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与自私的人相处的六种方法

6 Ways To Deal With Selfish People

《来吧!心理学》
《来吧!心理学》的观众们 大家好
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We hope you enjoy this video.
我们都有一定程度的自私
We’re all selfish to a certain degree.
但是这不会构成问题
But problems only develop
除非自私的程度
when it reaches the high level of self-centerness
高到了濒临自恋的边缘
that teeters on the edge of narcissism.
如果你的家人 情侣或者同事
If you have a family member, romantic partner or a co-worker
经常忽略你的需要 让你觉得自己是隐形的
that makes you feel invisible because they rarely pay attention to your needs,
你要知道 你不是一个人
know that you’re not alone.
下面是与自私的人相处的6个有效方法
Here are 6 effective ways to deal with selfish people.
1. 试着了解是什么引发了他们的自私行为
1. Try to understand what is triggering their selfish behavior.
心理治疗师 F Diane Barth 强调
Psychotherapist F Diane Barth emphasizes the idea
理解对方并不等同于解除对方的责任
that understanding does not mean letting someone off the hook,
但是 当你了解某人为什么会自私
but learning about what is motivating someone
同时探测出他们的行为模式
to be selfish and detecting their patterns
你就比较不会无视他们的行为
can help you be less dismissive of their behavior.
自私是人类的本能
As humans, it is an instinct to be selfish.
比如说 儿童生性自私
Children for instance are naturally selfish
因为他们只有在长大之后
because learning to understand the feelings and needs of others
才会学会理解别人的感受和需要
is something taught to them as they get older.
老年人和患病的人也是自私的
Elderly people and those with illnesses are also selfish
因为这就是生存的方式
because it’s a way of survival.
当你了解到别人的自私背后的动机
When you learn about what is motivating someone else’s selfishness,
你就会明白自私为什么有时候是必要的
then you can understand why it is sometimes essential.
2. 不要把他们的自私行为放在心上
2. Try not to take their selfish actions personally.
但是 你要坚持做回自己
Instead, stay true to yourself.
别人的指责很容易让人难以释怀
It’s easy to get wrapped up in someone else’s accusations.
如果有人以你忽略了他们为由
If someone is making you feel bad
使你感到愧疚
for not paying enough attention to them,
你要知道 你不需要跟他们一般见识
know that you don’t have to stoop to their level,
也不需要把他们的言行放在心上
nor do you have to take their words or actions personally.
配合他们的时间 为他们省麻烦 都不是你的责任
It’s not your job to serve someone at their own time and convenience.
如果你觉得这份友情有毒
If you think you’re in a toxic friendship,
请观赏我们的视频《辨识有毒友情的方法》
check out our video, “Ways To Recognize Toxic Friendship”,
以得到更多实用的建议
for more helpful advice.
与一个自私的人相处
Being around a self-centered person
会让人不堪重负 心力交瘁
can be overwhelming and exhausting,
甚至让你感到愤怒 苦恼或者悲伤
that you may experience bouts of anger frustration or sadness.
你要知道 控制权仍在你手中
Know that you are still in control
所以你不必对他们的自私有任何反应
and that you don’t have to be reactive towards their selfishness.
你要专注在你喜欢的爱好和好玩的活动上
Instead, focus on alleviating the pressure you feel
借以缓和自己的压力
through your favourite hobbies or fun events.
3. 熟悉人们对于自私的误解
3. Become familiar with the misconceptions about selfishness.
人们对自私有各种各样的误解
There are many misconceptions about selfishness.
举个例子 根据 Barth 的说法
For instance, according to Barth,
在我们的文化中 有很多人相信
it is common in our culture to believe
生儿育女是无私的行为
that having kids is a selfless act.
而不生育则是自私的行为
And that not having kids is selfish.
但是生儿育女也可以是出自自私原因的
But people can have kids for selfish reasons,
比如说 为了获取爱
such as a way to be loved,
为了与另一半变得更亲密
bond more closely with a spouse,
或者为了完成父母的心愿
or to fulfill a parent’s wish.
所以 一定要仔细探讨对方的处境
This is why it’s crucial to examine circumstances carefully
并且重新评估自私或无私的标准
and reevaluate what is considered selfish or selfless.
人们可以在不知不觉中表现得自私
People can be selfish without knowing it.
所以你要帮他们了解自己的行为背后的动机
Help them understand their motives behind their actions.
4. 交谈时将你感兴趣的话题提出来讨论
4. Bring up topics you’re interested in discussing during conversations.
如果别人总是说着自己的事情
If you feel uncomfortable always
让你感到不自在
listening to someone else talk about themselves,
你可以温和地插话
you can interject in a non-combative way.
不管你喜欢的是艺术 音乐或者哲学
Whether you enjoy art, music or philosophy,
在谈话中途换个话题的方法
you can change a subject midway through a conversation
就是问个简单的问题
with a simple question.
比如 “嘿 你有没有听说过某某某呢?”
Such as, “Hey, have you heard of so-and-so?”
又或者说出这样的话
Or with a statement like,
“昨晚我遇到了X Y和Z”
last night I came across X Y & Z.
一开始 这样做可能显得突兀 甚至随便
Initially it may seem abrupt and even random,
但是这样做能向对方暗示
but this gives the person a hint that the two of you
你们在对方的故事上花了太多时间
have been spending too much time on their stories.
如果你发现某人
If you find that an individual
一直尝试绕回去自己的话题
keeps trying to go back to their own topic,
你可以有礼貌地提醒他们 你已经听说过了
You can politely remind them that you’ve already heard about it.
这样 你就不会屈服于对方对注意力的渴求
This will prevent you from giving in to their attention seeking ways.
5. 为你们相处的时间设限
5. Limit the amount of time that you spend together
并与支持你的人交往
and hang out with supportive people.
制造空间一定对你有帮助
Space always helps.
限制你与自私的人相处的时间
When you limit the amount of time that you spend together with a selfish person,
能让你变得更自由 从而能够关心自己的快乐 做回自己
you can obtain more freedom to take care of your own happiness and be who you are,
不必再忙着满足他们的需要了
instead of getting caught up in meeting their needs.
这种做法比将他们拒之门外来得友善
This is more approachable than shutting them out altogether,
特别是当这位自私的人是家人
especially if the selfish individual is a family member
或者一个不容易避开的同事的时候
or a co-worker that you can not easily avoid.
当你设置健康的界限时
When you set healthy boundaries,
你是在提醒他们 世界不是围绕他们打转的
you’re reminding them that the world does not revolve around them.
这样做也让你有机会
It also gives you the opportunity
多与会支持你的朋友和家人相处
to spend more time with supportive friends and family members
因为他们相信帮助你成长和发展的重要性
who believe in helping you grow and evolve.
这样你就不必永无止尽地履行别人的责任了
This will prevent you from being stuck with fulfilling someone else’s responsibilities.
6. 了解健康的自私和有毒的自私之间的差异
6. Learn the difference between healthy selfishness and toxic selfishness.
当你持续与自私的人打交道时
When you constantly deal with a selfish person,
把自己放在首位 常常会让你感到愧疚
you often experience guilt for putting yourself first.
记住 你并没有做错什么
Remember, you’re not doing anything wrong.
照顾自己是你拥有的权利
Taking care of yourself is a right that you have.
但是 有毒的自私的人会操纵你 让你不这么想
But toxic selfish people can manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
所以 练习自爱是很重要的
This is why it’s essential to practice self-love.
我们需要有健康程度的自私
We all need healthy degrees of selfishness
才能维持精神健康和幸福感
to sustain our mental health and well-being.
当你意识到了有毒的自私模式的存在
When you recognize toxic patterns of selfishness,
脱离它们的方法 就是选择不屈服于它们
you can break out of them by choosing not to give in to them.
你要偶尔犒劳自己 满足自己的欲望和需要
Treat yourself every once in a while and fulfill your own desires and needs.
你也很重要
You’re important too.
你在生命中是否要跟一个自私的人相处呢?
Are you dealing with a selfish person in your life?
请在下方与我们分享你的想法
Please share your thoughts with us below.
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感谢收看!
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视频概述

与自私的人相处的六种方法

听录译者

果松松

翻译译者

搬那度

审核员

审核员DB

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzIDgEEg7no

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