Improvement Pill here.
Welcome to lesson 2 of the BeeFriend course.
in the previous lesson we learned about the different types of friendship,
also known as the tiers of friendship.
if you have not watched that video yet
please pause this video right now and click on the link in the description box below,
because the BeeFriend course has been built in a specific order
that is designed to teach you
exactly how to become more likeable and make more friends.
But if you watch the videos out of order,
you’re not gonna get the same results, trust me.
Today we’re gonna be talking about the four factors
that determine how fast we can move up the tiers of friendship,
also known as the Formula of Friendship,
which is a concept that was originally coined by former FBI agent
Jack Schaeffer in his book, “The Like Switch”.
Make sure you watch this video till the very end
because what you’re about to learn here
is the foundation of the rest of the course.
This is incredibly important information.
Now the Formula of Friendship states that
friendship = proximity + duration + frequency + intensity.
Each of these factors can be rated on a scale from one to ten,
one being the lowest and ten being the highest.
Proximity is basically how much common space you share with someone else,
how physically close you are when you interact with the person you have in mind.
Someone who you share a proximity of one with
is someone so far away that you can barely see each other
A proximity of three would be like working out in the same gym
while a proximity of five would be something like being in the same classroom.
A proximity of seven would be like sharing the same table during lunch
and finally a proximity of ten would be like two people who are literally on top of each other,
like when you’re sharing the bed with a loved one.
The next factor is duration.
Duration is basically how long your interactions are with this person.
A duration of one is like when you’re at the grocery store checking out,
and you say thank you to your cashier.
Your interaction with them is only for a couple of seconds.
A duration of three is like if a tourist came up to you
and they ask you for directions
so you spend a couple of minutes explaining to them how to get there,
and you also make some small talk.
A duration of five is like spending thirty minutes to an hour with someone else,
something like eating with a co-worker during your lunch break,
while a duration of seven is at least a couple of hours
I’d say something like two to four.
This is when you do activities with your friends like hiking,
playing board games, going to the club.
and finally a duration of 10 is when you’re spending the majority of your day with someone else.
Again this is something that you’ll probably do with a significant other.
比如 一起起床 吃饭
An example of this would be waking up and eating together,
then going on a date together,
and then binging Netflix until you both pass out.
You literally spent the entire day with that person
That’s a 10.
The next factor for the Formula of Friendship is frequency.
it’s pretty straightforward – basically how often do you see this person,
and also how often do you interact with them.
A frequency of one would be like a one-time interaction
with someone that you’ll never see again.
A frequency of three would be
someone who you interact with once every month or so.
A frequency of five would be someone who you see once or twice a week.
A frequency of seven would be someone who you see like three to four times a week,
and a frequency of ten would be someone who you see almost every single day
The final factor is intensity,
but before we get into that I do want to quickly mention something.
I’m putting together a special program to go along
with the Tamed course and the BeeFriend course
to help those of you that really wants to make a change,
because going through a course can only do so much
and is always going to be trumped by a full-on coaching program.
If you’re someone who is willing to invest money in themselves,
yes, these programs will not be free,
and will in fact cost quite a fair amount of money,
then you can sign up for my mailing list and learn more about these programs
using the link in the description box below.
Okay, back to the final factor of the Formula of Friendship,
which again is intensity.
Now this is the most complicated factor to comprehend.
Intensity is basically how much emotion is sparked
during your interactions with this person.
For the most part, we’re talking about positive emotions
比如快乐 愉悦 灵感 和欢笑
like joy, pleasure, inspiration and laughter.
But in some rare cases, negative emotions can also count,
emotions like grief and hardship
have also been shown to create strong bonds.
Now an interaction with the intensity of a one
is like when someone asks you what time it is,
and you simply give them the time.
There’s no emotion at all in the interaction.
A three is like if you’re talking to someone and
for the most part the conversation is pretty serious,
but you’ll occasionally say something witty
and they chuckle or smile a couple of times during the interaction.
A five is like when you’re hanging out with a good friend,
and you find yourself smiling and laughing quite often during the interaction.
A seven is like when you’re talking to someone and
they give you a really genuine compliment
that you know comes from the heart
the type of compliment that hits home so hard
that your day literally becomes brighter for the next couple of hours.
That’s like a seven.
Now a 10 may be a bit hard to describe,
but it’s when you’re interacting with someone and
almost the entire time is spent feeling strong emotions.
You’re cracking jokes, giving genuine compliments
you’re saying things that really hit home,
you’re getting to know each other and you’re talking about really personal stuff,
or maybe even you’re overcoming a hardship together.
Again I know it sounds a bit confusing and it’s hard to describe,
but you’ll know when an interaction is at an intensity of ten
because you will definitely feel closer to that person
by a whole lot after that interaction.
Now that we understand the factors that make up the Formula of Friendship,
a very important question remains:
how exactly do we use this formula
to analyze and improve the current relationships in our lives?
Well it’s simple.
In order to get to a certain level of friendship with someone else,
you have to reach a certain amount of points.
For example for someone to be your acquaintance
you need to have at least 10 points with them.
In order for someone to be a friend you need at least 15.
A close friend would require at least a 25,
and finally a significant other would require
at least the combined total of 35 points.
For example, let’s say there’s this girl,
she’s someone that you share a class with, that’s a 5 for proximity,
because you’re in the same small room with her.
You see her twice a week, so you might think the frequency is like a 5,
but you rarely ever interact with her.
In fact you’ve only interacted with her once,
so your frequency is more like a 2
The only real interaction you’ve had was
when you asked her for a spare pencil.
It was a pretty boring interaction with no emotion,
so the intensity of your interactions is like a 1.
And finally the duration of your interaction was only a couple of seconds.
Right? You were just asking for a pencil.
So again, that’s a 1.
Combined, you have a total of 9 points,
so you’re not even an acquaintance with this person.
She most likely just sees you as a stranger.
Now let’s say for example there’s another girl in this classroom.
Again the proximity is a 5.
However you make small talk with her every time you share a class,
which again is twice a week,
so your frequency is actually like a 5.
Every time you have small talk you throw in some witty banter,
and you guys occasionally exchange laughs.
The intensity of your conversations is like a 3,
and finally each of your interactions usually only lasts a couple of minutes
before the teacher arrives and briefly after class is dismissed.
The duration of your interactions with her is like a 4.
Combined, this friendship has a total of 17 points,
which means that you guys are friends.
Now if you wanted to deepen this friendship,
it would actually be quite simple.
There are a couple of ways of going about it.
For one, you could ask her to get lunch with you after class,
which would increase the duration and proximity of your interactions,
because you’re sitting at the same table and
because lunch usually takes about 45 minutes.
Or you could invite her to join your after-school club,
which would increase the frequency and duration of your interactions,
because you would probably see her on days where you don’t have class together,
and you would also spend a couple of additional hours together.
Or you could even suggest that you go to a party together,
which would increase the duration and the intensity of your interactions,
because parties usually last for a couple of hours
and also there is drinking involved,
so positive emotions are usually much stronger.
If you do any of these things enough,
you will increase the amount of points this friendship has,
and over a period of time she’ll eventually become your close friend.
So as you can see, it doesn’t really matter which combination of factors
make up a friendship
because as long as you reach a certain amount of points,
the friendship will naturally progress into the higher tiers.
This way of looking at friendships may seem a bit surface level,
but it does a fairly good job.
Now it’s very important to note that
it’s possible to have high points in all of these areas,
but still not be considered a close friend of someone.
In fact if you do the wrong things,
the people you want to befriend will actually grow to hate you,
which is why in our next video,
we’re going to talk about the Golden Rule of Friendship,
a special rule that you must keep in mind
to make sure that your Formula of Friendship is creating
a positive relationship and not a negative one.
Remember to hit the bell icon,
because if you’re serious about improving your social life,
you need to watch each and every single one of the lessons in the BeeFriend course
in the proper order to get the most out of it.
Again if you are interested in investing in yourself,
and would like to learn more about the personal coaching programs I have coming out,
you can sign up for my mailing list using the link in the description box below.
Besides that guys, stay tuned!