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5个常见的会扼杀自信心的习惯 – 译学馆
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5个常见的会扼杀自信心的习惯

5 Common Habits That Will Kill Your Confidence

每一天
Every single day,
我们做的一些事情大大增强了我们的自信
we do something that are fantastic for our confidence
而有些则不然
and we do others that aren’t so
这会减少我们的信心甚至摧毁它
good — they drag it down and destroy it.
问题在于我们对这些事情总是傻傻分不清楚
The problem is we can’t always tell which of those is which.
这正是我们视频要讲的
And that’s why in this video,
我将跟你提到五个很常见的行为
I want to show you five very common behaviors —
我保证你或多或少都干过
some of which I bet you are doing
而它们正悄悄地摧毁你的信心
— that are secretly destroying your confidence
如果你能改掉你生活中的这些做法
because if you can remove these from your life, it’s dramatic
能让你的自尊和自信爆棚
how your self-esteem and your confidence will skyrocket.
首先说一个我自己的
So the first one that I’ve had a very,
绝对的亲身经历
very first hand experience with
就是当你身处在自己非常不喜欢的环境
was staying in a situation that you really dislike. Now,
当然
it’s obvious
你并不会愿意置身于你不喜欢的境况
that you’re not going to want to stay in a situation you dislike
但当真的身处其中时 会让人无比伤自尊
by definition but it actually destroys your self-esteem when you do that.
这让我想起了
And I realized this back
我的第一份工作 是做一名咨询顾问
in the day when I had my first job as a consultant.
我打心眼里不喜欢
I didn’t love it, it wasn’t
工作倒也不是那么糟 但每天早上起来
horrible but when I got up in the morning,
我就感觉我在自欺欺人
I felt like I was faking it;
感觉自己每天西装革履 假装着
I felt like I was putting on the suit pretending to care
关心自己根本不关心的事
about something that I didn’t really care about.
同时 我发现自己变得不自信了
Simultaneously, I found myself feeling less confident myself;
我开始自我怀疑
I was starting to doubt myself.
以前简单自如的社交场合
Social situations which used to come easier
都突然让我感到有点浑浑噩噩
were all of a sudden a little bit more murky and rocky;
我变得不知所措
I didn’t know how to behave.
而当时我没有将这两者联系起来
And I didn’t put these two together
直到我拜读了《自尊的六大支柱》这本书
until I read the book, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
作者是内撒尼尔•布兰登 这书真是棒极了
by Nathaniel Branden — absolutely fantastic
书中提到了一种练习
but there was an exercise in that book
让我意识到如果你做一件事时
that made me realize that when you do an action,
总暗示自己
that implicitly says,
“我不相信自己能行” 你的自尊将随之下降
“I don’t believe in myself,” your self-esteem goes down.
所以我每天早上醒来的时候
So every single day when I got up in the morning,
我穿上西装 我感到生无可恋
I put on that suit, and I knew
但又别无选择我不停告诉自己 “我不相信你
I didn’t like it but I had no exit plan, I was telling myself,”I don’t believe in you.
我不认为你能得到更好的工作
I don’t think you’re capable of getting a better job,
我不认为你配得上更好的工作
I don’t think you deserve one,
也不觉得你应该
and I don’t think that you should have
达成生命中更高的自我实现
a higher degree of fulfillment in your life;
这辈子就这样了”
this is right where you belong.”
这就是我的自尊自信双双直线崩盘的原因
And that is why my self-esteem and my confidence plummeted. Now,
够奇怪的是
weirdly enough,
最终我辞去了工作 收入几乎为零
when I finally left that job and my money started plummeting
寄人篱下 在朋友家打地铺
and I was living on my friend’s floor and
不知道如何维持生计
I didn’t know how I was gon na earn living,
但这时我的自信却突然爆棚不管是在社交还是其他方面
my confidence was through the roof socially and other areas
就是在那时 我勇于去发挥自己在领导方面非凡的领导力
and that was where I had the guts to start Charisma on Command.
因为我不断给自己打气的原因
It was because I had taken a vote of confidence in myself;
我走出来了
I left.
我对自己说“鬼知道我经历了什么 但我相信自己能走出来”
I said,”You know what? I don’t know how but I believe in you to figure this out.”
我不是劝你去辞掉工作啦
So I’m not saying you got to quit your
我是说如果你处在一段关系中
job but I am saying if you’re in a relationship,
无论是爱情还是友情
whether it’s romantic or with a friend,
如果你做着一份自己不喜欢的工作
if you have a job that you really dislike,
你需要做好离职的准备
you need an exit plan not just
不仅是为了自己的人生 也是为了你的自尊心
for your life but for your self-esteem
因为你不能拿自己来赌
because if you can’t bet on yourself,
你骗不了自己 这样也会让信心崩塌
your body knows it and that’s when your confidence tanks.
第二点
So the second thing
许多人并没认识到它正在摧毁自信
that a lot of people don’t realize that’s destroying their confidence
那就是 过度关注练习这件事
is their intense focus on practice. Now,
人们会说 等下 我得再练练 是的我还得练
people could go,”Wait a second, I need to practice. Of course, I do;
我必须熟能生巧 从而变得自信
I have to be competent in order to be confident.” Now,
这话没毛病
that is absolutely true but let
让我举个过犹不及的例子
me give you an example of where this goes too far.
比如面试中 有的人会对一些问题提前准备
In an interview setting, I know people who willstudy their questions,”Tell me where you’re from?”
比如“你的家乡在哪” 和一些技术性的问题 直到他们正式进入面试室
and technical questions up until the moment that they enter that room.
不幸的是 还是会怕啥来啥
And unfortunately, what happens is despite the fact
诚然他们没少下功夫
that they’ve been practicing long,
他们径直进去
they go in there flat,
然后彻底忘了他们准备说的话
they forget what they were going to say,
即便勉记起了 也是死记硬背
and if they do remember it, it’s terribly rote.
问题在于 他们其实本应该提前
The problem is they should have taken those
花上哪怕5到15分钟来应对这种大场面
five to 15 minutes prior to that big moment
而非盲目练习
and instead of practicing,
他们本应该建立起内心积极且自信的状态
they should have built an internal state of positive feelings and confidence.
当我们表演音乐时 从头至尾我们都在舞台上
This is true of musical performances, any time you’re on a stage,
当演出日期临近
if there’s a date coming up…
别管那么多
whatever it is,
上场5到15分钟前不要再纠结要说什么了
stop worrying about what you’re saying or going to say five to 15 minutes before,
也不要担心演出效果 让自己感觉放松
stop worrying about the performance and start feeling good.
看一个能给你打气的油管视频
Watch a YouTube video that pumps you up
-也可以是我们的视频哦-
— it could be one of ours —
看一些有意思的东西 和小伙伴转转 边走边乐呵
watch something funny, hang out with your friends, laugh, move,
做些让自己满血复活的事
do things that make you feel energized.
又回想起我第一次
And I, again, realize this for the first time way back
约会的那一天
in the day when I would have dates
我紧张到不行 打电话前总纠结 待会该说啥
and I was so nervous before these phone calls I would think,”What am I gonna say?”
我试图事先斟酌好每句话
I try to plan out every line and
然后有天我恰好与朋友们在一起玩的时候
one day I was just having fun with my friends,
当我在感觉很好的时刻打了电话 就会感觉这样很棒
I called in that moment of having a good time and it went fantastically.
而这也成为了我的秘决
And that became my go-to — rather than worrying
我不再焦虑自己该说些什么
about what I was going to say,
在打电话之前
right before the phone call,
我会保持好心态 这得以让事情更顺利
I would have fun and that made them go so much better
从而顺其自然
moving forward which takes us to
第三件 人们意识不到的
the third thing that people don’t realize
正在摧毁他们自信的事情是
is ruining their confidence
——相信这个错误的见解:总要有个人
— it’s believing this myth that there’s one person
是认同你的 这样才能让你安心
or you need an individual to approve of you in order to be happy. Now,
我们并未意识到这一点 不幸的是我们经常这样
we don’t realize this but we unfortunately do this quite often.
当面对一场面试或面对工作时
When there’s an interview or a job
若我们感到需要这份工作
that we feel like we need this job
或者有一位想约会的对象
or there’s a particular person
我们会想要见到他们 然后讨得他们的欢心
that we’d like to be dating and we just have to get them to
我们就会专注于这局限的一面
like us, we get very focused in this narrow view
怎样能让我们自己感到安心且满足
of what could make us happy and fulfilled.
我们开始扔下自己的信心
We start to give away our confidence;
我们感觉很糟 迫切想要得到他人的喜爱
we feel needy and we need them to like us.
如果我们放眼来看
If we broaden our perspective,
在面试工作前 你可以先退后几步
if prior to a job interview, you can step back
提醒自己 我确实喜欢这份工作 不过还有许多别的好职位
and remind yourself,”I really like this job but there’s a lot of amazing jobs out there.”
世间纷繁万千 还有很多我不了解的东西
There’s tons; there’s ones I’m not even familiar with.
同样的 我可能喜欢这个男生或女生
Same thing — I might like this guy
但世界上还有很多别的有趣的人
or this girl but there’s so many other fantastic people.
当你这样做了 就会惊讶地发现
Weirdly enough, when you do that,
你将能更加自信地
you’re going to have a much more
与别人交流互动
confident interaction with that person
无论是在面试中还是别的情况
whether it’s an interview or anyone else
因为你告诉了你自己 “我并不是非你不可
because you’re telling yourself,”I don’t need you.
我觉得这工作不错 但我并不是非得干这个”
I would like this but I don’t need it,
这将会激发你的信心
” and that inspires confidence in you.
人们没有意识到的第四点
The fourth thing people don’t realize —
我自己至今都因此感到非常愧疚
this is the one I am most guilty of today —
就是在做任何事之前先口头上就否定自己
is disqualifying yourself verbally prior to doing anything.
如果你在这个频道上看到我
And if you see me on this channel,
在我做这个频道以前我也玩音乐
I did this and I do this before I talk about music. Sometimes,
我也会在我的ins@CharlieHoupert上偶尔提到
I’ll mention that on my Instagram @ CharlieHoupert,
我玩音乐 弹吉他
I play music and I play
但我会说“你知道的 我不是一个好歌手 所以不要对我报太大期望”
the guitar but I will say,”You know, I’m not a great singer so don’t expect too much”
或者“我没有花太多时间练习这首曲目 我只是试一试”
or”I haven’t spent as much time on this one song but just take a look.”
这将打击我的信心 降低对自身的要求
That’s disqualifying; that’s trying to lower the bar.
人们通常在演说前这样做 他们起立并且说“这是我第一次演说”
People do this prior to speeches; they get up there and they say,”I haven’t really done this before this is my first time.” Sometimes,
有时他们在与人沟通时也会这么做 当他们告诉其他人
they do it in interactions. When they tell someone,
“我记性不好 所以我可能忘了你的名字”
“I’m not really good with names so I might forget yours.”
我们认为降低标准的话 不会令别人失望
We think that in setting the bar low, we won’t disappoint people.
但是实际上 我们做的和说的一样
But actually, what we do is we say,’This
“这就是我将呈现出的水平”
is the level that I’m gon na play at,
非常糟糕 我们毁掉了自信
” — really low; we destroy our confidence.
所以如果你也常像我这样做的话 解决的方式就是 以后别再说了
So if you’re doing that like me, the solution is say nothing.
不要先给自己留余地
Don’t preempt it, don’t tell me
别告诉我接下来表演会很棒
it’s gon na be good or it’s
或是很差 只要去做就行了
gon na be bad… just go.
比如在我的情况中
And in my case,
意味着如果你想听我唱歌或者弹吉他
that means saying if you would like to hear me sing or play guitar,
你可以去我的ins帐号@CharlieHoupert上看看
you can go to my Instagram @ CharlieHoupert
然后你可以告诉我你的想法
and you can let me know what you think
而不是让我来告诉你
rather than having me tell you what it
听起来会怎么样
‘s going to sound like to you.
第五条 人们总是做的扼杀信心的事
The fifth thing that people do all the
今天也发生在了我身上
time is — and this just happens to me today —
就是一直说“我不介意” 好像对其他人很宽容 现在 让我告诉你真相吧
is they say,”I don’t care,” as if it was a kindness to someone. Now, let me be clear.
我不是总要阻拦你
Not having to get your way all the
而且做个老好人也是种美德
time and have a demanding preference is a virtue.
但如果你在这类情况下
But you’ve been
比如人们正在考虑
in those situations where people are trying to figure out
待会去哪吃饭 而每个人都不介意 “我们今晚上去哪吃?”
where to go to eat and everyone doesn’t care,”What should we do tonight?”
也没有人在意 看啥电影?也没人介意……其实人们非常渴望有人能够带头
nobody cares,”What movie?” nobody cares… People are craving leadership —
这是最重要的 而不是总说 我不在意 找到你内心的想法
that’s the first thing so rather than saying,”I don’t care,” just search inside yourself
想想 自己是否能够将一些小偏好提出来
and find,”Is there a minor preference that I could voice here?” because,
因为 人们会庆幸
one, people will appreciate the fact
他们至少有个方向了
that they at least have a direction
你们也就不需要为了确定哪家餐厅
and you’re not going to search on Yelp
而争论好几个小时
for hours and hours and hours for a restaurant.
第二件事情是
The second thing though is
缺乏自信的人们经常会和他们真实的想法分离开来
that people who lack confidence often are disconnected from their true desires.
并不是他们不在意
It’s not that they don’t care,
这是因为他们已经长久地习得了
it’s that they learned a long time ago
怎样把自己从他们真实的需求中分离出来
to separate themselves from what they really wanted.
所以让我们多试着
So getting in the practice
去探寻我们内心中对食物的小偏好
of detecting minor preferences of which food you’d like
或者你想看哪部电影
or what movie you’d like to watch
以及你想怎样度过晚上的时光
and how you’d like to spend your evening
然后告诉你自己 “我相信你 我认为你的发言是有价值的 我认为你的选择是值得被聆听的”
is telling yourself,”I believe in you. I think that your voicehas value. I think your preferences are worth hearing.”
并不是说你得经常做出你的选择
It doesn’t mean you’re always gon na get
也不是说你不要与他人争论观点
your way or it doesn’t mean you don’t even
只是单纯地在那种情况下表达想法“我想要去那儿”
need to argue about it but simply voicing in a scenario,”I’d like to go here,”
然后其他的人会说哪里他们想和你一起去
other people can say where they’d like to go you,
你们可以一起讨论
guys can talk about it,
然后最终引向别的方向
and wind up in a different direction,
这能在你的内心建立起自信
that’s going to build confidence inside of you.
也会让你更加果断 成为更好的领导者
It’s gonna make you more decisive, a better leader,
当然 也能让你更有自信
and of course, it’s gonna make you more confident.
好了 希望你们能够在这五条件建议中得到帮助
So I hope that you guys have found those five tips helpful.
如我所说的这些非常棒的建议 来自于
A huge and fantastic resource for these, like I said,
《自尊的六大支柱》这本书
is Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
南斯内尔 布兰登所作
by Nathaniel Branden and you can
今天点击 还可免费阅读
check that out today actually for free
感谢我们赞助商Audible的赠阅
courtesy of our sponsor, Audible.
如果你点击下方的链接 audible.com/charisma
So if you go to the link in the description audible.com/charisma
或在500=500中搜索“Charisma”你能获得Audible 提供的30天的免费试用
or if you text”Charisma” to 500=500, you can get a free 30-day trial of audible
你会得到一个免费的账户 你可以把它用在我推荐的这本书
with one free credit and you can put that towards I recommend,
《自尊的六大支柱》
Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.
30天试用过了之后
So the way that it works after that is it’s
则是一个月15美金
about $ 15 a month
然后你能够进入Audibooks浩瀚的图书海洋
and you get access to a huge library of audiobooks.
图书的数量还在持续添加
It’s continuing to grow,
你想要的所有几乎都能在这里找到
it’s got just about everything you could ever want in there,
如果你是那类
and if you’re the type of person that is
每天开车通勤的上班族
on a commute often, who is driving,
你没多少时间去读书
who doesn’t have time to read…
但这里也有一本绝对超赞的书
this is an absolutely fantastic resource
和一个像我说的 关于自信心的很棒的开头
and a great first start for confidence, like I said,
那就是《自尊的六大支柱》
is Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.
在这个7月
And in the month of July,
有亚马逊账户的人可以另外购买
there’s another deal for those of you who have Amazon Prime
三个月的听书
that is you can get three months of audible for the price of one.
头三个月是495美元
It’s gon na cost $ 495 for each
之后每个月15美元
of the first three months and $ 15 after that
这两个都在下方
but same deal through the link
所示的链接中
in the description below which is
www.audible.com.charisma 或者你可以发送“charisma”到500-500订购
www.audible.com/charisma or you can text”charisma” to 500-500
强烈推荐《自尊的六大支柱》
and highly recommend Six Pillar of Self-Esteem.
希望大家喜欢这个视频
I hope you guys liked this video,
我期待在下个视频再见到你
I look forward to seeing you in the next one which I think
虽然应该是很长一段时间以后了
is going to be a long
我相信一个人的魅力能存在很长一段时间
overdue charisma breakdown from someone that has been around
这完全是值得的
for a very, very long time and it’s absolutely earned it
所以如果你想知道
so if you want to see who that is,
点击下方字幕和通知铃
make sure to click subscribe, hit the notification bell
我期待在下个视频再见到你
and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.

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译制信息
视频概述

介绍了自信心是如何被不良习惯所扼杀的

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

审核员

审核员YX

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwhb61GBm1A

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