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5个迹象表明你无法处理好一段恋情 – 译学馆
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5个迹象表明你无法处理好一段恋情

5 Signs You Cannot Handle a Relationship

通常
More often than not,
我们会快速责备他人
we can be quick to blame someone else
当我们面对困难时
for the promblems we face
为什么他们不能多关注我?
Why can’t they notice me more?
少一点心胸狭窄
Be less narrow-minded,
或者听听我说出的话
or listen to the words coming out of my mouth
但是你也明显的付出同样的努力了吗?
But are you putting in the same amount of effort on the table?
你可以像你的同伴一样体贴别人吗?
Can you be just as attentive as your partner?
关于感情的事
The thing about relationships
是你不只学会如何爱别人
is you don’t just learn how to love someone
这也是教你如何变成更好的人的一段经历
it’s also an experience that teaches you how to be a better person.
但是如果你没有正确的心态
But if you’re not in the right mindset,
有时这值得推迟开始感情
sometimes it’s worth postponing
并且先了解自己
and working on yourself first
这里有五个信号表明你不能处理一段关系
Here are five signs you cannot handle a relationship.
1 你把自己摆放在别人之前
1.You put yourself first before anyone else.
当你重视自己健康和幸福时这很正常
It’s healthy when you prioritize your health and well being,
但是这是不同的
but there’s a difference
在寻求平衡
between finding balance
和完全自私之间
and just being downright selfish
主任医师Srini Pillay认为
Clinical Professor Srini Pillay believes that
自私的爱人总是觉得爱得不够
selfish lovers often suffer from feeling inadequate
当他们对别人表达爱意
When they show love to someone,
即使只是一点点
even if it’s just a little,
他们会开始担心这些很快就会消失
they start to worry that it’ll all be gone in no time.
自私的爱人被深深的困扰着
Selfish lovers are deeply troubled
因为他们不能自我连结
because they aren’t self connected.
如果你向你的伴侣索取多于给予
If you take more than you give to your partner,
Pillay认为直面你的痛苦
Pillay says it’s important to confront your own pain
并且承认你需要完善的地方是很重要的
and recognize the areas you need to develop in.
他也认为集中精力在兴趣上是很有帮助的
He also states that it’s helpful to focus your energy
让你感到更多的自我连结
on hobbies that make you feel more self connected
比如跑步 写日记 冥想
like running,journaling or meditating
你很高傲而且总认为自己是对的
2. You’re prideful and you think you’re always right.
在一段关系中对双方来说
It’s important for both partners
聆听和互相理解是很重要的
to feel heard and understood in a relationship,
如骄傲这样的因素会阻碍这段感情
factors such as pride can get in the way of that.
最终
At the end of the day,
成为对的一方是值得的吗?
is it really worth being right
如果你会失去你爱的人
if you’re going to lose someone you love.
为什么人们普遍不愿意道歉的另一个原因
Another reason why some people are commonly reluctant to apologize
是因为他们害怕对方
is because they fear the other person
不会对自己在冲突中的那部分负责
won’t take responsibility for their part in the conflict.
但是当你率先真诚地道歉
But when you sincerely apologize first,
会让对方知道
it lets your partner know
你并不为自己做的一切觉得自豪
that you’re not proud of what you did.
并且下次会采取更好的办法
and will take better measures next time
而不是反复犯同一个错
instead of repeating the same mistakes
不去强调谁对谁错是很重要的
It’s important not to emphasize on who was right or wrong,
相反 专心于你们两个可以做的
but rather,focus on what the two of you can do
去预防未来发生的灾祸
to prevent any mishaps from occurring in the future.
3.你总是依赖对方让你快乐
3. You always depend on your partner to make you happy.
当你离开对方你会感觉焦虑
Do you get anxious when you’re away from your partner
或者没有他们你会觉得无所适从?
or generally feel lost without them?
这可能是互相依赖的信号
This might be a sign of co-dependency.
问问自己是否真的爱对方
Ask yourself if you really love your partner
还是你只是对他们有情感依赖
or are you just emotionally dependent on them.
爱是感激 不是拥有
Love is about appreciation, not possession.
心理学家认为互相依赖
Psychologists state that codependency
来源于自给自足的匮乏
stems from the lack of self sufficiency.
因为它的根源是你童年时未被满足的需要
Since co-dependancy is often rooted from your unmet childhood needs,
办法通常就是去治疗
Treatment often involves going to therapy
你可以感受到那些感觉
where you can get in touch with the feelings
你一直以来埋藏的
you’ve buried for so long.
老生常谈了
As cliche, as it sounds,
把事情说出来最终会帮助你变得更好
talking things out will ultimately help you get better.
当你遇到这些根深蒂固的不安时
Once you confront those deep-rooted insecurities,
这也会让你有一个机会去向对方表达
it also allows you a chance to express them to your partner.
那样的话 你们两个就可以制造一个计划
That way, the two of you can create a plan
帮助你们的感情向前
that helps your relationship move forward.
4.你希望别人了解你
4.You expect people to read your mind.
交流是维护情感的一个重要部分
Communication is an essential part of making relationships work.
如果你是被动攻击者
If you’re passive-aggressive
并且选择不告诉对方是什么使你烦恼
and choose not to tell your partner what’s upsetting you
害怕产生矛盾
in fear of creating conflict
或者害怕测试他们是否在意你
or to test if they care about you.
当他们还一头雾水
Is it really fair to be mad at the other person
对对方生气是真的公平吗?
when they don’t even have a clue?
加强你的沟通技巧
To strengthen your communication skills,
当你做第一陈述的时候避免加入责备话语
avoid attaching blame when you make your I statements
比如 不要说“我很难过 ”
For instance, instead of saying” I’m upset
因为你从未帮助我做家务”
because you never help me with the chores”,
你可以说“我很难过
you can say” I’m upset
“如果你能帮我做家务我会很感激你。”
and would appreciate it if you can help me with the chores.
这样你还是能让他们知道你想什么
That way you can still let them know what you want
不用指责
without pointing fingers,
这样经常会导致对方防御
which can often cause your partner to become defensive.
5.你害怕许下承诺
5.You have commitment issues.
承诺恐惧症
Commitment phobia,
不同于已知的情感焦虑症
otherwise known as relationship anxiety
是你害怕感情
is when you have a fear of relationships.
如果你觉得你有这种情况
If you think you have this,
记住这并不意味着
note that it doesn’t mean
你不想与某人建立长期的关系
you never want to establishe a long term comnection with someone,
你想
you do.
但是你的焦虑阻碍了你
but your anxieties are getting in the way.
过去的许多事情会导致这个
Many past events could have caused this,
比如见证了你的父母离婚
such as witnessing your parents getting a divorce
或者有一段不合适的恋爱
or having an unhealthy romantic relationship.
因此 你优柔寡断
As a result, you might hesitate,being vulnerable,
害怕别人离开
scared that the other person will either leave
或者让你失望
or disappoint you.
如果问题一直存在
If this is an ongoing issue,
最好是去看医生
it’s best to visit a therapist
寻求意见如何治疗这个恐惧症
and get insights on how to manage this phobia
同时学习如何攻克这个弱点的方法
while learning techniques that help you practice vulnerability.
有什么情感苦恼
What are some dating struggles
是你正在经历的呢?
you’re going through right now.
让我们知道并在下方留言
Let us know and leave a comment down below.
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感谢观看!
Thanks for watching!

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注意这五点,让我们与同伴有一段良好的关系

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