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从阿拉伯女商人那里学到的3堂成功课 – 译学馆
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从阿拉伯女商人那里学到的3堂成功课

3 lessons on success from an Arab businesswoman | Leila Hoteit

“妈妈 这些人是谁?
“Mom, who are these people?”
” 这个天真的问题来自我年幼的女儿艾莉娅
It was an innocent question from my young daughter Alia
大概在她三岁的时候
around the time when she was three.
我们当时跟我的丈夫一起
We were walking along with my husband
走在阿布扎比的某个高端商场里
in one of Abu Dhabi’s big fancy malls.
艾莉娅当时正在看一张立在商场中心的大海报
Alia was peering at a huge poster standing tall in the middle of the mall.
海报上是三位阿联酋的领导人
It featured the three rulers of the United Arab Emirates.
由于她站在我身旁
As she tucked in my side,
我弯下腰向她解释道 他们是阿联酋的领导人
I bent down and explained that these were the rulers of the UAE
是他们的辛勤努力 国家得以发展昌盛
who had worked hard to develop their nation
和平完整她问道:
and preserve its unity.
“妈妈 为什么在我们住的地方
She asked, “Mom, why is it that here where we live,
以及外公外婆住的黎巴嫩
and back in Lebanon, where grandma and grandpa live,
墙上从来没有强大的女性的照片啊?
we never see the pictures of powerful women on the walls?
是因为女性不重要吗?
Is it because women are not important?”
“这恐怕是我为人父母这么多年 以及在我16年多职业生涯里
This is probably the hardest question I’ve had to answer in my years as a parent
遇到过最难回答的问题了
and in my 16-plus years of professional life, for that matter.
我在我的家乡黎巴嫩长大
I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon,
我是家里两个女儿中较小的那一个 母亲是一位辛勤工作的飞行员
the younger of two daughters to a very hard-working pilot
同时还担任黎巴嫩航空公司的运营总监
and director of operations for the Lebanese Airlines
而她同时也是一位非常顾家的母亲和祖母
and a super-supportive stay-at-home mom and grandma.
我的父亲常常鼓励姐姐和我坚持接受教育
My father had encouraged my sister and I to pursue our education
即便那时我们的风俗仍然强调
even though our culture emphasized at the time
只有儿子应该走上职业道路
that it was sons and not daughters who should be professionally motivated.
而不是女儿我是我那一代人里极少数
I was one of very few girls of my generation
在18岁的年纪去外国读书的女孩
who left home at 18 to study abroad.
我父亲没有儿子所以
My father didn’t have a son,
从某种意义上来说 我成为了他的的儿子
and so I, in a sense, became his.
回溯过去几十年 作为我父亲望子成龙的对象
Fast-forward a couple of decades, and I hope I didn’t do too badly
我希望我没有让父亲失望
in making my father proud of his would-be son.
我拿到了电子工程学的学士和博士学位
As I got my Bachelor’s and PhD in electrical engineering,
在英国从事过研发工作 然后在中东做咨询顾问
did R&D in the UK, then consulting in the Middle East,
我总是在一个男性主导的环境里
I have always been in male-dominated environments.
坦白地说 我从来没有遇到一个我所能认同的榜样
Truth be told, I have never found a role model I could truly identify with.
在我母亲那一代 没有女性能身居要职
My mother’s generation wasn’t into professional leadership.
一路上也有不少人鼓励我
There were some encouraging men along the way,
但没有人是了解我所面对的需求和压力
but none knew the demands and pressures I was facing,
特别是当我有了我两个可爱的孩子的后 压力变得尤为难以承受
pressures that got particularly acute when I had my own two beautiful children.
而且尽管西方女性乐于给我们这些可怜的 被压抑的阿拉伯女性一些忠告
And although Western women love to give us poor, oppressed Arab women advice,
但她们跟我们过着的是完全不同的生活
they live different lives with different constraints.
不同的挑战所以 我那一代的阿拉伯女性被迫成为自己的楷模
So Arab women of my generation have had to become our own role models.
我们不得不比阿拉伯男性更
We have had to juggle more than Arab men,
颠沛流离而且我们比西方女性面对着更多的文化束缚
and we have had to face more cultural rigidity than Western women.
所以现在 我想起我们那些可怜 被压抑的女性
As a result, I would like to think that we poor, oppressed women
实际上是有一些实用的深刻的经历来分享
actually have some useful, certainly hard-earned lessons to share,
这些经验也许就会给在如今
lessons that might turn out useful
现代社会希望出人头地的一些人 一些实用的帮助
for anyone wishing to thrive in the modern world.
接下来是我的三点经验
Here are three of mine.
[“把他们的垃圾变成你的动力燃料”]
[“Convert their sh*t into your fuel.”]
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(掌声)
(Applause)
有一个词语被每一个人都用来售卖作为成功的关键:
There is this word that everybody is touting as the key to success:
坚韧那么
resilience.
到底什么是坚韧 你又如何培养这个能力呢?
Well, what exactly is resilience, and how do you develop it?
我相信坚韧是一种将失意转化成动力的能力
I believe resilience is simply the ability to transform shit into fuel.
在我之前的工作那是现在的很久之前
In my previous job, well before my current firm,
我和一个叫作约翰的男人一同工作
I was working with a man we will call John.
我和约翰是一个小组 我工作极其努力
I had teamed up with John and was working hard,
期望约翰能注意到我很优秀
hoping he would notice how great I was
寄希望于他的认可能够让我在日后工作中更加顺利
and that he would come to support my case to make partner at the firm.
我除了完成我份内的顾问项目之外
I was, in addition to delivering on my consulting projects,
还充满热情地写关于女性经济赋权的课题
writing passionately on the topic of women economic empowerment.
一天 我要给一房间的工商管理研究生对于我的研究作报告
One day, I got to present my research to a roomful of MBA students.
约翰也坐在下面听
John was part of the audience
这是他第一次了解
listening for the first time to the details of my study.
我研究的细节 就在我报告演讲进行中时
As I proceeded with my presentation,
我可以用余光看到约翰
I could see John in the corner of my eye.
他的脸涨成了深红色
He had turned a dark shade of pink
而且尴尬地从椅子上渐渐滑下
and had slid under his chair in apparent shame.
我报告演讲结束后 观众给予了我掌声
I finished my presentation to an applauding audience
我们迅速离开后钻进车里在那里
and we rushed out and jumped into the car.
他爆发了
There he exploded.
“你刚才在那里所做的 是不可以接受的!
“What you did up there was unacceptable!
你仅是一名顾问 不是一个激进行动者!”
You are a consultant, not an activist!”
我说 “约翰
I said, “John, I don’t understand.
我不明白我只是陈述了一些关于性别平等的指数
I presented a couple of gender parity indices,
总结了一下当今阿拉伯世界面临的事实
and some conclusions about the Arab world.
是的 我们今天的确处在指数的底层
Yes, we do happen to be today at the bottom of the index,
但是 我所说的或者是我所呈现的有任何不符合事实吗?
but what is it that I said or presented that was not factual?”
” 他回答说 “你整个研究的前提就是错误的
To which he replied, “The whole premise of your study is wrong.
你想做的是极其危险的 将破坏我们社会的结构”
What you are doing is dangerous and will break the social fabric of our society.”
他顿了一下
He paused, then added,
继续说“当女人有了孩子 她们归属就是家庭 ”
“When women have children, their place is in the home.”
时间在我们之间凝固了很长一段时间
Time stood still for a long while,
在我一时混乱的脑海中 我唯一清楚并反复的是
and all I could think and repeat in the chaos of my brain was:
“我们之间的合作关系到此为止了 力里亚
“You can forget about that partnership, Leila.
以后再也不可能继续了
It’s just never going to happen.”
“我花费了好几天的时间来完全吸收这件事以及它给我带来的影响
It took me a couple of days to fully absorb this incident and its implications,
当我彻底想通此事时 我有了三个结论
but once I did, I reached three conclusions.
第一 这些是他的问题
One, that these were his issues,
应是令他棘手问题
his complexes.
社会上也许会有很多像他一样的人
There may be many like him in our society,
但是我绝不会让他们的问题变成我的
but I would never let their issues become mine.
第二 我需要另找合作方了
Two, that I needed another sponsor, and fast.
而且要快
(Laughter)
(笑声)顺便一提 之后我很快有了一个合作者 一个年轻人 他很棒
I got one, by the way, and boy, was he great.
第三点 我要展现给约翰看为人父母的女性所能成就的
And three, that I would get to show John what women with children can do.
我将这次教训也运用在了我的个人生活中
I apply this lesson equally well to my personal life.
随着我事业继续发展
As I have progressed in my career,
我收到了很多鼓励的话语
I have received many words of encouragement,
但是我也常常遇到很明显对于我和我老公
but I have also often been met by women, men and couples
双事业家庭这样的的选择
who have clearly had an issue with my husband and I
存在异议的男女以及夫妇所以
having chosen the path of a dual-career couple.
你会遇到善意的夫妇
So you get this well-meaning couple
在家庭聚会或是朋友聚会上
who tells you straight out at a family gathering
直接告诉你
or at a friends gathering,
“你肯定知道你不是一个很称职的母亲对吧?
that, come on, you must know you’re not a great mom,
因为你对于事业投入了太多”
given how much you’re investing in your career, right?
如果我说这些言论对我没有伤害 那是不可能的
I would lie if I said these words didn’t hurt.
对我来说 我的孩子是我最宝贵的东西
My children are the most precious thing to me,
想想我若对不起我的孩子 对我来说都是无法忍受的
and the thought that I could be failing them in any way is intolerable.
但就像我对待约翰一样
But just like I did with John,
我很快提醒我自己 这些是他们的问题
I quickly reminded myself that these were their issues,
他们棘手的事情
their complexes.
所以我没有做回复
So instead of replying,
只以一个大大的微笑作为回应
I gave back one of my largest smiles
因为我在脑海中看到
as I saw, in flashing light,
如图的一个闪光
the following sign in my mind’s eye.
[快乐
[Be happy, it drives people crazy.]
使人力量无穷]
(Applause)
(掌声) 你看 作为一个年轻女性在这些情况下 你有两个选择
You see, as a young woman in these situations, you have two options.
你要么选择吸收这些
You can either decide to internalize these negative messages
扔向你的负面信息
that are being thrown at you,
让它们使你觉得你是一个失败者
to let them make you feel like a failure,
就好像成功对你而言遥不可及
like success is way too hard to ever achieve,
或者你可以选择认为别人消极的东西是他们自己的问题
or you can choose to see that others’ negativity is their own issue,
然后将它们转换成你自己的动力
and instead transform it into your own personal fuel.
我总是选择后者
I have learned to always go for option two,
而且我发现它一次又一次的让我获得力量
and I have found that it has taken me from strength to strength.
有一句话说的是真的:
And it’s true what they say:
成功是最好的报复
success is the best revenge.
一些在中东的女性
Some women in the Middle East
足够幸运地和支持她们事业的人结了婚不对
are lucky enough to be married to someone supportive of their career.
我应该说:“足够聪明地”
Correction: I should say “smart enough,”
因为和谁结婚是你自己的选择
because who you marry is your own choice,
如果你计划一个长期的事业 你最好和一个支持你的人结婚 [“解决生活中的问题
and you’d better marry someone supportive if you plan to have a long career.
去适时将工作从生活中拿掉”] 直到如今 阿拉伯男人在家庭里仍不是一个平等贡献者
Still today, the Arab man is not an equal contributor in the home.
家庭的两性平等是不被我们社会所期待的
It’s simply not expected by our society,
否则男性甚至会被嘲笑不是很男人
and even frowned upon as not very manly.
对于一个阿拉伯女人我们的社会仍然认为
As for the Arab woman, our society still assumes
她快乐的主要来源应该建立在孩子和丈夫
that her primary source of happiness should be the happiness and prosperity
的快乐和发展上
of her children and husband.
她的存在主要就是为了家庭
She mostly exists for her family.
事情在有所改变 但是这需要一些时间
Things are changing, but it will take time.
所以现在 这意味着一个阿拉伯职业女性
For now, it means that the professional Arab woman
莫名地就需要 维持一个完美的家庭
has to somehow maintain the perfect home,
确保她孩子的每个需要都能得到满足的同时
make sure that her children’s every need is being taken care of
还要经营她繁忙的事业
and manage her demanding career.
为了实现这个 我发现了一个有力的方法
To achieve this, I have found the hard way
你必须将你辛苦学到的职业技能 运用到你的个人生活中去
that you need to apply your hard-earned professional skills to your personal life.
你需要去解决生活中的问题
You need to work your life.
这是我在我个人生活中所做的
Here is how I do this in my personal life.
关于中东必须知道的一件事
One thing to know about the Middle East
是几乎每个家庭都会有一个承担得起的家庭保姆
is that nearly every family has access to affordable domestic help.
因此 挑战变成了:如何有效地雇佣?
The challenge therefore becomes how to recruit effectively.
就像我在我的事业生活中所做的 我在一个可靠的推荐中
Just like I would in my business life, I have based the selection
选择了一名 在我工作时间
of who would support me with my children while I’m at work
能够帮忙照顾我孩子的人选
on a strong referral.
克里斯蒂娜为我的妹妹工作了四年
Cristina had worked for four years with my sister
她的工作能力
and the quality of her work was well-established.
是很高的 她现在融入到我们家庭成员中的一员
She is now an integral member of our family,
自从艾莉娅6个月大的时候就和我们在一起
having been with us since Alia was six months old.
她确保我在工作的时候家里一切事务井井有条
She makes sure that the house is running smoothly while I’m at work,
我确保给予她一定的自由度
and I make sure to empower her
在对她和我孩子合适的范围内
in the most optimal conditions for her and my children,
就像我对待在工作中最好的员工一样
just like I would my best talent at work.
这个经验可以运用到你任何一个照顾孩子的情况里
This lesson applies whatever your childcare situation,
无论是一个互惠生
whether an au pair, nursery,
一个护士还是你和人共用的
part-time nanny that you share with someone else.
兼职保姆都需要谨慎地选择
Choose very carefully, and empower.
然后授权给她们 如果你看我的日程安排
If you look at my calendar,
你将会看到每个工作日
you will see every working day
从阿联酋时间晚上7点到8点半的那一个半小时
one and a half hours from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time
被留出来 称作“家庭时间”
blocked and called “family time.”
这是宝贵的的时间
This is sacred time.
自从艾莉娅还是婴儿时 我就坚持做这个
I have done this ever since Alia was a baby.
我会尽一切努力去保护留有这段时间
I do everything in my power to protect this time
那么我可以在这段时间里回到家里陪孩子们充实地度过
so that I can be home by then to spend quality time with my children,
询问她们他们的一天过得怎么样
asking them about their day,
检查他们的功课 给他们阅读床上故事
checking up on homework, reading them a bedtime story
然后给他们很多
and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles.
亲吻和拥抱如果我在出差 不论在哪个时区
If I’m traveling, in whatever the time zone,
我都会用Skype和我的孩子通话 即使我在千里之外
I use Skype to connect with my children even if I am miles away.
我们的儿子布尔汗今年五岁
Our son Burhan is five years old,
他正在学习阅读和做一些基本的算数
and he’s learning to read and do basic maths.
我在这里要坦白一下:
Here’s another confession:
我发现我们的女儿在
I have found that our daughter is actually more successful
教授他这些技能上 比我更成功
at teaching him these skills than I am.
(观众笑声)
(Laughter)
开始是一个游戏 但是艾丽娅爱上了给她的小弟弟扮演老师
It started as a game, but Alia loves playing teacher to her little brother,
我发现在这过程中实际上提高了布尔汗的读写能力
and I have found that these sessions actually improve Burhan’s literacy,
增加了艾丽娅的责任感
increase Alia’s sense of responsibility,
而且加强了他们之间的纽带
and strengthen the bonding between them,
一个双赢的局面
a win-win all around.
我知道的成功的阿拉伯女性
The successful Arab women I know
每个人都发现了她们独特的方式去经营她们的生活
have each found their unique approach to working their life
随着她们继续
as they continue to shoulder
去分享家庭的责任
the lion’s share of responsibility in the home.
但这不仅仅是关于生存在你的双重角色中
But this is not just about surviving in your dual role
作为一个职业女性和母亲
as a career woman and mother.
这也是关于如何活在当下
This is also about being in the present.
当我和孩子相处的时候
When I am with my children,
我试着将工作从生活中拿掉
I try to leave work out of our lives.
不去担心我每天能和他们在一起多少分钟
Instead of worrying about how many minutes I can spend with them every day,
我将这些时间专注在值得记忆的瞬间上
I focus on turning these minutes into memorable moments,
在那些瞬间里我看见了我的孩子
moments where I’m seeing my kids,
听见他们 和他们产生连接
hearing them, connecting with them.
[“凝聚力量 不要竞争”]
[“Join forces, don’t compete.”]
我那一代的阿拉伯女人在她们长大的过程中
Arab women of my generation have not been very visible
没有在公众眼里受重视
in the public eye as they grew up.
这在某种程度上 我认为 解释了
This explains, I think, to some extent,
为什么你发现在阿拉伯政界里的女人很少
why you find so few women in politics in the Arab world.
然而 这个现象积极的一面
The upside of this, however,
是我们花费了很多时间
is that we have spent a lot of time
默默地培养出社交能力
developing a social skill behind the scenes,
在咖啡厅里 在客厅里
in coffee shops, in living rooms,
在电话里
on the phone,
一个对成功很重要的社交技能就是:
a social skill that is very important to success:
人脉
networking.
我会说 一般的阿拉伯女性
I would say the average Arab woman
有一个很大的由朋友和熟人组成的人脉网络
has a large network of friends and acquaintances.
他们中的大部分也是女性在西方
The majority of those are also women.
似乎雄心勃勃的女性常常拿她们自己和其她女人比较
In the West, it seems like ambitious women often compare themselves to other women
希望作为房间里最成功的女性而被注意到
hoping to be noticed as the most successful woman in the room.
这就形成了“职业女性”
This leads to the much-spoken-about competitive behavior
都是争强好胜的印象
between professional women.
假如一山不容二虎
If there’s only room for one woman at the top,
没人会让出她们的地盘 更不会提拔她们的下属
then you can’t make room for others, much less lift them up.
阿拉伯女人 很大程度上说
Arab women, generally speaking,
没有陷入这样的
have not fallen for this psychological trap.
心理陷阱中 面对着一个由男性主导的社会
Faced with a patriarchal society,
她们发现通过帮助对方
they have found that by helping each other out,
大家都受益
all benefit.
在我之前的工作中 我是最资深的中东女性
In my previous job, I was the most senior woman in the Middle East,
所以人们会想 在我的女性社交网络里投入
so one could think that investing in my network of female colleagues
不会带来太大益处
couldn’t bring many benefits
所以应该投入时间在
and that I should instead invest my time
发展我和年长有资历的男性以及同龄男性的关系上
developing my relationships with male seniors and peers.
至此 我事业上两个最大的突破来自于其她女性的支持上
Yet two of my biggest breaks came through the support of other women.
一位是营销部的领导
It was the head of marketing who initially suggested
最先提议我应该作为一个年轻的全球领导者去参加全球经济会谈
I be considered as a young global leader to the World Economic Forum.
她对我的媒体参与和发表很熟悉
She was familiar with my media engagements and my publications,
然后当她被要求推荐人选的时候
and when she was asked to voice her opinion,
她强调了我的名字
she highlighted my name.
另一位是年轻的咨询顾问家一位来自沙特的女性朋友
It was a young consultant, a Saudi lady and friend,
她帮助了我销售在沙特阿拉伯的第一个项目
who helped me sell my first project in Saudi Arabia,
一个我发现女人很难打入的市场
a market I was finding hard to gain traction in as a woman.
她介绍我给一位客户
She introduced me to a client,
然后那次的介绍成为了之后我在沙特很多项目的开端
and that introduction led to the first of very many projects for me in Saudi.
现在我的团队里有两位资深的女性雇员我看到
Today, I have two senior women on my team,
使她们成功也是我成功的关键
and I see making them successful as key to my own success.
女性会继续开拓世界
Women continue to advance in the world,
不够快速 但是我们在前进
not fast enough, but we’re moving.
阿拉伯世界也是在取得进展 尽管最近遇到不少障碍
The Arab world, too, is making progress, despite many recent setbacks.
就在今年 阿联酋新指派了五位女性内阁部长
Just this year, the UAE appointed five new female ministers to its cabinet,
现在总共有八位女性内阁部长
for a total of eight female ministers.
那是将近28%的内阁成员的数量
That’s nearly 28 percent of the cabinet,
而且比很多发达国家声称的数量多
and more than many developed countries can claim.
这如今是我女儿艾丽娅最喜欢的一张图片
This is today my daughter Alia’s favorite picture.
这毫无疑问是强大领导力的结果
This is the result, no doubt, of great leadership,
但这也是一个个不屈不挠的阿拉伯女性
but it is also the result of strong Arab women
不放弃地坚持开拓挑战边界的结果
not giving up and continuously pushing the boundaries.
这是像我一样的阿拉伯女性决定每天
It is the result of Arab women deciding every day like me
去将消极转化为动力
to convert shit into fuel,
去解决生活中的问题 去适时将工作从生活中拿掉
to work their life to keep work out of their life,
去凝聚力量 而不是去攀比竞争
and to join forces and not compete.
随着我向未来展望
As I look to the future,
我对我女儿的希望是
my hopes for my daughter when she stands on this stage
二三十年后她若站上这个舞台
some 20, 30 years from now
她作为她父亲的女儿 也会很自豪地自称为
are that she be as proud to call herself her mother’s daughter
她母亲的女儿
as her father’s daughter.
我对我儿子的希望
My hopes for my son
是到了那个时候 “她母亲的儿子”或者“妈妈的男孩”
are that by then, the expression “her mother’s son” or “mama’s boy”
会有一个完全不一样的意义
would have taken on a completely different meaning.
感谢大家
Thank you.
(掌声)
(Applause)

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