People naturally gravitate towards others who exuded confidence.
Unfortunately, little phrases you use
can make other people think that
you are totally lacking in self-confidence.
And that’s why in this video,
we are covering 7 of those common phrases,
you might be using and what you should say instead.
The first word be careful with is “Just”.
“Just” is a minimizer,
and there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.
If you say that you’d like just a little bit of rice,
it means that you want very little rice.
But if you say,
“I just wanted to see the new Avengers movie,”
you’re minimizing your desire.
Maybe because you’re complaining you didn’t get to go.
Maybe because you’re trying to make it
seem like it’s not such a big request.
the more confident thing to do is
to let your desire stand on their own.
So cut the word “Just” out of those situations
and especially pay attention for it in your emails,
where I see it misused most frequently.
Often seen attended with “Just” is
“I was wondering” or “I was thinking”.
We often use these phrases to
avoid asking a question directly.
Sometimes because we don’t want to impose
and sometimes because we don’t want to get rejected.
“I was wondering if you’d like to get drinks on Saturday.”
isn’t nearly as confident as asking directly.
“Would you like to get drinks on Saturday?”
“I was just wondering if you’d like to get drinks on Saturday.”
is even worse.
Look out for your text messages
just to see if this crops up in yours.
Next step, we have “Is this guy bothering you?”
Or really any other joke that cuts at your friends publicly.
I often see this with younger guys
who were interacting with a girl that they like.
Because they don’t know how to introduce themselves
and maybe because they’re jealous.
they’ll approach a girl that their friend is talking to by saying
“How do you know this loser”
or “Is this guy bothering you?”
Yes, it’s a joke.
But it makes both of you seem lame since you’re saying
that your friend is boring
and that you are the type of person who keeps boring friends.
Instead, compliment your friends during introductions.
It shows true confidence.
Now, no list of phrases that lack confidence
would be complete without filler words.
额 嗯 像这样的语气词更没自信
For instance, uh… umm… and like.
Realize that you can simply replace all of these with silence.
It’s okay, even recommended to have pauses while you speak.
And the best way by far to notice and move these
is by recording yourself and listening back
while counting the time you use these filler words.
像…… 像…… 像 ……像……
Like, like, like…
Next, we have a double sided issue
for two different types of people.
“I’m sorry”and on the flip side “I’m sorry, but”
Now you should absolutely say
“I’m sorry” from time to time.
But if you’re using it to appease other people,
without really thinking if you’ve done something wrong.
It’s going to reek of low confidence.
相反 那种说“我很抱歉 但是”的人
Conversely, the type of person who says “I’m sorry but”
is trying to smooth things over.
But then immediately justify themselves,
which proves that the sorry,
was just a social manipulation rather than a genuine apology.
Let your “I’m sorry” stand on their own.
下一条是 “你或许不介意 但是”
Next stop is “You probably don’t care but”.
Now this falls to the broader category of disqualifier
before sharing anything,
like “I’m sure you won’t like it”
or “Don’t expect to much”.
If you think that someone won’t like something
either don’t say it or even better
develop the confidence to tell your stories
and share what you have to say with the enthusiasm
that makes the other person fascinated.
Lastly, we have “My ___ is making me”.
My boss is making me. My girlfriend is making me.
When you say this you are positioning yourself
as someone who operates as someone else’s servant.
Instead, recognize that
even if someone is pushing you to do something,
you always get to make the ultimate choice.
So instead just say “I’m going to Cincinnati this week.”
or “I’m going to see the new Bridget Jones’ movie.”
Cutting these phrases out, puts you on the right path.
But if you’d like to take it even further,
you can develop deeper confidence through
mental rehearsal and visualization.
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Anyways, I hope you that enjoy this videos,
I hope you dig in those meditations
if you decide to try out Simple Habit.
and I look forward to seeing you again next week.