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提高你魅力的三个特质

3 Traits That Instantly Make You More Attractive

今天我们将会总结
Today we will be covering three traits
三个让你快速提高魅力的特质
that instantly make you more attractive.
不管你是男性还是女性
Now this is attractive in the sense of
这些特质都可以帮助你
your working life and your friendships,
提高你在工作中和朋友间的魅力
but also in the dating world,
当然也提高你约会时的魅力
whether you are a guy or a girl.
就让我们开门见山
So we’re just gonna jump right into this one.
第一个特质就是 热情
with the first Enthusiasm.
在你生活的任何领域
Now enthusiasm is something that
热情都很可能是你增强魅力的
probably the fastest way to be more charismatic
最快的方法
across the board in any area of your life.
很多年前当我还住在哥斯达黎加的时候
And I got a very vivid lesson of this
我学到了一节生动的关于“热情”的课
many years ago when I lived in Costa Rica.
那个时候 我在竭尽所能地
Now at the time I was doing my best to
学习语言
learn the language.
我努力学习
I was studying, I was trying to
努力地融入我的朋友圈
integrate with my friends and
努力接受周围的一切文化和习惯
adopt the culture and the mannerisms of everyone around me
以便我能适应那里
so that I could fit in.
我做得相当好
And I did a pretty good job.
我交到了一个可以相互拜访的朋友
But I actually had a friend who came and visited and
他又给我带来了另一个朋友
he brought another friend.
那个朋友和我一点都不像
Now this other friend was very unlike me.
他对哥斯达黎加很兴奋
He was excited to be in Costa Rica and
他尝试说西班牙语
he did try to speak Spanish.
除了融入集体之外
But more than really integrating,
他非常乐于
he was just interested in
热情待人
throwing his enthusiasm at people.
他喜欢沙滩
He was excited to go to the beach.
喜欢周游国家
He was excited to learn about the country.
喜欢与人交谈
He was excited to talk to everybody.
我发现一件很神奇的事
And I watched him. Charm,
几乎我所有的朋友 不管他们是否认识他
almost all of the friends that I had immediately made,
都与他交谈甚欢
whether they could understand him or not.
我想着 “好吧 这只是我已经结识的一些人而已”
I thought “Okay. Well, that’s just the people that I already know.”
让我们看看后来发生了什么
Let’s see what happens later.
那天晚上 我们去了赌场
Later in the evening, we went out and
尽管我们还未成年
though we were underage in the States,
但是我们在哥斯达黎加可以进入赌场
we were able to go to a casino in Costa Rica.
我们坐下的时候看到了一个女人
We sat down and there was a woman there
这个女人我之前就看到过
who I’d seen before and she was the type
她是那种非常漂亮的类型
that was very beautiful and was
总是受到各种顾客的青睐
always always hit on by all of the customers,
不管是当地人
whether they were locals
还是外国游客
or they were foreigners traveling.
她都被搭讪过
She’d seen it all
当时我的朋友看到她就对我说
and now this friend saw her
“噢 天哪”
and said to me: “Oh, my gosh!
“她的眼睛真好看”
Her eyes are so beautiful!”
我回道
And I said “Yeah!
“是 别人也这么说 我觉得她早就听说过了”
They said they are. I think she probably hears that a lot.”
那个朋友问 “我怎么用西班牙语告诉她呢”
He says “How do I tell her in Spanish?”
我教他 他说“好了 我懂了”
I start to tell him. He goes “It’s okay. I got it.”
他向那个女人走去
He walks right up toward her with
脸上带着灿烂的微笑
a big smile on his face,
就像他与每一个人交谈时一样
like he’d talked to everybody.
他对那个女人说
And he says
“Me amo, mis ojos”
“Me amo, mis ojos.”
然后以一个大大的微笑结束
Yes. This big smile at the end of it.
如果你不懂西班牙语或者也说不出蹩脚的西班牙语
Now if you don’t speak Spanish or you can’t speak terrible Spanish
这很难翻译
that is roughly translated
“我爱我自己 我的眼睛”
“I love myself, my eyes.”
我记得那个女人
And I remember watching this woman
一开始突然大笑起来
crack up laughing at first
然后与他聊了大概20分钟
and then speak to him probably for 20 minutes,
尽管这实际上是她的工作
despite the fact that she had a job to do.
而我们当时还是未成年人
And at the time, we were young kids.
我们也没有多少钱
We didn’t really have any money.
当晚没有别的更另我印象深刻的事情了
There was nothing else particularly impressive,
他的魅力不在于
though he was a solid looking guy.
他是个帅气的家伙
It wasn’t based on that.
因为我以前看到过一些有吸引力的
Because I had seen attractive,
有钱的男人搭讪过她
wealthy men hit on her before.
正是那位朋友的热情增添了他的魅力
It was his enthusiasm
而不仅仅是搭讪
and this isn’t just the dating world.
想想你生活中愿意花时间陪伴的朋友
Think in your life the people that you like spending time with,
他们总是那些乐于陪伴你的人
they are the ones that are happy to be there.
所以如果有可能 要善于挖掘美好的事物
So whenever possible, tap into what is wonderful
从你的生活中开始
that is going on around you and come from that place.
这里有一个警告
There is a caveat which is
如果你的热情
if you try to be enthusiastic with
仅仅是为了
just the singular aim of
得到别人积极的回应
getting positive responses from people.
事情通常不会如你所愿
It usually doesn’t come across as congruent.
如果你的肢体语言不合适
Your body language doesn’t match.
音调不合适
Your tonality doesn’t match and
这看起来就很假
it seems try hard like you’re faking.
所以记住
So remember, tap into the things
挖掘你真正热爱的东西
that you were genuinely enthusiastic,
把时间花在你真正喜欢做的事情上
spend time doing things that you really liked doing
这样 那里的人自然
and the people that you meet there
会被你吸引住
will be ones that are naturally drawn to you.
第二个特质就是 果断
The second thing is Decisiveness.
我们喜欢那些做决定的人
We like people who make decisions.
而问题是
Now the problem here
很多人又很迷惑
where a lot of people get confused is
我们也不喜欢那些
we don’t like people
压制所有人的决定而独裁的人
who steamroll everyone else on the path to making decisions.
所以你应该怎么做呢
So what do you do?
我也是在哥斯达黎加意识到这一点
I saw this again during my time in Costa Rica.
我有一个果断的朋友
I had a friend who was the decisive type
当我们坐在一起
and we’d be sitting around,
计划晚上要做什么
planning what we were gonna do for that evening.
我们应该去哪里 应该吃什么
Should we go here? Should we eat here?
或者就待在家
Maybe we should just stay in?
当情况变得明朗
And when it became clear that
大家的意见无法统一
not everybody was in consensus or
无法做决定的时候
there was nothing that was going to happen.
他就喊到 “好 大家都动起来”
And you said, “Okay, everybody up!”
我们去这个餐厅然后去跳舞
We’re gonna go to this restaurant and we’re gonna go out dancing.
这个决定
And for that group,
令所有人都满意
that was exactly right.
因为没有人对该做什么有强烈的想法
Because nobody had a strong opinion about what to do
大家开玩笑似的绕来绕去无法决定
and it was just kind of banter going back and forth.
果断就像这样
That is what decisiveness looks like,
快速为自己做决定
make decisions quickly for yourself,
快速为一个小组做决定
make decisions quickly for a group
为一个卡住无法做决定的小组做决定
that is stuck and isn’t making a decision.
现在
Now,
这种情况下
in those cases where people
大家都有的一个倾向是
genuinely do have a preference
赞同他
don’t steamroll them.
我们有时会遇到
This is the trouble that this particular friends
这样的问题
sometimes ran into and
自己的决定与别人发生冲突
when he could butt heads with people.
这么做就不是果断了
It wasn’t his decisiveness.
而是你忽略别人的意见
It was his ignoring of other people’s opinions.
所以规则是
So here’s the rule:
如果这个决定关乎你自己
if there is a decision in your own life or
而别人又没有做出决定
that other people have not made and
或者他们只是犹豫不决
they’re just kind of pitter-pattering about,
就问问自己 “我是否在乎做出决定”
ask yourself “Will I care about the outcome of this decision
“是现在还是一星期”
one week from now?”
如果答案是 “我不关心今晚去哪儿”
If the answer is “I won’t really care where we go tonight.”
那我就会把这件事忘了
You know I’m gonna have forgotten about it.
然后随便拿起一件事做它
Just pick anything. Pick anything and do that.
这是生存法则
It’s the way to live.
这样人们会更加被你吸引
People will be drawn to you and
而你也会更加相信自己的直觉
you’ll wind up trusting your gut much more.
如果大家都没有很强烈的想法
In those cases where people do have strong opinions
那你一定要考虑每个人的选择
absolutely consider everyone’s choice.
你千万不能当做决定的独裁者
You might not even be ultimate one who makes a decision.
虽然事实上大部分都是这样
In fact, most of the time that can be the case.
没关系
That’s okay,
当每个人都有机会提出自己的观点时
but offer your decisive
你要清晰地表示
point of view clearly
你选择性的观点
as everyone is getting a chance to offer theirs.
不要说一些废话
Don’t be a waffler.
这是一件很重要的事
This is a huge thing that
人们会疏远那些
people are the alienated
独裁决定的人
from we like people who can decide.
第三个特质
So the third thing and appropriately someone that
是我这周刚好在一个伙计身上看到的
I actually saw this week from a guy
他叫Latin
who was Latin.
实际上来自墨西哥
He was actually from Mexico in this case
这个特质就是 做手势
is just gesticulations.
我现在几乎忘了这件事
Now I’d forgotten about this.
我们坐在一群美国人中间
But we were sitting there was a number of Americans there.
所有人都在谈话 “我打坏了麦克风”
We were all talking. “I hit the microphone.
“太糟糕了”
That’s not good.”
我们都在谈话
We were all talking and
他突然打断说到
he interrupted just speak
不是礼貌性的问题
“Now not in a mean way,
我只是感到很迷惑
but I was instantly captivated by him and
我不知道为什么
I didn’t know why and
我突然想到 当美国人说话的时候
it occurred to me when Americans speak,
尤其是像这样说话的时候
oftentimes we talk like this.
他们喜欢把手放下来
We have our hands down and
甚至在讲故事的时候也放下来
even when we’re telling a story.
这样一点都不生动
It’s a little bit less animated.
Latin讲话的时候
And when he was speaking,
他的手是伸起来的
his hands were out.
像这样挥动
He was moving around like this.
他做的每一个手势
Every single point that he made correspond
都与他所说的事情相对应 “噢 天啊”
it to something he did. I was an “Oh, man.”
我们曾经做过关于这个的视频 我把它放哪里了
We used to make videos about this where did I let this go.
所以 说话时加入手势
So add in just gesticulations.
那么很自然的问题是
Now the natural question is
我应该加什么样的手势
what types of gesticulations should I add?
好问题
A great question.
第一个答案是
The answer tends to be ones that A
不要懒散的手势
are not floppy. Right. This is like
如果你做这样软趴趴的动作
if you’re making these kind of floppy wavy things
往往不会激发你的自信
that tends to not inspire confidence
与此同时 如果你表现得像个机器人
at the same time, if you’re too robotic in nature,
也不会有效果
that’s not going to work.
找到一个舒适的力度
So think comfortable tension
我这样做的时候并没有握住我的手
I’m not squeezing my hands as I do this.
但是有一个力度
But there is tension in them.
他们也不只是像这样挥着
They’re not just waving around like this.
第二个 你要经常性地展示你的掌心
Secondly, you want to show your palms fairly often.
当然你也可以
You can of course make your gesticulations
做伸出手背的手势
that have the back of your hands.
但是如果你这么做的时间过长
But if it gets too long where you’re going like this,
我看了马克·扎克伯格在听证会上的一段讲话
and I did a video with Mark Zuckerberg at the hearing
他经常这样讲话
and in the way he often speaks.
这会让人感觉到我在防卫
This can feel guarded,
尽管我的手臂是张开的
even if I’m going wide.
如果我把手护在胸前
if I’m covering up,
感觉像我有什么秘密
it feels like I have secrets.
当我这样做的时候
When I do this, it indicates that
表明我意识里没有什么隐瞒的
I have nothing to hide at my subconscious level.
所以增加一些这样的手势
So add some of those gesticulations.
我还会放一些视频
I’ll also throw some videos in
来详细讨论这个问题
that discuss this in finer detail.
所以 希望你喜欢这个视频
So I hope that you have enjoyed this.
如果你发现
If you find that
你无法激起你的热情
you are having a hard time with the enthusiasm part
我们还有其它
we have other videos on
关于自我娱乐和创造的视频
being self amusing and generating.
但是我还是希望在下次视频中看到你
But I look forward to seeing you next week and also
留下评论让我知道
let me know in the comments.
你想了解什么样的人
What sort of people you would like me to break down?
我正在筛选我的清单
I’m going through my list.
已经去掉了一堆
I’ve knocked off a whole bunch of them.
但是我很好奇你感兴趣的是什么
But I’m curious what is interesting for you today.
所以留下评论让我知道吧
So let me know in the comments.
期待下周再见
I look forward to seeing you next week.
[音乐]
[Music]

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视频概述

提高自己的魅力可以在你的工作,交际和约会中加分,培养这三个特质可以帮助你提高自己的魅力。

听录译者

徘徊的小孩

翻译译者

Scarlett

审核员

审核员SX

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7V-SsUtXj8

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