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6本最奇异的儿童读物 – 译学馆
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6本最奇异的儿童读物

6 Most Bizarre Kids Books

阅读可以是有趣的……以精神错乱角度来说
Reading can be fun…damentally demented.
让我们来谈谈这个问题
Let’s talk about that.
♪ (开场音乐) ♪
♪ (intro music) ♪
-神奇早上好!-有时作为一个孩子会彻头彻尾的神志迷乱
– Good mythical morning! – Sometimes being a kid can be downright
令人庆幸的是 这里有些奇怪的书
confusing but thankfully, there are a bunch of bizarre books out there to make
会让事情变得更糟 我的意思是 更好 哦不 我也搞不懂 下面我们来看看
it even worse. I mean, better. I mean, now I’m confused. It’s time to play…
这些奇异的儿童读物是真实的的还是虚构的
♪♪are these bizarre kids books factional or fictional?
好了 瑞德 你有几个孩子?
Okay Rhett, how many kids do you have?
-两个-核实一下 你目前处在
– Two. – Check. And what current reading level
什么阅读等级?
are you at?
-至少六年级-那么 瑞德 你所需要知道的是
– At least sixth grade. – Okay Rhett, that’s all you need to know
-去确定这些书的标题是否-没错 六年级
– to ascertain whether these book titles– – That’s right, sixth graders.
我将给你的这些书名是
these book titles that I’m gonna give to you are real–
-确实是本书-真实的的或者虚构的
– An actual book. – Factional or fake–
-你编的-我编的虚构的书
– You made ’em up. – fictional books that I–
-好的-如果你猜出来五本
– Okay. – made up. If you get five out of these
你将赢得完全定制的儿童读物 它们与你相关
right, you win a fully customized children’s book about you.
-哇哦-不是为你写的 而是与你有关的
– Wow. – Not for you but about you.
-这些书里面不是早就有一本了吗-准备好了吗-不-准备好了吗
– There isn’t already one of those? – Are you ready – no – are you ready for this?
-准备好了-真实的或者虚构的
– I’m ready. – Factional or fictional:
-那真的是一本书吗?-那将对我有帮助
– Is that a real book? – That would’ve been helpful for me.
哦 你爸爸正在观看你把这事儿弄得很诡异
Ooh your dad is watching. You’ve made this weird.
恩… 你懂的 我会说…那是
Uh…you know what, I’m going to say that that is…
真实的!
factional!
正确 瑞德 你知道吗 就是真实的答案在这儿
That’s right, Rhett. You know what, it is. Check it out right here.
《那晚爸爸去了监狱》我已经做了一些摘录书签
The Night Dad Went to Jail. I’ve bookmarked a little excerpt.
-这位爸爸是只兔子吗?-(读原文)这是我之前的画作之一
– Is the dad a rabbit? – (reading) This is one of my before
之前意味着我的爸爸进监狱之前
drawings. Before means before my dad went to jail.
-(全体成员笑)-他和他的爸爸过的很开心
– (crew member laughs) – He had a lot of fun with dad before he
在他爸爸被关起来之前
got locked up!
我们之前还能去钓鱼 现在碰都碰不到好了 瑞德 还没结束呢
– We went fishing now we can’t even touch! – Alright Rhett, you’re not on a roll yet
因为仅有-你仅回答了一个问题
because there’s only – you only answered one question–
-好吧-到目前为止 还不算正式开始呢
– Okay. – so far. That doesn’t count as a roll.
-好吧好吧-你只对了一个
– Okay, alright. – You just got one right.
这只是一点微光
It’s just a little blip.
真实的还是虚构的:
Factional or fictional:
(笑)
(laughter)
为什么我们要笑-为什么我微笑而你却大笑了?
Why are we laughing – why am I smiling why are you laughing?
我没有 我的意思是 这是一个问题 额……
I’m not. I mean, that’s the problem. Uh…
但我认为如果它是真的你不会那样说所以我会说……
I don’t think that’s how you would say it if it were real. So I’m going to say…
虚构的!
fictional!
-我给你个消息 我把书给你-真的吗?
I got news for you and I got the book for you. (Rhett) Really?
Judith Vigna写的《我希望爸爸没喝这么多酒》
(Link) I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much by Judith Vigna.
在这儿给你读一小段
Read a little bit for you here.
当我回到家 爸爸睡着了但是第二天早晨他说
(Link reading) Daddy was asleep when we got home, but next morning he said, “Thank
谢谢你的贺卡 甜心我很喜欢它我也爱你
you for your card, sweetheart – I love it, and I love you, too! Sunday we’ll go
我承诺 星期天我们将去乘雪橇我真的不相信他的承诺 但是我猜 算了吧
sledding, I promise.” I didn’t really believe him about Sunday but I guess it’s okay.
-(笑)-老爸 我曾经听过乘雪橇的承诺
– (laughter) – I’ve heard that before, daddy. Sledding.
从未实现过 除非乘雪橇对你来说 仅仅是坐在那里喝酒
That’s never happening unless by sledding you mean you just sit there and drink.
(笑)
(laughing)
让我们先沉浸在悲伤里一会儿好了 我们继续
Let’s take a moment of sadness. Okay, let’s move on.
真实的或还是虚构的
Factional or fictional:
哇哦
Wow.
Derek
Derek.
那绝对是可信的
Now that’s definitely believable.
小说场景中有很多这样的Derek
There’s a lot of Dereks who are moving in on the scene–
-嗯哼-在小说里 这是一个大众的名字
– Mhmm. – out there. It’s a popular name–
-嗯哼-描写的是一个顾家的男人
– Mhmm. – for a guy who likes to move in on a family.
-嗯哼-虚构的 你把手伸过去了
– Mhmm. – Fictional. You did the reach.
-好吧 啊哦 虚构的吗?-是的 我的意思是
– Well, uh oh, faked you out? – Yeah. I mean that was–
-那是显而易见的-太多这样的暗示了
– That was too obvious. – way too much of a tell.
我想够到这儿他会认为我是为了Derek而伸手
I’m gonna reach over there, he’ll think I’m reaching for Derek.
嘿 那仅仅反映了我是怎么想你的
Hey, that just reflects what I think of you–
-好吧好吧-抱歉 我道歉
– Okay, alright. – I’m sorry, I apologize. But after those
但在这两本书之后 我觉得很快就会迎来一个高潮
other two books, I think it’s gonna be in development soon.
-那就请为了Derek这么做吧-假的
– Please do that for Derek’s sake. – It is fake.
真实的还是虚构的?
Factional or fictional?
你知道吗 我们谈论过这个 关于你们怎么面对宠物的死亡
You know what, we’ve talked about this, about how you’re gonna outlive your pet
-这个很有可能发生 你的孩子们对此需要有心理准备-是的 我们经常谈论这个
– most likely and your kids need to be prepared for that. – Yeah we talk about this a lot.
-是 是的 时常谈论狗的死亡-是 很棒
– Yeah, yeah about dead dogs quite a bit. – Yeah, it’s cool.
-很棒的话题-史派奇最后的
– It’s a cool topic. – Sparky’s Last–
(两人齐声)呼吸
(Both) Breath.
史派奇 史派奇的话 是个典型的狗狗名字 生活中经常能听到 很普遍
Sparky, though, Sparky. That is the quintessential dog name. Oh the reach.
(观众笑声)
(crew laughs)
Link 逆反套路对我没用 真实的 揭开谜底 读出来吧
Reverse psychology doesn’t work on me, Link. That is factional! Break it out and read it!
(笑声)我编的
(laughs) I made that one up.
-但我们应该写一本这样的书-那么假如有这样的名字出现 就是编的
– But we should write it! – So if there’s a name in there, it’s made
Derek 史派奇 明白了 我发现了套路
up. Derek, Sparky. Got it. I sense a pattern.
(观众笑声)
(crew laughs)
-这是一个事实 还是一本书?-是 我刚才只是在陈述事实 不是 那是……
– Is that a statement or is that a book? – Yeah, I was just talking. No, that’s a –
-是本书 真实的还是虚构的?-我拉粑粑时会很疼 这个有点像
– that’s a book. Factional or fictional? – It Hurts When I Poop, is this like a
痔疮发作?小孩子不会得痔疮
hemorrhoid help thing? Kids don’t get hemorrhoids.
还是说他们也会?
Or do they?
我觉得还有其它方法会让拉粑粑很痛
I guess there are other ways that poop can hurt.
(观众笑声)
(crew laughing)
-我觉得我还是闭嘴-我拉粑粑时很痛
– I think if I just be quiet– – It Hurts When I Poop.
-就像是……-拉粑粑很痛
– you’ll say– – It Hurts When I Poop.
再多来些这样蠢的东西 这个节目收视率就更高了
some more stupid stuff, which is great for the show.
啊 我的天
Oh gosh.
额 大爆料 我拉粑粑的时候确实很疼
Uh, full disclosure, it does hurt when I poop.
虚构的 虚构的你编的 老天
Fictional. Fictional. You made this – gosh!
-真的吗?-我拉粑粑会很疼
– Really? – It Hurts When I Poop.
-是的 因为你大腿里面有只恐龙-故事讲的是不敢用便壶的小朋友们
– Yeah ’cause there’s a dinosaur in your lap. – A story for children who are scared to use the potty.
(Link在读原文)有时好像有一个个小钢球滚出来 其他时候
(Link reading) Sometimes it came out as hard little balls. Other times, it came
-一个大球滚出来-是的 没错
– out as one big ball. – Yeah, right.
-(观众笑声)-一个个小钢球 开玩笑的
– (crew laughs) – The little balls, that’s just fun,
-(观众笑声)-你了解?就像是 我今天是只兔子!
– (crew laughs) – you know? That’s like, I’m a rabbit today!
-我总是喜欢兔子 或者鹿-不 哥们 那对小孩子来说还是会很受伤
– I always loved – or a deer. – No, that still hurts for kids, man,
再或者是一只山羊
Or a goat.
哥们 小钢球就可以了 我小的时候经常发生这事
The little balls are the best, man. It happened to me all the time as a kid.
-现在不会了 我到底做错了什么-(观众笑声)
– Never happens now, what am I doing wrong? – (crew laughs)
-就好比把他们放到猎枪弹膛里-没错
– It’s like put ’em in a shotgun shell. – Yes.
不好
No.
我表现不佳 对吗?
I’m not doing too well, am I?
我对了几次?
How many have I got right?
-我对了两次-两次
– I got two right. – Two right.
噢 我才对两次 我得八次里面对五次才行
Oh I gotta get two – I gotta get five out of eight.
我得要 我得要全力以赴才行
I gotta get – I gotta sweep.
火力全开 伙计
Sweep it up, buddy.
-啊 老天-(观众笑声)
– Oh gosh. – (crew laughs)
这是谁的屁股? 就像辨别动物的屁股?
Whose Bottom Is This? is like identifying animal butts?
我正盯着这本书的标题看 它真的是本书
I’m just looking at the title of an actual book that I’m reaching for.
这本书的立意不错
That is a good idea for a book.
几乎好得过头了 从未有过
Almost too good. Hasn’t happened yet.
虚构的
Fictional.
这是谁的屁股?
Whose Bottom Is This?
好吧 那是什么?白尾巴鹿 不是吧? 那是黑尾巴鹿
(Rhett) Okay, what is that? It’s a white- tailed deer, no? That’s the black-tailed deer.
白色的屁股 白色的阴囊
It’s a white butt. It’s a white scrotum.
-它是一只长角羊-噢 长角羊
– It’s a bighorn sheep. – Oh bighorn sheep.
长角在那儿 好吧 继续
That’s a bighorn down there. Okay, here we go.
-哦 没有摘要 只是一张图片-是的 我只是想给你看看
– Oh, no excerpt, just a picture. – Yeah I just wanted to show you the back
一只长角羊的后面
of a bighorn sheep.
现在我知道长什么样了
I know what that looks like now.
真实的还是虚构的
Factional or fictional:
独角兽们是混蛋
Unicorns are Jerks.
这是事实 但我相信 作为书名 它是虚构的
While true, I believe that as title, it is fictional.
-最终答案?-是的
– Final answer? – Yeah.
真的吗?要是这是本涂画书呢?
Really? What if it was like a coloring book?
-不就会这么取……-我都不知道在这个问题你是我朋友
– Would that make it– – I don’t know if you’re being a friend or
-还是个混蛋 但是书的名字……-我是独角兽吗?
– a jerk at this point. But the name of the book– – Am I a unicorn?
-书名……-我有一本涂画书吗?
– The name of the book– – Do I have a coloring book?
是《独角兽们是混蛋》 我笃定并且回答是……
is Unicorns are Jerks. I’m gonna stick with my guns and say–
但要是我伸手去拿的是涂画书呢?
But what if it was a coloring book that I’m reaching for?
-你不会 虽然你老是耍我-(观众笑声)
– You don’t – you always trick me, though. – (crew laughs)
你总是耍我 我还是会说它是虚构的
You always trick me. I’m gonna say fictional.
它是本涂画书
It’s a coloring book.
《独角兽是混蛋》这页 你可以……
Unicorns are Jerks. This page, which you can–
-所以你这回是朋友了-一会儿再涂色
– So you’re being a friend now. – color later.
(Link读里面内容)独角兽吃光了你的东西这些都是你之前一直存下来的!
(Link reading) Unicorns eat your leftovers. You were saving that!
我们为啥要讨厌独角兽呢?有什么好处 这么做对世界有什么好的呢?
Why are we supposed to hate unicorns? What good – what good does that add to the world?
喂 哥们 那是你的家庭作业 能回答你刚才的问题
Hey that’s your homework, buddy. That’ll answer your question.
-这对世界有什么好处-好吧
– What good does this add to the world, – Alright–
-西奥 尼可 洛伦兹?-这是用于……
– Theo Nicole Lorenz? – This is just for–
-西奥 尼克 不管咋样 这算什么名字?-不要小看它们 因为你不……
– Theo Nicole, what kind of name is that anyway? – Don’t belittle them ’cause you didn’t –
你不相信这是真的
you didn’t believe it was real.
赢还是输,瑞德?全看这次了 谁会关心分数呢?
All or nothing, Rhett? It’s all coming down to this. Who cares about the score?
定制的书 因为我们已经有了 你要是猜对这道 你就赢了
Personalized book ’cause we’ve already made it. You win it if you get this one
-对的 《用可卡因造的房子》-《用可卡因造的房子》?
– right. The House That Crack Built. – The House That Crack Built?
-可卡因造的 就像用毒品那样-这完全不可能是真的
– Crack Built. Like the drug. – There’s no way that that would be real.
-但我总是错得这么离谱-你错得很离谱
– But I’ve been so wrong. – You’ve been so wrong.
那边还有另外一本书吗?
Is there another book over there?
-我正要去拿本书-我觉得我看到另外一本书了 是的
– I’m reaching for something. – I think I saw another book. Yeah, I’m
我会说这是真实的
gonna say this one’s factual.
对啦,瑞德!
You’re right, Rhett!
《用可卡因造的房子》 看看答案
The House That Crack Built. Check this out.
(Link读内容)就是这些可卡因 抚平了伤痛 它们是从那个男孩那儿买的
(Link reading) And this is the crack that numbs the pain, bought from the boy
他受着烈日 被警察追捕 竭尽全力 还要和黑帮抗争
feeling the heat, chased by the cop working his beat, who battles the gang
毒品头目和精英者统治着这个陷入痛苦的城市的街道
fleet and elite, that rules the street of a town in pain, that cries for the drug
他们渴求着毒品 比如可卡因——人类不能直接食用,它们是由植物中提取的一种毒品
known as cocaine, made from the plants that people can’t eat, raised by the
它们是农民们顶着烈日 在士兵的监视下 担惊受怕中 种出来的
farmers who work in the heat, and fear the soldiers who guard the man, who lives in
-这么农民就住在这些用可卡因造的房子-最后一点也不押韵
– the house that crack built. – Doesn’t even rhyme at the end.
-(观众笑声)-没什么能和建造押韵上
– (crew laughing) – Nothing rhymed with built.
好吧 就是首打油诗 一个名人的打油诗
Well it’s a parody. It’s a parody of a famous–
-这不会出现在移动书本上……-书……
– That wouldn’t have been on the book mobile– – book–
-出现在Buies Creek小学-那也不错
– at Buies Creek Elementary School. – that also did well.
我们不会让它出现在移动书本上
We would have not let that be on the book mobile.
-好了 瑞德-现在告诉你结果
– Alright Rhett. – Tell you that right now.
-好吧 我错了很多-但你知道吗
– Well I lost big. – But you know what, I will reveal your
-我会给大家展示给你量身定制的书 我以后会读给我的小孩听-好的 你得保存好了 好吧
– personalized book that I’ll read to my kids. – Okay, you get to keep it. Alright.
小心了 孩子们!感谢大家的喜爱 留言以及订阅
Watch out, kids! Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
你们知道现在几点了
You know what time it is.
-大家好 我叫汤姆-我叫贝基 我们来自华盛顿
– Hi, I’m Tom. – And I’m Becky and we’re from Washington state.
-我们正在加拿大维多利亚市度假-现在到了……
– We’re vacationing in Victoria, BC, Canada. – And it’s time…
(齐声)转动神奇车轮的时刻
(Both) to spin the Wheel of Mythicality!
我讲告诉你什么是真实的 事实上我们度过了一个很棒的神奇早间
I’ll tell you what is factional, the fact that we got a Good Mythical Morning
在我们的网站或者商店可以买到这个T-shirt
t-shirt available for you at RhettandLink.com/store.
点击进入了解更多神奇 点击‘我’ 我们将remead(错别字) 读取
Click through to Good Mythical More. Click that ‘i’. We’re gonna remead – read –
-remead(错别字)? 我们会……-我们会立马读取你们的留言
– remead? We’re gonna– – We’re gonna immediately read.
声情并茂的读出 我拉粑粑时很疼
dramatically read It Hurts When I Poop.
瑞德认为麦克是个微型人物
Rhett thinks the mic is a tiny person.
-我想介绍个人给你认识-好的 确定?当然 我喜欢认识新朋友
– I have someone I would like to introduce you to. – Okay, do you? Sure, I love to meet new people.
他的名字是麦克
His name is Mike.
额……
Uh…
-不要 不要……-你好?
– Don’t, don’t– – Hello?
不要谈论他的外表
Don’t talk about his appearance.
-额 你说得是这个麦克风?-他喜欢低声细语
-Uh, you mean this microphone? – He likes to be whispered into.
(低声细语)他喜欢像这样低声细语 这样就能听到
(whispering) He likes to be whispered at like this so get in there.
(低声细语)如果你不低声细语 他就会受伤
(whispering) It hurts him if you don’t whisper.
(低声说)你好 麦克 很高兴认识你 哥们
(whispering) Hey Mike. It’s nice to meet you, dude.
(低声说)他也喜欢像舔冰淇淋筒一样和他说话
(whispering) He likes to be licked like an ice cream cone, too.
由可爱的露娜出品 GMM团队制作
Captioned by Lovely Luna GMM Captioning Team
(结束音乐)
♪ (outro music) ♪

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