Avengers Endgame is finally here!
And one of things that stands out most as I watch Infinity War Clips in preparation
is how much people love Thanos, which is interesting,
given that not only do we see him kill indiscriminately throughout the film,
his noble plan makes no sense at all.
But that is besides the point, because this video isn’t about the plot holes.
It’s the real life parallels that interest me,
because many people with dangerous personalities
also have some highly attractive personality traits.
And well, you don’t have to adapt the murderous side of these dangerous personalities,
you can learn quite a bit by taking pieces and adding them to your own charisma Arsenal.
So, in this video, I wanna explore three ways that
dangerous personalities can actually be more attractive.
Now the first charismatic habit of Thanos and people like him is Non-reactivity.
Avengers isn’t an action movie,
so we expectedly see this in the face of physical threats.
Thanos’s non-reactivity shows just how powerful he is.
But nother scenes, Thanos demonstrates non-reactivity in ways
that are quite applicable to your own life.
In this clip, Peter Quill shouts at Thanos,
and listen to the tone in which he responds.
– You let her go!- Ah, the boyfriend.
I have to think of myself more as a Titan killing long-term booty call.
Let her go!
I’m gonna blow that nutsack of a chin right off your face!
Thanos comes in an energy level lower than Peter.
Now fortunately, mostly of us will never have a space blaster pointed at us,
but his reaction is exactly what can defuse a situation
that begins to get a hostile in real life.
And you can come across as an exceptionally confident
if you remain calm and keep the energy down.
In his book Never Split The Difference,
Christ Voss recommends using what he calls The Late Night FM DJ voice.
Now he’s a hostage negotiator so he had to get the upper hand over people
who were threatening violence and were clearly riled up.
So he’d speak to them like he was a late-night disc jockey,
声音更加深沉 柔和 冷静
deeper, smoother, calm.
That technique allowed him to defuse tense situations
and if you use it when people are being verbally aggressive with you,
it’s usually even better than a witty comeback.
Though, even better than that, it’s both at the same time.
I have no more campaigns to run.
My only agenda
I know, cause I won both of them.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEER]
The second habit that is both attractive and in Thanos’s case highly dangerous
is Extreme Conviction.
Most people live their lives with a lot of self doubt,
so we are drawn to those individuals who seem to be totally self-assured.
We feel it mostly strongly in people who speak in certainties.
For instance, noticed that Thanos doesn’t say what he would do.
He doesn’t talk about if he’s successful.
He states it as if his plan is 100 percent going to happen.
I finally rest, watch the sunrise on a grateful universe.
The hardest choices require the strongest wills.
But I’m done, the half of humanity will still be alive.
I hope they’ll remember you!
Real life healthy conviction doesn’t even have to go that far,
you don’t have to believe that all of your plans will come true.
Personally, I find firmly believing that I will be ok even if I fail,
no matter what,
to be the most realistic and the open way to remain highly self-assured.
Now, what conviction goes beyond this toward certainty of what will happen
that a specific outcome will occur,
you get someone like Conor McGregor, who is astonishing in victory,
but also disappointing in his defeats.
That radical certainty is probably one of the strongest mentalities that a fighter can have though.
If you go beyond that, you enter into truly dangerous conviction,
where you assume that you know what is best,
not only for yourself but for others as well, no matter what they say.
And in this next scene, it’s like Thanos can’t even consider the possibility
that he may have raised Gamora poorly.
I’m not your daughter.
Everything I hate about myself you told me.
Then in doing so, made you the fiercest woman in the galaxy.
So conviction is critical but you don’t want it to the extent that Thanos has it,
other people need to weigh on your thoughts.
And if you’re trying to develop healthy conviction,
my recommendation is to simply focus on the belief –
no matter what happens, I will be ok.
When you can simultaneously embrace the possibility that you may fail in some specific endeavor,
but still feel worthy of love, respect and even a second chance,
that is a fantastic way to live!
And if other people are telling you how to live and it’s disrupting your self-assuredness,
try this line out when speaking to them.
You can say:”
It’s a good thing that you get to decide what is the best for you,
and I get to decide what is best for me
because if they were reversed, we would both be unhappy.”
Now, that brings us to the last point.
Random and Surprising Acts of Kindness can draw us closer to personalities
that are otherwise not the fuzziest.
For instance, after tricking her into thinking that she had killed him,
completely toying with her emotions, Thanos offers Gemora some food.
I thought you might be hungry.
We see the same fluctuation between violence and kindness earlier with Gamora.
After sentencing half of her people including her mother to death,
Thanos has a kind moment with her.
What’s wrong, little one?
My mother? Where is my mother?
– What’s your name? – Gamora.
You’re quite the fighter, Gamora!
Come! Let me help you!
You may have a friend who is in a relationship with someone like this.
They are usually pretty terrible,
except on rare occasions when they surprise everyone with a kind gesture.
And that friend doesn’t get out and just date a nice guy or a nice girl.
Believe it or not, it’s because infrequent and random acts of kindness
are actually more attractive to individuals with a particular style of attachment
called anxious or preoccupied.
Those people often partner with what is called an avoidant type,
because they see themselves as unworthy.
So sporadic bursts of kindness make sense to them given their self-image.
You may be in this kind of relationship if this song speaks to you.
If you fall into the camp of this hot and cold relationships, the problem is that
you have learned to value the intensity of the emotional connection over its quality.
So the wild fluctuations between awful behavior and those bursts of kindness keep you wondering
what you can do to bring out more of those rare bursts of kindness,
ultimately staying with people who might be bad for you.
The truth is that you need to work on yourself.
And I’ll probably go deeper into attachment theory in another video, if it’s interesting to you.
So just let me know in the comments.
Anyway, when it comes to your own behavior,
you shouldn’t emulate Thanos’s hot and cold evil style of behaving.
But, you can recognize that the surprise recognition is very powerful for winning someone over.
Now the key is to make sure that it’s not expected.
So, flowers on Valentine’s Day are nice,
but they earn you very little extra with your partner.
Flowers, one month later, completely out of the blue,
are extremely powerful, on the other hand.
It’s the same item timed differently to upset expectations.
Similarly, it’s fine and dandy to deliver a compliment
when someone has dressed up for a special occasion.
But if you can offer compliments when they’re least expected,
their impact is magnified.
Now, one thing that is worth pointing out here is that
controlling personalities may use these variable rewards
to make people with low self-esteem work even harder to win their affection.
I think Thanos illustrates this point.
He creates a vicious cycle of reinforcing low self-esteem.
– You took me!- I saved you!
The generous me!
But I never taught you to lie.
That’s why you’re so bad at it!
And then all of a sudden, he’s randomly kind
in order to motivate his daughters to work for his approval.
Needless to say, don’t do that!
Be kind for the sake of being kind!
In fact, right now might be a good time to surprise someone that you care about,
with a text or email, just letting them know that you’re thinking about them,
and that you appreciate them.
Now, if you’re wondering about more of the healthy personalities in the MCU,
you might wanna check out our video on the six styles of charisma that women find irresistible.
We also have a breakdown of Iron Man’s most iconic moments coming next week.
So if you’re interested in that, go ahead and hit the subscribe button.
And if you haven’t yet done so, that notification bell.
That makes sure that the video actually gets to you
since a lot of your subscriptions don’t show up on the home page any more.
And if you do that, it actually helps our channel,
cause it tells YouTube that we are something you’d like to watch.
Go ahead, hit those buttons right now, if that interests you.
Either way, I hope that you enjoyed this video
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.