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尴尬癌 撞见前任的现任

5 Stages of Meeting Your Ex-Boyfriend's New Girlfriend [5TAGES] | Elite Daily

一片模糊
-Got a piece of fuzz.
我能吃个薯条不
-Can I have a fry?
你想吃薯条为什么你点了沙拉
-Why did you order a salad if you wanted all my fries.
喔哦 看那边
-Whoa look over there!
吊男人之前吃薯条
Fries before guys.
男人在哪
-Where’s a guy?
哦 等下 不是吧 我的天呐 怎么了
-Oh wait no. Oh my god -What?
那不是个男人 是妹子
It’s not a guy, it’s a girl.
那是我前男友的女朋友
That’s my ex-boyfriends girlfriend.
恩 那个 那就是她
-Yeah that was…that was her.
布兰德约会的这个新妹子 叫丽贝卡
Brad’s dating this new girl named Rebecca,
据说 她只在瑞格 布恩买东西
they say she only shops at Rag and Bone
买它们特有的高跟鞋
and buys exclusively from heels.
那些是谁 路人
-Who’s they? -People.
好吧 首先你为什么这么在意
-Okay, okay first of all why do you care?
第二 我确定你们有很多共同点
And second of all, I bet you have a lot in common.
我某天撞见她了
-I want her ensemble.
你说什么
-The f*ck?
下一位请往前走
-Next person in line please step down.
绝对不行
-Absolutely no way.
她就跟在我后面
-She’s following me.
好吧 然后 我去健身房 然后
-Okay, and then I went to the gym, and then…
我的天呐 克里斯汀 她可能跟你住同一个社区.
-Oh my god Kristy! She probably just lives in your neighborhood!
就是 就是啊 她之所以搬过来 就是因为她偷偷地接近我.
-Exactly, exactly! That’s why she moved there, because she’s
stalking me.
我想 我下次再见到她 要跟她当面对峙
I think I need to confront her the next time I see her.
什么
-What?
除了泰德 你还等谁呢
-Who are you waiting on besides Ted?
呃 就是
-Just…
你好啊
-Hi!
什么
-What?
呃 这就是我跟你说的 我的新同事
-Um…this is my new coworker I was telling you about?
好吧
Okay…
哦 我知道了 你在开玩笑
-Oh, I get it, you’re joking!
泰德常常说你是他所有朋友里最风趣的一个
Ted always said you were the funniest of all his friends.
呃 我要去休息室了 我等会回来
Well I’m gonna run to the rest room I’ll be right back.
听着 你要冷静 知道吗
-Listen up; you need to chill, got it?
你表现得就像个 直率的毫无安全感 厌恶大人的小孩子
You’re acting like a straight up insecure, women-hating child.
很明显 她是个不错的人 不然 泰德为什么选择她做女朋友.
Clearly she’s a nice person otherwise why would Ted be
friends with her?
这又不是你家.
This is not homeland!
她穿着跟我一样的外套.
-She’s wearing the same coat.
我的天啦 克里斯汀
-Oh my god, Kristy.
好吧
-Okay.
但是 如果她跟我一样是单身呢?
But what if she’s single, white femaling me?
好吧 你听起来像一个八十年代电影里边的一个角色
-Okay you know you sound like a character written by a man
一样 好吗
in an 80’s film, right?
我喜欢致命吸引.
-I loved fatal attraction.
为什么这里这么空荡荡的 天啦 这他喵不是奥斯卡董事会吧
-Why is this place so empty? God d*mn Oscar board?
太好了 太好了 太棒了 我喜欢
-So good! So good. -That was great! I liked it.
我一直以为莫拉 媞尔妮是她那一代人的演员
-I always thought that Maura Tierney was like the actress of
her generation.
哦 是的
-Ooooh. -Yeah.
大胆的断言啊 太大胆了
-Bold assertion, bold.
是啊 我挺喜欢她 我也是
-Yeah, I love her. -I do too.
我想他们有啤酒 是啊
-I think they have beer, -Yeah
你们想来一瓶吗
-do you guys want one?
我目前不用
-I think I’m good for now.
好 好的 我跟你一起喝
-Okay. Okay, yeah! -I’ll join you.
嗨啊
-Hey.
我得诚实点 我知道你以前跟布兰德约会过
I have to be honest; I know you used to date Brad too.
那 你就是因为那样才跟踪我的吗
-So that’s why you’re following me.
不 我只是搬来了东镇
-No, I just moved to the East Village.
而且 你知道我跟布兰德分手了,对吧?
And you know I’m not dating Brad anymore, right?
等等 什么
-Wait what?
是的 后来他暴露了自己的怪异
-Yeah. He turned out to be a little odd.
比如 我说太多话时阻止我 或者是如果你不想谈的时候
Like, stop me if I’m saying too much or if you don’t want to
talk about it,
但是 他是不是总是在啪啪啪之前非得点许多蜡烛
but, did he always have to light candles before you had sex?
我的天啊 是的
-Oh my God, yes!
我被烧伤了
-I got burnt!
我也是
-Me too
哦 那真是最糟糕的事了 是的 太疯狂了 对吧
-Ohh the worst! –Yeah, it’s crazy right!
那都不算什么
That’s not a thing!
是吧 还有什么更诡异的?
-Right? -What?
等等 没错了 不是吧 布兰德
Wait, absolutely, no way…Brad!
你好啊 恩 再见
-Hi! -Yeah, bye!
笑声
[Laughing]
哇哦 难以置信啊 见鬼
-Wow, cannot believe that. -Damn!
恩 看起来
-Well this seems like,
是一段美好友情的开始啊 不是吗
the beginnings of a beautiful friendship, doesn’t it?
是的
-Yeah
看起来你们俩处得挺好啊 差不多吧
-Looks like you two are getting along. Called it!
敬莫拉 媞尔妮
-To Maura Tierney.
敬莫拉 媞尔妮
-To Maura Tierney.
为我们这一代的发声
-The voice of our generation.

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