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We’re all selfish to a certain degree.
But problems only develop
when it reaches the high level of self-centerness
that teeters on the edge of narcissism.
If you have a family member, romantic partner or a co-worker
that makes you feel invisible because they rarely pay attention to your needs,
know that you’re not alone.
Here are 6 effective ways to deal with selfish people.
1. Try to understand what is triggering their selfish behavior.
心理治疗师 F Diane Barth 强调
Psychotherapist F Diane Barth emphasizes the idea
that understanding does not mean letting someone off the hook,
but learning about what is motivating someone
to be selfish and detecting their patterns
can help you be less dismissive of their behavior.
As humans, it is an instinct to be selfish.
Children for instance are naturally selfish
because learning to understand the feelings and needs of others
is something taught to them as they get older.
Elderly people and those with illnesses are also selfish
because it’s a way of survival.
When you learn about what is motivating someone else’s selfishness,
then you can understand why it is sometimes essential.
2. Try not to take their selfish actions personally.
Instead, stay true to yourself.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in someone else’s accusations.
If someone is making you feel bad
for not paying enough attention to them,
know that you don’t have to stoop to their level,
nor do you have to take their words or actions personally.
配合他们的时间 为他们省麻烦 都不是你的责任
It’s not your job to serve someone at their own time and convenience.
If you think you’re in a toxic friendship,
check out our video, “Ways To Recognize Toxic Friendship”,
for more helpful advice.
Being around a self-centered person
can be overwhelming and exhausting,
that you may experience bouts of anger frustration or sadness.
Know that you are still in control
and that you don’t have to be reactive towards their selfishness.
Instead, focus on alleviating the pressure you feel
through your favourite hobbies or fun events.
3. Become familiar with the misconceptions about selfishness.
There are many misconceptions about selfishness.
举个例子 根据 Barth 的说法
For instance, according to Barth,
it is common in our culture to believe
that having kids is a selfless act.
And that not having kids is selfish.
But people can have kids for selfish reasons,
such as a way to be loved,
bond more closely with a spouse,
or to fulfill a parent’s wish.
This is why it’s crucial to examine circumstances carefully
and reevaluate what is considered selfish or selfless.
People can be selfish without knowing it.
Help them understand their motives behind their actions.
4. Bring up topics you’re interested in discussing during conversations.
If you feel uncomfortable always
listening to someone else talk about themselves,
you can interject in a non-combative way.
Whether you enjoy art, music or philosophy,
you can change a subject midway through a conversation
with a simple question.
比如 “嘿 你有没有听说过某某某呢？”
Such as, “Hey, have you heard of so-and-so?”
Or with a statement like,
last night I came across X Y & Z.
一开始 这样做可能显得突兀 甚至随便
Initially it may seem abrupt and even random,
but this gives the person a hint that the two of you
have been spending too much time on their stories.
If you find that an individual
keeps trying to go back to their own topic,
You can politely remind them that you’ve already heard about it.
This will prevent you from giving in to their attention seeking ways.
5. Limit the amount of time that you spend together
and hang out with supportive people.
Space always helps.
When you limit the amount of time that you spend together with a selfish person,
能让你变得更自由 从而能够关心自己的快乐 做回自己
you can obtain more freedom to take care of your own happiness and be who you are,
instead of getting caught up in meeting their needs.
This is more approachable than shutting them out altogether,
especially if the selfish individual is a family member
or a co-worker that you can not easily avoid.
When you set healthy boundaries,
you’re reminding them that the world does not revolve around them.
It also gives you the opportunity
to spend more time with supportive friends and family members
who believe in helping you grow and evolve.
This will prevent you from being stuck with fulfilling someone else’s responsibilities.
6. Learn the difference between healthy selfishness and toxic selfishness.
When you constantly deal with a selfish person,
you often experience guilt for putting yourself first.
Remember, you’re not doing anything wrong.
Taking care of yourself is a right that you have.
但是 有毒的自私的人会操纵你 让你不这么想
But toxic selfish people can manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
This is why it’s essential to practice self-love.
We all need healthy degrees of selfishness
to sustain our mental health and well-being.
When you recognize toxic patterns of selfishness,
you can break out of them by choosing not to give in to them.
Treat yourself every once in a while and fulfill your own desires and needs.
You’re important too.
Are you dealing with a selfish person in your life?
Please share your thoughts with us below.
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