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可以停止争吵的3个词 – 译学馆
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可以停止争吵的3个词

3 Magic Words To Fix a Fight

Hey, this is Mat Boggs,
嗨 我是Mat Boggs
and today I’m going to share with you three magic words
今天我想和大家分享三个神奇的单词
that can help you fix any fight.
帮你终止任何争吵
This question was actually submitted
其实这个问题是一位
from a woman named Maribel.
名叫Maribel的女士提出来的
She emailed in, and Maribel writes this:
她在邮件中写道:
“I’d love to know how to communicate better with
“我很想知道 当我感到生气时
men when I feel defensive.
如何更好地与伴侣沟通
I want to turn our misfortunes into opportunities
我想将我们之间的口角之争
to build a greater bond with him.
转变为增强亲密关系的契机
I’m not trying to be the image of perfect,
我并非想以完美的形象示人
but rather a real human being with vulnerabilities.”
我也是一个有着各种弱点的真实的人
Maribel, that is a great question,
Maribel 这个问题非常棒
and one that every single one of us should be asking
我们每一个人都可能会对此存在疑虑
because defensiveness is like a cancer
因为防御性就像癌症一样
that can get into our communication and actually
它会侵入伴侣的交流之中
kill the relationship.
最终导致关系破裂
And it’s important to know that
所以我们必须知道
that feeling of defensiveness that we all get
我们都有可能产生防御感
actually comes from this desire to be valued
这实际上是由于我们一开始就渴望被珍视
and to not lose the relationship in the first place.
并希望维持这段感情
For example, if your partner is complaining, saying
例如 当你的伴侣一直抱怨
you haven’t spent any time with them this week
你这周陪他们的时间太少
and you can think of two times this week that you’ve hung out
你就会想 我这周只出去闲逛了两次
and you start to get defensive,
并开始想要反驳
that defensiveness comes from this fear of
这种反驳 实际上是因为你害怕对方认为
not being seen as enough or not contributing enough
你做的还不够 或你付出的太少
and the possibility of losing this relationship.
以及对失去这段感情的恐惧
The irony of this is that the defensiveness is actually the thing
然而 讽刺的是 实际上正是这种防御性
that pushes them away more.
使得两人渐行渐远
It’s the thing that drives a wedge between you and your partner.
它会在你们之间制造一种隔阂
Because when you try to prove why they’re wrong and why you’re right,
因为在你试图证明孰对孰错的时候
it actually shuts the other person down.
对方已经对你彻底失望了
They don’t feel heard, they don’t feel cared about,
他们顿时会觉得无人倾诉 无人关心
and there’s no connection going on in that moment.
那一刻 两人之间没有任何联系
So here are three words that you can say
其实 当你的伴侣感到失望时
when your man is upset
你只需说出这三个单词
that can help transform your disagreements.
便可帮助你转变两人间的分歧
When he’s upset
如果对方不高兴
and he’s complaining or blaming you for something that didn’t go right
或因一些糟心的事情抱怨或责怪你
instead of getting defensive, instead of arguing your side,
不要反驳 不要为自己辩解
say these three words:
只需告诉他这三个单词
“Tell me more.”
“我在听”
Those three magic words have the power to transform that moment.
这句话拥有转变当下紧张气氛的魔力
Most people get defensive, they argue their side,
绝大多数人在反驳的时候 都会站在自己的立场上争辩
but when you say, “Tell me more,”
但当你说出“我在听”
and, caveat here, you have to say it from a sincere, authentic place of curiosity.
顺便说句 你必须发自内心地且真诚地说出这三个单词
You cannot say it from this cynical place of sarcasm
决不能带着讽刺的口吻
like, “Well, tell me more, Mr.Perfect.”
“我在听 您继续 最棒先生”
Do not say that.
千万不要这样
Be sincere.
真诚点
Say, “Tell me more.”
“我在听”
That gives him an opportunity
给予对方机会
to fully express his point of view,
去充分表达自己的观点
to fully express how he feels
表露自己的心声
and what he wants out of this particular scenario.
以及此情此景下的诉求
The next step is after he shares that,
然后 在他抒发完自己的真情实感后
repeat it back to him,
将他的话复述一遍
“So what I hear you saying is this,”
告诉他“我知道你想说的是……”
and acknowledge how he feels.
并了解他的感受
This will be magic in the relationship because
对一段关系来说 该方法的有效之处就在于
when someone feels heard and someone feels acknowledged,
一个人只有觉得有人倾听自己或有人理解自己
then, and only then, are they truly open to hearing your point of view.
他才会真正打开心扉 倾听他人的观点
Now, be aware if
所以 必须记住
what he’s saying after you’ve asked him, “Tell me more,”
在你说了“我在听”这句话后
is skewed or incorrect, because chances are
你可能仍无法理解或认同他的观点
it will be because it’s his perspective and it’s different than yours
因为你们的观点本就相左
instead of looking for all the reasons he’s wrong,
不要极力去证明他是错的
seek out the threads of truth in what he’s saying and acknowledge those.
去试图发现对方观点中的正确意见 并对其肯定
And here’s why this is so effective.
为什么这种方法会行之有效呢?
People will open up and are much more willing to hear your side
因为一个人只有先觉得有人倾听并理解自己
when they first feel heard and understood.
他才会敞开心扉并愿意听取他人的意见
So the next time you’re in an argument with your partner,
所以 下次当你与伴侣发生争执时
instead of getting defensive and showing them why they’re wrong,
不要辩解 不要试图证明对错
show them love and compassion by using these three magic words,
只需以爱和理解之名对他说
“Tell me more.”
“我在听”
So now I would love to hear from you.
现在 我想听听你的
What strategies really work for you when you’re in an argument
当你和伴侣或人生中重要的人发生争吵时
with your partner or someone significant in your life?
你如何有效应对?
What strategy really works for you in diffusing that argument and coming back to a place of connection?
你会采取何种策略来缓和争吵并恢复亲密关系?
Go ahead and post your comments, your thoughts below in the comments section.
欢迎大家在留言区踊跃发表自己的意见和观点
I love reading your comments.
我很想知道你们的答案
And feel free to share this video.
欢迎分享这段视频
If there’s someone that you want better connection with in your life, share this video with them
如果你想要与某人增进关系 那就把这段视频分享给他们吧
so you can both know these three magic words of “Tell me more.”
这样你们俩便都知道了这三个魔力之词“我在听”
And, as always, I posted a link to a great resource in this video and also in the description
我在视频和简介中添加了一个资源链接
that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men,
以帮助您了解男性的内心想法
help you expand your heart to love even further.
从而加深彼此之间的感情
So go ahead, take a moment, click that link, get that resource.
想要获取更多信息 快快点击链接
It will greatly serve you.
你肯定会受益匪浅的
And if you’re not subscribed to this channel, take a moment, click the Subscribe button
如果你还未订阅本频道 快点击订阅按钮吧
because that way, you will be the first one alerted each and every week when these videos
我们将在第一时间为你推送视频发布信息
come out and you can be the first ones to watch them.
你可能会成为首位观看者哦
Thanks so much for watching this video and I will see you soon.
感谢观看 再见

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视频概述

如何通个三个字避免因争吵而使一段关系破裂

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZLVvwHCpoY

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