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让你魅力尽失的五个习语

5 Common Phrases That Kill Your Charisma

In the past, I’ve spoken a lot about phrases
我之前多次讲过
that you’re gonna want to add to your vocabulary
掌握哪些习惯用语
in order to become more charismatic and persuasive.
能让你变得更有魅力和说服力
But the truth is
实际上大多数情况下
far more common are phrases that you currently have in your vocabulary
正是你经常使用的那些习语
that are killing your charisma, that are making you far less persuasive.
扼杀了你的魅力 让你显得毫无说服力
that are getting people to fight with you.
甚至引发争执
So in this video, what I want to do is
在这期节目里
talk about five of those most common phrases
我会列举5种常用习语
and give you things that you can substitute so that
并告诉你们可以用什么来替代
you’re just getting rid of the bad stuff
以避免不利影响
so that your natural charisma can shine through.
从而让你尽显魅力
The first one of these is
第一种习语
not the worst but it is the most common
不是最糟糕的 但是最常见
and it’s really a missed opportunity
会让你错失良机
So just imagine that you got a friend who is flying in from out of town
假设你有个朋友 坐飞机从外地回来
and he comes and asks you
他打电话问你
if you can pick him up at the airport.
能不能来机场接他
And like a good friend, you say yes.
正如一个好朋友会做的 你答应了
You drive down to the airport.
你开车到了机场
He gets in your car and he says thank you.
他上了车 说“谢谢”
To which you replied like many of us do, “No problem.”
像大多数人一样 你回答说 “没关系”
This is a huge, huge missed opportunity
这时你就错过了很好的机会
Because what you’re saying when you say “no problem,”
因为对你刚刚帮助过的人
to someone that you’ve just done a favor for.
说“没关系”的意思就是
Is that the reason that you did it
你来接他
It isn’t because you value his friendship.
不是因为你重视你们的友谊
Because you want to see him.
不是因为你想见到他
But because it wasn’t a huge cost to you.
而是因为不用付出太大的代价
And it kind of implies that
潜台词就是
if it had been a huge cost,
如果要付出很大代价
you might not be there
你可能一开始
to pick him up in the first place.
就不会答应去接他
Much stronger than this is “happy to help”
更好的表达是 “乐意效劳”
and in this case you might want to say
例子里的情况也可以这样说
“Hey, man. You’re a great friend.
“哥们 咱们是朋友
I’m happy to see you and happy to help.”
很高兴见到你 乐意效劳”
If you do this,
这样说
you are building this around the relationship that you have
能促进你们的友谊
and not just insisting,
而不是强调
“Well, I’m only here because I was in the area.”
“我正好在附近所以顺道来了”
Now, are there situations in your life
有时候你顺手带着门
where you hold the door for a stranger,
让身后的陌生人通过
they say, “Thank you” , and you might say, “No problem” ?
他们说“谢谢” 你说“没事儿”
Sure, not a big deal.
当然 那无所谓
This is more, for those times when you genuinely do a favor
我所说的更适合在你真诚地帮助朋友
you don’t want to cut it down,
想要继续维持你们的关系
you want to use it as a chance
想趁此机会
to really reinforce the relationship that you have.
促进友情的发展的情况下
This second one which actually inspired this video
第二类习语 我听到的时候吓了一跳
I heard this and I cringed and I went,
也给了我启发 当时我就想
“I have to make a video on phrases that are ruining your charisma.”
“我一定得做个专题说说让你尽失魅力的习语”
I was at a restaurant just picking up food
当时我正在餐厅取餐
and there was a guy in there
旁边有个人
that was speaking to a waiter
在跟服务员说话
And I heard it on my way out.
我走的时候听见他说
He said, “You screwed up my bill.”
“你搞砸了我的账单”
And I walked down and I just grated
我听的很烦躁
One, because it bothers me when people speak to a waiter in a different way
首先 我很受不了别人对服务员说话不礼貌
that they might speak to someone who’s just not a waiter that they don’t have that power over
他们跟比他们更有权势的人说话不会那样的
but that phrase in and of itself is immediately casting blame.
这个习语表达的是非常直接的指责
When you say you messed up or you screwed up,
当你说“你搞砸了” “你搞错了”
you were going to get that person
对方会进入防卫状态
to dig in their heels and fight you
维护自己跟你发生争执
Because what you’re implying is that they are somehow wrong
因为你的话暗指都是他们的错
Now, this waiter has no power in this dynamic
这个例子里的服务员是弱势群体
Because it’s so asymmetrical
地位的不对等 他没其他办法
he did go along with it.
只有息事宁人
But if you do this in your life,
但如果在生活中这样说话
you’re just inviting resistance.
你可能会引来很多争执
Much more powerful is to say something like this,
解决这事有更好的表达方式
“Hey. I think there may be a mistake on my bill”
“你好 我觉得账单有点问题”
“Can you help me figure it out?”
“你能不能帮我看看”
Now, this is powerful for two reasons,
这个方式非常有效 原因有二
The first reason is that you‘re using the passive voice
第一 你没有咄咄逼人
you’ re not trying to say that he did it
你没有说一定是他搞错了
And in fact he might not have made the mistake,
实际上 可能确实不是他的错
It could have been the cashier
也许是收银员的错
And there’ s also been times I know in my life and probably in yours,
你可能跟我一样 也遇到过这种情况
where you’ve been certain that somebody screwed something up,
你很确定某个人搞砸了一件事
you checked it three times, you showed it to them
你反复确认后跟他们提出来
and then they pointed out how you were wrong in the first place
结果他们指出是你从一开始就弄错了
and you just look like an idiot.
好尴尬 是不是
So by saying, “I think there may be a mistake” ,
当你说“我觉得这里有问题”
you’ re not focusing on who’s to blame
你不是在指责谁
You’ re just focusing on, I want to fix this
只是想解决问题
And then that second part
接下来可以说
“Could you please help me figure this out?”
“你能帮我看看吗”
” Could you please help me get to the bottom of this?”
“请帮我查一下好吗”
That puts you on the same team
这样你们是在相同的立场下
and actually sets up a goal.
共同去解决这个问题
” You messed this up.”
“你搞砸了”
There is no way to response to that,
没法回答这样的话
other than just going ” okay “
只能说 “好吧”
and just feeling bad about yourself.
让人感觉很不爽
You say, “Can you help me get to the bottom of this?”
“你能不能帮我看看这到底是怎么回事?”
Now, you’re both trying to correct a mistake
你们一起把问题解决了
You’re moving in the right direction,
这才是正确的做法
and you’re not going to face as much resistance.
对方会更配合 帮你解决问题
So substitute that one in.
记住这个方法
The third one which I do all the time
第三种习语 也是我的老毛病
the preemptive disqualification.
泄气的开场白
This is the person who starts a speech off by going,
比如 在演讲前说
“I haven’t had a ton of time to repair this, so here we go”
“时间仓促 我没什么准备 随便说几句”
or the person who tells the story and says
再比如 讲故事之前说
” I know this isn’t something you’re really interested in but…”
“我知道这故事可能不是你们感兴趣的那种 不过……”
and then they tell the story
然后才开始进入正题
or in my case, right before I’m about to sing a song, because it’s something that I’ve been practicing,
对我而言 就在我将要演唱一首歌之前(因为那是我练过的歌)
I say, ” I’ m not that talented but here goes”
我就会说 “我五音不全 献丑了”
A lot of times,
很多情况下
when there’s something that’s ambiguous, a story that’s okay,
一个还不错的故事
or a song that is sung okay
或一首唱的还可以的歌
what people are going to decide
这些事的标准是比较模糊的
or used to decide if it’s good or bad
别人将会怎么判断 或习惯于怎么判断
is the frame that is put around it
跟你预设的印象有关
And when you frame it as,
当你预设成
“This is not interesting”
“这个没意思”
” I haven’t spent a lot of time on this. “
“我没在这事上花太多时间”
“ I’m not talented “
“我没天分”
you were telling people to interpret everything that comes
就让别人觉得接下来的内容
after this as not very good.
确实不怎么好
If you just keep your mouth shut,
如果你什么都不说
tell the story,
直接开始讲故事
give the speech or sing the song,
演讲或唱歌
you’re at least not putting any frame
这样起码没有预设印象
And in fact, you can actually do yourself a big favor
事实上 用积极真诚的开场白预设印象
by putting a positive honest frame on there in advance.
会让你收获非常好的效果
Now, you might not think that you’re the most talented,
你可能确实不认为自己是最有天分的
but you can still say,
但你可以说
“Hey,this is a topic that is really timely or a topic that might interest you,”
“这个话题很应景/你可能会感兴趣”
or ” this is a song that I think you’ll recognize. “
“你应该听过这首歌”
By saying that you immediately capture people’s attention,
这样能立即吸引别人的注意力
They’ re paying more attention and they think it relates to them
他们会更认真听 有所感触
and they’re more likely to view
从更积极的角度
what you do in a positive light.
去感受你正在做的事情
So substitute that one on it.
别用之前那些开场白了
The fourth one
第四种习语
this is one that happens when you are arguing
往往发生在与人争论时
and often right times before you blow it
你一说这话就引爆现场
and you create a big fight.
争执大大升级
And that’s when you say,
当你说
” You always ” or ” you never ”
“你总是” “你从来不”
and then something negative.
加上负面的事情
There’s no problem when you say,
夸别人时这样说当然没问题
” Hey, you always are there for me “
“你总是当我的后盾”
or ” you have never let me down. “
“你从没让我失望过”
People aren’t gonna argue and say,
不会有人跟你争执
Actually, you know there were that there was that one time
“其实 有那么一次
where I did let you down.
我确实让你失望了”
It’s when you follow it up with something negative.
是在你说负面的东西才会起争执
It’s almost always the case In the world that it’s not always and it’s not never.
这世界上几乎没有什么事情是“总是” “从来不”
There’s some shade of sometimes going on.
总是有例外情况的
And when you say,”You always do this,”
当你说 “你总是这样做”
not only is that person on the back foot
不单是让对方进入防御状态
but now they are correct and you are incorrect
还造成了你错他对的局面
because you’ve just stated something that isn’t factually true most of the time.
因为你刚才说的情况并不完全正确
Much better–when you feel like someone
更好的表达是 当你觉得别人做的事
has done something to upset you
让你不开心了
You feel like they always do it
你感觉他们总是这样做
and you feel like they never do it
或者他们从来不这样做的时候
It’ s to say, when you blank, I feel blank.
要说“当你___ 我感觉___”
So you might say, when you say that my writting isn’ t very good,
比如 “当你说我文笔不好
I feel like I shouldn’t continue to pursue my dream of being an author.
我感觉我不应该再梦想当个作家了”
When you say that I’m not good at singing,
“当你说我不擅长唱歌
it makes me feel like you don’t really value our friendship.
我感觉你并不重视我们的友谊”
Whatever it is that is occurring
不论是什么 陈述事实
and then how you feel,
再说出你的感受
this is something that can’t be disputed.
这都是无可争议的
because they just did that thing
因为他们确实这样做了
and you’re saying, ” When this happens…”
你说的是 “当这件事发生时……”
and then your feeling, again,
然后是你的感受
It is not something that’s up for dispute
你的感受如何
you can feel however you want.
也是无需争论的事情
So you’ re at least starting this discussion from place of honesty and truth
至少你们开始从事实的角度展开讨论
and then you can work on behavior change
然后探讨如何改进行为
rather than getting into an argument.
而不是浪费时间吵架
We have another video on how to actually win arguments
我们做过一个如何在争吵中胜出的视频
which have a link to one of these corners
链接在屏幕某个角上和视频描述里
and in the description if you want to go ahead and check that out.
如果你感兴趣 可以找来看看
The last one — this is one, again,
最后一种习语
I’ve done in the past
我以前也用过
and I’m on the receiving end of this a lot more often these days;
如今是我作为接收方 经常看到这类习语
It occurs typically in emails.
这种情况在邮件里很典型
And it’s when you sign off with something like,
有人喜欢在邮件末尾加上这样的话
“I’ d love to pick your brain about this,”
“我想听听你的意见 ”
or ” I’ d love to ask you a bunch of questions,”
或者 “我有很多问题想跟你请教”
or even,”Thank you in advance.”
甚至是 “提前表示感谢”
When you sign off, I just want you to look at your emails
我希望你能在写完邮件后
where you’re asking for something for people and ask yourself,
再琢磨一下邮件中“有求于人”的部分
is the final thing that you say
看那个习语传递出来的意思
an ask – you’ re trying to get something from them
是个请求? 比如你想索取什么
a give—you’re completely saying,”I’d like to offer you something”
还是给予?你意思是 “我愿意帮忙”
or some kind of a trade.
或是某种交易
A lot of times, you’ll find that it’s a complete ask.
大多数情况 表达的都是请求
And I get it. I’ ve done this. You’ re halfway there,.
作为过来人 我非常理解
You’re reaching out to a mentor or someone that you’d like to connect with
遇到学习困难时你向朋友或导师请教
and you really just would like to learn from them.
你希望他们能给你指点
So you’re saying, ” I’ d love to learn from you. ”
所以你说 “我很乐意向你学习”
Unfortunately, if you’re reaching out to mentors,
可问题是 很多人和你一样
there’s oftentimes a lot of other people doing that
都希望导师指点一二
So their time becomes limited
导师很忙 时间有限
and they can’t say yes to everybody.
不可能满足所有人的要求
In my case, I have found though that I do say yes to some people.
我也收到很多求教的邮件 有些我会回应
In fact, there were two people that I spoke to our fans yesterday.
比如昨天我就回复了两个粉丝
Shout out, Winnie
有一位叫Winnie
We had formed a relationship via email,
我们是通过邮件成为朋友的
he asked me if we could speak for 30 minutes and we did.
他想跟我聊半小时 我们就聊了会儿
And Homan — I hope I’m saying it right,
还有一位叫Homan——希望我没念错
Homan, from Switzerland
Homan来自瑞士
he came in and he sent me an email
他在给我的邮件里提到
saying that he really loved the channel
他非常喜欢这个节目
and at the bottom of it, he said,
在邮件最后 他说
“I’m a data analyst and I would love to see
“我是一名数据分析师
if I could help you by analyzing
不知道我能不能帮你
some of your YouTube data to give you insights
分析YouTube上的数据
on how you might do better in making your videos perform well.”
让你能有的放矢 提升频道品质
That immediately caught my attention and we spoke
这段话让我很感兴趣
I think the day after I saw the email.
看到信的第二天我就跟他联系了
So for you, before you send that email off,
所以说 在发出邮件之前
check the last line,
检查邮件的结尾部分
see if there is an ask, a trade, or a give,
看那里表达的是要求 交易 还是给予
and find out if there’s some way
有没有办法把其他两种
that you can shift it towards a give.
转化成“给予”的表达方式
Right, it might not be immediately obvious at first, but you do have things to give
你有能给予的 可能最初没那么明显
and if you don’t, develop that skill,
如果没有 去学习新技能吧
I will say here one quick tip on this
怎么写邮件 我有很多心得
I can do more on how to email people
再跟你们说个小技巧
It is to be specific.
详细说明你的长处
I’ve had plenty of super well-intentioned people,
我很多非常善良热心的朋友
and I’ve been here myself, reach out and say,
包括我自己 曾经主动跟别人说
” I’m hard working. I’m trying to do and I ‘ll do anything “
“我很能干 让我帮忙吧 干什么都行”
and that actually to the person receiving it becomes work
但这样说其实是在给对方增加负担
because now, they have to figure out,
他们得花时间琢磨
” How can I fit this person in?”
“这个人我该怎么用?”
and then it’s just too much and it doesn’t wind up happening.
时间久了 这事不了了之
The more specific you can be about how you can help someone
尽量详细说明你的长处所在
and the more you can really collapse it into five, ten or fifteen minutes,
把你的观点精炼到5-15分钟
“I think I can give you these insights. “
“我有些想法你可能会感兴趣”
the more likely you are to get that first meeting,
这样你更有可能得到面谈的机会
to get them to comply and do what you ask them to do,
收到他们的回复 或实现你的诉求
and then to build a relationship off of that.
也就自然而然有了交情
So I hope this has helped you take five things that you may be doing
希望这期视频 让你学会了这几类
in your life and to substitute them with things
非常好用的习语
that will make you more persuasive and charismatic.
让你更有说服力 魅力尽显
If you’re curious about that first video
第一集视频讲的是你该做但还没做的六件事
that has six things that you’re probably not doing that you might want to add,
如果你想知道
I will link to that right up here.
我会把链接放在上面
If you’re new and you want to subscribe to the channel,
如果你是新人 想订阅本频道
we have videos every Monday and Thursday
我们每周一和周四都会更新
to help you be your most confident and charismatic self
帮助你变得更加自信 更有魅力的视频系列
So hit that and I’ ve said that before
我之前说过的 一定要打开通知功能
if you haven’ t already hit that notification bell
如果你不点击铃铛打开通知功能
because you’ re not going to see our videos If it doesn’ t happen,
就看不到新的视频了
YouTube just isn’t serving them up as much.
YouTube现在的规则就是这样
I hope you enjoyed this video
希望大家喜欢这个视频
and I will see you in the next one.
下次节目再见

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视频概述

五个习惯用语的错误使用 学习用更好的表达方式来替代 以提高你的个人魅力

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

綝飛

审核员

审核员 DL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hj3j2jPcnKk

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