《来吧！心理学》
Hey, thank you for joining us here at Psych2go.
嘿 感谢加入《来吧！心理学》
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若想了解更多 请参考下方的说明
Are there occasional disagreements within your family?
你家里是否偶尔会争吵？
Your sibling is driving you up the wall, and your parents are too harsh?
兄弟姐妹快把你逼疯了 且父母对你太过严厉？
If the answer is yes, no worries, you’re probably still good.
若是如此 别担心 你的处境还不算差
There is no perfectly peaceful family.
没有完全不争不吵的家庭
In the end, you can always count on them to be there for you-
家人最终也是你永远的依靠
and you feel safe and loved.
让你有安全感和被爱感
A toxic family situation, however, is more persistent and constant.
而在不良家庭中 争吵则比正常情况更为持续
Psychological damage from growing up
在这种不健全的环境中成长
in this dysfunctional environment breeds lasting stress,
心理损伤随之而来 这使家庭成员间产生
anxiety, conflict, and fear among the family members.
长久的压力 焦虑 矛盾 以及惧怕
Does this sound a little too close for comfort?
听起来这是否有些过于真实 引起不安？
To find out more, here are seven telltale signs-
为进一步了解 下面有七个能说明问题的迹象
that you are indeed living in a toxic home environment.
表明你的确生活在不良家庭的环境里
One: You feel invisible.
一 无存在感
Having your needs neglected by a family
需求被家人所忽视
can be incredibly damaging to your mental health and self-esteem.
这对你的心理健康和自尊心可能有极大伤害
It’s easy to feel invisible when your parents always act as if they’re too busy for you
当父母总是忙得不可开交 或兄弟姐妹也没空陪你时
Or none of your siblings can make the time to hang out with you.
你便很容易感到被忽视
Nobody seems to care or notice how you’re doing,
似乎没有人关心 或留意你的近况
what you’re feeling, or what you have to say.
无人在意你的心声 你有口难言
Instead of communicating openly and honestly with one another like a healthy family,
不像健康家庭彼此敞开心扉 坦诚交流
yours makes you feel isolated, alone and insignificant.
你的不良家庭则让你深感孤独且毫无价值
Two: You feel pressured.
二 你感到有压力
Have you ever felt crushing guilt, worthlessness,
你是否有过无比内疚 妄自菲薄
or even fear from not getting 100%?
甚至担心自己拿不到满分的时候？
Did that piano recital only land you third place instead of first,
那次钢琴演奏会 你是否得了第三名而非第一名
and now you wonder why you even bothered to try?
而现在你在想当初那么努力到底是为什么？
Your family might be imposing conditions of worth on you,
也许是 你的家人将价值条件强加于你了
which is a toxic behavior.
这样做有害无益
A famous psychotherapist, Carl Rogers,
著名心理学家卡尔·罗杰斯说过
says the conditions of worth means that you only feel loved and accepted by someone-
价值条件指 只有当你满足了人们对你的期望时
when you live up to their expectations of you.
你才能得到他们的关爱与接纳
Parents are particularly guilty of this-
而父母这样做尤其不对
while they may initially believe they’re doing it for your own good.
然而他们最初可能认为 这样做是为你好
They then escalate,
之后便慢慢提高要求
setting unrealistically high standards for you-
对你设置不切实际的高标准
with constant criticism for every perceived tiny mistake.
每每发现一个小小的错误 就经常批评你
This is toxic.
这有害无益
Three: You feel misunderstood and discarded.
三 你感到被误解和被抛弃
Maybe you’ve tried to talk to them,
也许你试过与他们沟通
or give what you feel are obvious signs regarding what you’re going through.
或通过表现让他们明白你正在经历什么
Yet, no one in your family seems to understand you or even care to.
然而 家里似乎没有人理解 或关心你
Your feelings are dismissed,
你的情感被忽视了
and nothing you’re going through is deemed important.
你当下的经历都被认为是无关紧要的
Even though you’re crying out for help, they’re not supportive.
即使你大声求助 他们也不会施以援手
Even though you’re struggling, they remain unsympathetic and indifferent.
就算你在拼命挣扎 他们依然无动于衷
Four: You feel like you’re worth depends on
四 你感觉自身价值取决于
what you can give, not who you are.
你的贡献 而非自己家人的身份
Are your family members only nice to you
你的家人是否向你索取时
when they want something from you?
才会对你好？
Do you know that when they act caring they’re gonna ask for something afterwards?
他们假意关心后 是否就会向你索取？
Saying yes to these questions is a definite red flag courtesy of a toxic family.
若二者兼有 就表明你的家庭是不良家庭
Relatives who act this way will often manipulate you,
如此处事的亲属经常会利用你
exploiting you for their own gain.
为一己之利而压榨你
You’re nothing more to them than a means to an end.
你只是他们达成目的的一种手段
So they’ll continually take without ever giving back.
所以 他们会不断索取 却没有一丝回报
Even worse,
更糟糕的是
giving in to their demands creates a positive feedback loop-
满足他们的要求后 一个正反馈的循环便随之形成
encouraging them to take advantage of you even more.
鼓动他们进一步地剥削你
Five: You feel forced to be around them.
五 你感觉是被强制与他们呆在一起
Another sign of a toxic family is
不良家庭的另一个迹象是
if you feel suffocated simply by being around them.
要是你一与他们呆在一起 就感到窒息
You come home and spend time with them only because you feel you have no choice.
回家跟他们在一起 也只因你别无选择
If you try to make your own life easy,
如果你试着让自己过得轻松些
they’ll make you feel guilty,
他们就会让你有负罪感
even ashamed for abandoning them.
甚至因离开他们而感到羞愧
Painting you as the villain.
把你当成恶人
You feel so helplessly trapped in their vicious cycle of negativity-
无助的你陷入他们消极的恶性循环中
that you may resort to lying, just so you can get a breather.
为了能喘口气 你可能会去说谎
But getting that little break results in a significant feeling of relief.
但就是这点短暂的休息带给你极大的解脱感
Six: They play power politics chess, and you’re the pawn.
六 你是家人强权政治棋盘下的一颗棋子
Power politics is defined as the struggle for power through deceitful and manipulative tactics.
强权政治指 通过欺诈和控制的手段来获得权力
This is common for divorced parents who use their children as leverage against their ex-spouse.
利用孩子来对抗前配偶 这在离异父母中很常见
Or, those in an unhappy marriage who constantly fight at home.
婚姻不幸且常在家吵架的夫妻也如此
Although the toxic behavior isn’t usually directed at the children,
虽然这些不良行为通常不直接针对孩子
it can still be emotionally traumatizing for them,
但仍会对他们造成精神损伤
as it creates a disruptive,
因为这些行为构建了一个
chaotic and unstable growing up environment.
具有破坏性 混乱且不稳定的成长环境
Seven: You feel constantly unhappy being around them.
七 在家人身边 你总是感到不开心
I know we have our occasional bad days,
我知道 偶尔有些日子我们会不太顺心
days when being around anyone even your family is difficult.
那些日子里 和任何人甚至自己的家人在一块儿都很难
That’s fine, that happens and it’s not unhealthy.
没关系 这确实存在 且十分正常
In a toxic familial situation, this feeling is fairly constant.
但在不良家庭里 这种感觉相对频繁
In fact, you might say it’s the norm with how you feel being around your family.
事实上 你可能认为这是在家人身边的常态
They drag you down into their overwhelming and persistent negativity.
你被拖入家人的压倒性的 持续性的消极状态
They are constantly whining and moaning about the unfairness of life,
他们不断唠叨和抱怨着生活的不公
even when good things happen.
即便在好事发生时
They find a way to make it a bad thing.
他们也会设法将其变成坏事
Since they can never let themselves be happy or content,
因为他们永远不会让自己快乐或满足
you can’t either.
你也不行
If you’re not just as unhappy, they may resent you for it.
如果你感到快乐 他们可能会因此生你的气
This toxicity can build over time-
这种毒性会随着时间而增强
like layered rot until the point where the bad stuff is so unbearable,
直到达到令人无法忍受的程度 就像层层的衰败腐烂物
you have to leave for self-preservation.
为了自保 你不得不离开
Living with a toxic family
生活在不良家庭里
puts your mental health at constant risk.
精神健康将持续处于危险中
Moving away from your family
远离家庭
does not necessarily reverse the damaging effects.
不一定能消除这种破坏性的影响
You could be haunted for a long time-
你可能很长一段时间都很困扰
with some psychological scars that might never heal without proper treatment.
身负一些未被恰当治疗 且可能永远无法治愈的心病
So, if you are struggling to cut these people out of your life
所以 如果你努力将这些人从你的生活里踢出去
and create healthy boundaries for yourself,
并为自己创造健康的生活圈子
this is not wrong.
这没有错
In fact, this is healthy.
事实上 这有益于健康
You don’t have to suffer in silence, and you’re not alone.
你不必默默忍受 你也并不孤单
Reach out to a mental health care professional, or social worker-
主动接触心理健康专家 或社会工作者
to get the help you need to protect yourself from any future emotional damage.
以获得所需的援助 来保护自己免受未来的情感伤害
The first step to recovery is simply recognizing the signs.
恢复的第一步是 简单地辨别出这些迹象
Do any of these signs resonate with you?
这些迹象是否引起你的共鸣？
Do you know someone who may be in or was in one of these situations
你是否知道有谁可能 或曾经处于这些处境中？
We hope we’ve helped you understand the world around you a little better.
我们希望能帮你更好地了解周围的世界
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感谢收看