states
随着年龄的增长 人的身体也日渐脆弱
the older you are, the more fragile you are physically,
因此 身体接触对健康来说变得越来越重要
so contact becomes increasingly important for good health.
步入青春期后
When you enter your teenage years,
你可能不太愿意去拥抱你的父母
you may be reluctant to hug your parents
因为你觉得这样不够酷
because it’s no longer considered to be cool.
当你学着变得更独立时
As you learn to be more independent,
你也许会尽量避免身体接触
you may keep physical affection to a minimum.
然而 拥抱是有益于健康的
However, hugging is good for your health
因为它能自然地缓解压力
and acts as a natural stress reliever.
成长可能很可怕 而且挑战重重
Approaching adulthood can be scary and challenging.
你每天对父母的拥抱
When you hug your parents on a daily basis,
让你在生理上提醒自己
it can act as a physical reminder that
你并非独自一人
you’re not alone.
当你想要加强人际关系时
Physical and emotional support are equally important,
生理和心理上的支持同等重要
when you work on fortifying relationships in general.
2. 互动时关掉电子设备
2. Turn off technology devices during interactions.
我们很难离开科学技术
It can be hard to walk away from technology
一直依靠它来保持联系
when we’re constantly connected by it.
你不用为了保持你和父母的关系
You don’t have to live in a cave
而过上原始人的生活
to save your relationship with your parents,
但将手机静音是两全其美的做法
but it doesn’t hurt to put your phone on silent,
所以当你和父母相处时
so you don’t feel obligated to respond to every email or text message
你就不会觉得回复电子邮件或短信显得那么有必要了
when you’re interacting with your parents.
当你和家人一起在车上时
When you’re in the car with your family,
关掉音乐也是不错的做法
it’s also good practice to turn off the music
这样你就有交谈的机会了
so it gives you an opportunity to talk.
虽然有时候音乐也可以是双方之间的纽带
Although music can be a great way to bond
你们可以一起唱喜欢的歌
by singing your favorite songs together,
可是当心情很差 交流沟通是当务之急时
on bad days, when communication is vital,
最好还是不要让现代科技
it’s good to stray from using technology
变成远离身边的家人的工具
as a means of escaping from one another.
3. 在做出转变或重大决策前好好沟通
3. Connect before transitions or large decision-making.
做出改变是富有挑战性的
Making transitions can be challenging,
尤其是在青少年时期
especially in your teenage years,
这时你的孩子开始意识到
this is the time when your child begins to figure out
他们是谁 想要过什么样的生活
who they are and what kind of life they want to live,
要做出许多选择
a lot of decision-making takes place.
在很长一段时间内
There’re going to be many days
孩子们会对未来的方向感到迷茫
when they’re uncertain about what direction to take.
不要犹豫 伸出援手让你的孩子知道你在支持他们
Don’t hesitate to reach out and let your child know you’re there for them.
给予你认为对他们有帮助的建议和见解
Give them advice and any insides you think will be helpful to them,
不要直接告诉他们应该做什么
but don’t tell them directly what to do.
让他们思考自己要做什么
Have them figure out what they want to do,
同时 给予支持和理解
but be supportive and understanding.
4. 腾出时间充分进行有意义的一对一交流
4. Make time to spend quality one-on-one time with each other.
随着你慢慢长大
As you get older,
你身上担负的责任越来越多
more responsibilities tend to stack up on your plate.
你开始花更多精力学习你理想的
You start working more to build the skills you want
职业道路所需的技能
for your desire career path,
你的朋友也离开去追逐自己的梦想
and your friends move away to chase their own dreams.
你们之间不再变得如此亲密
You’re no longer in close proximity with them,
所以你得规划好彼此的时间才能见对方一面
so you have to schedule compatible times to see each other.
当你对工作社交目不暇接的时候
This makes it incredibly easy to put your family on the back burner,
你就很容易将家庭抛之脑后
when you already juggling work with your social life.
但是不要忘了留出时间
But don’t forget to set aside time
和父母好好地单独相处
to spend quality one-on-one time with your parents.
当你想要自己一个人静静
It can be extremely tempting to postpone plans
或者和圈子里刚认识的朋友面基时
when you may just want to be alone to unwind for a while,
你可能会想尽量推迟这类计划
or go out and engage with new faces and your networking circle.
然而这就是亲子关系逐渐淡薄的原因
But this is how parenting relationships weaken.
距离由此产生
Distance is created,
努力付诸东流
and putting in effort becomes minimum to none.
维系与父母之间牢固的关系
Sustaining a strong relationship with your parents
是越长大越难
can be difficult with increasing age,
但是不去陪伴 这种关系会很容易被破坏
but ghosting them easily destroys it.
这不一定需要很多时间
It doesn’t have to be a lot.
每天花15分钟进行一个
You can spend 15 minutes each day
有意义的会话就够了
to have meaningful conversations
或者周末留出一个小时一起做晚餐
or set aside an hour during the weekend and make dinner together.
5. 表露你的情感 而不是排斥他们
5. Encourage emotions instead of shutting them out.
情感是复杂的
Emotions are messy,
但关注彼此的感受很重要
but it’s important to be mindful towards each other’s feelings.
不要罔顾他们的感受 尤其是吵架时
Don’t be quick to dismiss them, especially during arguments.
当你受到情境的强烈影响时
Regulating your emotions can be difficult
控制情绪有时会很困难
when you’re strongly affected by a situation.
但要记得 牢固的亲子关系
But keep in mind that a strong relationship is built upon
是靠情感交流建立起来的
the ways in which we communicate our emotions.
如果你的孩子感到受伤了 不要忽略他们
If your child is hurting, don’t be neglectful towards them.
即使讨论痛苦的根源使你们双方都不好受
Even if the both of you have a hard time talking about the source of pain,
但是情感在直到爆发之前只能压抑着
emotions can be only put off for so long until they explode.
6. 学会理解 而不是立即做出反应
6. Listen to understand, not with the intent to react.
当你对孩子生气或失望
When you’re mad or disappointed in your child,
听他们的说话很容易使你的愤怒情绪升温
it’s easy to listen to them just to confirm your angry emotions.
花时间去倾听和理解
Instead of being quick to react,
孩子的问题到底出在哪里 而不是快速做出反应
take the time to listen and understand where your child is coming from.
哪怕你完全反对他们的行为或观点
Even if you wholeheartedly disgree with their actions or opinions,
如果你选择对他们大喊大叫
if you choose to yell at them,
这可能让你们之间累计更多怨恨
this may cause even more resentment between the both of you.
因此沟通可能会受到影响
As a result, communication may suffer,
因为你的孩子可能会退缩 拒绝和你说话
because your child may retreat and refuse to speak to you.
你需要拓宽观点
Learn to work out your differences
认清你们之间的差异 并且找一个
by broadening your perspective and finding a solution together
对彼此都好的解决方法
where the both of you can benefit from.
7. 尊重彼此的底线
7. Respect boundaries.
有毒行为源于摆脱底线
Toxic behavior derives from getting rid of boundaries.
如果你想和孩子保持良好的关系
If you want to have a good relationship with your child,
通过尊重他们的底线表示健康的行为
manifest healthy behavior by respecting their boundaries.
当孩子开始想要更多的隐私和自由
This can be challenging on your end,
这可能会挑战你的底线
as your child begins wanting more privacy and freedom.
但是好的父母教育包括了提供
But good parenting involves providing opportunities
犯错并从中吸取教训的机会
to make mistakes and learn from them.
不要剥夺孩子的这种成长过程
Don’t rob your child of that growth.
而是要创建一个安全区域 使失败标准化
Instead, create a safe space where failure is normalized.
喜爱和关心一个人意味着
Part of loving and caring for someone means
在必要的时候放手
letting go when it’s necessary.
这就是建立信任的方法
This is how trust is built.
8. 注意到孩子做对做好的事情
8. Catch your child in the act of doing something right.
青少年常常受自信心困扰
Teenagers often struggle with their self-confidence.
要知道同龄人的压力
It’s important to recognize that
会压垮孩子们的自尊心
peer pressure can ruin you child’s self-esteem,
因为大众信念并不总是最健康或最有利于成长的
because popular believes aren’t always the healthiest or most nurturing.
不要在他们赴汤蹈火的时候再火上浇油了
Don’t add fuel to the hell they’re trying to walk through.
换句话说 抑制你想要严厉批评和否定孩子的想法
In other words, refrain from expressing harsh criticism and negativity.
相反 要关注孩子做对的事情
Instead, focus on the deeds your child is doing right,
并表扬他们的行为
and praise them for those actions.
这不仅仅表示你对他们的关注
Not only will it show that you have been paying attention to them,
而且也能帮助他们促进自尊心
but this will also help boost their self-esteem.
你的亲子关系是不是支离破碎的呢?
Is your relationship with your parents disintegrating?
你希望看到怎样不同的景象呢?
What do you wish to see differently?
更重要的是 你想怎么改善你的亲子关系呢?
But more importantly, what do you want to do about it?
在留言分享你的想法
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Don’t forget to subscribe and if you’d like, support our Patreon.
感谢您的观看
Thanks for watching.

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这个视频可以帮助你改善亲子关系

听录译者

可可天使

翻译译者

杜小雅

审核员

审核员 DL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDemM6FjcSE

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