Lust has a reputation for being the flame we jump into.
Think of Fifty Shades of Grey or your classic bad boy or bad girl
who is all games and danger with no strings attached.
但是 根据著名爱情专家 Helen Fisher 博士的说法
But according to leading love expert Dr. Helen Fisher,
lust is the essential first stage of love.
Without the desire of wanting someone first,
we cannot experience intimacy.
So, how do we know if we’re still stuck in the initial stage of attraction
or ready to transition into something more meaningful and long-lasting?
Here are 6 key differences between lust vs love.
1. Lust is driven by physical connection
but love comes from emotional connection.
It all comes down to our brain.
Which areas are being activated when you hang out with your partner?
Research shows that lust lights up the regions
associated with reward and motivation,
whereas love stimulates the areas that help you empathize.
Lust happens when you and your partner don’t have much to talk about
but have great sex.
This is common for two people who haven’t been dating for too long.
But love, on the other hand happens when you appreciate your partner
for more than just their looks and can spend meaningful time with them.
This is what ultimately forms the start of a deep and serious relationship.
2. 时间久了 爱会变强 但欲望会变弱
2. Overtime love grows stronger whereas lust becomes weaker.
心理学家兼性爱治疗师 Shannon Chavez 表示
Psychologist and sex therapist Shannon Chavez states that
as attachment and bonding grow over time, so does love.
但欲望更为短暂 当性欲消退后 欲望也会消退
But lust is more temporary and fades when sexual desire fades away.
If a relationship is based solely on lust,
there is inevitably no foundation to fall in love with each other.
Lust feels like an exciting roller coaster
but can only be sustained by physical pleasure.
When the real work kicks in,
the dynamic either transitions into love
or the relationship begins to fall apart.
3. Lust is based on fantasies.
Love, however, operates on the ground of reality.
Have you ever looked back on past relationships
and wondered how on earth you two got together?
I don’t know about you but I sure do.
Imagination can come in handy when life gets mundane,
but more often than not it’s like a double-edged sword.
When you like the idea of someone more than
who’s actually in front of you,
it can cause you to miss a lot of red flags.
Relationship experts state that
there is only so much time before reality sets in
and makes you realize that your partner has faults just like you
and that your expectations were unfair.
4. In lust you’re romantic partners
but in love you’re lifelong friends.
精神科医生 Judith Orloff 发现
Psychiatrist Judith Orloff discovered that
people in lust are just lovers
but true love is built on the foundation of a strong friendship.
Sure, two people can agree to be in a relationship
go on fun dates and even meet each other’s family
but if they lack compromise, communicate poorly
and fail to understand each other,
the prospect of having a future together is very low.
5. Lust is all about thrill-seeking
whereas love is the pursuit of stability.
Researchers have looked at MRI scans of people in lust
and found that their brains look similar
when an addict gets a fix of cocaine.
Sounds intense, right?
But that’s why infatuation is not likely to last as long as love.
The drug effects wear off when you can no longer satiate your sexual desires.
Whereas lust is about instant gratification,
love is the relentless search for stability.
6. 欲望是自私的 但爱是无私的
6. Lust is selfish but love comes from a selfless place.
When you love someone you focus more on
helping them reach their goals
and care about their health and well-being
Lust on the other hand is all about your own wants,
比如 有引人注目的伴侣在身边 会让你更有自信
like boosting your ego when you’re next to your attractive partner
or simply fulfilling your sexual desires.
In order to move from the initial stage of lust to love,
you must determine whether you could see yourself doing favors
or making sacrifices for your partner.
Do you think you’re in lust or in love?
We hope that this video helped you differentiate between the two.
Remember that just because you might only be experiencing lust
doesn’t mean that your feelings can’t develop into love.
Please share your thoughts with us below,
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and thank you for watching~