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关于办公室恋情的7个常见问题

7 common questions about workplace romance | The Way We Work, a TED series

办公室恋情是一个难题
Workplace romance can be a tricky topic.
【音乐】
(Music)
【我们工作的方式】
[The Way We Work]
我们应如何处理个人和职场生活的关系?
How do we manage the boundaries between our personal and professional lives?
如何解决职场中性别比例失衡和“动力系统”的问题?
How do we deal with gender imbalances and power dynamics in the workplace?
办公室恋情有许多灰色区域
There’s a lot of gray areain workplace romance.
我将花几分钟解读一些
I’d like to take a few minutes and answer some
常常会问及的问题
of your frequently asked questions.
问题一:我该不该和同事约会?
So,question one:Should I date my coworker? Uh…
这个得看情况
it depends.
你和同事约会是为了找乐子吗
Do you want to date your coworker for a bit of fun?
是为勾搭而约会吗?
Do you want to dateyour coworker to hook up?
因为如果那样的话 还不如上Tinder
Because then you’re reallybetter off on Tinder.
要是你约会同事 是因为
If you want to date your coworker because you really,
你确信你们陷入爱河
sincerely think you’re falling in love with them
或确有发展一段彼此忠贞的长久恋情的可能
or there’s a real potentialfor a long-term, committed relationship,
也许你应该和同事约会
maybe you should date your coworker.
研究指出 你的同事们通常对此事相当看好
Studies show that your coworkersare generally positive about it
如果他们发现你们恋爱了
if they perceivethat you’re falling in love
并真切地关心彼此的话
and genuinely care about each other.
要是你的同事发现你们只是玩玩而已
It’s when your coworkers sense that something else is in play —
这可能就会出事了
that can be disruptive.
问题二:我应该和老板约会吗?
Question two: Should I date my boss?
多数情况下答案都是不 不应和老板约会
In almost all cases, no,you should not date your boss,
因为从此刻起 你就有了一个“动力系统”
because now, you’ve got a power dynamic.
当老板和下属有恋爱关系时
When there’s a relationshipbetween a boss and a subordinate,
这个系统会产生很多负面情绪
it generates a lot of negative feelings,
而这些负面情绪更易滋生
and the negative feelings tend to fall on the person
于活在底层的员工中
who’s lower on the totem pole.
人们总爱猜忌 比如偏心啊
People usually assumesome kind of favoritism,
内幕啊
some kind of inside knowledge,
而这些猜忌可能会引起公愤
and there can be resentmentstirred up by that.
去年一项研究报告显示
There was a study published last year
和上级约会甚至会对你的职业生涯产生消极影响
that suggested dating a superior can even have a negative impact on your career.
研究人员要求线上第三方评估人员设想
The researchers askedthird-party evaluators online
自己在一家律师事务所工作
to imagine that they worked at a law firm.
并让他们给出建议
They asked them to make recommendations
究竟谁应该参加特训
on which employee should get picked
谁又应该晋升为合伙人
for a special training program and which should get promoted to partner.
他们阅览虚拟职员的履历
They looked at credentialsfor imaginary employees,
当其中陈述该员工曾和
and when it was statedthat an employee had been dating
上级谈过恋爱时
or was in a relationship with a superior,
评估人员不大会推荐 这样的人去参加培训或晋升
the evaluators were less likely to pick that person for the training program or the promotion,
尽管他们和那些没和老板谈过恋爱的人
even if they had the exactsame credentials
有一模一样的履历
as someone who wasn’t dating their boss.
评估人员也会迅速掠过其成就
The evaluators were also quickto dismiss their accomplishments.
问题三:我能否和向我作报告的人约会?
Question three: Can I date someone who reports to me?
答案仍是大大的不
Still a big no.
你可能并不认为自己是老板 对吗?
You may not feel likeyou’re really the boss, right?
但你就是老板 这里涉及一个“动力系统”
But you are, and there’sa power dynamic there
其他恋人之间显然没有这个
that’s simply not there for other couples.
如果真的相信这是一份真心
If you really believe there is a sincere,
确实感到两人之间存在
honestly felt, personal connection
长久的 有意义的联系
that would be lasting and meaningful,
那么其中一人就得离职了
one of you may need to move,
但并非总是职位低的一方选择离开
and it shouldn’t always be the person who’s lower in the company pecking order.
问题四:我刚开始和同事约会
Question four: I’ve just started seeing a coworker.
应如何共事?
How do we handle things?
我收到了许多这样的问题
I get this question a lot.
“他们在约会吗?他们没在约会吗?”
“Are they dating? Are they not dating?”
不要把它当作秘密
Don’t keep it a secret.
你无需小题大作
You don’t have to make a big deal of it,
但保密终是有腐蚀性的
but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
人们一般都会把职场上的恋人
People tend to see workplace couples
看作一个组合或整体
as a coalition or a unit,
所以试着让你的同事明白
so try to make it clear to your coworkers
你们不是一个人
that you’re not the same person;
你们彼此喜欢 但也有不同想法
you love each other,but you are going to disagree.
问题五:为什么同事之间吸引力那么大?
Question five: Why are coworkersoften attracted to each other?
有个明显的答案
Well,the obvious answer is
就是人们相处时间越久
people tend to be attracted to each other
就越容易被彼此吸引
the more time they spend together.
但这里还包含一个因素:
But there’s another ingredientthat has to be added:
当工作需要紧密合作时 更可能产生吸引力
attraction tends to happen when there’s work that demandsclose collaboration.
想象你是一个大型团队项目的一员
So imagine you have a big group project
这一项目时间紧迫
with a tight deadline
你们工作到深夜 一起讨论点子
and you’re working late nightsand brainstorming ideas.
你抬头 环顾四周
You look up, and across the table,
有一位同事提出了一个绝妙的点子
one of your colleagues throws out a really great idea.
也许你会有一点悸动 这很正常
You may feel something,and that’s natural.
我们称之为任务依存性
We call this task interdependence.
这是一种成熟的吸引力
It’s a ripe ground for attraction.
同事间相互吸引的
The second reason why people
第二个原因是
at work are attracted to each other
他们可能彼此熟悉
is they may often besimilar to each other.
有这样两句谚语:
There’s two old adages:
“物以类聚 人以群分”和“异性相吸”
“Birds of a feather flock together.”And”Opposites attract.”
心理测试也证实了
Well,the psychologicalresearch suggests…
人以类聚这一古谚
birds of a feather flock together,
我们喜欢和自己类似的人
and we like people who are like us.
问题六:同事总爱调情
Question six: My coworkers are flirting.
很烦人 应该如何应对?
I’m annoyed. What do I do?
一些研究者称 对于那些在工作中调情的人
Some researchers arguethat for people flirting at work,
调情有益于激发他们的创造力
flirting is good and it boosts creativity.
但是我的调查结果显示
But my own research suggeststhings are different
对那些旁观者和被骚扰的人来说 恰恰相反
for people who are watching or who are subjected to the flirting.
这不是很尴尬吗?
It can be awkward, right?
在工作场所看到调情会让人产生一种 规则是何物
Witnessing flirtation in the workplace creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
究竟怎么了的茫然
not knowing what’s going on,
或是看到了一些不该看的东西的想法
or maybe seeing something that you shouldn’t be seeing.
工作时常常目睹调情的人
People who frequently witnessflirting at work —
他们的工作满意度较低
they actually report feelingless satisfied in their jobs,
感到不受公司重视
and they feel less valuedby their company.
他们更倾向于给工作环境打低分
They’re more likely to give a negative appraisal of the work environment,
甚至会考虑离职
and they may even consider leaving.
这一关联在女士身上体现的更明显
For women, this associationcan be even stronger.
这同样适用于人们说
This appears to be the case even when
他们并未被调情所干扰的情况
people report not being bothered by the flirting.
就算他们称享受其中 也是一样
It’s true even when they saythey enjoy it.
一个调情随处可见的环境着实是有害的
So,a flirtatious environmentreally could be toxic.
问题七:工作中的人际关系需不需要约法三章?
Question seven: Do I need a policyon workplace relationships?
你当然需要一条约束性骚扰的政策
You certainly need a policyon a sexual harassment,
我相信大多人力资源部都会注意这点
and I think most HR departmentsrecognize that.
但就我们所说的双方自愿的行为
But for the kind of consensualbehavior we’ve been talking about,
就有一些不同
it’s a little different.
人力资源部的人
As much as people
总愿挥舞着魔法杖
in HR would love to wave a magic wand
说:“你不会陷入办公室恋情”
and say,”Thou shall notfall in love at work,”
这不现实
it’s just not realistic.
情感的纽带和性是人的本能
Emotional connectionand sexuality is who we are.
我挺希望你能摆明立场的
I kind of want you to flip the script a little bit.
我建议人力资源部门认真思考一下
I encourage HRto really think more broadly
他们的角色 不是一定要除去办公室恋情
about their role in not necessarilystamping out office romance,
因为我觉得这不现实
because I don’t think that’s realistic,
那么我应该怎样才能营造出一种
but how do I help create a workplace climate and culture
人们是因其付出才得到尊重 而非出于
where people feel respectedfor their individual contributions,
外貌 性或是人际关系
not for their appearance or their gender,
的公司氛围和文化?
or their personal relationships?
所以 更大的问题是
So the larger question is,
怎样才能保证重视和尊重员工?
how do you make sure people are valued and respected?

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