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5个信号表明你在和自恋狂打交道

5 Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist

There are people in this world looking to take advantage of others.
在这个世界上总有人想要占他人便宜
Whether they are classified as a narcissistic, sociopathic, compulsive or pathological liars,
他们不管是归类为自恋者 反社会者 还是强迫性病态说谎者
they operate differently from most people that you will encounter,
他们的行为与你遇到的绝大多数人都不同
which makes them even more dangerous
这让他们变得更加危险
because they don’t stand out in an obvious way.
因为他们不会引人注目
So in this video you’re going to learn how to detect some of those types,
所以在本视频中 你将学会如何辨别出这些人
and we will be taking Elizabeth Holmes as our primary example.
下边我们以Elizabeth Holmes作为主要例子
She was able to raise nearly 1 billion dollars for her company Theranos
她为自己的Theranos公司筹集了近十亿美元
which promised to run full blood scans
这家公司承诺 只需要从你的手指采集几滴血液
off just a few drops of blood from your finger.
就能进行完整的血液检验
This of course would have been a revolution in the medical industry
当然 这项技术将会是医学行业中的革命
if it were real.
如果属实的话
Behind the scenes, Elizabeth and her boyfriend Sunny
实际上Elizabeth和她的男友Sunny在幕后
were hiding the fact that these tests did not and never worked.
隐藏了这些测试无效并且不会有效的事实
They defrauded investors,
他们欺骗了投资者
and over a million people who got those Theranos tests
以及超过一百万个接受Theranos测试的人
expecting accurate readings,
让他们期待拿到精确的报告
which of course was impossible.
当然 这是不可能发生的
Now unfortunately Elizabeth Holmes is not totally unique.
不幸的是 像Elizabeth Holmes这样的人并不是特殊个例
The NIH reports that 6.2 percent of the US
美国国立卫生研究院指出 有6.2%的美国人
has narcissistic personality disorder.
患有自恋型人格障碍
And Dr. Paul Ekman says that no more than five percent of people are pathological liars.
Paul Ekman博士表示病态说谎者占比不超过总人口5%
That’s still potentially 1 in 20 people.
那也是20个人里面可能就会有1个
That’s why in this video we’re going to explore
所以在这一视频中我们将探究
how you can detect these dangerous personalities before they take advantage
如何在他们占你便宜之前 识别出这些危险人物
since you’re probably going to encounter some of them in your life.
因为你在生活中很可能会遇到这样的人
And I’m not trying to label them exactly,
我并不打算给他们贴上确切标签
but they often exhibit behaviors
但是 他们常常展示出
that are consistent with narcissistic personality disorder.
与自恋型人格障碍相一致的行为举止
So first off,
所以呢 首先
a large motivator for these types of personalities is
这类人行事的一大动机
having the world view them in a way that strokes their ego.
就是让世人对他们的看法满足他们的自尊心
They are hyper driven to maintain the persona that they have constructed.
他们极力地维护着自己构建出来的人格面具
So keep an eye out for people with an intense focus on their image.
所以要留心那些高度关注自己形象的人
For example,
比如
Elizabeth Holmes wanted to be the female Steve Jobs.
Elizabeth Holmes想要成为女版的史蒂夫·乔布斯
So she wore black turtlenecks,
所以她总是穿黑色的高领衫
copied his live demo slow reveal of the product,
模仿他在现场演示时 缓缓展示产品的样子
and hired a bunch of ex Apple employees at the beginning of her company.
并且在刚创立公司时聘用了一批苹果公司的前雇员
Now of course lots of people have idols that they emulate.
当然现在有很多人都有他们模仿的偶像
But a major tip-off that you’re dealing with a dangerous personality
但有一个重要的迹象代表着你面对的是危险人物
is that in an attempt to maintain their persona,
就是他们会为了维护他们伪装的外表
they will lie about seemingly ridiculous things.
而说出一些看似很荒谬的谎言
Maybe they tell fantastic stories about their own life
或许他们会天马行空地描述自己的生活
that never happened
尽管这些事从没发生过
like the Fyre Festival co-founder
就像Fyre Festival的联合创始人那样
who insisted that he had purchased an island owned by Pablo Escobar,
坚称他过去买下一座属于巴勃罗·埃斯科巴的岛屿
when in fact, they were actually kicked off of that island by the real owner
实际上 他仅仅在宣传材料上提到了巴勃罗·埃斯科巴的名字
for even mentioning Pablo Escobar’s name in the promotional materials.
结果被真正的岛主踢出了岛
Now in Elizabeth’s case,
那在Elizabeth的案例中
one ridiculous lie she told all the time was about her voice.
她整天在说的一个荒谬的谎言 就是关于她的声音
Listen to the baritone that she effected nearly all the time.
来听一下她一直试图维持的男中音
This is what happens when you work to change things,
当你努力改变事情的时候
and first, they think you’re crazy then they fight you,
一开始 他们会觉得你疯了 然后他们会攻击你
and then all of a sudden you change the world,
然后突然之间 你改变了世界
and…
然后
That clip is from the beginning of the interview.
这个片段取自采访的开始
She is collected and prepared.
她既镇静也做好了准备
But as employees later reported
但是雇员们后来反映
the baritone would sometimes slip at the end of a long day,
她的男中音有时会在漫长的一天后消失
leaving her speaking in a fairly typical sounding voice for a young woman.
导致她的声音变回了一个典型年轻女性说话的那样
and you can see the same thing occur briefly in that same interview
你在同一场采访中可看到 一旦问题变难
once the questions get tougher.
同样的事情就会短暂地发生
Then they fight you,
然后他们攻击你
and then all of a sudden you change the world.
然后突然之间 你改变了世界
San Francisco paper and Fortune,
我在与旧金山一份报纸 《财富》杂志
I talked about it in an interview I did with Forbes
和《福布斯》的采访中曾谈到过
that we made a decision to expand our test menu.
我们已经决定扩展我们的测试项目
Since there’s no real victim,
因为并没有真正的受害者
this type of lie to promote a particular image
这类用于宣传特定形象的谎言
might seem quirky and forgivable.
看上去虽然古怪 却似乎又情有可原
But be very wary of these,
但是要非常注意这些谎言
for they can be signs of a deeper need to control how people see them,
因为这些谎言揭露了他们控制自身形象的深层次需求
and which is a textbook narcissistic trait.
而这就是自恋者的典型特质
These people are often very disconnected from the feelings of guilt or shame
惭愧或羞耻感让其他人不愿意
that would discourage other people
从事这种欺诈性和破坏性的行为
from this fraudulent and damaging behavior.
但这些人却感受不到这类情绪
These types also tend to have a very different relationship with lying in general.
一般而言 这类人对说谎的态度很不一样
Most people have limits on how flagrantly we’re willing to lie.
绝大多数人只愿意有限度地说谎
We prefer instead to bend the truth.
我们更愿意扭曲一下事实
And the more egregious our lives become, the more visibly uncomfortable we are.
我们的生活越是糟糕 我们看上去就越不自在
Not so much with the narcissistic type,
而这些自恋型人格不一样
they can tell bald-faced, flagrantly false lies without skipping a beat.
他们能面不改色地说一些厚颜无耻 明显是假话的谎言
Listen for instance how Theranos demoed some of their fake tests.
听听Theranos是如何演示他们的虚假测试的
They would stage these demos.
他们将假装进行演示
They would prick the visiting VIP’s finger.
他们会刺破这些来访贵宾的手指
They would put the blood in the cartridge slot, slot the cartridge into the mini lab.
他们会把血液放进卡槽中 再把卡槽放进迷你实验室
You know it would start whirring,
你知道 它会开始嗡嗡作响
and then they would say,
这时他们会说
“It’s gonna take a little while,
这需要一些时间
one of you come and either visit the lab or…”
你们中的一个来参观一下实验室 或者
And so the VIP would leave the room.
于是这些贵宾就离开了房间
And then a Theranos employee would stop the machine,
然后一个Theranos 的员工就会停下机器
take the blood out and bring it to the lab,
把血样拿出来 带到实验室去
and that little blood sample would either get tested at the back
然后这个小小的血液样本要么在背后
by one of their laboratory technicians,
由他们实验室的技术人员进行检测
or on one of the Siemens machines.
要么在其中一台西门子机器上进行检测
These demos happened repeatedly with extremely smart people,
这个过程反复在那些极度聪明的人面前展示
including an ex-Secretary of State and Silicon Valley investors
包括一位美国的前国务卿和一些硅谷投资人
and Silicon Valley investors whose job is to be skeptical.
他们的工作可都是需要带着怀疑精神的
But not one of them ever caught Elizabeth,
但是他们中没有一个人发现Elizabeth 的猫腻
very likely because she doesn’t exhibit the same nervousness around lying
这很可能是因为 她说谎时完全不像大多数人那样
that most other people would.
显得紧张
So do not assume that a calm demeanor means
因此不要以为表现得冷静就意味着
that someone is telling you the truth
那个人在对你说真话
especially if they are this narcissistic type.
特别是当他们是自恋者的时候
If this person is for instance or even deeper on that spectrum into psychopathy,
例如 如果这个人情况更严重甚至陷入了精神病态
studies that involve fMRI scans show
功能性核磁共振成像扫描研究显示
that they might not even spend any extra time processing a lie
他们根本就不会花费额外的时间去处理谎言
because their brains don’t need to seem to suppress the truth,
因为他们的大脑似乎并不需要压制真相
to even focus attention or control body language.
甚至不需要集中注意力或者控制身体语言
All of that occurs naturally to them,
这一切对他们来说都是很自然的
it’s like they’re inventing a world in their head, with no effort.
就像是他们毫不费力地在自己的头脑里 创建了一个世界一样
And this is how many people get fooled by compulsive and pathological liars.
这就是很多人被强迫性和病态的说谎者骗倒的原因
They assume that lying must stress other people out
他们认为说谎一定会给别人带来压力
because it stresses them out,
因为它会给自己带来过多压力
and it makes no sense that anyone could lie so comfortably,
而且没人能够那么舒适自然地说谎
so they assume that comfortable demeanor means
所以他们认为舒适自然的行为举止意味着
the liar is telling the truth.
说谎者在陈述事实
A much better heuristic for you to detect pathological lies is
有一项法则能更好的帮助你察觉到病态谎言
the 10,000 foot view.
那就是从宏观的视角来看
And this means rather than watching one individual’s body language,
这意味着你要做的不是去观察一个人的身体语言
or even listening to their explanations of which there will be many,
甚至也不是去听他们的诸多解释
you summarize their claims at a very high level.
而是你要从一个高水平去总结他们的言论
And then you let your intuition tell you if that just makes sense.
然后让你的直觉告诉你 这些话是否符合逻辑
In the case of Elizabeth Holmes,
在Elizabeth Holmes的事例中
this is exactly how the reporter who cracked her case
揭发她的案子的记者
was first inspired to dig into her story.
最初就是受到这方面的启示 才会开始挖掘真相的
And that story that something that struck me as odd which was
整个故事中 让我感到很古怪的是
this notion that a 19 year old college dropout
一个19岁的大学辍学女孩
with just two semesters of Chemical Engineering under her belt
只学完了两个学期的化学工程课程
had dropped out of college
就辍学了
and pioneered groundbreaking new science.
然后就成了一个开创性新学科的先锋
You know that that’s something that’s possible
这类事情
in the realm of computers and computer software obviously,
在计算机和计算机软件领域是可能发生的
Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates have done that.
马克·扎克伯格和比尔·盖茨都已经做到了
But in medical science,
但是在医学科学领域
you need the formal training,
你需要正规的训练
and you need to do years and decades of research to add value.
还要做几年甚至数十年的研究 才能增添价值
This is an important point.
这是很重要的一点
It seems that psychopaths, sociopaths whatever you call them,
看来好像对于精神病患者 反社会人格患者 随便你怎么称呼他们
and I’m not saying that Elizabeth Holmes falls into this particular category.
我不是说Elizabeth Holmes属于这些特殊人格
But whatever this compulsive lying category is,
但是不管这些强迫性说谎人格被归属到哪一类
these people have an easier time tricking our brains than they do our gut reactions.
这些人更容易欺骗我们的大脑 而不是引起我们的直觉反应
and it’s partially because they have an explanation for everything.
有部分原因是因为他们对所有事情都能有一个解释
Here’s one example.
这里举个例子
My grandfather would go get a Theranos test done,
我的祖父去了Theranos做测试
and he would have a needle in his arm.
有人会在他的手臂上扎针取样
You know it’s like, well,
你知道 就像是 呃
I thought this was a single drop of blood,
不是只需要一滴血而已吗?
and there’d be some you know excuse
然后他们会找一些理由
about why they needed to take a venous draw for him.
说明他们为什么需要从我祖父的静脉抽血
But you know for everybody else,
但对其他所有人来说
it’s a finger prick and you continue to buy into that.
就只是扎一次手指取样 然后你会继续相信他们
Another thing you tend to notice about this type is
此外你也会注意到
that they often don’t give up on the lie.
这类人通常不会放弃谎言
When most of us get caught red-handed,
当大部分人说谎被抓了现行的时候
we slump our shoulders in defeat.
我们会在失败感中垂下双肩
All that is left to do is feel shame,
剩下的只有愧疚感
say we’re sorry and hopefully be forgiven.
说自己很抱歉 并且希望得到原谅
But this type of person who lies compulsively
但是这类强迫性说谎者
will continue even when the cat is out of the bag.
就算被抓到现行也会继续说谎
Billy McFarland of Fyre Festival infamy, for instance,
比如说 Fyre Festival 事件里臭名昭著的Billy McFarland
ran a second scam while he was out on bail.
他在保释期间 又做了第二个骗局
He offered his email list for the Fyre Festival tickets
他向Fyre Festival电邮列表中的人提供格莱美的门票
to the Grammys to meet and greets with celebrities like LeBron James,
让他们有机会与LeBron James这样的名流见面
of course which he had no access to,
当然这些票是他没有的
if they would just send him some money.
除非他们给他寄点钱
Now listen to what Elizabeth Holmes told investors
现在我们来听听Elizabeth Holmes
just a month before Theranos shut its doors
在Theranos倒闭的短短一个月之前
after she had been barred from holding a position
被SEC禁止担任上市公司的管理人员后
as an officer of a public company by the SEC.
如何向投资者解释的
In a… letter to shareholders that day,
那天公司发了一封致股东信
she basically explained that the company would likely be liquidated
信中她基本解释了公司很有可能
by the end of July.
在七月底前被清算
Wow.

But the… the interesting thing is that she is telling people
但是 最有意思的是她告诉大家
that she is going to start a new company.
她要开一家新公司
Oh my god, that is so deranged.
哦天啊 这太疯狂了
That’s right. Even after being convicted of securities fraud,
没错 尽管她被判证券欺诈罪名成立
and with criminal charges pending,
又面临其他刑事指控
Elizabeth maintained the idea that she would be running a company soon.
Elizabeth继续宣称她很快会开一家新的公司
And again, this just goes to illustrate
这再一次说明了
that this type has a very different relationship with the truth.
这种人格与真相有一种不一样的关系
Image takes precedence over external reality,
形象远胜于外在现实
and it seems to happen effortlessly.
而这一切似乎毫不费力地发生
Finally,
最后
in the event that you do raise your issues with this type of person,
你要是与这类人格提出你的质疑
they’re very likely to dismiss you and throw you off in one of two ways.
他们很可能会无视你 并且用下列两种方式来甩开你
Typically, they will label you a hater and cut you out
通常 他们会给你贴上仇恨者的标签 并与你划清界限
as Elizabeth Holmes and her boyfriend did
就像 Elizabeth Holmes 和她的男朋友
when subordinates raised issues.
在被下属提出质疑的时候所做的那样
He received this email from Sunny Balwani,
他收到了 Sunny Balwani 的邮件
”That reckless comment based on absolute ignorance is so insulting to me
那种基于绝对无知的鲁莽言论 对我来说简直是奇耻大辱
that had any other person made these statements,
如果是其他人发表类似言论
we would have held them accountable in the strongest way.
我们早就以最严厉的方式让他们承担责任了
The only reason I have taken so much time away from work to address this personally
我会浪费工作时间 亲自处理这事的唯一原因
is because you are Mr. Shultz’s grandson.
是因为你是Shultz先生的孙子
The only email on this topic I want to see from you going forward
关于这个话题 我唯一希望从你那里收到的答复
is an apology.”
就是道歉
Or, if you’re more powerful, they’ll assuage your concerns
或者 如果你更加强大 他们就会告诉你一些针对他们的阴谋论
by appealing to some kind of conspiracy against them.
来缓解你的焦虑
Holmes, for instance, said that no one could see
比如说 Holmes 说就是由于这个原因
the technology at Theranos for this reason.
没人能看到Theranos 的科技
The only way that we were gonna get responses to our questions
我们能得到问题答案的唯一方法
was if we signed NDA’s
就是签署保密协议
because the Theranos proprietary technology,
因为Theranos 的专利技术
these trade secrets were so valuable,
都是非常宝贵的商业机密
that Quest and LabCorp, the two dominant players in the lab industry,
以至于实验室领域的两大主要巨头 Quest 和 LabCorp
were trying to find out answers to these questions by any means possible.
正在想尽一切办法来寻找这些问题的答案
So when you start hearing “with us or against us” ultimatums
所以 当你听到 要么支持我们 要么反对我们 这种最后通牒
or hearing about how secrecy is necessary
或者被告知保密是多么必要
for reasons that might make for a good plot in a John Grisham novel,
而保密的原因可以成为 John Grisham 小说中的精彩情节时
be on red alert.
你就要非常留意了
In my experience, it is more often the case that someone is trying to con you.
以我的经验 更可能的情况就是有人想骗你
If you want to learn to be more charismatic and captivating
如果你想变得更加有魅力 更吸引人
without being a conman narcissist,
而不是成为一名自恋型的骗子
you might want to check out our online course Charisma University.
你可以看看我们的在线课程 魅力大学
It is a 30 day program that gives you exactly what you need everyday,
在这30天的课程中只需每天学习15到20分钟
in about 15 to 20 minutes,
你就能学到确实需要的知识
to maximize your confidence and charisma that comes complete with a daily action guide,
只需通过每天的行动指南 你就能最大程度增强自信和魅力
so you’re not guessing what to do every single day.
所以你不需要去猜每天到底要干嘛
Now you can read all about the details of it in the link below.
现在你可以点击下面的链接 找到所有相关细节
But I figure the strongest way to let you know what it’s about
但我认为让你了解这个课程最好的办法
is to just let the members speak for themselves.
就是让学员们自己谈谈感受
So here are just a few of the things
所以 这些就是魅力大学的学员们
that CU members have written in.
写下的一些感受
The first one comes from a guy who got promoted to a senior position early in his career.
第一条来自一个在职业生涯初期就升到高职位的人
He says “I don’t even have a Bachelor diploma,
他说 我连本科学历也没有
yet they want me to fill this position
但是他们仍然想让我担任这个职位
and when I asked why, this was the answer:
我问为什么 他们给的回复是
‘you have great social skills which is rare for an engineer,
你拥有非常好的社交技能 这对于工程师来说太少见了
you think quick on your feet and you are open and self assured in your demeanor’.
你能够快速应变 而且行为举止开放 成竹在胸
Thank you so much for all that you have taught me!
非常感谢你们教会我的一切
You’ve truly changed my life,
你们真的改变了我的人生
because without CU, I wouldn’t have qualified for that position in a million lifetimes.”
如果没有魅力大学 我永远不够资格获得这个职位
Now this one comes from another person who just started a new job.
现在这个留言来自另一个刚刚开始新工作的学员
He says:
他说
“I want to let you know that I nailed those first days at work!
我想让你们知道 我在刚开始工作的头几天顺利过渡
Everything that I needed was right there at the right moment,
我需要的所有能力 都在对的时间拿得出手
the confidence, the energy, the smile, the positive mindset,…
自信 能量 微笑 积极的心态等等
and with all your tips from last Tuesday in mind, it could just not go wrong”.
学会上周二你们教的小技巧以后 事情就不可能出错了
And he finishes by saying “I just want to emphasize
最后他说 我只想强调
that what I did the previous days would even not
如果我不知道魅力是一种可以学习的技巧
would even not have come to mind
我根本就不会想到
if I had not discovered that charisma is a skill that can be learned,
前些日子学过的事
thanks to your YouTube channel and university program”.
感谢你们的油管频道和这个魅力大学课程
And this last one is a comment in the course itself
然后最后这条是课程本身中的评论
from someone who used it mainly to improve their social and dating life.
它来自一位想提升自己社交和约会技能的学员
They say, “Life changing.
他们说 魅力大学改变了我的生活
“In six weeks, I went from being socially awkward with few friends
在6周内 我从一个社交笨拙 朋友不多的人
to the life of every event I attend.
变成了我参加的每个活动的活力来源
I also went from having serious girl problems to dating the girl of my dreams.
我还从有严重的异性交友问题 到现在约会上了我的梦中女神
Charisma University transformed me from a lonely introvert
魅力大学将我从一个孤独内向
hoping to better connect with people
希望和大家有更好交流的人
to an energy filled extrovert who makes new friends everywhere I go.
变成了一个在哪里都能交到新朋友 充满能量的外向型人格
I’m so happy I joined.”
我很高兴自己加入了这个学习课程
And of course, these are all effusive, 100% real,
当然 这些都是真情流露 100%真实的评论
did not ask for these people to write these things,
我们并没有要求学员写这些东西
but this is what some of the things have been said.
但这些就是他们的一些真情实感
You can see more in the comments if you decide to join the course.
如果你决定加入课程学习 你会在评论区看到更多相关评论
If you do that, it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee
如果你报名了 我们还有60天的
which is 100% for any reason at all.
100%无理由退款
And we have that just to make sure that every single member
我们这么做 就是为了保证每一个学员
truly feels like they’re getting a ton of value from the course.
都能切实的感受到课程给予了他们很大的价值
Otherwise you don’t have to stay.
否则你也无需继续学习
So if you want to check the course out,
如果你想了解这个课程
go ahead click the link on screen now
请点击屏幕上的链接
or below in the description.
或者下方的介绍
If you’d like to check out another video,
如果你想要看其他的视频
we have those above as well.
链接也都在上面
Either way I look forward to seeing you in the next video.
无论如何 期待在下个视频中与你相会

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视频概述

视频教你识别自恋狂的方法 避免被自恋狂欺诈

听录译者

ABC

翻译译者

无名氏

审核员

审核员B

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hg4ws1QPeNE

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