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自恋型父母的7个表现 – 译学馆
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自恋型父母的7个表现

7 Signs of Narcissistic Parenting

自恋是一种严重的人格障碍
Narcissism is a serious personality disorder
它有很多危害
that has many damaging effects.
远离那些表现出极度自私行为的人
It seems like common sense to stay away
貌似是一种共识
from those who exhibit excessive selfish behavior,
但如果那是你的父母 该怎么办呢?
but what if they’re your own parents?
以下是《自恋型父母的七个表现》
Here are Seven Subtle Signs of Narcissistic Parenting.
一 他们以自我为中心
1. They’re self-centered
并让你也参与其中
and make you join the show too.
每个人都是自我警觉的
Everyone is self-cautious and cares to
都一定程度上在意别人对自己的看法
a certain degree what other people think about them,
这是人性使然
that’s human nature.
但是你有没有好奇 为什么你父母
But do you ever wonder why your parents
在家里与在公众场合表现得如此不同?
act so differently at home than they’re out in public?
即使是自恋者 他们也有卸下伪装的时候
Even for narcissists, their slips and the mask comes off.
自恋型父母
Narcissistic parents take pride in
以炫耀社会地位 外表外貌
flaunting their social status, physical appearance,
物质财产和成就造诣为荣
material possessions and accomplishments.
但他们一旦把车停到路边
But when they no longer have an audience
失去了观众
once they pull up in the driveway,
他们就不再举止得体了
they stop with the nice act.
他们要么批评别人
They either criticize
要么在背后说别人闲话
or talk about others behind their back.
二 他们送你礼物
2. You can’t receive gifts
是有附加条件的
without feeling like there’re strings attached.
送礼物本该是无私的举动
Giving presents is supposed to be a selfless deed.
它是来祝贺
It’s about celebrating the other person’s
收到礼物的这个人的
who’s receiving the gift.
不论是生日 毕业 或者没什么特别的理由
Whether it’s on their birthday, graduation or just because.
那么当收到自恋者送的礼物时
So why does it feel like there are consequences
为什么总觉得会有什么后果呢?
when you receive one from a narcissist?
你若不喜欢或者不使用自恋型父母送的礼物
The narcissistic parent knows how to guilt trip you
那么他们知道如何用负罪感操控你
if you don’t love or use their gift.
等到给他们买礼物的时候
And when it comes to buying presents for them,
不用冥思苦想了
forget having to brainstorm,
他们通常会告诉你 或者提出要求
they usually tell you or demand
他们想以什么作回报
for what they want in return.
三 当你试图设定边界的时候
3. When you try to set boundaries,
他们表现得很无礼
they get offensive.
如果自恋型父母有挚爱的一件事
If there’s one thing a narcissistic parent loves
那必定是控制
is control.
为什么?
Why?
因为平等地对待孩子
Because treating the child like an equal
意味着他们失去了高人一等的地位
would mean they aren’t superior or above them.
如果你跟自恋型父母生活在一起
If you live with a narcissistic parent,
那下面这些情况 有的你可能很熟悉
some of these might sound familiar.
他们未经允许进你房间
they go through your room without your permission
并扔掉一些你的物品
and throw away some of your possessions.
他们指定你可以做哪些课外活动
They dictate your extracurricular activities
可以上哪些兴趣班
or classes you can take.
他们忽略你的想法
And they set unrealistic expectations on you
而在你身上设定不现实的期望值
without hearing what you have to say first.
但当你真正站起来为自己辩护时
But when you do stand up for yourself,
他们很容易受伤或者表现很无礼
they get easily hurt or are offensive
并且会找借口说 我只是在春季大扫除
and use excuses like, it was just spring cleaning
或者说 我这么做都是为了你好
or I’m just doing what’s best for you.
四 你感觉自己更像是他们的木偶
4. You feel like you’re their puppet
而不是他们的孩子
more than you are their child.
化妆打扮 对孩子来讲很有趣
Dress-up and make-believe is fun as a kid,
但是自恋型母亲把这变成了
but narcissistic mothers take that
截然不同的严肃事件
to a whole another serious level.
自恋型父母的患者
Patients of narcissistic parents
接受心理学家采访时
were interviewed by psychologists
其中一个说她妈妈曾经喜欢
and one of them said her mom used to love
给她穿可爱的裙子来打扮她
dolling her up in cute dresses
即便她天生是一个假小子
even though she was a tomboy by nature.
她认为当她收到别人对她父母的夸赞时
She believe that abuses her mom’s self-worth
这放大了她妈妈的自我价值感
when she will receive compliments for her parents.
在自恋型父母眼中
Under eyes of a narcissistic parent,
孩子是他们赖以生存的媒介
the child acts as a medium they can live through.
这就是孩子的独立性如何变弱的
This is how the child’s individuality becomes diminished,
取而代之的是父母的自私欲望
replacing it with their own selfish desires.
五 当他们不在你的决定之内时
5. They feel hurt when you don’t include them
他们感到受伤
in your decisions.
心理治疗师Daniel Sobel表示
Psychotherapist Daniel Sobel says that
自恋型父母以自我保护为基础
a narcissistic parent operates from self-protection,
如果自我受到挫伤
and if the ego is bruised
或者对你做出的决定感到无力控制
or they feel the decision was made they could not control,
那么他们就变得冷酷无情 刁难无礼
they become cruel, blaming and offensive.
身心健康的父母
A healthy parent decides
会决定他们的孩子在晚饭后能吃几颗糖
how many sweets their child can have after dinner.
而自恋型父母想要掌控一切
But a narcissistic parent will want to govern everything,
你将从事哪种事业 你可以跟谁约会
what kind of career you can have, who you can date,
你何时可以搬出去住
and when you can move out.
最让他们害怕的便是
Nothing scares them more
你开始为自己考虑
than when you start thinking for yourself
并且再也不向他们征得批准
and no longer need their validation.
六 没有父母 你感觉自己无法做出明智的决定
6. You feel like you can’t make good decisions without them.
自恋型父母会创建
Narcissistic parenting creates a
一种相互依赖的亲子关系
codependent relationship between the parent and child.
一旦脱离了父母的帮助
This can make the child anxious and
孩子便会紧张焦虑 不知所措
feel lost without the parents help.
但这正是他们的父母想要的
But that’s exactly what they want.
在成长过程中 当想法和感受被忽视时
Often, the child will grow feeling confused and invalidated
他们时常感到困惑迷茫 缺少价值感
when their thoughts and feelings were ignored.
长大后 当想法和感受被忽视时
Often, the child will grow up feeling confused and invalidated
他们会时常感到困惑迷茫 缺少价值感
when their thoughts and feelings were ignored.
尽管经历青春期
Although going through puberty
已经很令人头大了
is already a dizzying experience,
但自恋型父母仍然会
a narcissistic parent will make sure
想方设法摧毁你的自我认同
to tear down your self-identity too,
让你体会到从未有过的孤立无援
leaving you feeling more helpless than ever.
通过这种做法 他们使你依赖于他们
By doing this, they make you depend on them
才能感受到你的自我价值
to feel your own self-worth.
七 他们知道如何扭转局面 扮演受害者
7. They know how to turn the table and play the victim.
无论你有多么正当的辩解
No matter how reasonable or logical your argument is,
自恋型父母总能找到方法
the narcissistic parent will find a way
操控你 并指责你
to manipulate you and point fingers.
自恋者从不对自己的行为承担责任
Narcissists never take responsibility for their actions
并且忽视你的需求和感受
and marginalize your needs and feelings.
这是他们在跟你打心理战
This is how they play mind games with you.
但他们能很轻易地解脱出来
But they get off easy
因为他们很会扮演受害者角色
because they play their victim card well.
然而 他们再也不能了
Not anymore though,
既然你了解了这几种表现
now that you know about these signs,
那么你再也不用参与这场残酷的游戏了
you no longer have to participate in the cruelty.
希望本视频对你有帮助
We hope this video was helpful.
你在挣扎于自恋型父母的掌控下吗
Do you struggle with narcissistic parents?
我们还制作了一个
We also made a video on
《自恋型父母的16个影响》的视频
16 just effects of narcissistic parenting.
请务必观看
Please be sure to check it out.
《来吧!心理学》的粉丝朋友 大家好!
Hey Psych2Go fans!
简要声明
Just a short announcement here.
大家可能注意到了
As many of you may have noticed,
YouTube新增了“会员”按钮
YouTube has added a membership button.
想深入了解我们频道?
And what better way to get involved
那最好的方式就是加入我们的会员
than to add it to our channel?
现在加入成为本频道的专属会员
You can now become an exclusive member to our channel.
您将获得定制表情包 及一枚徽章印在昵称旁边
You’ll get custom emojis and a badge beside your name.
不仅如此
Not only that,
您每月都将获得一份免费电子书
you’ll get a free eBook every month
每季度都将获得一份复印文本
and a hard copy every quarter.
对此我们会为频道灌输更多优质内容
This membership is about adding more to your channel
并为粉丝献上爱与谢意
and showing love to your fans.
我们仍然是每周两次视频更新
We will still be posting videos two times a week
持续更新心理学知识
and keeping psychology up to date.
一定要记得观看哦
So, please make sure to check it out.
谢谢
Thank you!

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视频概述

什么叫自恋型父母?自恋型父母都有哪些表现?你的父母是不是自恋型父母呢?本期视频给你答案

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-1uZ0g0bYA

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