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培养有适应力、自力更生的孩子的 5 个育儿技巧

5 Parenting Tips for Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant Kids | Tameka Montgomery | TED

[music]
[音乐]
How do we raise self-reliant kids
我们如何培养出具有主动性
who have initiative, who are resilient, and who could be problem solvers?
适应力和解决问题能力的自立的孩子?
Kids who have the skills and the courage
我们如何让孩子有能力和勇气
to step outside of their comfort zone
走出自己的舒适区
and take advantage of what life has to offer.
好好利用生活给你的一切
I’m a mom to these three boys.
我是这三个男孩的妈妈
And if you’re a parent like me,
如果你像我一样为人父母
you’ve probably asked yourself those very same questions.
你可能也问过自己完全相同的问题
And while I’m sure that every caring parent
虽然我确信每一位关心孩子的家长
wants those same things for their children,
都希望自己的孩子具备以上这些品质
I think we’re going about it the wrong way.
但我认为我们的方式错了
We want our kids to be happy and successful.
我们希望我们的孩子快乐和成功
So our instinct is to shield them
所以我们本能地去保护他们
from hurt and disappointment.
远离伤害和失望
We worry about their self-esteem,
我们担心他们的自尊
so we praise them for everything.
所以赞扬他们的一切
We are concerned about whether or not they fit in,
我们担心他们是否合群
so we indulge them.
所以纵容他们
And we don’t want them to fail,
我们不希望他们失败
so we step in and take over.
所以我们介入并接管
And we do all of this
我们做这一切都是为了
in an attempt to curate a perfect life for them.
给他们策划一个完美的生活
But what we’re really doing
但结果却是
is raising kids who are afraid to take risks
培养出因为害怕失败
because they fear failure;
而不敢冒险的孩子
kids who lack the confidence in their ability to figure things out;
和对自己解决问题的能力缺乏信心的孩子
and then young people who are afraid to launch into adulthood.
还有害怕进入成年期的年轻人
More young adults are living at home and for longer stretches.
更多的年轻人呆在家里 时间也更久
And this was occurring even before the pandemic.
这甚至发生在疫情之前
A Pew Research study found
皮尤研究中心的一项研究发现
that 52 percent of young adults are living at home,
现在有52%的年轻人呆在家里
which is the highest percentage since the Great Depression.
这是自大萧条以来的最高比例
And what we’re finding is that young adults are stuck
我们发现年轻人被困在
between adolescence and adulthood.
青春期和成年期之间
And that’s the generation of people that we’re raising.
这就是我们正在培养的一代人
And in fact,
事实上
we hear this in the language that young adults even use
当年轻人必须做出负责任的成人决定时
when they have to make responsible adult decisions.
他们的语言中甚至会出现一句话
There’s a term for it.
它有一个专有名词
Who knows what that is?
有谁知道是什么?
Adulting, yes.
“做大人该做的事” 是的
The practice of behaving
意思是行为举止
in a characteristic of a responsible adult.
像负责任的成年人一样
So I am convinced that as parents and caregivers,
所以我相信 作为父母和监护人
we are missing out on a great opportunity
我们正错过一个很好的机会
to raise kids who are resilient
来培养有适应力
and can take hold of their future,
能够把握自己未来的孩子
kids who can step outside of their comfort zone
培养能够走出自己的舒适区
and do amazing things.
并有所成就的孩子
Now, these are skills that are necessary
这些都是必要的技能
not only for them to lead fulfilling lives
不仅能让他们过上充实的生活
and live out their potential,
发挥个人潜能
but those are skills that are also necessary
也能让他们应对
for our changing world.
这个不断变化的世界
So back to my original question.
所以回到我最初的问题
How do we raise self-reliant kids who have initiative,
我们如何培养出具有主动性 适应力
are resilient and can be problem solvers?
和解决问题能力的自立的孩子?
I believe we do that by raising kids
我相信要做到这一点
who can think and act entrepreneurially.
需要培养孩子像企业家一样思考和行动
Kids who have the opportunity or have the skill set
培养孩子有机会或有能力
to view the world from an entrepreneurial mindset.
以企业家的心态看待世界
So let me tell you how I came to this conclusion.
让我来告诉你我是如何得出这个结论的
So for more than 20 years,
20多年来
my work was centered around supporting adult entrepreneurs.
我的工作重点是支持成年企业家
Providing them with training and technical assistance
为他们提供培训 技术援助和资源
and resources to help them start and grow their businesses.
并帮助他们创业和发展业务
And something I would observe.
我观察到一些事情
We’d have two individuals come into our office seeking assistance.
有两个人来我们的办公室寻求帮助
And on the surface,
从表面上看
it appeared that those individuals were at the same level
这两人在资源 能力 技能
in terms of resources, capabilities,
和商业头脑方面
skills and business acumen.
似乎处于同一水平
But what we would find
但我们发现
is that one individual would take that information
其中一个人接受了我们提供的信息
and go with it,
并用这些信息助力企业发展
and then the other individual would just seem to have trouble
而另一个人似乎很难从这些信息中
really getting traction and getting going.
获得前进的动力
And what I realized was that it had nothing to do
我意识到这与技能
with skill or capability.
或能力无关
What it came down to was the mindset of that individual.
归根结底是那个人的心态
And observing this got me thinking:
观察到这一点 我不禁想:
How might I raise my children
我该如何培养我的孩子
such that they can view the world like an entrepreneur?
让他们像企业家一样看待世界?
That they would have the courage to step out
让他们有勇气走出去
and to change the world with an entrepreneurial lens.
以企业家的眼光改变世界
So that set us out,
因此 我和我的丈夫
my husband and I, on a 15-year journey
开始了一段15年的历程
to raise entrepreneurial kids.
去培养具有企业家精神的孩子
And we really saw this come together
到我的大儿子塞拉斯九岁时
when my eldest son, Silas, was nine years old.
我们俩真的看到了这一点
We had been living here in Maryland for about two years,
我们在马里兰州已经住了大约两年了
and my husband was planning to travel back to Colorado
我丈夫打算回科罗拉多州
to visit his mother.
看望他的母亲
And so Silas asked me, he said, “Hey, mom,
于是塞拉斯问我 他说:“嘿 妈妈
can me and my brothers also go with Dad to visit grandma?”
我和弟弟们能和爸爸一起去看奶奶吗?”
And I said, “Well, you know, Silas,
我说:“你知道的 塞拉斯
four airline tickets were not in the budget,
我们没有买四张机票的预算
but you can go
但如果你能自己买机票
if you can buy your own ticket.”
你就可以去”
So he paused for a moment, and he said,
他停顿了一会儿 然后说:“好吧
“OK, well, how much are airline tickets?”
机票多少钱?”
And I said, “About 300 dollars.”
我说:“大约300美元”
And so his next question,
我不得不说
I have to say, it literally blew my mind.
他的下一个问题真的让我大吃一惊
So he said,
他说:
“OK. Can I find free stuff on Craigslist
“好吧 我可以在Craigslist上找免费的东西
and then resell it?”
然后转卖吗?”
Yeah, I was like, “Yeah, you can.”
我这样回答:“可以啊 你可以这样做”
And so then, over the course of that summer,
于是 在那年夏天
that’s exactly what he did.
他就这么做了
You know, he would get online and research Craigslist.
你知道 他会上网搜索Craigslist
My husband would take him to go pick up those things,
我丈夫会带他去拿那些东西
and then I would help him take pictures and post them online.
然后我会帮他拍照 并把它们发布到网上
But then he also did some other things that summer, he hustled.
那个夏天 他还做了一些其它的事情 他很忙
So he baked and sold cookies.
他烘焙并出售饼干
And then he also washed cars.
他还洗车
And throughout that entire process,
在整个过程中
my husband and I, we guided him along.
我和我的丈夫一直在引导他
We were there to coach and encourage him,
我们一直指导和鼓励他
but we allowed him to take the lead.
但我们允许他发挥主导作用
When it was time for him to make his sales pitch,
需要他去推销的时候
you know we coached him on how to make the pitch,
我们就指导他如何推销
but when it was time to knock on the doors,
但到了该敲门的时候
he stood forward, and we stepped back.
他站出来 我们退后
And that summer he raised the money.
那年夏天 他挣到了钱
He earned the money to purchase his airline ticket.
他挣到了买机票的钱
And he made a little bit more.
而且还多挣了一点
And he bought me a gift.
他给我买了一件礼物
But, you know, I’m like,
但是 你们知道吗?我当时就
I don’t know really who he was thinking about
我真不知道
when he bought that gift.
他买这个礼物的时候是要给谁
If it was, like, me or him, I don’t know.
是我还是他自己?我不知道
[Laughter]
[笑声]
But think about the confidence
但想想这给
that this put in him at nine years old,
九岁的他带来的信心
that he can have a big goal,
令他相信 他可以有一个伟大的目标
and that he could persevere to achieve that goal.
他能够坚持不懈地实现这个目标
Amazing.
这真是太棒了
But when I share that story with other parents,
但当我和其他父母分享这个故事时
many of them shake their head and say, “You know what?
他们中的许多人摇摇头说:“你知道吗?
My kid could never do that
我的孩子永远也做不到
because my kids don’t have the entrepreneurial gene.”
因为我的孩子没有企业家基因”
Well, being entrepreneurial is not genetic.
可是 企业家精神不会遗传
It is a set of behaviors
它是一系列
that can be learned when given the opportunity.
只要有机会就能学会的行为
Entrepreneurs are not born.
企业家不是天生的
The skills and the experiences that cause a person to be entrepreneurial
使一个人成为企业家的技能和经验
can be taught, and they can be nurtured.
可以被传授 也可以被培养
Now, raising entrepreneurial kids
培养孩子的企业家精神
is more than just teaching them how to start a business
不仅仅是教他们
so they can earn money.
如何创业挣钱
Raising entrepreneurial kids
培养孩子的企业家精神
is really about preparing kids for life,
实际上是在为他们的人生做好准备
equipping them with everything that they need,
为他们提供所需要的一切
with the confidence,
信心
with the ability to speak up,
大声说话的能力
to persevere, to have tenacity,
让他们有毅力 有韧性
to bounce back from fear and rejection.
能从恐惧和拒绝中重拾信心
Those are the things that are required in our world
在我们的世界里
to live to one’s potential.
这些都是发挥个人潜力所必需的
So in order for me to learn as much as I could
因此 为了尽可能多地学习
about raising entrepreneurial kids,
如何培养具有企业家精神的孩子
I interviewed dozens of parents and kids
我采访了几十位父母和孩子
to find out what they were doing.
了解他们是如何培养孩子的
And so I want to share with you what I learned,
所以 我想和你们分享我所学到的
and I want to share with you five strategies
我想和大家分享
that I’m actually doing with my children
我教育孩子的五种策略
and that honestly, I think every parent
说实话 我认为每一位家长都应该
should be doing with their children
对他们的孩子采取这些策略
to disrupt our conventional way of parenting.
来打破我们传统的养育方式
So, number one,
第一条策略
don’t give them an allowance.
不要给他们零用钱
That’s right.
没错
That’s what I’m talking about, too, yes.
这也是我要说的
Don’t give them an allowance.
不要给他们零用钱
Instead, challenge them to start a business
相反 你可以让他们挑战做小生意
to earn their spending money.
来挣零花钱
So this is my boys, and this is one of the ways
这就是我的孩子们
that they’ve earned money, their own spending money,
这是他们挣钱的方式之一
is they make bracelets.
他们靠制作手镯挣零用钱
And there is no better lesson around the value of a dollar
如果你的每一美元都必须努力工作才能挣到
than when you have to work hard to earn each one of them.
这就是对其价值的最好教育
And through this process,
通过这一过程
our kids will learn confidence, financial literacy,
我们的孩子将学会自信 财务知识
public speaking, how to convince people,
公开演讲和如何说服别人
all skills that are valuable for the world that we live in.
以及所有对我们生活的世界有价值的技能
So don’t give them an allowance.
所以 不要给他们零用钱
The next thing is make them pay for their wants.
第二条策略是让他们为自己的需求买单
You know, key to entrepreneurship
你知道 企业家精神的关键
is about personal responsibility and ownership.
在于个人责任和所有权
And it is amazing how,
令人惊讶的是
when you put the responsibility on someone else
当你把责任推给其他人 让他们去买
to buy that thing that they said they really wanted,
那些他们所说的 真正想要的东西
kind of shifts a little bit, right?
就会有一点转变 对吗?
It really, really does.
真的 真的是这样
It’s no different with the kids.
孩子们也不例外
And so we actually started this quite early with our children.
所以我们很早就开始和孩子们这样
So when Silas was about four years old,
所以塞拉斯大约四岁的时候
I created “daddy dollars.”
我创造了“爸爸美元”
[Laughter]
[笑声]
And the boys would earn daddy dollars for doing things such as chores,
男孩们可以通过做家务
for exhibiting positive behavior and for also reading books.
积极主动的行为和读书来赚取“爸爸美元”
And Silas actually purchased his first bike
塞拉斯实际上是用“爸爸美元”
from using daddy dollars.
买的第一辆自行车
He had to earn 250 daddy dollars,
他需要挣250“爸爸美元”
and that allowed him to purchase his first bike.
才够买他的第一辆自行车
Now, yeah, you know, these are not real dollars.
你知道 这些不是真正的美元
But to Silas, that experience of working hard to earn that money
但对塞拉斯来说 辛勤工作挣钱
and to buy that bike
来买自行车的经历
was a very real experience for him.
是非常真实的
Also, in 2019,
还有 2019年
our family decided to take a trip to Tanzania.
我们全家决定去坦桑尼亚旅行
And so, you know, the boys were really excited about it.
你知道 男孩们对此非常兴奋
And I said, “Now, if you want to go to Tanzania,
我说: “如果你们想去坦桑尼亚
your dad and I are going,
我和你们的父亲都会去
but if you want to go to Tanzania,
但是如果你们想去坦桑尼亚
you know what you got to do?”
你们知道要做什么吗?”
What do you think I told them?
你觉得我跟他们说了什么?
They’re going to have to buy their own airline ticket, yes.
是的 他们得自己买机票
Now, the tickets to Tanzania were not cheap.
去坦桑尼亚的机票并不便宜
They were 900 dollars apiece.
每张900美元
Yeah.
是的
But check this out.
但看看这个
This is what I just loved, was when I told the boys
这就是我所喜欢的 当我告诉孩子们
that they were going to have to buy their own ticket,
他们必须自己买票时
Silas remembering back to what he had done
塞拉斯回忆起
when he was about nine years old,
他九岁时所做的事
he said to his brothers,
他对弟弟们说:
“That’s easy, don’t worry about it.
“这很容易 不用担心
I’ll show you how to do it.”
我会教你们怎么做”
[Laughter]
[笑声]
Yes.
是的
And sure enough,
果然
they worked hard over several months, and they did just that.
他们努力工作了好几个月 他们确实做到了
They were able to earn enough money
他们通过卖我刚才给你们看的手镯
by selling their bracelets that I showed you earlier,
赚到足够的钱
and they all were able to go with their parents to Tanzania.
他们都可以和父母一起去坦桑尼亚
So I would encourage you to make your kids pay
所以我鼓励你让你的孩子
for the things that they say they want.
为他们想要的东西买单
The next is to reduce their prosperity.
第三条策略是减少他们丰富的物质
Now let’s admit it,
我们必须承认
kids today have a lot of stuff,
现在的孩子有很多东西
right?
对吧?
And when you think about it,
当思考这个问题的时候
I understand this need and this desire as parents
我理解作为父母的这种需要和愿望
to want to give our kids experiences and things
我们希望给自己的孩子一些
that maybe we did not have when we were children.
我们小时候可能没有的东西和体验
But when we choose a parenting style of
但是 当我们选择一种
overindulging our children
过分溺爱孩子的养育方式
by providing them with too much,
我们给他们提供的东西太多
too soon, for too long,
速度太快 时间太久
with no effort on their part,
而他们自己没有付出任何努力
what we do is actually raise young people
我们所做的实际上是在培养
who are self-centered and entitled.
以自我为中心 自以为是的年轻人
And so when we, instead ……
所以 当我们 换一种方式
In the 1700s,
在18世纪
it’s interesting because Frederick Douglass made a statement
有趣的是弗雷德里克·道格拉斯发表了一个申明
that I thought was profound even in the 1700s,
我认为即使在18世纪 它也是很深刻的
because we’re dealing with it today.
因为我们今天正在解决这个问题
And he said,
他说:
“If you wish to make your son helpless,
“如果你想让你的儿子变得无能
you need not cripple him with a bullet or a bludgeon,
不必用子弹或棍棒使他残废
but simply place him beyond the reach of necessity
只需让他远离必需品
and surround him with luxury and ease.”
享受奢华和安逸”
Still true today.
今天仍然如此
Steve Jobs in a graduation speech,
史蒂夫·乔布斯在一个毕业演讲中
told the graduates to stay hungry.
告诉毕业生们要保持渴望
And what we love about entrepreneurs is their hustle.
我们喜欢企业家是因为他们勤奋
And oftentimes that hustle is rooted in a hunger for something.
这种勤奋往往源于对某种东西的渴望
But if our kids never want for anything,
但是 如果我们的孩子什么都不缺
what’s going to motivate them to take action?
又有什么能激励他们采取行动呢?
So I encourage you to reduce your kids’ prosperity.
所以我鼓励你们减少孩子们丰富的物质
Next is to let them be delight-directed.
第四条策略是让他们追随自己的乐趣
Entrepreneurs are lifelong learners.
企业家是终身学习者
They learn to do, not simply to know.
他们学着去做 而不是简单的知道

And when we encourage our children to seek out learning
当我们鼓励孩子们去学习
for the things that they are most interested in,
他们最感兴趣的东西时
they become learners who seek to learn to do
他们就会学着去做
because they’re teaching themselves
因为他们在自我学习
as opposed to just simply pouring in information,
而不是一味地灌输信息
which is sometimes what we get in our education system.
我们的教育系统有时就是这种灌输式教育
And so this is my my son Isaiah.
这是我的儿子以赛亚
His delight is drawing.
他喜欢画画
And so he spends hours drawing, and he seeks out classes
所以 他一画就是几个小时
that teach him how to draw.
他会找一些教画画的课程
And he was recently awarded
最近 史密森尼非洲艺术博物馆
an award by the Smithsonian Museum of African Art for creating.
授予他创作奖
Thank you!
谢谢!
Yeah, this Superhero,
没错 这个超级英雄
From looking at a piece of art in the museum,
他在博物馆里看到了这件艺术品
and he designed this.
于是设计出了这件作品
But now Isaiah is designing logos for people.
现在以赛亚为人们设计商标
Yeah, yeah, I love it.
是的 我很喜欢他设计的商标
So give them room and space to follow their delights.
所以 给他们空间去追随他们的乐趣
And then lastly,
最后一条策略是
let them solve their own problems.
让他们自己解决问题
Entrepreneurs are problem solvers,
企业家是问题解决者
and as parents it is our natural instinct
作为父母 我们本能地
to want to step in and help our kids solve their problems.
想要介入并帮助孩子解决他们的问题
But when we do that all of the time,
但如果我们一直这样做
we kind of squelch the potential that they have
我们在某种程度上压制了他们的潜能
to discover new things about themselves,
让他们难以发掘与自己有关的新事物
new capabilities that they might have.
自己可能拥有的新能力
It squelches their ability to go out
这压制了他们走出去
and find the answers for themselves.
自己寻找答案的能力
So I want you to think about those five things
所以 我希望你们在开始培养年轻人时
as you begin to raise up young people.
思考这五条策略
And yeah, you know what?
你知道吗?
It’s very likely that my boys may not choose business ownership
我的孩子们长大后很可能
when they grow up.
不会选择创业
And that’s OK.
这也没关系
Because whether a child chooses to build a company
因为无论孩子选择创办公司
or become an employee,
还是成为一名员工
it doesn’t matter,
都无关紧要
because every kid needs to learn
因为任何孩子都需要
how to think like an entrepreneur.
学习像企业家一样思考
And the sooner we do this as parents,
作为父母 我们越早
create an environment at home where they have the opportunity
在家里创造一个环境
and multiple occasions to challenge their beliefs
让他们有机会在多个场合
about what’s possible within them,
挑战他们对自身可能性的认知
to step outside of their comfort zone,
走出他们的舒适区
to take risks,
去冒险
to learn from failure,
从失败中吸取教训
to bounce back from rejection,
被拒绝后能重拾信心
then the sooner we’ll put them on the path
我们就会越早地让他们
of living out their potential
走上发挥潜力的道路
to lead very fulfilling and successful lives.
过上充实而成功的生活
Thank you.
谢谢
[Applause]
[掌声]

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视频概述

我们如果才能培养出自立的孩子?在这个视频中,你会学到五种培养孩子的策略,这五种策略能帮助你够培养出具有主动性、适应力和解决问题能力的孩子。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

黄洪宇

审核员

审核员MZM

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-VIRvqsA9w

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