Today we will be covering three traits
that instantly make you more attractive.
Now this is attractive in the sense of
your working life and your friendships,
but also in the dating world,
whether you are a guy or a girl.
So we’re just gonna jump right into this one.
with the first Enthusiasm.
Now enthusiasm is something that
probably the fastest way to be more charismatic
across the board in any area of your life.
And I got a very vivid lesson of this
many years ago when I lived in Costa Rica.
Now at the time I was doing my best to
learn the language.
I was studying, I was trying to
integrate with my friends and
adopt the culture and the mannerisms of everyone around me
so that I could fit in.
And I did a pretty good job.
But I actually had a friend who came and visited and
he brought another friend.
Now this other friend was very unlike me.
He was excited to be in Costa Rica and
he did try to speak Spanish.
But more than really integrating,
he was just interested in
throwing his enthusiasm at people.
He was excited to go to the beach.
He was excited to learn about the country.
He was excited to talk to everybody.
And I watched him. Charm,
almost all of the friends that I had immediately made,
whether they could understand him or not.
我想着 “好吧 这只是我已经结识的一些人而已”
I thought “Okay. Well, that’s just the people that I already know.”
Let’s see what happens later.
Later in the evening, we went out and
though we were underage in the States,
we were able to go to a casino in Costa Rica.
We sat down and there was a woman there
who I’d seen before and she was the type
that was very beautiful and was
always always hit on by all of the customers,
whether they were locals
or they were foreigners traveling.
She’d seen it all
and now this friend saw her
and said to me: “Oh, my gosh!
Her eyes are so beautiful!”
And I said “Yeah!
“是 别人也这么说 我觉得她早就听说过了”
They said they are. I think she probably hears that a lot.”
He says “How do I tell her in Spanish?”
我教他 他说“好了 我懂了”
I start to tell him. He goes “It’s okay. I got it.”
He walks right up toward her with
a big smile on his face,
like he’d talked to everybody.
And he says
“Me amo, mis ojos”
“Me amo, mis ojos.”
Yes. This big smile at the end of it.
Now if you don’t speak Spanish or you can’t speak terrible Spanish
that is roughly translated
“I love myself, my eyes.”
And I remember watching this woman
crack up laughing at first
and then speak to him probably for 20 minutes,
despite the fact that she had a job to do.
And at the time, we were young kids.
We didn’t really have any money.
There was nothing else particularly impressive,
though he was a solid looking guy.
It wasn’t based on that.
Because I had seen attractive,
wealthy men hit on her before.
It was his enthusiasm
and this isn’t just the dating world.
Think in your life the people that you like spending time with,
they are the ones that are happy to be there.
So whenever possible, tap into what is wonderful
that is going on around you and come from that place.
There is a caveat which is
if you try to be enthusiastic with
just the singular aim of
getting positive responses from people.
It usually doesn’t come across as congruent.
Your body language doesn’t match.
Your tonality doesn’t match and
it seems try hard like you’re faking.
So remember, tap into the things
that you were genuinely enthusiastic,
spend time doing things that you really liked doing
and the people that you meet there
will be ones that are naturally drawn to you.
The second thing is Decisiveness.
We like people who make decisions.
Now the problem here
where a lot of people get confused is
we don’t like people
who steamroll everyone else on the path to making decisions.
So what do you do?
I saw this again during my time in Costa Rica.
I had a friend who was the decisive type
and we’d be sitting around,
planning what we were gonna do for that evening.
Should we go here? Should we eat here?
Maybe we should just stay in?
And when it became clear that
not everybody was in consensus or
there was nothing that was going to happen.
他就喊到 “好 大家都动起来”
And you said, “Okay, everybody up!”
We’re gonna go to this restaurant and we’re gonna go out dancing.
And for that group,
that was exactly right.
Because nobody had a strong opinion about what to do
and it was just kind of banter going back and forth.
That is what decisiveness looks like,
make decisions quickly for yourself,
make decisions quickly for a group
that is stuck and isn’t making a decision.
in those cases where people
genuinely do have a preference
don’t steamroll them.
This is the trouble that this particular friends
sometimes ran into and
when he could butt heads with people.
It wasn’t his decisiveness.
It was his ignoring of other people’s opinions.
So here’s the rule:
if there is a decision in your own life or
that other people have not made and
they’re just kind of pitter-pattering about,
ask yourself “Will I care about the outcome of this decision
one week from now?”
If the answer is “I won’t really care where we go tonight.”
You know I’m gonna have forgotten about it.
Just pick anything. Pick anything and do that.
It’s the way to live.
People will be drawn to you and
you’ll wind up trusting your gut much more.
In those cases where people do have strong opinions
absolutely consider everyone’s choice.
You might not even be ultimate one who makes a decision.
In fact, most of the time that can be the case.
but offer your decisive
point of view clearly
as everyone is getting a chance to offer theirs.
Don’t be a waffler.
This is a huge thing that
people are the alienated
from we like people who can decide.
So the third thing and appropriately someone that
I actually saw this week from a guy
who was Latin.
He was actually from Mexico in this case
is just gesticulations.
Now I’d forgotten about this.
But we were sitting there was a number of Americans there.
We were all talking. “I hit the microphone.
That’s not good.”
We were all talking and
he interrupted just speak
“Now not in a mean way,
but I was instantly captivated by him and
I didn’t know why and
it occurred to me when Americans speak,
oftentimes we talk like this.
We have our hands down and
even when we’re telling a story.
It’s a little bit less animated.
And when he was speaking,
his hands were out.
He was moving around like this.
Every single point that he made correspond
都与他所说的事情相对应 “噢 天啊”
it to something he did. I was an “Oh, man.”
We used to make videos about this where did I let this go.
So add in just gesticulations.
Now the natural question is
what types of gesticulations should I add?
A great question.
The answer tends to be ones that A
are not floppy. Right. This is like
if you’re making these kind of floppy wavy things
that tends to not inspire confidence
at the same time, if you’re too robotic in nature,
that’s not going to work.
So think comfortable tension
I’m not squeezing my hands as I do this.
But there is tension in them.
They’re not just waving around like this.
Secondly, you want to show your palms fairly often.
You can of course make your gesticulations
that have the back of your hands.
But if it gets too long where you’re going like this,
and I did a video with Mark Zuckerberg at the hearing
and in the way he often speaks.
This can feel guarded,
even if I’m going wide.
if I’m covering up,
it feels like I have secrets.
When I do this, it indicates that
I have nothing to hide at my subconscious level.
So add some of those gesticulations.
I’ll also throw some videos in
that discuss this in finer detail.
So I hope that you have enjoyed this.
If you find that
you are having a hard time with the enthusiasm part
we have other videos on
being self amusing and generating.
But I look forward to seeing you next week and also
let me know in the comments.
What sort of people you would like me to break down?
I’m going through my list.
I’ve knocked off a whole bunch of them.
But I’m curious what is interesting for you today.
So let me know in the comments.
I look forward to seeing you next week.