In theory, there are only four styles of parenting.
理论上 父母的教育风格只有四种
Authoritarian parents are controlling
专制型父母会控制孩子
and demand obedience without considering the child’s point of view.
要求孩子服从自己 不考虑孩子的意见
Permissive parents are loving, but don’t exert any control.
宽容型父母是慈爱的 但不会施加任何控制
There are no rules.
不定规矩
Authoritative parents who are firm but loving.
权威型父母既严厉又慈爱
They encourage independence, within limits.
他们鼓励一定范围内的独立
Neglecting parents are uninvolved and often uninterested in their own child.
忽视型的父母对孩子漠不关心 不感兴趣
Recently a 5th style was proposed, but we will come back to that later.
最近 有人提出了第五种风格 但我们稍后再讨论
The styles range from controlling and demanding, to complete freedom;
教育风格从控制和要求 到完全放任自由
and from cold and unresponsive to loving and receptive.
从冷漠和反应迟钝 到慈爱和接受
Each, authoritative, permissive, authoritarian and neglectful parents,
权威型 宽容型 专制型和忽视型
have their place.
各占一席之地
To understand what it means to grow up with parents from each end of the spectrum,
为了能理解和四种极端的父母一起成长意味着什么
we can imagine the lives of four children.
我们可以想象一下四个孩子的生活
Sara’s parents are Authoritarian.
Sara的父母很专制
They love their girl, but they believe that strict rules are important
他们爱自己的女儿 但是他们相信 制定严格的规矩很重要
to make Sara become well behaved and fit into the society.
能让Sara举止得体并且适应社会
If Sara cries, she’s told to stop.
如果Sara哭了 就制止她
If she talks back, she is sent to the corner for timeout.
如果她顶嘴 就会被罚去角落反省
If she forgets to take care of her chores around the house,
如果她忘记整理房间
she is not allowed to play with her toys.
就不允许她玩玩具
Sara learns that suppressing her emotions and following her duties
Sara学会了压抑自己的情绪 履行自己的职责
is the way to get through the day.
才能在家中平安度日
To get the love of her parents, and to avoid making them upset, she becomes obedient.
为了得到父母的爱 不让他们心烦 她变得听话
However, because Sara was never allowed to decide for herself
然而 因为Sara从来不被允许为自己做决定
or follow her intrinsic interests,
不能跟随她内心的兴趣
as an adult, she doesn’t know what she really wants.
所以作为一个成年人 她不知道自己真正想要什么
She begins living a life that seems perfect to her parents and society,
她开始过着父母和周围人眼中完美的生活
but might leave her unhappy on the inside.
但内心可能并不快乐
Permissive parents , like those of Peter, enjoy their little boy so much
Peter父母这种宽容型的 太爱孩子了
that they believe they should fulfill all his wishes,
他们觉得应该满足孩子所有的愿望
give him full freedom and never say “no”.
给他充分的自由 从不说“不”
Peter enjoys full control over his parents and gets whatever he wants.
Peter很享受完全控制他的父母 想要什么都能得到
If he doesn’t want to walk, he’ll be carried.
如果他走累了 就能被抱着
If he wants ice-cream, ice-cream he gets.
如果他想吃冰激凌 就有冰激凌给他
If he wants to play games, he’ll be playing them all night.
如果他想玩游戏 他可以玩一整晚
Peter grows up completely without borders and does whatever he thinks is right.
Peter的成长无拘无束 做一切他认为对的事情
He never coped with conflict and he did not learn to control his emotions.
他从不处理冲突 也不学着控制自己的情绪
The fact that he always got what he wanted made him a bad loser.
他总能得到他想要的 这使他成了一个糟糕的失败者
As he grows older he often acts inconsiderate and doesn’t know his limits.
随着年龄的增长 他常常不体谅别人 没有自知之明
Arthur’s Authoritative parents respect their child’s needs,
Arthur的父母是权威型的 尊重孩子的需要
but believe that kids need freedom within certain limits.
但相信孩子需要在一定范围内给予自由
Arthur can freely play, but when he’s done, he needs to help tidy up.
Arthur可以自由玩耍 不过结束后他要帮着收拾干净
He is allowed to eat ice cream, but only on Sundays.
他可以吃冰激凌 但只能星期天吃
Screen-time is limited to 30 minutes a day.
屏幕前的时间控制在一天30分钟
There may be conflict, but the parents listen to what Arthur has to say
有时会产生冲突 但父母会听取Arthur的意见
and then lay down the rules.
然后制定规则
Arthur learns that some things are difficult,
Arthur知道有些事情是困难的
but his parents give him all the support he needs to get through it.
但他的父母会给予他所需的支持 帮他度过难关
He develops the strength to endure hardships
他增强了面对困难的能力
and to continue following his interests and passions.
并继续保持兴趣和热爱
In class he bravely expresses his own opinions in an appropriate manner.
在课堂上 他以适当的方式勇敢地表达自己的观点
During breaks he can show his emotions and act freely.
休息时 他能自由地表达情绪和做出行动
As an adult he agrees to rules only after they have been discussed
作为成年人 他只会同意经过讨论的规则
and he feels like he understands them.
并且觉得能理解规则
Neglectful parents are usually not present in their children’s life.
忽视型父母通常不会出现在孩子的生活中
Nora often feels completely alone in the world.
Nara在这个世界上常常感到很孤独
She experiences full freedom to do anything she wants to and has plenty of imagination,
她有充分的自由去做任何她想做的事 并且有丰富的想象力
but she never receives any feedback or even attention.
但是她从来没有得到任何反馈 甚至没有得到任何关注
Nora realizes that it doesn’t matter what she does, because no one cares anyway.
Nora知道她做什么并不重要 因为没人在乎
The lack of attention, leads to a lack of trust in herself and others.
缺乏关注 导致了她对自己和他人缺乏信任
She becomes insecurely attached,
她变得缺乏安全感 依附于他人
unable to form healthy relationships
无法形成健康的人际关系
and develops a negative image of herself.
并塑造自己的负面形象
To stop feeling unworthy of love, she tries not to feel anything at all.
为了不再觉得自己不值得爱 她尽量不去感受任何东西
In recent years, over-Involved parents,
近年来 过度参与型父母
who are present in every aspect of their child’s life,
他们会介入孩子生活的方方面面
are often referred to as the 5th style.
常常被称为第五种教育风格
These parents are also known as ‘snow plows’,
这些父母也被称为“扫雪机”
removing obstacles out of their kids’ path,
消除孩子前进道路上的障碍
or ‘helicopter’ parents, who hover about
或者“直升机”父母 时刻盘旋在孩子周围
and micro-manage every aspect of their child’s life.
微观管理孩子生活的方方面面
Since they won’t let their children do anything alone,
由于他们不会让孩子独立做任何事
the children can’t learn to overcome challenges by themselves.
孩子无法学会自己克服挑战
Research infers that these children don’t like to solve difficult problems, lack perseverance
研究推断这类孩子不喜欢解决难题 缺乏毅力
and may even procrastinate in protest when something requires a lot of effort.
当某件事需要很多努力时 甚至可能会拖延抗议
Since most research on parenting is based on self-reports
因为大多数关于养育子女的研究都是基于自我报告
and was done in the US and Europe,
而且是在美国和欧洲进行
it is not clear how strongly the observed effects will hold up
目前尚不清楚 在受控观测实验或世界其他地区
in controlled observational experiments or in other parts of the world.
这个观察结果有多大的可信度
The four parenting styles were first introduced by Psychologist Diana Baumrind.
这四种育儿方式最早是由心理学家Diana Baumrind提出的
For good parenting she advised: “balance of demandingness and responsiveness”.
为了更好地育儿 她建议在要求和响应之间保持平衡
Add to that the wise words of Maria Montessori to
再加上Maria Montessori的名言：
“Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.”
永远不要帮助孩子完成他觉得自己能够成功的任务
and parents should do pretty well.
这样就差不多是个好父母了
What do you think?
你怎么认为？
Should parents resort to a specific style
父母应该选择一种特定的风格吗？
or should they decide what’s best to do in a given situation —
还是他们应该在特定的情况下 决定怎么做最好
as long as they don’t neglect or abuse their child.
只要他们不忽视或虐待他们的孩子
To download this video without background music
若要下载本视频不带背景音乐的版本
and learn more about the topic,
并了解有关此主题的更多信息
visit sproutsschools.com
请访问sproutsschools.com
For a free masterclass on attachment parenting,
有关亲密育儿法的免费大师班
see the link in the descriptions below.
请参阅下方简介中的链接