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与任何人进行对话的7种方式

7 Ways to Make a Conversation With Anyone | Malavika Varadan | TEDxBITSPilaniDubai

大家好
Hello, everybody.
我会以一个问题开场
I’m going to start with a question.
你们中有多少人在今天之前认识坐在你旁边的人?
How many of you know the person sitting next to you from before today?
很有意思吧!
Interesting!
你们记得你跟身边人
So, do you remember the first conversation
说过的第一句话吗?
that you ever had with that person?
对话就是链环
You know conversations are links.
让我们把每次对话想象为一个微小的金属链环
Let’s imagine every conversationto be a tiny metal link.
每次你和陌生人说话
And every time you talk to a stranger,
就会形成一个金属链环
a metal link is formed.
你们这之后的每次对话
And every conversation that you haveafter that moment,
都会让链环更坚固
the link gets stronger and stronger.
每天我们都会遇到很多陌生人:
And every day each one of usmeets so many strangers:
食品杂货店的工作人员 出租车司机
the grocery guy, the cab guy
也许是你去的新公司遇见的接待员
maybe the receptionistat a new office you went to.
在每一个对话中我们会建立新的链接
And with every conversationwe build new links.
直到在最后
Until finally at the end,
我们会创造一种有大量的交流万维网
we’ve created a kind of massiveWorld Wide Web of conversation.
万维网
World Wide Web.
这是一句容易记住的话我觉得我曾在某地听过
It’s a catchy word.I think I’ve heard that somewhere.
不是吗? 一个对话 真的很让人着迷
That’s it, right? A conversation.It’s a fascinating thing.
一个对话就像一个冒险
A conversation is an adventure.
一个对话会给你全新的视角
A conversation gives youa whole new perspective.
一个对话能打开一扇门
A conversation opens a door.
对话可以引发战争也可以带来和平
Conversations can make warand conversations can make peace.
并且对话能区分我们是哪一类人
And conversations definewho we are as a human race.
想想这个
Think about this.
每一个人在你的生活中都曾是一个陌生人
Every single person in your life was once a stranger to you.
并且你对他们一无所知直到你们有了第一次对话
And you knew nothing about them until you had that first conversation.
所以我今天在这里就是教你如何和陌生人
So I’m here today to tell youto talk to strangers,
进行交流
to have a conversation.
今天在这里我会告诉你如何做到
And I’m here to tell you how.
7种几乎你可以和任何人进行对话的方式
Seven ways that you can makea conversation with almost anyone.
我是一个广播主播
I’m a radio presenter
我喜欢和人交流
and I love talking to people.
我喜欢我的工作
I do. I love it.
并且我很高兴能以此谋生
And I’m so glad that I do it for a living.
以下是我的日常工作的样子
Here’s what my day is like.
每一个早晨 我进入一个空空的房间
Every single morning,I go into an empty room,
我打开我的麦克风
I put on a mic,
并和一百六十万人进行对话……
and I have a conversation with 1.6 million people…
但是我看不到他们
that I can’t see.
是的
Yeah.
你知道这最困难的部分吗?
You know what the hardest part is, though?
是时间
It’s time.
在一个4小时的节目 我有20分钟
In a four-hour show, I get 20 minutes.
都用来进行谈话
That’s all the talk there is.
并且在那20分钟里我必须让你确信
And in 20 minutes I have to convince you
我是你最好的朋友
that I am your best friend.
我是如何做到的呢?
How do I do that?
我是如何建立一个联系?
How do I establish a connection?
我有20分钟的时间来了解你 来激励你
I have 20 minutes to inform you, to excite you,
与你交往
to engage with you
但最重要的是
but most importantly,
20分钟有20次
20 out of the 20 times
我得打开麦克风
that I switch on that mic,
我必须让你脸上留下笑容 除了
I have to leave a smile on your face. Except,
我看不到你 我对你一无所知
I can’t see you,I know nothing about you,
并且我没法预测你的反应
and I have no wayof gauging your reactions.
那我是如何做到的呢?
How do you do it?
你是如何和陌生人谈话的? 那么
How do you talk to a stranger? Well,
我在电台九年里教会了我这些小技巧 陌生人
my nine years in radio have taught me these simple little tricks. Strangers,
到处都是
they are everywhere.
并且我们常常听到“不要和陌生人说话!”
And we’ve always been told,”Don’t talk to strangers!”
但我不同意
But I beg to differ.
每一个陌生人都是一个机会
Every stranger comes with an opportunity,
一个学习新事物的机会
an opportunity to learn something new,
一个机会去你前所未有的经历
an opportunity to have an experienceyou’ve never had
或听到一个你从来都没听过的故事
or hear a story that you’venever heard before.
并且你已经拥有了那一刻 不是吗?
And you’ve had that moment, right?
你和一个陌生人在房间里
You’re in the roomwith someone you don’t know,
并且你环顾房间周围 你看到一个陌生人
and you look across the room, you see a stranger,
你会想
and you think,
“我想和那个人说话”
“I want to talk to this person.”
并且你能听到第一句话
And you can almost hear the first word
但就是说不出
but it just won’t come out,
在这里就有点卡住了
it kind of gets stuck about here,
有点不能上下
it kind of goes up and down
并且你不知道
and you don’t know –
你会知道么?
You know what?
这是我的建议:直接说
Here’s my advice: just say it.
最坏的情况会是什么?
What’s the worst that can happen?
他们想和你谈话 那么
They want to talk to you. Well,
现在他们不和你说话
they’re not talking to you now.
新的对话闸口打开
The first word floodgates.
我真的相信第一句话作为一个话闸
I truly believe that the first wordacts as a floodgate.
你知道的 一旦你说了第一句话 其它的一切就会流畅
You know, once you said the first word everything else just flows.
所以把它想简单点
So keep it simple.
一个“嗨” 一个“嘿” 一个“你好”
A”Hi,” a”Hey,” a”Hello.”
做每一个好的保龄球投手做的事
And do what every good bowler does.
聚集热情 积极性 能量
Just gather the enthusiasm,the positivity, the energy,
放入一个大大的微笑然后说“嗨!”
put on a big smile and say,”Hi!”
我知道 现在会是一个奇怪的时刻
I know. There’s goingto be that strange moment right now.
转向某个坐在你旁边的人
Turn to someone sitting next to you,
伸出你的手说你好
stick your hand out and say hello.
加油
Go on.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
我喜欢尴尬的笑声
I love the awkward laughter.
“她为什么让我们做这个?”
“Why is she making us do this?”
第一个字的闸门
The first word floodgates.
你知道 我们每天都面对一个挑战
You know, here’s a challengewe face every day.
时间
Time.
我们在广播里有90秒
We have 90 seconds on radio,
并且我们必须让对话对陌生人来说是难忘的
and we have to make that conversation with a stranger memorable.
那么你要如何才能做到?
So how do you do it?
最大的挑战是什么?实话来说
What’s the biggest challenge? Honestly,
如果我们在凹槽里卡住了
if we get stuck in the rut of:
“嗨!”“嘿!”
“Hi!””Hey!”
“你最近怎么样?”“我很好”
“How are you?””I’m fine.”
“最近怎么样?”“没什么”
“What’s going on?””Nothing much.”
“老样子”“有什么新鲜事吗?”
“Same old.””So tell me what’s new?”
这下你懂了 45秒过去了 浪费了
There you go, 45 seconds down, wasted.
是吗? 所以
Right? So,
以下是我的建议
here’s my advice:
跳过闲聊并文一个真的私人问题
skip the small talk and ask a really personal question.
并且不要害怕
And don’t be afraid.
相信我
Trust me.
你会惊讶于有很多人都愿意分享
You will be surprised how much people are willing to share
如果你问他们的话
if you just ask.
所以问任一种私人的问题 也许:
So ask any kind of personal question. Maybe:
有趣的名字
Interesting name.
你的父母怎么想出来的?
How did your parents think of it?
它的背后有什么故事吗?
Is there a story behind it?
或者……
Or…
你在这个城市住了多久了?
How long have you lived in this city?
你还记得你第一天到这个城市吗?
And do you rememberthe first day you landed here?
回答这些问题常被认为有些独特
Answers to those questionsare always something unique,
有些私人化
always something personal.
我最喜欢尝试的是:
My favorite one to try is:
你来自哪里? 你家住哪里?经久不衰的
Where do you come from?And where does your family live? Unfailingly,
每次我坐在出租车上 我就会这样做
every single time I sit in a cab, I do this.
我会问这个问题
I ask that question.
你来自哪里? 你家住哪里?
Where do you come from?And where does your family live?
让我告诉你一个小故事
Let me tell you a little story.
某天我在回家的路上……
I was coming home one night…
我上了一辆出租车 打开车门
I get into this taxi, open the door,
坐下来我就说
sit down and I say,
“你来自哪里啊?”“你家住哪里啊?”
“Where are you from?Where does your family live?”
然后这个60岁的巴基斯坦出租车司机接着就告诉我
And the 60-year-old Pakistanicab-driver goes on to tell me
所他在白沙瓦(巴基斯坦北部城市)生活的一切
all about his life in Peshawar.
我们谈论政治 我们谈论音乐 家庭
We talked about politics, we talked about music, family,
妻子 他的农田
wife, his farm.
20分钟后他觉得
And 20 minutes later he is convinced
我是一个完美的新娘
that I am the perfect bride
对于他26岁的的在白沙瓦受过大学教育的儿子来说
for his 26-year-oldcollege-educated son from Peshawar.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
并在当我下车时
And as I’m getting out of the taxi,
他脸上带着热情并且拿出一个护照大小的相片
he is taking out a passport-sized photograph with this look of enthusiasm.
我不得不说 这是一个很不一样的告别
I have to say, it was a verydifficult goodbye.
但这个故事的寓意 真的
But the moral of the story, really,
是如何用“你好”开始 能够用求婚结束
is what starts with a”Hello”can end with a marriage proposal.
这是一个警告
And that is a warning.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
第三步
Step three.
找到“我也是”的共鸣点
Find the”me too”s.
你是否遇到某人
Have you ever met someone who starts a conversation
对话开始像辩论一样?
like they’re starting a debate?
“我来自德里(印度城市名)”“我讨厌德里”
“I am from Delhi.””I hate Delhi.”
(笑声)是吗?
(Laughter) Yeah?
没有什么比否定对话更能扼杀对话了
Nothing killsa conversation like a negative.
当你遇到某人
When you meet someone
第一次努力寻找一件事
for the first time make an effort to find the one thing
你和其他人有共同点的一件事
that you and that other personmight have in common.
当你在这点上开始
When you start
并从这里向外移动
at that point and then move outward from there,
你会发现一瞬间对话会变得很简单
you will find that all of a sudden the conversation becomes a lot easier.
因为你们双方都忽然
And that’s because both of you suddenly are
在某事上有共鸣点
on the same side of something.
这是一种很强有力的感觉 现在
And that’s a really powerful feeling. Now,
你和你交谈的陌生人会有哪些共同点呢?
what could you possibly have in common with a stranger you ask?
一切都可以 不是吗?
Could be anything, right?
你们在同一时间 同一地点
You’re both in the same placeat the same time,
也许你们来自同一个国家
maybe you’re from the same country,
也许你们都喜欢冬天
maybe you both like the winter
或者都希望下雨
or you’re longing for it to rain.
我不知道 你得找些事情
I don’t know, you’d find something.
当你找到一个“我也是”时
When you find a”me too,”
你就自然而然的加入到其他人之中
you automatically have a kind ofbuy-in from the other person.
相信我 这很有用
Trust me, that’s helpful.
给出独特的赞美
Pay a unique compliment.
我知道某些地方的人会忘记你做了什么
I read somewherethat people will forget what you do,
并且会忘了你说过什么
and they’ll forget what you say,
但他们永远不会忘记你带给他们的感觉
but they will never forget how you made them feel.
所以大方点
So be generous.
出门给某人一个好的赞美 那么
And go out and give someonea nice full compliment. So,
我对“赞美免疫计量”有一种信念
I have this beliefabout a”compliment immunity meter”,
这来源于我的经历
and it comes from this experience I had
当我遇到美丽动人的超级名模
when I met this gorgeous supermodel.
我看到她时说“哦!
And I look at her and I say, “Wow!
你真漂亮!”
You are beautiful!”
她面无表情
And there is no reaction on her face.
然后我想“为什么?”
And I think to myself,”How?”
这时我才意识到
That’s when I realized,
她对“美丽”这个词已经免疫了
she is immune to the word”beautiful.”
她也许一天会听到这个词成百上千次
She’s probably heard ita hundred thousand times today.
如果她在社交媒体上
And if she’s on social media,
她一天之内会听到百万次
she’s heard it a million times today.
有些词我们每个人都有免疫力
There are some words that each of us have developed an immunity to.
也许是“好” 也许是“真棒” 也许是“酷”……
It could be”nice,” it could be”awesome,”it could be”cool”…
远离这些赞美词
Stay away from these.
试着并对比一个独特并真实的赞美之词
Try and construct a complimentthat’s unique and genuine,
并且你没有必要撒谎
and you don’t have to lie.
真的
Really.
当你看到某人并说
When you look at someone and say,
“我喜欢你微笑的样子
“ I love how when you smile,
就像你的鼻子也在笑 同时你的眼睛也在笑
it’s like your nose smiles,and then your eyes smile,
而且你的耳朵也在笑 甚至忽的你的前额也在笑
and your ears smile,even your forehead smiles
你整个人就是在笑
and suddenly, the whole personis just smiling.”
你明白了吗
You see,
我希望这个赞美你
I hope that’s a compliment you’re
一时半会不会忘记
not going to forget for a while.
做一个独特并且真诚的赞美
Pay a unique and genuine compliment.
询问意见
Ask for an opinion.
每个人都有意见 相信我
All of us have opinions; trust me.
我们都想这些意见被听到并且每个人都想意见有用
And we all want them to be heard and everybody wants validation.
那么开始去询问一个意见吧
So go on and ask for an opinion,
这样你就可以开辟一条双向沟通的渠道
and that’s when you open up a two-way street.
这就是真的对话的开始
That is when the real communication begins,
你会惊讶于
and you will be surprised how
在一个人身上你能找到很多
much you can pick up about a person
只需要通过询问他们在某一类事情上的通用的意见
just by asking their opinionon something pretty generic.
这里是一些人们常会犯的错误
Here’s a mistake that some people make.
他们询问你关于某些真的困难的事情的意见
They ask your opinionabout something really difficult.
这几乎让人感到很吓人
It feels almost intimidating.
在某个地方的房间里 充满了见多识广的人
Somewhere in a room,full of very well-informed people,
而且有些人对于我来说
and someone was to come up to me and say,
“那么你觉得这个方法怎么样
“So what do you think about the way
石油价格真的对迪拜的房价市场有影响吗?”
the oil prices have affectedthe real estate market in Dubai?”
我感到有点走投无路
I feel a bit cornered.
我觉得我会失败 并且这是一个考试
I feel like I might fail,and this is an examination,
这就是课题
and that’s the lesson.
没有人想在第一次对话中失败
Nobody needs to failat a first-time conversation.
就问一些简单的 保持这种简洁
Just ask something simple.Keep it generic.
你喜欢你的咖啡吗?
How do you like your coffee?
你上次看电影是什么时候?
When did you watch your last movie?
你觉得这个如何?
What did you think of it?
当某人给你他们的建议时:
And when somebody gives you their opinion:
真正去聆听
really listen.
不要想着听到回答 要听听到的内容
Don’t listen to reply. Listen to listen.
这是不同的
There’s a difference.
这就引出了我的下一个观点
And that brings me to my next point.
活在当下
Be present.
我知道你经历过这个
I know you’ve been through this.
我也经历过
I know I have.
你对某人坦诚相待的时候
You’re pouring your heart out to someone,
他们往往会说:” 是的
and they are like this, “Yeah,
对 没错 继续说
yeah, go on, keep talking.
我能几件事一起做的
I can multitask!
这儿的WiFi是什么?”
What’s with Wi-Fi?”
(笑声)
(Laughter)
你知道吗 当某人试着和你交流的时候
You know, when someone’s tryingto communicate with you,
至少你要真的在交流当中
the least you can dois really be in that conversation.
只要全心全意的专注当下
Just be wholeheartedly present,
专注此时
just be there.
并且 哦!我最喜欢的一部分:进行眼神交流
And – oh! – my favorite part:make eye contact.
相信我 眼神交流就是所有奇迹发生的地方
Trust me, eye contactis where all the magic happens.
你可以感受到交流感
You can feel the conversation.
相信我
And trust me,
当你在看某人的眼睛时
when you are looking at someone in the eye,
十次有九次 他们都不敢看别的地方 对吗?
nine out of ten times, they will not dare look away, right?
(笑声)现在
(Laughter) Now,
只要我能
if only I could look
看到160万人的眼睛
into the eyes of 1.6 million people,
我就不会担心你们
I would not have to worry about you guys tuning out
在广告期间分心
during the ad breaks.
这让我想到
That brings me to this,
我最喜欢的一点 因为我觉得它有一个容易让人记住名字 名字
my favorite point because I think it’s got a catchy name. Name,
地点 动物 事物
place, animal, thing.
你记得那个游戏吗?
You remember that game?
记住关于一个人的小细节
Remember the little detailsabout a person.
记住他们的名字 这很重要
Remember their name.It’s so important.
可怕的是当你第18次遇见某人时
It’s awful when you meet someone
你说
for 18th time, and you say,
“你一定是保罗 不不 皮特”
“You must be Paul, no Peter.Something with the P and it ends with…”
这很糟糕 记住某人的名字并且告诉他们
It’s terrible. Remember someone’s nameand say it back to them.
让对方感觉到你用心了这真的很重要
You have no idea how importantyou’re making them feel,
但这不是唯一的细节
and that’s not the only detail.
还要记住所有其它的细节
Remember all the other details as well.
他们喜欢去的地方
The places they like to go to,
他们去过的地方
the places they’ve been to,
他们想去的地方 他们宠物的名字
the places they want to go to,their pet’s names.
他们的宠物最近怎么样? 他们喜欢的事物
How their pet’s been feeling lately?The things they like.
记住他们孩子的名字 你就赢了
Remember their children’s names,that’s such a winner.
记住他们妻子的名字 他们女友的名字
Remember their wife’s names,their girlfriend’s names.
只要不把最后两个搞混就好 因为搞混了就会是一场灾难
Just don’t mix up the last two because that could be disastrous.
(笑声)
(Laughter)
记住这些关于人们的小细节
Remember these little things
并重复给它们听
about people and repeat it back to them,
问真正有兴趣的
ask be genuinely interested,
你会自然而然地成为关心他们的人
and automatically you kind ofbecome an investor in their well-being,
他们觉得应该让谈话继续下去
so they’ll feel responsible to youto keep that conversation going.
就这些
There we go.
用这7个神奇的方式能和任何人交谈
Seven amazing ways that you canmake conversation with anyone,
还有7个原因
and seven reasonswhy you should use the break
你应该打破沉默
that’s going to come up to talk to a stranger
去和陌生人说话
that you don’t know.
我要用一个例子来结束
I’m going to end with this analogy.
交流就像看一本书
A conversation is like reading a book.
你可以翻到你想看到的任一页
You can turn to any page you want.
你可以跳到你最喜欢的章节
You can flip to your favorite chapter.
你可以想读多久就读多久
You can read as long as you want,
你可以读你想读的
and you can read what you want,
并且每一个人 相信我 都是一本很好的书
and every person, trust me,is a really good book.
并且让我很忧愁的是
And it saddens me so much
整个人类的生活正在被
that entire human livesare being boiled down
140个字符和标题党毁灭
to 140 characters and catchy headlines.
因为这不是我们原本想要表达的
Because that’s not what we are.
我们不要节略版本的交流
We are not abridged versions.
我们整个人类都有故事
We are entire human stories.
我们应该得到更多
We deserve more from each other.
那么 你打算在这个
So what are you going to do
大图书馆里做些什么?
in this big world we call the library?
你是打算随便逛逛
Are you going to walk around,
只是看看硬壳封面和标题?
look at the hard bound copiesand read the titles?
还是会真正伸手
Or are you going to actuallyreach for a book,
取下一本然后开始阅读?
open a page and start reading a story?
由你决定
You decide.
谢谢!
Thank you.
(掌声)
(Applause)

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译制信息
视频概述

勇敢的面对交谈,抓住细节,自然化解交谈的尴尬。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

甪里

审核员

审核员1024

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4Zu5ZZAG7I

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