《复仇者联盟4：终局之战》终于上映了
Avengers Endgame is finally here!
之前看《无限战争》剪辑时 最引人注目的事是
And one of things that stands out most as I watch Infinity War Clips in preparation
大家都超爱灭霸 这点很有意思
is how much people love Thanos, which is interesting,
鉴于我们在影片中看到他不仅无差别的消灭人类
given that not only do we see him kill indiscriminately throughout the film,
他的高尚计划根本没有意义
his noble plan makes no sense at all.
但这不是重点 因为本视频不是关于剧情漏洞的
But that is besides the point, because this video isn’t about the plot holes.
使我感有趣的是这与现实生活很像
It’s the real life parallels that interest me,
因为很多拥有危险人格的人
because many people with dangerous personalities
也拥有极具吸引力的人格特征
also have some highly attractive personality traits.
你不必去适应这些危险人物的残忍面
And well, you don’t have to adapt the murderous side of these dangerous personalities,
但你可以取其精华来丰富自己的魅力值
you can learn quite a bit by taking pieces and adding them to your own charisma Arsenal.
所以在这个视频中 我想探究三种方式
So, in this video, I wanna explore three ways that
让危险人格变得更具吸引力
dangerous personalities can actually be more attractive.
人们喜欢灭霸的第一个魅力习惯是冷静
Now the first charismatic habit of Thanos and people like him is Non-reactivity.
复联不是一部动作电影
Avengers isn’t an action movie,
所以我们期待在面对人身威胁时看到这点
so we expectedly see this in the face of physical threats.
灭霸的冷静正说明了他的强大
Thanos’s non-reactivity shows just how powerful he is.
但在其他场景 灭霸所展示出的冷静
But nother scenes, Thanos demonstrates non-reactivity in ways
在你自己的实际生活中非常适用
that are quite applicable to your own life.
在这个片段中 彼得·奎尔朝灭霸大喊
In this clip, Peter Quill shouts at Thanos,
听听灭霸回答时的语气
and listen to the tone in which he responds.
-放开她！-啊 男朋友
– You let her go!- Ah, the boyfriend.
我可是出了名的全职金牌应召泰坦杀手
I have to think of myself more as a Titan killing long-term booty call.
赶紧放她走！
Let her go!
彼得！
Peter!
不然我就一枪打爆你那屁股一样的丑脸！
I’m gonna blow that nutsack of a chin right off your face!
此时灭霸情绪比彼得更加平静
Thanos comes in an energy level lower than Peter.
幸运的是 我们通常都不会被太空枪指着
Now fortunately, mostly of us will never have a space blaster pointed at us,
但灭霸的冷静值得我们在现实生活中借鉴
but his reaction is exactly what can defuse a situation
当我们开始有敌意的时候 要学会平息自己的情绪
that begins to get a hostile in real life.
你可以收获一份特别的自信
And you can come across as an exceptionally confident
如果你能够保持沉着冷静的话
if you remain calm and keep the energy down.
在《永不分离》一书中
In his book Never Split The Difference,
克里斯·沃斯建议用深夜电台主播的声音
Christ Voss recommends using what he calls The Late Night FM DJ voice.
他现在是一名人质谈判专家 所以他需要
Now he’s a hostage negotiator so he had to get the upper hand over people
在被激怒的暴徒面前占据上风
who were threatening violence and were clearly riled up.
他像深夜电台音乐主播一样说话
So he’d speak to them like he was a late-night disc jockey,
声音更加深沉 柔和 冷静
deeper, smoother, calm.
那种方式可以让他缓和紧张局势
That technique allowed him to defuse tense situations
如果你在别人对你口头攻击时用这种声音
and if you use it when people are being verbally aggressive with you,
效果甚至比你机智地反驳更佳
it’s usually even better than a witty comeback.
不过 更好的是同时使用这两种方法
Though, even better than that, it’s both at the same time.
我没有其他要竞演的活动
I have no more campaigns to run.
我唯一的议程
My only agenda
我知道 因为我两场都赢了
I know, cause I won both of them.
[掌声和欢呼]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEER]
灭霸的第二个极具危险性的魅力习惯是
The second habit that is both attractive and in Thanos’s case highly dangerous
极度的信念感
is Extreme Conviction.
大多数人都生活在自我怀疑中
Most people live their lives with a lot of self doubt,
所以我们会被这些完全自信的人吸引
so we are drawn to those individuals who seem to be totally self-assured.
在别人言辞肯定时 这种感觉尤其强烈
We feel it mostly strongly in people who speak in certainties.
例如 灭霸从不会说他打算做什么
For instance, noticed that Thanos doesn’t say what he would do.
他不会谈论如果他成功了会怎样
He doesn’t talk about if he’s successful.
他说的时候就好像他的计划就是要发生的
He states it as if his plan is 100 percent going to happen.
然后呢？
Then what?
最后我会坐在祥和的宇宙里欣赏日出
I finally rest, watch the sunrise on a grateful universe.
最艰难的选择需要最强大的信念
The hardest choices require the strongest wills.
但当我成功后 一半的人将会活下来
But I’m done, the half of humanity will still be alive.
但愿他们将会记住你
I hope they’ll remember you!
现实生活中健康的信念无需那么极端
Real life healthy conviction doesn’t even have to go that far,
你不必相信你所有的计划都会成真
you don’t have to believe that all of your plans will come true.
我会坚定的相信 就算失败也没关系
Personally, I find firmly believing that I will be ok even if I fail,
无论是什么
no matter what,
要面对现实 要坚持高度的自我肯定
to be the most realistic and the open way to remain highly self-assured.
确信将要发生之事所带来的必然结果
Now, what conviction goes beyond this toward certainty of what will happen
超越这种信念
that a specific outcome will occur,
你就会像康纳·麦格雷戈 一个格斗超级赢家
you get someone like Conor McGregor, who is astonishing in victory,
但他的失败也会令人失望
but also disappointing in his defeats.
激进的信念或许是格斗家最强的精神支柱
That radical certainty is probably one of the strongest mentalities that a fighter can have though.
如果你比格斗家更激进 你就真的危险了
If you go beyond that, you enter into truly dangerous conviction,
你会假定你知道的就是最好的
where you assume that you know what is best,
不管别人说什么 你都认为这样就是最好的
not only for yourself but for others as well, no matter what they say.
在这个场景中 灭霸甚至没有考虑到
And in this next scene, it’s like Thanos can’t even consider the possibility
是他造就了卡魔拉悲惨的命运
that he may have raised Gamora poorly.
我不是你的女儿
I’m not your daughter.
我恨你教给我的一切
Everything I hate about myself you told me.
这样做 你便成了宇宙中最厉害的女人
Then in doing so, made you the fiercest woman in the galaxy.
信念是极重要的 你不会想像灭霸那样
So conviction is critical but you don’t want it to the extent that Thanos has it,
别人需要权衡你的想法
other people need to weigh on your thoughts.
如果你想拥有健康的信念
And if you’re trying to develop healthy conviction,
我建议你只专注于一个信念
my recommendation is to simply focus on the belief –
无论发生什么 我都会没事的
no matter what happens, I will be ok.
如果你能接受努力后仍有可能发生的失败
When you can simultaneously embrace the possibility that you may fail in some specific endeavor,
但同时也能感受到爱 尊重和重新开始的价值
but still feel worthy of love, respect and even a second chance,
这样活着真的很赞
that is a fantastic way to live!
当别人告诉你如何生活 并打乱你的信念
And if other people are telling you how to live and it’s disrupting your self-assuredness,
你可以尝试着这样对他们说
try this line out when speaking to them.
你可以说
You can say:”
你能决定对你来说什么是最好的 这是好事
It’s a good thing that you get to decide what is the best for you,
和我来决定什么对我来说是最好的
and I get to decide what is best for me
因为如果这些颠倒了 我们谁都不会开心
because if they were reversed, we would both be unhappy.”
现在 我们说说最后一点
Now, that brings us to the last point.
偶尔做一些让人惊喜的善举会让我们
Random and Surprising Acts of Kindness can draw us closer to personalities
更具个性 而也不失真实
that are otherwise not the fuzziest.
例如 灭霸骗卡魔拉以为自己杀了他
For instance, after tricking her into thinking that she had killed him,
完全骗出她的感情之后 给她一些食物
completely toying with her emotions, Thanos offers Gemora some food.
我想你可能会饿
I thought you might be hungry.
我们之前就看到他与卡魔拉之间相同的恨与善的波动
We see the same fluctuation between violence and kindness earlier with Gamora.
灭霸残害了包括她母亲在内的半数民众
After sentencing half of her people including her mother to death,
那时灭霸对她表现出善良
Thanos has a kind moment with her.
小家伙 怎么了？
What’s wrong, little one?
我妈妈呢？我妈妈在哪儿？
My mother? Where is my mother?
-你叫什么？-卡魔拉
– What’s your name? – Gamora.
你是个天生的战士 卡魔拉！
You’re quite the fighter, Gamora!
来！让我帮你！
Come! Let me help you!
或许你的某个朋友也有这样的一段关系
You may have a friend who is in a relationship with someone like this.
他们通常十分差劲
They are usually pretty terrible,
很少的情况 当他们对别人有善举时更让人惊讶
except on rare occasions when they surprise everyone with a kind gesture.
他没有摆脱这个形象 但会有不错的约会对象
And that friend doesn’t get out and just date a nice guy or a nice girl.
不管你信不信 因为偶尔的善良举动
Believe it or not, it’s because infrequent and random acts of kindness
对有特殊依恋癖好的个体更具吸引力
are actually more attractive to individuals with a particular style of attachment
这种现象被称为焦虑或担忧
called anxious or preoccupied.
这类人经常和回避型人格结成伙伴
Those people often partner with what is called an avoidant type,
因为他们认为自己没有价值
because they see themselves as unworthy.
鉴于他们的自我形象 所以偶尔的善良举动是合乎情理的
So sporadic bursts of kindness make sense to them given their self-image.
如果你对这首歌有感觉 你可能正处于这种关系
You may be in this kind of relationship if this song speaks to you.
#我们争斗 我们分手#
#我们亲吻 我们和好#
如果你陷入忽冷忽热的关系中 问题在于
If you fall into the camp of this hot and cold relationships, the problem is that
你要学会评估情感连接的强度 而非质量
you have learned to value the intensity of the emotional connection over its quality.
所以恶举和突发善意之间的剧烈波动会让你思考
So the wild fluctuations between awful behavior and those bursts of kindness keep you wondering
你怎样做 才能让那些最终可能对你不利的人
what you can do to bring out more of those rare bursts of kindness,
更多的表现出少见而突然的善意
ultimately staying with people who might be bad for you.
事实上 你需要在自己身上下功夫
The truth is that you need to work on yourself.
我将在另一个视频中更深入探讨依附理论
And I’ll probably go deeper into attachment theory in another video, if it’s interesting to you.
如果你感兴趣的话 请在评论区留言
So just let me know in the comments.
总之 当涉及到你自身行为的时候
Anyway, when it comes to your own behavior,
你不应该模仿灭霸那种忽冷忽热的行为
you shouldn’t emulate Thanos’s hot and cold evil style of behaving.
但你要知道 给予惊喜是赢得别人喜爱的有力手段
But, you can recognize that the surprise recognition is very powerful for winning someone over.
现在 关键的是要确保没有期盼
Now the key is to make sure that it’s not expected.
因此 在情人节送花是不错的
So, flowers on Valentine’s Day are nice,
但它仅能帮助你获取同伴的一点额外好感
but they earn you very little extra with your partner.
但是一个月之后送花 则完全出乎意料
Flowers, one month later, completely out of the blue,
并且极其有用
are extremely powerful, on the other hand.
同样的东西在不同的时间会有意想不到的效果
It’s the same item timed differently to upset expectations.
同理 当某人盛装出席一个特殊场合
Similarly, it’s fine and dandy to deliver a compliment
你对他人不吝赞美之词
when someone has dressed up for a special occasion.
这是非常好的
That’s nice.
但是如果你能在他们最不期待的时候夸赞
But if you can offer compliments when they’re least expected,
则效果会更加
their impact is magnified.
现在 值得说明的一点是
Now, one thing that is worth pointing out here is that
控制个性或许要用到这些不同类型的鼓励
controlling personalities may use these variable rewards
让缺乏自尊的人更努力工作来赢得喜爱
to make people with low self-esteem work even harder to win their affection.
我认为灭霸的做法证明了这一点
I think Thanos illustrates this point.
他创造了一种加深自卑的恶性循环
He creates a vicious cycle of reinforcing low self-esteem.
-你带走了我！-我救了你！
– You took me!- I saved you!
我！
Me!
慷慨的我！
The generous me!
但我从来没有教过你撒谎
But I never taught you to lie.
所以你一撒谎就能看得出来！
That’s why you’re so bad at it!
忽然间 他表现出善良
And then all of a sudden, he’s randomly kind
为了打动卡魔拉为他的认可而付出
in order to motivate his daughters to work for his approval.
无需多说 别那么做
Needless to say, don’t do that!
请为了善良而善良！
Be kind for the sake of being kind!
实际上 此刻你就可以给你关心的人送去惊喜
In fact, right now might be a good time to surprise someone that you care about,
发短信或邮件 告诉他们你正在想他们
with a text or email, just letting them know that you’re thinking about them,
而且你很感激他们
and that you appreciate them.
如果你想知道更多漫威人物的健康人格
Now, if you’re wondering about more of the healthy personalities in the MCU,
你可以关注我们的视频 六种女性无法抵抗的魅力
you might wanna check out our video on the six styles of charisma that women find irresistible.
我们下周还有分析钢铁侠最标志性时刻的视频
We also have a breakdown of Iron Man’s most iconic moments coming next week.
所以如果你感兴趣 请点击订阅按钮
So if you’re interested in that, go ahead and hit the subscribe button.
如果你还没订阅 可以点击通知铃声
And if you haven’t yet done so, that notification bell.
这样你就不会错过视频啦
That makes sure that the video actually gets to you
因为很多订阅内容不再出现在首页
since a lot of your subscriptions don’t show up on the home page any more.
如果你选择订阅提醒 可以帮助到我们频道
And if you do that, it actually helps our channel,
因为这样YouTube就知道你喜欢看我们的东西
cause it tells YouTube that we are something you’d like to watch.
如果你感兴趣 现在就点击订阅通知按钮吧
Go ahead, hit those buttons right now, if that interests you.
无论如何 希望你喜欢这个视频
Either way, I hope that you enjoyed this video
我们下期再见
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.