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父母不应该对孩子说的8句话

8 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Child

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Have your parents ever told you something
你父母有没有对你说过一些话
that to this day still hurts every time you think about it?
让你直到今天 每次想起来仍觉得受伤?
Though we might not always be aware of it,
虽然我们并不总能意识到这一点
our words hold so much more power than we realize.
但语言的力量比我们所认为的要大得多
This is even more important in familial relationships.
这在家庭关系中尤为重要
Studies of child psychology have shown that
儿童心理学研究表明
the way our parents talk to us
父母与我们的交流方式
becomes the way we learn to talk to ourselves.
会成为我们学习与自己交流的方式
So the way parents talk to their children
所以父母与孩子的交流方式
could have serious repercussions
会严重影响到我们的
on their self concept, self esteem,
自我认知 自尊和对他人的情感寄托
and emotional attachment to others even as adults.
这种影响甚至会延续到成人时期
With that said,
说了这些
here are eight of the most damaging things
以下是父母可能说的
a parent can say to their child.
对孩子伤最大的8句话
Number one, “What’s the matter with you?”
第一 “你怎么回事儿?”
If your child’s personality often clashes with yours,
如果孩子的性格与你相冲
it can be difficult to be around them so much,
那和他们呆在一起都很难
let alone to parent them.
更别提为人父母了
But no matter how frustrated we might get,
但不管我们有多糟心
it’s important to always keep our temper in check
都要控制自己的脾气
and stop ourselves from letting our anger get the best of us.
不要让气愤的情绪左右自己
Asking your child what’s the matter with them
如果只是因为孩子的兴趣爱好
just because they don’t share the same interests as you
或行为表现不符合自己的期待
or act the way you think they should
就问”你怎么回事儿”这种问题
is only going to hurt their self esteem
只会伤害孩子的自尊
and make them question their own sense of self worth.
导致他们质疑自己的自我价值
Number two, “I don’t have time for you right now.”
第二 “我现在没时间陪你”
We all know that taking care of a child
我们知道 即使两位父母都在场
is no easy task,
照顾孩子
even with a co parent around.
也不是件容易的事儿
And having to balance a full time job
更别提还要兼顾工作
along with it can be overwhelming.
就更让人一团乱麻
So it’s important that you keep your priorities in check
所以当你在工作和家庭之间
when making compromises
必须要做出妥协时
between your work life and your family life.
就必须要把握好轻重
And if you really have to choose the former
如果你必须要去工作
over the latter sometimes,
无法顾及孩子
don’t just simply tell your child
千万不要只告诉孩子
that you don’t have time for them
你没有时间陪他们
or that you can’t deal with them right now.
或是你现在必须要离开
Explain it to them in a way that won’t hurt their feelings
而是要用不会伤感情的方法向他们解释
and make it up to them some other time or way.
还要找其他时间或方式补偿他们
Otherwise they’ll start to feel lonely and neglected.
否则他们会有孤独和被忽视的感觉
Number three, “I wish you were more like this.”
第三 “我希望你更像这样”
Just as we should refrain from comparing ourselves to others,
就像我们不应该拿自己与他人比较
parents should never compare their children
父母也绝不应该拿自己的孩子
with their siblings or classmates.
和他们的兄弟姐妹或同学比较
Not only does this breed insecurity, rivalry, and jealousy,
这种行为不仅会使孩子滋生不安全感 好胜心和嫉妒心
it also makes them feel like they’re not good enough for you
还会让他们觉得自己在你心里不够好
and that the love you have for them needs to be earned.
你对他们的爱是需要争取的
For example, saying,
比如 问他们
“Why can’t you be more like your straight A friend?”
“为什么不能学学你那些优等生朋友?”
makes them feel like you care more about their grades
让他们觉得相比关心他们自身
than you do about them,
你更关心分数
which brings us to our next point.
这就引出了下一点
Number four, “You’re a disappointment to me.”
第四 “你太让我失望了”
If you want your child to grow up as a person
如果你想让孩子成长为独立的人
and bring you along for the journey,
和你在生活中相互扶持
then you need to be able to
那在他们犯错时
make them feel safe enough to make their own mistakes
就要给予他们足够的支持
and learn from them.
引导他们从中吸取教训
Do not just attack them for falling short sometimes by saying,
不要因为没达到你的标准 就打击他们
“You are such a disappointment to me.”
说”你真的太让我失望了”
But rather encourage them to try again
而是要鼓励他们再试一次
by reassuring them
要开导他们说
that it’s okay to fail sometimes
偶尔的失败也没关系
and that you’ll always be there for them no matter what.
不管发生什么 你都会陪在他们身边
Number five, “Why didn’t you…?”
第五 “你为什么不能……”
Similar to the last point,
与上句话类似
asking your child why they didn’t get into this certain college,
问孩子为什么没考进好大学
score higher on the SATs,
为什么SAT没考高分
make the starting team,
为什么没进首发阵容
or win a competition
为什么输了比赛
only serves to make them feel worse about themselves,
这些问题只会让孩子对自己更失望
especially when they tried really hard to please you.
尤其当他们在努力取悦你的时候
It can ruin their self esteem
这会毁了他们的自尊
and turn them into neurotic perfectionists,
把他们变成神经质的完美主义者
always beating themselves up over every, little mistake,
总是因为每个小错误自责
just because your words
只是因为你的话
made them feel like nothing
让他们觉得
they do can ever be good enough for you.
自己永远无法做到让你满意
Number six, “Because I said so.”
第六 “因为我早说过了”
Studies show that having an authoritarian parenting style,
研究表明 专制型的教育方式
that is being extremely strict, controlling,
也就是对孩子极度严格 完全控制
and expecting children to follow the rules you’ve set
希望孩子遵守你为他们定好的规则
with no discussion or compromise whatsoever,
并且毫无商量和妥协的余地
can have many negative effects on a child.
会对孩子造成很多负面伤害
Some children develop poor self esteem
很多孩子自尊心很差
and become socially inept, withdrawn, and dependent,
变得不善社交 孤僻 无法独立
while others become more aggressive,
还有些人会变得激进
defiant, reckless, and deceptive.
目中无人 鲁莽 谎话连篇
Either way, simply demanding that your child
不管怎样 只是因为你作为家长告诉过他们
should submit to your will just because you told them so
就要求孩子服从你的意志
and that you are the parent here
完全听你的话
will foster a lot of resentment
会让孩子对你心生怨恨
and conflict in your relationship with them.
你们之间也更容易爆发冲突
Number seven, “What are people going to say?”
第七 “人们会说什么?”
Did your child come up to you
你孩子有没有对你坦白
as part of the LGBTQ + community
自己是”性少数群体”?
or get called in the principal’s office for getting into a fight?
你有没有因为孩子参与打架被叫去校长办公室?
Do they have a lot of failing grades
你知不知道他们经常考试不及格
or have trouble making friends?
或交不到朋友?
If you didn’t already know,
如果你还不知道
it must have been difficult for them to tell you
那想让他们告诉你就很难了
because they were afraid of how you’d react.
因为他们害怕你的反应
But asking, “What are people going to think?”
但是问”人们会怎么想?”
Or, “What does that say about me as a parent?”
或”这与我作为父母有什么关系”等问题
makes them feel like all you care about is the opinion of others
会让他们觉得你只关心别人的看法
and that you see them as an embarrassment to the family.
且把自己看作了这个家里难以启齿的存在
And number eight, “I’m leaving and never coming back.”
第八 “我要离开 并且永远都不会回来了”
Last, but definitely not least.
虽然是最后一点 但也很重要
In the heat of the moment,
在气头上的时候
you might be tempted to spew threats of
一旦你觉得孩子对你的付出
running away and never coming back
毫无感激之时
once you start to feel that your child is becoming very ungrateful
你可能就会 威胁似的说自己要离开
for all the things that you do for them.
永远都不会回来了
But it’s better to bite back your tongue
但你最好收回这种话
and swallow your temper
忍下你的脾气
than to say something that will hurt them for years to come.
千万别说会对他们造成长期伤害的话
After all, even if we might not realize it at the time,
毕竟 即使我们当时可能没意识到
threats like these are done with the intention of hurting your child
但这种威胁类的话会伤害到孩子
and scaring them into listening to you or doing, as you say.
听你的话只是因为被你吓到了
And emotional blackmail like this
这种情绪勒索
can make their attachment towards you
会使孩子在成长过程产生的
and others as they grow up
对你和他人的情感寄托
unstable and insecure.
变得不稳定 不安全
So do you relate to any of the things mentioned here?
所以你有没有说过或听过以上这些话?
Are you a parent
你是哪种父母
trying to learn what to avoid when raising your child
是仍在学习抚养孩子时的注意事项
or still trying to heal from the hurtful words of a parent?
还是你也曾被父母的话中伤 正寻求治愈?
Even if you’re neither,
即便你哪种都不是
it’s still important for us
我们仍然需要
to be more considerate of how we treat others
谨慎考虑我们对待他人的方式
and the effect our words could have on them.
以及我们的话对他们的影响
As the saying goes,
俗话说
“Be careful with your words.
“要小心说话
Once said they can only be forgiven,
伤害性的话只能被原谅
but never forgotten.”
但永远不会被忘记”
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你觉得本视频有见地吗?
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在下方的评论区告诉我们
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记得点赞并分享给朋友
that might find value in the video too.
他们或许也能从中受益
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欢迎观看 期待下次相遇

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视频概述

父母的话会对孩子造成各种影响,本视频介绍了其中对孩子伤害最大的8句话。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

简生

审核员

审核员CL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8VNA55S-7I

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