We don’t always realize it but it is
often in very small moments that people decide whether
they like us or whether they don’t
and that is why in this video, I
want to give you 6 things that you can
use to make people like you immediately.
Starting with the first one, a very specific type of compliment
because you’re not going to compliment people on what they have,
you’re going to compliment people on what they’ve earned and worked for.
关于赞美真实感受 是的 当别人赞美我们时
The truth about compliments is, yes, it feels amazing
when people compliment us; of course, we like that.
But when it comes to compliments,
it often turns out to be
that people are hearing the same ones over and over.
For instance, maybe they have really nice
eyes or they have a good sense of
style and when they start to hear that
over and over,
it can become something that doesn’t mean much to them.
If you can be the person
that finds out what they are working on
and notices that while they’re still working and struggling
and then compliments them on that, it will hit them so hard.
And I actually,
first noticed this because there was a day where I got
two compliments in the same day — it
was a good day — and one of them,
the first one was on my smile and I appreciated that and said,”Thank you.”
But I’ve had the same smile
since I was a kid and I’ve received compliments on it before;
I appreciate that and it makes me feel good
but it’s not something I’ve earned.
Later that day, I don’t know
if I was singing or what but somebody said
that they thought that I had a good singing voice and
the truth is — I’m not an
amazing singer but I have worked very, very hard
on improving my voice and that
compliment made me like that person so much
because they were noticing something that I was struggling with which,
a shameless plug right here,
if you want to listen @ CharlieHoupert on Instagram.
But the point here besides following me
on Instagram to listen to me sing
is that if you can be the person that notices
that — for instance, you’ve got a friend
and they are just starting a diet routine and you say,”You know what? I notice
you’re actually looking thinner like it seems like you’ve lost some pounds.
You’re doing a great job,
” or you’ve got someone in your office that is working hard
and perhaps you’re at a school and a student
that you see putting in extra time
and you can let them know that you appreciate
that work ethic, that’s going to hit them
because that’s what they’re struggling
with and that’s where they would really appreciate
recognition and of course, they’re going to appreciate you for that.
The second thing here is going to be
to get people talking about what they love. Now,
of course this is an old
standard but how do you get here?
There’s two main questions — first off,
how do you like that?
And what is it specifically that you love or like about that thing?
So early in conversation,
people will often ask what do you do,
where have you been lately or if you’ve seen any good movies.
With all of these questions, no matter what topic you’re on,
if you can go,”How did you like it?”
and then if they don’t say that it’s awesome,
you can move on but assuming they do, say,”Oh, really?
Tell me, what did you like about it? What did you love about it?”
If you can do that and drive down
deeper and they share with you what they love,
they’re going to associate you with that amazing feeling.
And I’ve seen this happen to me;
you get me talking about comic books —
The Avengers just came out and I share
what to you what I know about that,
I’m going to really enjoy my conversation
with you and I’m going to like you as a result.
So make sure that you’re doing that.
This is a really good way to engage in active listening,
you’re paying attention
for things that they like and to have a conversation that allows you
to ping-pong on something that they care about and hopefully
that you care about as well.
The third thing is a bit counterintuitive here.
It’s going to be to share a truth that is to your detriment.
And I actually first came across this
by accident because what’s happening is
we have a lot
of students who watch our channel which I’m very happy with
and we also have an online course that is $600 so
I was getting emails from these students basically saying, “Hey.
I would really like to join Charisma University but my situation is such that
my finances are not there yet,
I’m really tight on rent, I barely afforded books
this semester and I just wanted to know
if you think that relationships are important?
Should I buy this right now?”
and I would typically write back,
“You know what? I do think relationships are important
but I think paying your rent
and making sure
that you’re able to afford books this semester is more
important than that for you at least right now
at this point in your life so
while I do hope that you come back,
I don’t think that this is right for you right now.”
And oftentimes, that would lose the sale.
This is not someone I just where told them
not to buy and they’re not going to turn out and say,”Haha! Tricked ya. I’m going to do this anyway.”
But I would receive an email back that said,”I appreciate that so much. I really do
want to come back but this just lets me know
that you’re being honest on your channel
when you’re sharing these ideas
and these principles and these mindsets with us
because you’re forcing this down my throat
in an attempt to make more money.”
If you can do that — if you can be honest
with people about what you think is
in their best interest even when it isn’t
in yours — because you might have to leave
money on the table
if you’re in a sales position when you do this —
if you do that and you put honesty
as your highest principle and beneath that is
getting everything that you want all the time,
people will notice it,
they will appreciate it and they will like you
for it which brings to the fourth thing.
This one is perhaps even more immediate than all
of the others and that is open body language.
So your body language is the
first thing that people see about you
and unfortunately, it is
in the moments where we most need open body language that
we tend to close it down and I’m thinking
of dates and interviews when we’re nervous.
You go on a date or you see someone you
like and hands go right to your pockets
or they go like this and it’s that protective
reaction — you don’t want to be seen or
you don’t want to get rejected.
If you can force yourself
in these moments to put your hands out of the pockets
or uncrossed, the person
that you’re talking to is going to know on a subconscious level
or at least feel that you are not so much of a physical threat.
This is hardwired in us;
we’re checking if this person has a weapon, is this person
trying to hurt me or,”What is going on that they’re fidgeting with?”
If you show them
that there’s nothing just the way that you communicate,
that’s gon na put them
at ease and it’s going to make them like you much more.
The fifth one which actually comes from a friend
of mine and he was here the other night.
He is a cartoonist.
He works and works; he created every vowel
and Zappos just purchased big murals
of his cartoons and he went to go hang them up.
And before he did,
he got this job and he had the payment and they were in exchange;
there’s gonna be a fair business exchange and he said,”I want to do something else,”
and this is the fifth point — exceed expectations without asking permission.
So he said,”I want to do something else for them. What can I do?”
We brainstorm for awhile and we came up with,”What if you took shoes”
because they’re Zappos” and you put your cartoons
on them and you gave them to the executive team?”
and that’s what he did.
Today he went in, he hung the mural,
and then he had a surprise of these shoes.
And the mural was well-received but it was
in going above and beyond what he agreed to
do without telling them he was going to
do it that really made an impact.
They went out afterwards, they took him
to a bar, they all put on
their shoes, and were really excited.
And the truth is that when people are trading and exchanging
and they have an expectation then okay,
that’s fine and really nice
but when you go above and
beyond that and they’re not aware that it’s happening,
that’s where the biggest impact is made.
So for instance, you have a group project.
You’re sitting in a room, you’re hungry,
and you go out to pick
up some food but you happen to know
perhaps the meal that your partner likes and
you just pick it up and bring it back for them,
holy cow, will that make an impression on them
especially if you get to know the people
in your life well enough
that you know their basic likes and dislikes and
if you’re not sure and you’re just going to
the vending machine, everybody will drink water,
you can of course ask people,
“What would you like me to get you?” and that is polite and people appreciate
when people are polite and thoughtful
but it’s really when you do it without
them knowing that they get their minds blown.
So see if you can do that especially
with the people in your life where you already have a good sense of
their likes and dislikes.
If you can just be running when you’re
at the grocery store next time,
pick them up something that you know
that they might have been hankering for
that they don’t have at the moment;
that will go a long way.
So the last one is going to be
— to be the first person to joke.
This is number six and it’s one
that I often times can let go of.
If I’m in my room and I’m
working all day, I can get into a
very literal mode and in fact,
there’s lots of times in our life where we feel
like we have to be solemn and somber.
There was a student in the C.U.
message boards on Facebook and he was talking about
how there was this big presentation;
大约有20位老师 教授 教员
it was like 20 teachers and professors and faculty —
I don’t know the exact
scenario — but it was a daunting scenario
and he was actually going to give some critical feedback to them.
But one of the things that he did and I think
at the suggestion of the group
was to crack a joke early.
And by doing that — he
cracked the joke — he cut the tension
in this really serious situation, he got people to laugh,
and he said that he found that
people were much more receptive to some
of his more critical moments
because he had that human interaction with him first.
I see this everywhere.
I was just taking a walk
the other day with my brother
and he’s got this little King Charles Cavalier and oftentimes,
I can be out there
taking a walk and people ask me,”What kind of dog?” and I say it’s a King Charles Cavalier,
he’s three years old, his name is Ollie…
and it’s a very routine interaction.
The other day,
he was out walking him and somebody started and I knew what
they were gonna say and before they did, he said,”Attack!”
and the dog ran up and he’s a little guys
so he’s not gon na hurt anybody
but everyone laughed and then it set a tone;
it was a very short interaction
but it brightened everybody’s day and it made me realize something
that I know and I have
to be reminded of is that people are humans
before they are polite members
of society or teachers or food servers
and they almost always — there’s perhaps outside
of like a funeral setting — appreciate humor and laughter.
So if you could be the first one to joke,
it will absolutely make people like you.
So those are six things
that you can use throughout your interactions
but you might want something a little bit more structured
and that’s why actually there are four
emotions and these six things are hitting on
different elements of each of these four but
if you hit these four emotions and
you hit them in order,
you will guarantee an amazing first impression
on whoever you are talking to pretty much cross-culturally.
We’ve actually set up a
video that talks about what those four emotions are
and if you want to see that,
go ahead click the link in the description or
somewhere around here and you will be taken to a page.
Go ahead and drop your email
and you can watch that video right now
and start using those four emotions today so I hope
that you’ve enjoyed this video. Also,
tomorrow 11:00 a.m. Pacific time, on our Facebook page,
we are going to have a Facebook live Q & A;
it can be about this topic or
any other we did it last week and it was super fun;
I had a great time.
So if you want to join,
可以关注我们的Charisma on Command Instagram
you can either follow us on our Charisma on Command Instagram
or our Facebook or @CharlieHoupert on Instagram where I sing
and that is gonna be where you can ask questions.
So I hope that you enjoyed this video
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.