More often than not,
we can be quick to blame someone else
for the promblems we face
Why can’t they notice me more?
Be less narrow-minded,
or listen to the words coming out of my mouth
But are you putting in the same amount of effort on the table?
Can you be just as attentive as your partner?
The thing about relationships
is you don’t just learn how to love someone
it’s also an experience that teaches you how to be a better person.
But if you’re not in the right mindset,
sometimes it’s worth postponing
and working on yourself first
Here are five signs you cannot handle a relationship.
1.You put yourself first before anyone else.
It’s healthy when you prioritize your health and well being,
but there’s a difference
between finding balance
and just being downright selfish
Clinical Professor Srini Pillay believes that
selfish lovers often suffer from feeling inadequate
When they show love to someone,
even if it’s just a little,
they start to worry that it’ll all be gone in no time.
Selfish lovers are deeply troubled
because they aren’t self connected.
If you take more than you give to your partner,
Pillay says it’s important to confront your own pain
and recognize the areas you need to develop in.
He also states that it’s helpful to focus your energy
on hobbies that make you feel more self connected
比如跑步 写日记 冥想
like running,journaling or meditating
2. You’re prideful and you think you’re always right.
It’s important for both partners
to feel heard and understood in a relationship,
factors such as pride can get in the way of that.
At the end of the day,
is it really worth being right
if you’re going to lose someone you love.
Another reason why some people are commonly reluctant to apologize
is because they fear the other person
won’t take responsibility for their part in the conflict.
But when you sincerely apologize first,
it lets your partner know
that you’re not proud of what you did.
and will take better measures next time
instead of repeating the same mistakes
It’s important not to emphasize on who was right or wrong,
but rather,focus on what the two of you can do
to prevent any mishaps from occurring in the future.
3. You always depend on your partner to make you happy.
Do you get anxious when you’re away from your partner
or generally feel lost without them?
This might be a sign of co-dependency.
Ask yourself if you really love your partner
or are you just emotionally dependent on them.
Love is about appreciation, not possession.
Psychologists state that codependency
stems from the lack of self sufficiency.
Since co-dependancy is often rooted from your unmet childhood needs,
Treatment often involves going to therapy
where you can get in touch with the feelings
you’ve buried for so long.
As cliche, as it sounds,
talking things out will ultimately help you get better.
Once you confront those deep-rooted insecurities,
it also allows you a chance to express them to your partner.
That way, the two of you can create a plan
that helps your relationship move forward.
4.You expect people to read your mind.
Communication is an essential part of making relationships work.
If you’re passive-aggressive
and choose not to tell your partner what’s upsetting you
in fear of creating conflict
or to test if they care about you.
Is it really fair to be mad at the other person
when they don’t even have a clue?
To strengthen your communication skills,
avoid attaching blame when you make your I statements
比如 不要说“我很难过 ”
For instance, instead of saying” I’m upset
because you never help me with the chores”,
you can say” I’m upset
and would appreciate it if you can help me with the chores.
That way you can still let them know what you want
without pointing fingers,
which can often cause your partner to become defensive.
5.You have commitment issues.
otherwise known as relationship anxiety
is when you have a fear of relationships.
If you think you have this,
note that it doesn’t mean
you never want to establishe a long term comnection with someone,
but your anxieties are getting in the way.
Many past events could have caused this,
such as witnessing your parents getting a divorce
or having an unhealthy romantic relationship.
As a result, you might hesitate,being vulnerable,
scared that the other person will either leave
or disappoint you.
If this is an ongoing issue,
it’s best to visit a therapist
and get insights on how to manage this phobia
while learning techniques that help you practice vulnerability.
What are some dating struggles
you’re going through right now.
Let us know and leave a comment down below.
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Thanks for watching!