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你了解孤独吗?

4 Reasons Why You Feel So ALONE

Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink!
大家好 欢迎来到《顶级思考》
Today we’re going to learn about 4 reasons why you feel so alone.
今天我们将会了解到我们感到孤独的4个原因
Now, let’s begin.
现在让我们开始吧
“You are not alone.”
“你并不孤独”
You might have heard or read this phrase somewhere before.
或许之前你已经在某些地方听到或读到过这句话
We say it to comfort or shoulder someone else’s pain
我们这样说是为了安慰别人或分担他人痛苦
to relieve that suffocating feeling of heartache and isolation.
来缓解那种令人窒息的心痛和孤立感
When you’re picking up the pieces after a breakup
当你在分手之后想要重新振作时
or dealing with a loss of a loved one,
或在克服痛失所爱的悲恸之际
you may feel like you’ve fallen into a dark hole with no way out.
你会觉得自己好像跌入一个没有出口的黑洞中
Loneliness can consume your entire life if you let it.
如果你放任孤独横行 它会吞噬你的整个人生
It can overshadow your work,
它会使你的工作蒙上阴影
cloud your goals and leave you feeling aimless.
会使你的目标模糊 也会使你觉得漫无目的
It can rob you of the joy you’d get from fun things,
它会剥夺你从有趣的事物中获得的乐趣
like your passions and hobbies.
比如你的热情和爱好
But the truth is you’re not alone in feeling lonely.
但其实并不只有你会感到孤单
Loneliness is a universal problem.
孤独是一个普遍的问题
It can affect people of any gender, age or status.
任何人 不论性别年龄地位如何 都可能会受其影响
You can’t buy a cure,
你无法用金钱买到治愈它的良药
nor can you pretend it doesn’t exist, like depression or anxiety.
就像抑郁和焦虑一样 你也无法当它不存在
Feeling lonely is something you can’t control.
这种孤独感并不是你能够左右的
In fact, loneliness is so powerful that it can cause you physical pain.
事实上 孤独感影响巨大甚至会引起身体上的痛楚
It can make your muscles ache,
它会使你的肌肉疼痛
tie your stomach in knots and ruin your sleep.
让你胃绞痛 使你辗转反侧 夜不成寐
It’s even one of the leading contributors to chronic diseases,
它甚至是患慢性疾病的一个主要因素
like Alzheimer’s and heart disease.
比如阿尔茨默症和心脏病
My point is loneliness is a real and overwhelming problem
我认为孤独是一个实际存在的 使人难以应对的问题
that many people struggle with every day.
许多人每天都在与它斗争
But you’re not doomed to sit in this dark hole for the rest of your life.
但你并不是注定要在这个黑洞里度过余生
There’s a way out.
总是有办法的
You can slowly but surely take control of your life.
你肯定可以慢慢地掌控你的生活
But the first step is to identify: Why you’re there?
但我们首先要明白的是:你为什么在黑洞里?
Why do you feel lonely?
你为什么感觉孤独?
What’s been keeping you down for so long?
什么事情使你沮丧了这么久?
To help you face and overcome this paralyzing feeling,
为了帮你面对和克服这种浑浑噩噩的感觉
here are 4 reasons why you might feel alone in the world.
下面是你在这个世界上感到孤独的4个原因
NO.1 Unstable Friendships.
1 不坚固的友谊
Friendships are one of the most common triggers of loneliness.
友谊是孤独最常见的诱发因素之一
Yeah. I know it sounds strange to say
我知道 花时间和他人待在一起会产生孤独感
that spending time with other people makes you lonely.
这种说法听起来很奇怪
But it’s true.
但这是真的
Most people try to define loneliness as the absence of friends.
大多数人把孤独定义为没有朋友
They think, by having friends, that they can never be lonely.
他们认为 交朋友可以使他们永远不会觉得孤独
Of course, that isn’t the case.
当然 事实并非如此
Isolation is when you don’t have friends;
孤立是指没有朋友
loneliness is when you aren’t forming personal connections.
而孤独是指没有建立私人的联系
You might know hundreds of people,
你或许认识很多人
but fail to really bond with any of them.
但却没法与他们中的任何一个建立真正的联系
You try and try to be social, yet no one understands you.
你努力去合群 却没有人理解你
You end up feeling empty and unhappy
最终只会感到空虚和不快乐
because none of your relationships go any deeper than a bit a small talk.
因为你所有的人际关系都不深入 只是一些闲聊罢了
So what’s the problem?
那么问题出在哪了?
Many people come at this issue the wrong way.
许多人以错误的方式来对待这个问题
When combating loneliness,
其实当与孤独感对抗时
quality matters way more than quantity.
质量比数量更重要
You might be feeling lonely
你可能会觉得孤独
because your friendships are weak and unstable.
一个可能的原因是 你的友谊脆而不坚
Either you haven’t put the time into building them
要么你没有花时间去建立它们
or you’ve just chosen the wrong people,
要么你只是选择了错误的人
everyone needs stable friendships.
每个人都需要稳固的友谊
They make us feel heard, appreciated and valuable.
他们会使我们觉得自己被倾听 被欣赏和感受到自身的价值
You should eventually find these characteristics within yourself.
最终你应该在自己身上找到这些特质
But you have to start somewhere.
但你必须从某一点着手
If you’re feeling lonely,
如果你觉得孤独
take an honest look at the quality of your friendships.
诚实地审视一下你友谊的质量
Stable friends respect each other, provide support and build each other up.
可靠的朋友之间互相尊重 互相支持 互相鼓励
They give each other space
他们给予彼此独立的空间
and understand that you’re each your own individual person.
并且理解你是一个独立的个体
Unstable friends ignore and criticize you.
不可靠的朋友会忽视和批评你
They don’t value your time and effort as much as theirs.
在他们看来 你的时间和精力不如他们自己的重要
They might think the entire friendship revolves around them.
他们可能认为整个友谊关系都以他们自己为中心
If you find yourself in an unstable friendship,
如果你发现自己正处于一段不可靠的友谊中
set yourself free.
解放自己吧
Some people hide behind toxic friends
有的人躲在有毒的朋友身后
because they’re worried they’ll never meet anyone else.
因为他们担心将来不会再遇到其他人
They already feel lonely.
他们已经觉得很孤独
So wouldn’t that make things worse? Not at all.
那么这会使事情变得更好吗 根本不会
Give yourself a chance to find friends that understand and appreciate you.
给自己一个机会去寻找尊重和欣赏自己的朋友
There are a lot of cruel and self-absorbed people in the world.
世界上有许多残忍自私的人
But there are just as many who are kind and considerate.
但也有很多友好和体贴的人
In your friendships, you should get what you give.
在你的友谊中 你应该得到你所付出的回报
Whenever that’s not happening,
无论是否发生了不好的事情
don’t be afraid to see what else is out there.
不要害怕你会在外面的世界看到什么
NO.2 You’re an Ambivert.
2 你是一个中向性格者
Loneliness isn’t always triggered by the people in your life.
孤独也不总是你生活中的人所引起的
Sometimes that emptiness is a product of who you are.
有时候这种空虚是你自己一手造成的
When we think about personality types,
当我们考虑到性格类型的时候
we tend to place people into one of two categories:
我们倾向于把人分成两类
Introverts and Extroverts.
内向的人和外向的人
Despite how diverse our personalities can be,
不管我们的性格有多么的多样化
we make the mistake of treating it like a yes-or-no question.
我们错误地把它当做“是”或“不是”的问题
– Are you an introvert? – No.
你是一个内向的人吗 不是
Then you must be an extrovert, right?
那么你一定是个外向的人 对吗
The truth is introversion and extraversion function more like a spectrum.
事实上内向和外向的职能更像是一个范围
If introversion sits at the far left,
如果内向位于最左边的话
extraversion sits at the far right.
那外向处于最右边
99% of people actually fall somewhere in between.
实际上99%的人是处于两者之间的
In other words, almost no one is 100% introvert or 100% extrovert.
换句话说 几乎没有人是100%的内向者或外向者
Even the most outgoing social butterflies enjoy some time to themselves,
即使最外向的社交达人也会独享自己的时光
while lone wolves occasionally like having company.
而独行侠也偶尔需要与人同行
Since everyone’s got a little of both,
既然每个人都有两者中的一部分
most people are actually hybrids called Ambiverts.
那大多数人都是两种性格的混合体 名叫中向性格
We usually use this term to describe someone
我们常常用这个词来描述那些
who’s a 50/50 split between introverted and extroverted.
性格是内向和外向各占一半的人
But in reality, almost all humans are ambiverts
但实际上 几乎所有的人都是中向性格者
because our personalities cannot be defined by one set of characteristics.
因为我们的性格不能仅仅由一部分特征来定义
Your mood, mental health and environment
你的情绪 心理健康和身处的环境
can all drastically affect how you behave and see yourself.
都可能会极大地影响你的行为和你看待自己的方式
And to make things more complicated,
而且事情还会变得更复杂
you won’t have the same personality
因为从现在开始的5年 10年甚至20年里
in say 5, 10 or 20 years from now.
你的性格并不会完全一样
You might love to be alone right now.
或许你现在喜欢独自一人
But a few years from now, you may find yourself doing the exact opposite.
但没准许多年后 你会发现自己在做截然相反的事情
So what does all this have to do with loneliness?
那么这一切与孤独有什么关系呢
Well, many people characterize themselves incorrectly
很多人对自己形象的刻画都是错误的
because they get hung up on one of these labels.
因为他们给自己贴上了其中一个标签
Okay. Let’s say you’re quiet.
好吧 假设你很文静
You find social interactions draining and you prefer to work alone.
你发现社交活动使你筋疲力竭 你更喜欢独自工作
Sounds like you’re an introvert, right?
听起来你像是一个内向者对吗?
You might isolate yourself thinking it’s good for you.
你可能会将自己孤立起来 认为这对自己有益
But you’re neglecting the little extrovert inside you.
但你忽视了自己内心里那一小部分的外向性格
That small part of you wishes you could socialize and make connections.
你的那一小部分希望你能去社交并与社会建立联系
It gets energized and inspired by interacting with other people.
它通过与他人的交流互动来受到鼓舞并精神焕发
Even if you’re 95% introvert,
即使你是95%的内向者
you can still feel lonely when you’re constantly isolated
当你一直被孤立的时候 你仍然会感到孤独
and it works the other way around, too.
反过来也是一样的
Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?
你是否曾在一个拥挤的房间中觉得孤独呢
Even if you’re extremely extroverted,
即使你是一个完全的外向者
you can feel lonely when you’re surrounded by people.
当你和人们打成一片的时候你也会觉得孤独
Why?
为什么?
Because the introvert inside you crave something deeper and more personal.
因为你内心深处的内向者性格渴望更深层 更私人的东西
It wants you to make fewer, more meaningful connections.
它希望你建立更少但更有意义的人际关系
How can you use this knowledge to stop feeling lonely?
你要怎么运用这些知识来不再感到孤独呢
Well, your loneliness might actually stem from your habits.
嗯 其实你的孤独感可能来源于你的习惯
You’ve only been catering toward one side of your personality
你只迎合了你性格中的一面
while the other is left unfulfilled.
而另一面没有得到满足
This can leave you feeling empty and out of place,
这会使你感到空虚和不自在
so try diversifying your habits.
所以尝试让自己的习惯丰富多样吧
Spend time doing things you wouldn’t normally do;
在你通常不会做的事情上投入一些时间
try things that scare you.
尝试一些你害怕的事情
If you’re an introvert, surround yourself with new people.
如果你是一个内向者 交一些新朋友
If you’re an extrovert, take more time to get to know
如果你是一个外向者 用更多的时间去了解自己
yourself and the people closest to you.
了解身边亲密的朋友家人
You don’t have to do it all the time.
你不需要一直这样做
But trying out new social experiences can be enough
仅仅是尝试得到一些新的社会经历就足以
to satisfy your little introverted or extroverted side.
使你内心小小的内向性格或外向性格得到满足
Remember that no person can be defined by a select few words.
请记住 任何人的性格都不能凭仅仅几个选出来的词语所确定
While labels like introvert, extrovert and ambivert
即使像内向 外向和中间性格这样的标签
give you a general idea of what you enjoy,
也只是大致告诉你喜欢什么
you should never stop searching for new ways to make yourself happy.
所以永远不要停止寻找让自己快乐的新方法
NO.3 Perfectionism
3 完美主义思想
Some of the loneliest people spend their entire lives chasing perfection.
有些非常孤独的人终其一生都在追求完美
They claim they just like to do things right.
他们宣称他们只是喜欢做正确的事情
But that’s rarely the case.
但事实很少是这样
Deep down, social perfectionists
实际上 社交完美主义者
are often afraid to do anything unless they can do it flawlessly.
往往什么事情都不敢做 除非他们能做得完美无瑕
They never meet new people,
他们从不认识新朋友
because they’re scared of rejection.
因为他们害怕被拒绝
They don’t chase new opportunities,
他们不会追求新的机会
because they’re worried about failure.
因为他们担心失败
In other words, if they never mess up,
换句话说 如果他们从不搞砸
nothing can hurt them.
没有事情可以伤害他们
Unfortunately, things are never going to be perfect.
不幸的是 事情永远不会完美
For example, a perfectionist might avoid being vulnerable
例如 一个完美主义者可能会避免
until the perfect person comes around.
在遇到完美的人之前受到伤害
But they never learn what types of people they can be vulnerable with.
但是他们从不了解什么样的人会使他们更易受到伤害
In life, you’ll have all kinds of friends.
在生活中 你将会有各种各样的朋友
Some will be unstable and disappointing,
一些将会是不可靠且令人失望的
while others will be fun and supportive.
但有些人是有趣并且支持你的
You have to wade through the bad to get to the good,
不经历风雨 怎能见彩虹
but perfectionists never do.
但完美主义者从不这么做
They don’t fail enough times to find success.
他们失败的次数不足以让他们找到成功
Some people try to mask their loneliness with jobs, hobbies and pets,
有些人试图用工作 爱好和宠物来掩饰他们的孤独
but that feeling of emptiness may never go away.
但那种空虚的感觉从未销匿
Years later, you’ll end up looking back
多年以后 你最终会回首往事
and regretting the chances that you didn’t take.
并且后悔自己没有主动抓住机会
Regret is actually a feeling that goes hand-in-hand with loneliness.
后悔是一种与孤独形影相依的感觉
In this case, you feel regret
在这种情况下 你会感到后悔
when you could have made yourself happy, but didn’t;
因为你本可以让自己开心快乐 但你没有
you could have potentially changed your life for the better, but got scared.
你本可以改变人生能过得更好 但你却退缩了
Perfectionists think they’re going to regret that time
完美主义者认为他们会回想起那些
they failed or made a dumb mistake.
功败垂成或犯愚蠢错误的时刻 并因此追悔莫及
But those errors eventually
但最终那些过失都
turn into funny stories and learning experiences.
变成了逸闻趣事和覆车之戒
On the other hand, regretting a missed connection or opportunity
另一方面 对错过的人脉或机会感到后悔
may keep you feeling lonely for years to come.
可能会让你在未来几年中都感到孤独
NO.4 High expectations
4 高期望
When you’re trying to be friends with someone new,
当我们尝试交新朋友的时候
what do you expect from them?
你对他们有什么期待?
Do you expect them to make you laugh?
你期待他们能够使你捧腹大笑吗?
Do you expect them to blow your mind with all
你会期望他们尽其所能
the amazing things they’ve done?
来让你大吃一惊吗?
Or do you just want them to be fun and kind?
或者仅仅只是希望他们有趣友善呢
You might be lonely because you believe
你可能会觉得孤独因为你认为
everyone has unreasonably high expectations.
每个人都有不合理的高期望
More often than not, they’re entirely in your head.
通常 你会对他们想入非非
Just like you don’t expect extraordinary things from them,
但是就像你从不期待在他们身上得到不寻常的东西一样
they don’t expect those things from you.
他们也不期待从你身上得到那些东西
This kind of mental obstacle keeps you
这种心理会阻碍你
from making connections and filling that void in your life.
建立人际关系和填补人生的空虚
Imaginary expectations also ruin your self-esteem.
异想天开的期望也会损害你的自尊心
You shouldn’t go through life, feeling like you aren’t worthy.
人生在世 你不应该认为自己轻如鸿毛
Try to remember that strangers are people just like you.
努力记住 陌生人就是像你一样的人
You don’t have to prove yourself to make them like you.
你不需要证明你自己来让他们喜欢你
You don’t have to show off your talents, knowledge or status,
你不需要展示你的才能 知识和地位
just be open, happy and respectful.
只要坦率 开心一点 并互相尊重就好了
In the end, those are the people that make the best friends.
能陪你走到最后的那些才是能成为最好朋友的人
Hey! Thanks for watching TopThink and be sure to subscribe
嘿!感谢收看《顶级思考》节目 请订阅我们的节目
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视频概述

现在的社会高强度的工作和生活使得很多人处于强烈的孤独感中,那么产生孤独得原因到底是什么呢?

听录译者

Felicity

翻译译者

斜阳微妙

审核员

审核员XY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nct6BYm1mI

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