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避免这七个短语会让你变得更自信

7 Common Phrases That Show You Lack Confidence

人们自然而然地会被自信洋溢的人所吸引
People naturally gravitate towards others who exuded confidence.
不幸的是 你用的某些短语
Unfortunately, little phrases you use
可能会让别人觉得
can make other people think that
你是一个缺乏自信的人
you are totally lacking in self-confidence.
所以 这个视频会讲述
And that’s why in this video,
你可能常用的7个常用语
we are covering 7 of those common phrases,
以及更好的表达方法
you might be using and what you should say instead.
第一个词 小心使用”只是”
The first word be careful with is “Just”.
“只是”代表最小化
“Just” is a minimizer,
这词本身没什么错
and there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.
若你说“只想要一点点饭”
If you say that you’d like just a little bit of rice,
这意味着你只想要很少的饭
it means that you want very little rice.
但若你说
But if you say,
“我只是想去看新的复仇者联盟电影”
“I just wanted to see the new Avengers movie,”
你实际上是在弱化自己的期望
you’re minimizing your desire.
或许是由于你在抱怨没赶上
Maybe because you’re complaining you didn’t get to go.
又或许是因为你在试图
Maybe because you’re trying to make it
让它显得不是啥大问题
seem like it’s not such a big request.
但无论如何
But regardless,
更为自信的方式
the more confident thing to do is
是直接表达你的渴望
to let your desire stand on their own.
因此这些情况下不要说“只是”
So cut the word “Just” out of those situations
而且尤其要注意在你的邮件里
and especially pay attention for it in your emails,
尽管你过去常常误用
where I see it misused most frequently.
与“只是”常伴的词
Often seen attended with “Just” is
还有“我在想”或者“我认为”
“I was wondering” or “I was thinking”.
我们通常使用这些短语
We often use these phrases to
来间接提问
avoid asking a question directly.
有时可能因为我们不想强迫别人
Sometimes because we don’t want to impose
有时又或许因为不想被拒绝
and sometimes because we don’t want to get rejected.
但要说
But saying
“我在想你周六愿意一起喝一杯吗”
“I was wondering if you’d like to get drinks on Saturday.”
并不如直接询问更显得自信
isn’t nearly as confident as asking directly.
“周六一起出去喝一杯吗”
“Would you like to get drinks on Saturday?”
而说
And saying
“我只想知道周六能一起喝一杯吗”
“I was just wondering if you’d like to get drinks on Saturday.”
就更糟糕了
is even worse.
看看你的短信
Look out for your text messages
看看你有这种情况吗
just to see if this crops up in yours.
下一个 “这个人在骚扰你吗?”
Next step, we have “Is this guy bothering you?”
或者在公共场合中任意的嘲笑你的朋友
Or really any other joke that cuts at your friends publicly.
我常看到这种年轻人
I often see this with younger guys
这样和他们喜欢的女孩交流
who were interacting with a girl that they like.
因为他们不懂怎么介绍自己
Because they don’t know how to introduce themselves
又或许是因为嫉妒
and maybe because they’re jealous.
他们会这样接近正和他们朋友聊天的女孩
they’ll approach a girl that their friend is talking to by saying
“你怎么认识这个混球的”
“How do you know this loser”
或 “这个人在骚扰你吗”
or “Is this guy bothering you?”
这的确是个玩笑
Yes, it’s a joke.
但这样会使得你们俩都很尴尬
But it makes both of you seem lame since you’re saying
因为你说你朋友很无聊
that your friend is boring
而你也是交无聊朋友的人
and that you are the type of person who keeps boring friends.
相反 在介绍自己的时候称赞自己的朋友
Instead, compliment your friends during introductions.
能展示真正的自信
It shows true confidence.
接下来 名单上没有什么
Now, no list of phrases that lack confidence
其他短语比
would be complete without filler words.
额 嗯 像这样的语气词更没自信
For instance, uh… umm… and like.
你得明白这些词都可以用沉默代替
Realize that you can simply replace all of these with silence.
没错 甚至建议你在说话时要有所停顿
It’s okay, even recommended to have pauses while you speak.
目前注意和改善的最佳方法是
And the best way by far to notice and move these
是将自己说的话录音然后回听
is by recording yourself and listening back
你用了哪些语气词
while counting the time you use these filler words.
像…… 像…… 像 ……像……
Like, like, like…
接下来 对于不同类型的人
Next, we have a double sided issue
会有一个两面性的问题
for two different types of people.
“很抱歉”和相反的“很抱歉 但是”
“I’m sorry”and on the flip side “I’m sorry, but”
有时你绝对应该说
Now you should absolutely say
“我错了”
“I’m sorry” from time to time.
但如果你这样说是为安抚别人
But if you’re using it to appease other people,
而不真正思考自己是否做错了
without really thinking if you’ve done something wrong.
就会加深你的不自信
It’s going to reek of low confidence.
相反 那种说“我很抱歉 但是”的人
Conversely, the type of person who says “I’m sorry but”
是想平息这件事
is trying to smooth things over.
然后立马为自己辩解
But then immediately justify themselves,
这表示他们的抱歉
which proves that the sorry,
只是被道德约束而非真诚的道歉
was just a social manipulation rather than a genuine apology.
说“我很抱歉”就够了
Let your “I’m sorry” stand on their own.
下一条是 “你或许不介意 但是”
Next stop is “You probably don’t care but”.
现在这句话比分享事情前的否定
Now this falls to the broader category of disqualifier
还要糟糕
before sharing anything,
诸如“你肯定不会喜欢”
like “I’m sure you won’t like it”
或“别期盼太多”
or “Don’t expect to much”.
如果你觉得某人不会喜欢什么
If you think that someone won’t like something
要不就不说
either don’t say it or even better
要不就自信的讲述你的故事
develop the confidence to tell your stories
激情的分享你的干货
and share what you have to say with the enthusiasm
让其他人也深深陶醉于此
that makes the other person fascinated.
最后 “是我的某某让我这样做的”
Lastly, we have “My ___ is making me”.
是我老板让我这样做 我女朋友让我这样做
My boss is making me. My girlfriend is making me.
诸如此类
Whatever.
说出这些话
When you say this you are positioning yourself
你就是在把自己当成了某人的仆人
as someone who operates as someone else’s servant.
取而代之 你要认识到
Instead, recognize that
就算有人逼你做事
even if someone is pushing you to do something,
你也要由自己来做最后的决定
you always get to make the ultimate choice.
所以 不要仅仅说“我这周要去辛辛那提”
So instead just say “I’m going to Cincinnati this week.”
或 “我要去看电影《布里奇特·琼斯》”
or “I’m going to see the new Bridget Jones’ movie.”
避免使用这些短语 会让你更受欢迎
Cutting these phrases out, puts you on the right path.
但 如果你愿意做更多
But if you’d like to take it even further,
你可以通过复述和可视化方法
you can develop deeper confidence through
让自己变得更自信
mental rehearsal and visualization.
我们视频的赞助商
Our sponsor for this video
“简习”在这方面就做得很好
Simple Habit is excellent for that.
这款应用
It’s an app that has
有许多不同的冥想选择供免费使用
tons of different meditations options for free.
我刚开始的冥想
And the one that I was start with for feeling
让我更积极自信 它的名字是“快乐7天”
more positive and confidence is called 7 Days of Joy.
如果你想解锁“简习”里面所有不同的冥想指导
And if you like to unlock all the different guided meditation for Simple Habit has,
仅需12美元一个月
it’s just 12 dollars a month.
到现在 我已经持续这样做几个月了
Now, I’ve been doing this for several months now
我觉得很值得
and it’s absolutely been worth it for me.
但如果你想看看
But if you like to check it out for yourself
这款应用适不适合自己
and see if it’s right for you,
你可以免费试用一周
you can go ahead and get a free week long trial of
“简习”里所有的冥想
all the meditation that Simple Habits has including the ones
包括我在下面的链接中提到过的冥想
that I mentioned using the link below.
只需要确定在你自己的平板
Just make sure that you do it on your iPad
或手机上播放 毕竟它是款手机应用
or your phone because it’s a mobile app after all.
不管怎样 希望你可以喜欢这个视频
Anyways, I hope you that enjoy this videos,
我希望你认真去冥想
I hope you dig in those meditations
如果你决定试试“简习”
if you decide to try out Simple Habit.
希望下周可以再次见到你
and I look forward to seeing you again next week.

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视频概述

视频内说了七个会让人觉得你很自卑的短语,并在最后提出一款教人冥想的应用,通过这款应用可以让你变得更加自信

听录译者

刘倩Rachel

翻译译者

审核员

审核员

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce2uYAaAdAg

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