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结交新朋友时的6个建议|交友

6 Tips for Meeting New Friends (and Breaking the Ice)

几个星期前 我失去了所有朋友
So, a couple of weeks ago, I lost all of my friends.
你们可能还记得我发布的这个视频
You probably remember I put out this video
《人们常犯的和钱相关的7种错误》
on seven different money mistakes people often make
在那个视频里 我傻呼呼地公开表示
and in that video, I publiclydeclared, very stupidly,
我真的很享受看财务电子表格
that I actually enjoy lookingat financial spreadsheets.
从那时起 没有一个朋友回复我消息
And ever since then, none of my friends have texted me back.
更奇怪的是 每次我出门
And weirdly, every time I go out in public,
我都听到别人朝我喊呆子
I just hear people yelling nerd at me.
我不知道为什么 无论如何
I don’t know why. Anyway,
从那之后 我一直试着
since then, I’ve been trying
交一些新的朋友 在这个过程中
to make some new friends, and in that process,
我有了个发现
I have made a discovery,
现在交朋友不像
which is that makingfriends really isn’t as easy
我孩提时交朋友那么简单
as it was back when I was kid.
但这不重要 事实上我
But that doesn’t matter, I actually,
我还是有一些朋友
I do have some friends still.
像冰棒 加里 泰勒 爱德华多
There’s Bing Bong, there’sGary, there’s Tyler, Eduardo,
看 我有一堆朋友
see I got tons of friends.
但我还想交更多朋友
Still, I would like to make some more.
我也不会因为你
And I would not be surprised if you feel
在交友时和我有一样的感受而惊讶
the exact same way thatI do about making friends
因为这是个非常普遍的问题
because this is a very,very common problem.
许多人觉得交朋友很难
A lot of people find itdifficult to make friends.
特别是当他们长大 或比方说当他们搬到新的城市
Especially as they get older or when they say, move to new city.
因此 作为一个在过去的一年半里
So as somebody who isin fact getting older,
真的变得成熟
and who moved to a new city
还搬到了新城市的人
in the past year and a half,
我想分享一些交友的建议和策略
I wanna share some tips and strategies for making new friends.
过一会儿 我们要做件
And we’re gonna do something that
我从没做过的事情
I haven’t done in quite a while,
就是做两个分集视频
which is make a two part video.
所以在这一集 我们把重点放在
So in this video, we’regonna focus on the process
交新朋友的过程
of making new friends.
我们会谈到怎样
We’re gonna talk about how to
与新朋友见面和如何打破僵局
meet new people and also break the ice,
这样 你就能和别人有愉快的交流
so you can actually have great conversations.
这周迟些日子 我再
And then later this week, I’m gonna
上传第二分集 内容全是关于
release a second video which will be all about how to take
如何对待泛泛之交和不上心的友谊
those casual acquaintances and casual friendships
并把它们转换为更深层次 更有意义的友谊
and turn them into deeper, more meaningful friendships.
今天的视频包括六条不同的建议
Now, today’s video is goingto include six different tips,
但在介绍前
but before we get into those,
我想分享集作家与演说家于一体的金克拉先生的一句话
I do wanna share a quote from the author and speaker, Zig Ziglar.
“如果你想找个朋友
If you go looking for a friend,
“你会发现很少有人满足你的要求
you’re going to find they’re very scarce.
“如果你把自己当成别人的朋友 那朋友随处可得”
If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.
当你要将本集视频内的建议付诸行动时
Keep this in mind when you’re trying
要牢记这句话
to put the tips in this video into action.
如果你能记住交友是关于给予
If you can remember that making friends is about giving
而不是得到 关于付出
more than receiving, about putting in a lot of effort,
和关于帮助他人
and about helping people, then you’re
那你在交友上就没有任何问题
gonna have no problem whatsoever making friends.
记住这些 让我们谈谈建议吧
And with that, let’s move on to the tips.
从第一条建议开始
Starting with tip number one,
出门做一些积极的事情
which is to go out and do active things.
这条建议来自多年前
Now, this tip stems from a question I got
一个学生的疑问
from a student years ago,
这么多年 很多发消息给我的人
and that has been repeated by many other people
一直在重复问这个问题
who’ve messaged me inthe intervening years.
就是问 我要去哪里认识别人
Which was where do I go to meet people.
谁能成为我的朋友
who could become my friends?
这个人 问我这种问题的第一个人
And this person, the first person who asked me this question,
根本不知道要去哪里
didn’t really know where to go
因为他们只邻近交友
because they had really only made friends by proximity.
无论他们是在孩提时的街区
Whether it be in their neighborhood when they were kids,
还是在大学寝室里
or in their dorm in college.
我告诉他们的是
And what I told them was
如果你想遇见真正又酷
if you wanna meet friends who actually do cool things,
又很活跃的人
who are active,
那你要去那些酷事发生的地方
then you have to go to where active things are happening.
你不能只是坐在寝室等着
You can’t just sit around your dorm room waiting
别人进来说:“嘿 朋友
for somebody to walk in and say, ‘ hey dude,
你想玩极限飞盘吗”
you wanna play Ultimate frisbee?’
不 你需要看下大学的活动目录
No, you need to look at maybe your campus’ activities directory
或者城市的聚会小组
or like a Meetup group in your city,
这些真正会为极限飞盘碰面的组织
that actually meets for Ultimate frisbee.
露个面 你就能
Show up, and you’re going to
遇到真正喜欢那项运动的人
start meeting people who are into that activity.
现在 如果你想知道
Now if you’re wondering
如何能真正找到这些活动
how to actually find these sorts of activities,
我这儿有些建议
I do have a few suggestions for you.
一 在自己当地社区寻找
One, look in your local community.
举个例子 我会去
For example, I go to a gym that’s
离我公寓几个街区的健身房
just a few blocks away from my apartment
每次去那儿 我都能看到
and every single time I’m there, I see bulletin boards
贴着校园运动和别的小组的广告
with advertisements for intermural sports and other groups
只要我想 我能很容易参加这些活动
that I could easily join if I wanted to.
另外 也有像meetup.com的网站
In addition to that, thereare sites like meetup.com
有数百个 如若不是 数千个不同的小组
which has hundreds, if not, thousands of different groups
会被列出
for all different types
从而找到对你而言心仪的女生
of interests that are gonna be listed for your area.
所以一定要去看看
So definitely check out that one.
你也可以去脸书上看看
And you could also look at Facebook.
现在 你不应去看脸书上的新闻
Now, you should probably stay off the newsfeed on Facebook
如果你不想彻底遏制创造力
if you don’t wanna absolutelydestroy your productivity,
那你应关注脸书上的小组功能
but the Groups feature on Facebook
和事件功能
and the Events feature on Facebook.
这两个功能是你发掘活动的金矿
These two are goldmines for finding events
你能找到潜在的朋友
where you could find potential friends.
接下来讲到第二条建议
And that leads us into tip number two,
不要害怕尝试新事物
don’t be afraid to try new things.
你可能会试着看Meetup
You might be tempted to look at Meetup,
看脸书 并且只看
to look at Facebook, and to only look
你已会的事物
at things you’re already into.
但是记住 人脑非常擅长适应
But remember, the human brain is very good at adapting
你根本不知道你会喜欢什么
and you don’t know what you’re going to like
除非你去尝试
until you try it.
所以尝试一些新的事物吧
So try something new.
比如说 就在这周
For example, just this week,
我第一次尝试了
I tried out rock climbing and mountain biking
攀岩和山地骑行
for the first time.
毫不意外 我发现
And I found, no surprise,
这两项运动都极其有趣
that both of those things are extremely fun.
如果我只拘泥玩滑板和溜滑轮
If I only stuck to skateboarding and rollerblading,
这两样我从小玩儿到大的东西
which are the things I did ever since I was a kid,
那我有点限制了自己
then I’d be limiting myself quite a bit.
但我并没有
But I don’t.
我总是积极尝试新事物
I actively try to do new things all the time
因为我知道我可能会喜欢上它们
because I know that I’m probably gonna like them.
即使我不喜欢
And even if I don’t,
我可以直接换到些别的
I can just move on to something else.
记住 当你尝试新事物
Remember! The only thing you lose
但最终并不喜欢它 你唯一失去的
if you try something out and end up not liking it
就是值得的一下午时间
is say, an afternoon worth of your time.
这也不是那么糟糕的付出代价
Which isn’t that bad of a price to pay.
现在如果你想要些活动的建议
Now if you want a few activity suggestions,
我要重申一遍 山地骑行和攀岩
I will reiterate, mountain biking and rock climbing
都非常有趣 并且如果你住在大城市
are both insanely fun. And if you live in a big city,
可以找一下
I’m starting to see dirt jump parks pop up
山地车公园
for mountain biking.
所以你不必
So you don’t even have to go out
到森林里旅行漫步
into the forest and find a trail.
城市也有许多攀岩健身房
And there are also lots of climbing gyms.
如果你在找一些不那么极端
And if you’re looking for something a little less extreme,
不那么激烈的运动 你唯一真正很享受的
a little less active, one thing that I really enjoy doing
就是玩万智牌
is playing Magic: The Gathering.
许多城市都有当地的游戏商店
And most towns have a local game shop
在那儿 会举办像万智牌周五夜和指挥官之夜这样的活动
that host events like Friday Night Magic, and Commander Nights
你可以到场 玩游戏
where you can show up, play that game,
遇到很多新朋友
and meets lots of new people.
现在强调一下 这些只是构想
Now, to reiterate, these are just ideas.
你不必一整天去山地骑行 攀岩
You don’t have to go havea day of mountain biking, climbing,
或者玩万智牌
and Magic: The Gathering.
如果别的事物引起了你的兴趣
If something else piques your interest,
出门 尝试一下
go out and try it,
你可能就发现了新的爱好和一些新朋友
and you just might find a new hobby and some new friends.
目前 这个愿景非常好
Now, that prospect is very exciting
但我还是想提醒你
but I do want to remind you,
建议三 不要忽视邻近朋友
tip number three here, don’t ignore proximity friends.
你知道 邻近朋友就是那些住得和你很近的人
You know, proximity friends are the people who live near you.
当你孩提时 你有许多邻近朋友 对吧
And you had lot of these when you were a kid, right?
你其实就在街区玩 就和
You kinda went out into the neighborhood and just played
那些住得近的人玩
with whoever happened to be near you.
在学校和在大学时 也是一样
And this is probably also thecase for school and college.
当人们长大成人了
And when people get to be adults,
我觉得他们似乎忘记了基于近度的友谊
I think they kinda forget that proximity-based friendships
能真的很不错
can actually be very good.
他们只寻找聚会
They’re only looking for the meetups.
他们只寻找那些分享当下爱好的人
They’re only looking for people who share their current interest.
但邻近交友中有一点就是
But the thing aboutproximity-based friendships
你交的这些朋友
is that these are friendships with people
能拓展你的视野 因为他们比你更喜欢不同的事物
who might expand your horizons because they like different things than you like.
记住 你不必为了成为别人的朋友
Keep in mind that you don’t have to have the exact same set
而和别人有完全一样的兴趣爱好
of interests to be friends with somebody.
如果你有对象的话 也可以以此类推
And a great analogy for this is your relationship if you have one.
我和我女朋友在一起六年了
I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years and
我们分享一些特定的兴趣爱好的同时
while we do share certain interests,
各自也有许多
we also have a lot of interests
对方根本不喜欢的兴趣爱好
that the other person doesn’t really like
但这没有阻止我们成为好朋友
but that doesn’t stop us from being great friends
此外 还成了恋人
in addition to being in a relationship.
所以无论你住在哪儿 如果你找到机会
So wherever you live, if you find the opportunity
开始和邻居聊天 那抓住这个机会
to strike up a conversation with a neighbor, take that opportunity.
这样就和在Meetup的兴趣小组一样
That could just as easily lead to a friendship
能轻松交到朋友
as an interest-based Meetup group.
好了 我已经提供你几个
All right, so I’ve given you a few places
你能出门遇到新朋友的地方
where you can go out and meet new people.
但还剩下一个问题有待解答
But that leaves one questions unanswered,
就是你如何打破僵局
which is how do you actually break the ice?
你如何把谈话真正地领向友谊的方向
How do you get those conversations going that actually lead to friendships?
这就是接下来几条建议涵盖的内容
Well, that is what the next few tips are going to cover,
包括了第四条建议
including tip number four,
也就是使用三秒规则
which is to use the three second rule.
我现在在想
And now that I’m thinking about it,
自己当时应该把这个做成第三条建议
I kinda wish I’d made that tip number three,
但现在已经迟了
but too late now.
三秒规则的核心就是
So here’s the crux of the three second rule.
如果你在活动上看到
If you’re at an event and you see somebody
一个你想聊的人
who you want to talk to,
三秒内作出决定
decide within three seconds
无论你是否真的走过去并开始同他聊天
whether or not your going to actually walk up and strike up a conversation.
如果你超过这个时间还在等待
If you wait any longer than that,
你的大脑会开始编造出各种各样
your brain’s going to start concocting all sorts of reasons
你不该前去的理由 对吗
why you shouldn’t, right?
你可能会认为他们看上去很忙
You’re gonna think they look busy,
或者认为自己会看上去很傻
or you’re gonna look silly,
然后你会告诉自己不要做这事儿
and then you’re gonna talk yourself out of doing it.
所以取而代之 在三秒内告诉你自己
So instead, within the first three seconds, tell yourself,
要么好 我要走过去和那人交流
either yes, I’m gonna walk up and talk to that person,
或者不 我要走开
or no, I’m going to walk away.
然后去行动
And then act on it.
与此类似的是
And, on a related note,
试着适应一种现象
work to become comfortable with the fact
就是 有些谈话就是会失败
that some conversations aresimply going to fizzle out
或会变得很尴尬
or become awkward.
这也就是人们对于搭讪交流
This is probably the most common fear people have
最普遍的恐惧了
about striking up conversations.
在内心深处 我们知道别人大概不会
Deep down, we know that the other person probably isn’t
走开或者讲一些像
going to walk away or say something ridiculous like,
你怎么敢想和我讲话 这种荒谬的东西
how dare you even think to talk to me,
雷金纳德·皮耶文顿·兰开斯特三世
Reginald Peevington Lancaster the Third.
你怎么知道我的家族血统
Why do you even know how far my family lineage
可以追溯到多久前 什么呀
can be traced back? What what?
事实上 人们害怕的是
But what people are afraid of, realistically,
失败或尴尬的谈话
is the conversation fizzling out or getting awkward.
实话说 这有时也会发生
And truthfully, this is gonna happen sometimes.
甚至发生在纯外向者身上
It even happens to total extroverts.
有些人就会谈不拢
Some people just don’t click.
但如果你能克服这点并且
But if you can get over this fear and become
接受有时谈话会朝不好的方向发展
okay with the fact that it’s going to happen sometimes,
那就会多了
that’s gonna lead to more interactions
你觉得遇到了聊得来的朋友
which makes it more likely
这样的交流互动
that you’re gonna meet people who you actually do click with.
最后 如果你想继续你们的对话
And finally, if you wannakeep your conversations going,
那么确保你对他人保持兴趣
then make sure you take aninterest in the other person
并问许多问题
and ask a lot of questions.
这条建议适用于
This is a tip for all the people out there
那些和新朋友谈话中
who don’t really know what
不知道讲什么的人
to say in conversations with new people.
他们知道自己可以过去说 你好
They know they can come up and say hi,
如果他们想的话 之后可以谈论天气 但此后
and then they can talk about the weather, if they want, but then,
他们又会害怕谈话失败
again, they’re afraid of things fizzling out.
如果你不想失败 那么
If you don’t want them to fizzle out, well,
可能对方会问你一个问题
maybe the other person will ask you a question
那你就像个诱饵
and then you’re kind of a hook.
但许多时候 他们不这样做
But a lot of times they’re not gonna do that,
所以你要变成第一个问问题的人
so you have to be the person to ask the first question.
我知道你现在在问自己什么 汤姆
Now I know what you’re asking yourself, Tom,
我要问他们什么呢
what do I ask them about?
我要问他们鞋带是从哪儿买的吗
Do I ask them about wherethey got their shoelaces from?
或者问他们头上有几根头发吗 不
Or like how many hairs are on their head? No,
你要把当下环境的内容
you use the context of the situation
用到首个问题上
for your initial questions.
接下来是个很好的例子
And here’s a great example.
昨天 我骑着我的山地车
Yesterday, I went to a dirt jump park here in Denver
去了丹佛的山地车公园
with my mountain bike.
我花了一个小时自己骑车
And I spent about an hour just jumping by myself,
但最后 我看见别人在骑车
but eventually, I saw other people jumping
我也很想和他们聊天
and I wanted to strike up conversations with them.
所以我这样开始聊 嘿
So I started out myconversations by asking them, hey,
你们来这公园多久了
how long have youbeen coming to this park?
或者在丹佛 你还有别喜欢去的公园吗
Or what other parks inDenver do you like going to?
我真的很想知道自己还可以去哪里
I really wanna know where else I can go.
你喜欢在小道骑行吗
Or do you like to ride that’s trail riding?
类似 那真是人造的岩石园吗 这样的的问题
that’s actual technical rock gardens and stuff like that?
你骑的单车用的是哪种配件
Or what kind of bikehardware are you running?
你为什么用硬尾单车而不是全减震单车
Why are you using a hard tail instead of a full suspension bike?
基于你当下活动的内容
There are all kinds of questions based around the context
你可以提各种各样的问题
of the activity you’re doing.
这也是另一个
And again, this is another great reason
出门并活动的好理由
to go out and actually do active activity-based things
而不是只坐着 除了看电视什么也不做
rather than just sitting around and having casual friendships based
这样的随意关系 我是这样想的
on really nothing except for watching Netflix, I guess.
你们同时参加活动
Having an activity thatyou’re both participating in
才会带给你谈话的内容
gives you context for conversation.
我在这儿还想和你
Now, there is one final quote that I
分享一句
wanna share with you here, which is
我个人最喜欢的名言之一
actually one of my personal favorites.
这句话出自我最喜欢的影评家 吉恩·杨波拉德
And it comes from the filmcritic, Gene Youngblood.
对什么都感兴趣的人也会让别人感兴趣
An interested person isan interesting person.
无论何时我听到这句话
Whenever I hear this quote,
我会想起一个文艺复兴事情的男人
I think of the concept of a Renaissance Man
或同时期叫赫克的女人的观点
or Heck, a Renaissance Woman.
一个博学的人
Somebody who knows a lot about lots of different topics
可以和任何人交流
so they can strike upconversations with anybody.
我也总会想起这个场景
And I’m always reminded of the scene
出自这个我最喜欢的电影之一 《永无止境》
from one of my favorite movies, Limitless,
艾迪在聚会上
where Eddie’s at this party,
他在和不同的人说话
and he’s talking to all these different groups of people
并且无论和他谈话的是谁
and no matter who he talks to,
他都能明智地同他们交流
he’s able to converse intelligently with them.
我一直想成为这样的人
That’s the kind of person that I have always wanted to be.
我赌你也会这样说
And I’d bet that you would say the exact same thing.
如果你想成为这样的人
And if you wanna be that kind of a person, well,
做到的唯一方法
the only way you’re going
就是
to do it is by intaking information from
经常从不同的来源吸收知识
a huge variety of different sources regularly.
我最喜欢的方法之一就是听有声读物
And one of my favorite ways to do that is by listening to audiobooks.
我喜欢有声读物因为我能在烹饪
I love audiobooks because they let me learn while I’m cooking
骑车或者叠着
or I’m riding my bike, or finally folding my laundry
放在在烘干机三天的衣服时 还能学习
after leaving it in the dryer for three days.
这是吸收知识的一种好方法
They’re just a great way to intake information
当我在做一些
while I’m doing things that don’t
不需要过多注意力的事情时
require a ton of my attention.
如果你在找一个能选有声读物的地方
And if you’re looking for agreat place to find audiobooks,
那世界上最好的网站就是Audible
the best place in the worldto get them is Audible.
Audible有成千上万种
Audible has an unmatchedlibrary of audiobook titles
类别的有声读物
in a ton of different genres.
网站上有所有畅销书和许多冷门书籍
They’ve got all the bestsellers and lots of obscure books.
所以无论哪本是你想读
So whatever is on your to-be-read list,
还是会扫你兴 他们可能都有
whatever is gunking up your good reads, they probably have it for you.
Audible的会员也有许多好处
And Audible’s membership has a ton of great features as well,
包括 如果你用信用卡或别的买了本书
including the fact that if you don’t like a book
但你后来发现不喜欢这本书
that you get with your credits, or that you buy,
那你可以不经询问
you can return it and exchange it for another book
直接归还并换一本书
with no questions asked.
Audible最棒的一点就是
And one of the best things about Audible is
你能得到30天免费试用
that you can get a free 30-day trial
和选择下载一本免费的有声书
and a free audiobook download of your choosing
只要你上audible.com/thomas这个网址
by going over to audible.com/thomas
或者用手机发送Thomas给500500
or texting Thomas on your phone to 500500.
现在你们大概知道
Now you guys probably know
我经常在这些有声读物网站推荐一本书
by now that I always recommend a book in these Audible spots
本周给你们准备的图书荐购
and I am very excited for the book recommendation
让我很兴奋 因为 剧透一下
I have for you guys this week because, spoilers,
这是我的书
it is my own book.
取得好成绩的10个步骤
Yes, 10 Steps to Earning Awesome Grades is now
正式上架有声读物 这本书也是我念的
an official audiobook and it is read by yours truly,
正如我几秒前说的那样
and what’s best, as I said
最棒的就是 你能
just a couple of seconds ago, you can
免费拿到这本书 只要你登陆audible.com/thomas
get it absolutely free by going over to audible.com/thomas
或用手机发送Thomas到500500
or texting Thomas to 500500 on your phone.
你能得到这本书 再强调一遍
You can get that book, or again,
你能得到自己选的任何书
you can get any other book of your choosing.
无论如何 我想感谢Audible
Anyway, I wanna give a big thanks to Audible
赞助本视频并成为这个频道的支持者
for sponsoring this video and being a supporter of this channel.
一如往常 感谢各位观看
And as always, thank you guys so much for watching.
感谢各位这么多年的支持
Thank you for so muchsupport over the years.
感谢你们做的所有事
Thank you for everything, basically.
如果你喜欢这个视频 你可以点一下喜欢
If you enjoyed this video, you can hit that like,
我也会很感谢你
and I’ll thank you for that as well.
你也可以点这儿的订阅按键
You can also subscribe right there
如果你想看每周推送的新视频
if you wanna get new videos every single week when they come out.
同时 只要点这里 你也能免费得到
Also, you can get a free E-book copy of my book
取得好成绩的10个步骤的电子书
10 Steps to Earning Awesome Grades by clicking right there.
或者你能用Audible得到这本书的有声版
Or you can get the free audiobook with Audible.
具体链接如下 或者
Description link below or you can
点这边的链接
get one more video on this channel
你就能看本频道别的视频
by clicking right over here.
感谢观看
Thank you guys so much for watching.
不要忘记三天后回来观看
Don’t forget to come back in three days for the follow-up
关于如何建立更深厚友谊的续集
to this video on how to build stronger friendships.
在此之前 一直可爱下去哦
And until then, stay cute.

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb0G0Uw-2Q8

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