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让别人更喜欢你的四件事——友谊公式——蜜友课2

4 Things That Will Make People Like You More - Formula Of Friendship

这里是《激励胶囊》
Improvement Pill here.
欢迎收看《蜜友课》的第二节课
Welcome to lesson 2 of the BeeFriend course.
我们在前一节课中学到了友谊的不同类型
in the previous lesson we learned about the different types of friendship,
它也叫做“友谊阶级”
also known as the tiers of friendship.
如果你还没看过那个视频
if you have not watched that video yet
请立刻暂停本视频 点击下方简介中的链接
please pause this video right now and click on the link in the description box below,
因为《蜜友课》的视频有特定的顺序
because the BeeFriend course has been built in a specific order
这是为了准确地教你
that is designed to teach you
如何变得更受欢迎 如何交到更多朋友
exactly how to become more likeable and make more friends.
但如果你不按顺序看视频
But if you watch the videos out of order,
你就不会得到同样的效果 相信我
you’re not gonna get the same results, trust me.
我们今天要讨论四个因素
Today we’re gonna be talking about the four factors
它们决定了我们提升友谊阶级的速度
that determine how fast we can move up the tiers of friendship,
也叫“友谊公式”
also known as the Formula of Friendship,
这一概念最早由FBI前特务
which is a concept that was originally coined by former FBI agent
杰克·谢弗尔在《心动开关》一书中提出
Jack Schaeffer in his book, “The Like Switch”.
务必把这个视频看完
Make sure you watch this video till the very end
因为你将在这节课学到的是
because what you’re about to learn here
本课程其余部分的基础
is the foundation of the rest of the course.
这是非常重要的信息
This is incredibly important information.
友谊公式是
Now the Formula of Friendship states that
友谊=接近度+时长+频率+强度
friendship = proximity + duration + frequency + intensity.
每个因素可以打上1到10的分数
Each of these factors can be rated on a scale from one to ten,
最低分是1分 最高分是10分
one being the lowest and ten being the highest.
接近度指的是你与某人共享多少共同空间
Proximity is basically how much common space you share with someone else,
也就是你们之间在互动时有多接近
how physically close you are when you interact with the person you have in mind.
如果你和某人之间的接近度是1分
Someone who you share a proximity of one with
你们之间距离很远 几乎看不见彼此
is someone so far away that you can barely see each other
接近度3分 相等于你们在同一健身房里锻炼
A proximity of three would be like working out in the same gym
接近度5分 等于你们在同一间教室里
while a proximity of five would be something like being in the same classroom.
接近度7分 可能是在同一张桌子吃午饭
A proximity of seven would be like sharing the same table during lunch
接近度10分 形容的是两个关系很亲密的人
and finally a proximity of ten would be like two people who are literally on top of each other,
比如 跟伴侣同睡一张床
like when you’re sharing the bed with a loved one.
第二个因素是时长
The next factor is duration.
时长指的是你与此人交流的时间
Duration is basically how long your interactions are with this person.
时长1分 就是你在杂货店结账
A duration of one is like when you’re at the grocery store checking out,
向收银员道个谢的那种情况
and you say thank you to your cashier.
你和对方的互动只有数秒的时间
Your interaction with them is only for a couple of seconds.
时长3分 所指的情况就如同有个旅客向你走来
A duration of three is like if a tourist came up to you
然后向你问路
and they ask you for directions
所以你花了几分钟为对方指路
so you spend a couple of minutes explaining to them how to get there,
还跟对方闲聊了几句
and you also make some small talk.
时长5分 就是跟某人交流30分钟到1小时
A duration of five is like spending thirty minutes to an hour with someone else,
比如 在午休时间跟同事一起吃饭
something like eating with a co-worker during your lunch break,
时长7分 指的是几个小时的交流
while a duration of seven is at least a couple of hours
可能大概2到4个小时吧
I’d say something like two to four.
这包括了与朋友从事某项活动 如远足
This is when you do activities with your friends like hiking,
玩图版游戏 一起去俱乐部
playing board games, going to the club.
时长10分 代表了你大半时间都是跟某人在一起
and finally a duration of 10 is when you’re spending the majority of your day with someone else.
同样 你和伴侣可能会这样做
Again this is something that you’ll probably do with a significant other.
比如 一起起床 吃饭
An example of this would be waking up and eating together,
然后一起去约会
then going on a date together,
之后一起沉迷网剧直到你俩都昏睡过去
and then binging Netflix until you both pass out.
基本上 你一整天都跟此人在一起
You literally spent the entire day with that person
这就是时长10分
That’s a 10.
友谊公式的下一个因素是频率
The next factor for the Formula of Friendship is frequency.
这很简单 就是你与此人见面
it’s pretty straightforward – basically how often do you see this person,
以及互动的频率
and also how often do you interact with them.
频率1分 就是你们有过一场一次性的互动
A frequency of one would be like a one-time interaction
而且以后也不会再见面了
with someone that you’ll never see again.
频率3分
A frequency of three would be
就是大概一个月与你交流一次的人
someone who you interact with once every month or so.
频率5分 就是你一周见1到2次面的人
A frequency of five would be someone who you see once or twice a week.
频率7分 就是你一周见3到4次面的人
A frequency of seven would be someone who you see like three to four times a week,
频率10分 是你几乎每天都会见到的人
and a frequency of ten would be someone who you see almost every single day
最后一个因素是强度
The final factor is intensity,
但在讲解这部分之前 我想简短地提起一件事
but before we get into that I do want to quickly mention something.
我将配合《自我驯服》和《蜜友课》
I’m putting together a special program to go along
举办一项特别课程
with the Tamed course and the BeeFriend course
以帮助那些真心想要改变的人
to help those of you that really wants to make a change,
因为参加课程的作用很有限
because going through a course can only do so much
而全面培训计划肯定有效得多
and is always going to be trumped by a full-on coaching program.
如果你愿意向自己投资
If you’re someone who is willing to invest money in themselves,
没错 这些计划不是免费的
yes, these programs will not be free,
而且它的价格实际上也不便宜
and will in fact cost quite a fair amount of money,
你可以使用下方简介中的链接
then you can sign up for my mailing list and learn more about these programs
订阅我的通讯 获取项目详情
using the link in the description box below.
好的 回到友谊公式的最后一个因素
Okay, back to the final factor of the Formula of Friendship,
再说一次是强度
which again is intensity.
它是四个因素中最难理解的一个
Now this is the most complicated factor to comprehend.
基本上 强度指的是你和此人互动时
Intensity is basically how much emotion is sparked
所激发出来的情绪量
during your interactions with this person.
更多时候 我们指的是积极的情绪
For the most part, we’re talking about positive emotions
比如快乐 愉悦 灵感 和欢笑
like joy, pleasure, inspiration and laughter.
但在少数情况下 消极情绪也算数
But in some rare cases, negative emotions can also count,
哀伤 困苦等负面情绪
emotions like grief and hardship
也已被证明能够建立强烈的联系
have also been shown to create strong bonds.
强度1分的互动
Now an interaction with the intensity of a one
就像有人问你现在几点了
is like when someone asks you what time it is,
而你就把时间告诉了对方
and you simply give them the time.
整个互动完全不带任何情绪
There’s no emotion at all in the interaction.
强度3分 就像是你和某人聊天
A three is like if you’re talking to someone and
而对话的大部分内容都很正经
for the most part the conversation is pretty serious,
但你偶尔说了个笑话
but you’ll occasionally say something witty
让对方轻声笑或者微笑了几次
and they chuckle or smile a couple of times during the interaction.
强度5分 就是你和好友聚会
A five is like when you’re hanging out with a good friend,
而你在过程中经常微笑或发笑
and you find yourself smiling and laughing quite often during the interaction.
强度7分 就是你和某人聊天
A seven is like when you’re talking to someone and
他们实实在在地赞赏了你
they give you a really genuine compliment
而你也知道这赞赏是发自内心的
that you know comes from the heart
是能触及你的心灵深处的那种
the type of compliment that hits home so hard
可以使你心情好转 高兴好几个小时
that your day literally becomes brighter for the next couple of hours.
这就是强度7分
That’s like a seven.
强度10分有点难以形容
Now a 10 may be a bit hard to describe,
就是你和某人互动时
but it’s when you’re interacting with someone and
整段时间几乎都是在感受强烈情绪
almost the entire time is spent feeling strong emotions.
你在讲笑话 由衷地称赞对方
You’re cracking jokes, giving genuine compliments
让对方大为感动
you’re saying things that really hit home,
你们在认识彼此 聊些私人的话题
you’re getting to know each other and you’re talking about really personal stuff,
甚至是在一起克服某种困境
or maybe even you’re overcoming a hardship together.
我知道这听起来让人困惑 而且它很难去形容
Again I know it sounds a bit confusing and it’s hard to describe,
但你会知道强度10分的互动长什么样
but you’ll know when an interaction is at an intensity of ten
因为在这类互动之后
because you will definitely feel closer to that person
你肯定会觉得跟对方亲密了许多
by a whole lot after that interaction.
现在我们学到了组成友谊公式的因素
Now that we understand the factors that make up the Formula of Friendship,
但是还有一个很重要的问题
a very important question remains:
我们究竟要怎样使用这个公式
how exactly do we use this formula
来分析和改善当前生活中的关系呢?
to analyze and improve the current relationships in our lives?
其实这很简单
Well it’s simple.
要想跟某人培养一定程度的友谊
In order to get to a certain level of friendship with someone else,
你必须要达到一定的分数
you have to reach a certain amount of points.
比如 如果你想让对方成为熟人
For example for someone to be your acquaintance
你和对方就需要至少10分
you need to have at least 10 points with them.
如果要成为朋友 你就需要至少15分
In order for someone to be a friend you need at least 15.
而亲密的朋友则需要至少25分
A close friend would require at least a 25,
最后 你和伴侣的互动
and finally a significant other would require
总分至少需要35分
at least the combined total of 35 points.
举个例子 假如有个女孩
For example, let’s say there’s this girl,
她是跟你一起在一间小课室里上课的人
she’s someone that you share a class with, that’s a 5 for proximity,
那么接近度就是5分 因为你和她在同一个小空间
because you’re in the same small room with her.
你每周会见到她两次 所以你可能以为频率是5分
You see her twice a week, so you might think the frequency is like a 5,
但你很少跟她互动
but you rarely ever interact with her.
实际上你只和她有过一次交流
In fact you’ve only interacted with her once,
因此你们的频率更像是2分
so your frequency is more like a 2
你们仅有的真实互动
The only real interaction you’ve had was
是你向她要一支备用铅笔的时候
when you asked her for a spare pencil.
这场对话很无聊 不带任何情绪
It was a pretty boring interaction with no emotion,
所以你们互动的强度是1分
so the intensity of your interactions is like a 1.
最后 你们互动的时长只有几秒
And finally the duration of your interaction was only a couple of seconds.
毕竟你只是跟她要一支铅笔
Right? You were just asking for a pencil.
所以时长只有1分
So again, that’s a 1.
你的分数加起来共有9分
Combined, you have a total of 9 points,
因此你们甚至都不是熟人
so you’re not even an acquaintance with this person.
她很可能只把你看作陌生人
She most likely just sees you as a stranger.
假设这间教室里有另一个女孩
Now let’s say for example there’s another girl in this classroom.
接近度也是5分
Again the proximity is a 5.
然而你们一起上课时都会闲聊
However you make small talk with her every time you share a class,
所以同样是一周两次上课
which again is twice a week,
所以频率其实是5分
so your frequency is actually like a 5.
你们闲聊的时候 你都会讲个有趣的笑话
Every time you have small talk you throw in some witty banter,
而且你们偶尔也会互相开玩笑
and you guys occasionally exchange laughs.
你们对话的强度是3分
The intensity of your conversations is like a 3,
最后 你们的互动通常只有几分钟长
and finally each of your interactions usually only lasts a couple of minutes
而且只在老师进来前或者下课后发生
before the teacher arrives and briefly after class is dismissed.
你们互动的时长是4分
The duration of your interactions with her is like a 4.
这段友谊的总分是17分
Combined, this friendship has a total of 17 points,
这意味着你们是朋友了
which means that you guys are friends.
现在如果你想加深这段友谊
Now if you wanted to deepen this friendship,
实际上这也很简单
it would actually be quite simple.
加深友谊有很多方法
There are a couple of ways of going about it.
首先 你可以请她在下课后一起吃午饭
For one, you could ask her to get lunch with you after class,
这会提高你们互动的时长和接近度
which would increase the duration and proximity of your interactions,
因为你们坐在同一张桌子
because you’re sitting at the same table and
而且午餐通常要花上大约45分钟
because lunch usually takes about 45 minutes.
或者你可以邀请她加入你的课外俱乐部
Or you could invite her to join your after-school club,
这会增加你们互动的频率和时长
which would increase the frequency and duration of your interactions,
因为你在没有一起上课的日子也会见到她
because you would probably see her on days where you don’t have class together,
而且你们也可以多相处几个小时
and you would also spend a couple of additional hours together.
你还可以建议一起参加派对
Or you could even suggest that you go to a party together,
从而增加你们互动的时长和强度
which would increase the duration and the intensity of your interactions,
因为派对经常要持续几个小时
because parties usually last for a couple of hours
并且这儿也会有酒
and also there is drinking involved,
因此积极情绪通常更强烈
so positive emotions are usually much stronger.
只要做足了其中任何一件事
If you do any of these things enough,
这段友谊的分数就会增加
you will increase the amount of points this friendship has,
而且过了一段时间 她最终会成为你的好友
and over a period of time she’ll eventually become your close friend.
由此可见 友谊由哪些因素结合而成
So as you can see, it doesn’t really matter which combination of factors
其实并不重要
make up a friendship
因为只要你能达到一定的分数
because as long as you reach a certain amount of points,
这段友谊自然就会进入更高的阶级
the friendship will naturally progress into the higher tiers.
这种对于友谊的分析似乎有点表面
This way of looking at friendships may seem a bit surface level,
但它还是相当准确的
but it does a fairly good job.
值得注意的是
Now it’s very important to note that
就算你在所有项目中都取得了高分
it’s possible to have high points in all of these areas,
你也未必能成为某人的好友
but still not be considered a close friend of someone.
事实上 如果你犯了某些错误
In fact if you do the wrong things,
你的交友对象反而会开始讨厌你
the people you want to befriend will actually grow to hate you,
所以 在下一个视频中
which is why in our next video,
我们会讲述“交友黄金法则”
we’re going to talk about the Golden Rule of Friendship,
这是一条特别法则 你一定要牢记在心
a special rule that you must keep in mind
以确保你的友谊公式
to make sure that your Formula of Friendship is creating
会帮助你形成积极而非消极的关系
a positive relationship and not a negative one.
记得点击铃图标
Remember to hit the bell icon,
因为要想提升你的社交生活
because if you’re serious about improving your social life,
你就要按照顺序观看《蜜友课》的每一集
you need to watch each and every single one of the lessons in the BeeFriend course
这样你才能充分获益
in the proper order to get the most out of it.
再说一次 如果你有兴趣向自己投资
Again if you are interested in investing in yourself,
想要进一步了解我将推出的个人指导课程
and would like to learn more about the personal coaching programs I have coming out,
你可以用下方简介中的链接 订阅我的通讯
you can sign up for my mailing list using the link in the description box below.
视频到此结束 请继续关注我们
Besides that guys, stay tuned!

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视频概述

你如何评价你和一个人的友谊所处的等级?本视频提供了友谊的公式,有四个影响因素,每个部分十分,你和你的朋友能得到几分呢,你和TA是处在友谊的什么阶段呢?

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收集自网络

翻译译者

搬那度

审核员

审核员 DL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocL00Yp_hTY

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