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10 Tattoo DON'Ts!! How To Avoid STUPID Tattoos

伙计们 开始咯
Gentlemen, so check it out.
I like the idea of tattoos.
Whenever I see a guy,
and he’s got like some sickass sweet sleeves,
我会想 厉害了我的哥
I think, dude, he’s a badass.
But there is a razor thin line between badass and dumbass.
我该知道 因为在我的
I should know because I was the proud owner of
腿上有一个很小的峨眉月 而在背上有一个大黄蜂
super sick crescent moon on my leg and a bumblebee on my back.
Hmm hmm, you bet I was making the lady swoon with those two sweet pieces.
伙计们 我这两个很爷们的文身一共花费了115美元
Gentlemen, the total cost of my two amazingly masculine tattoos, $115.
而移除它们花了800美元 加上他妈两年很疼的激光移除治疗
The cost to remove them, 800, plus two damn years of painful lazar removal treatments.
所以如你所见 我对文身是又爱又恨
So as you see, I have a love hate relationship with tattoos.
我讨厌我的 但又喜欢别人的
I hated mine. I love some other people’s.
But I also see a lot that I just go ughhh.Dude
你竟然这样 哈哈哈
You what! Hahahahaha
所以伙计们 为了让你们远离误区
So gentlemen and in an attempt to keep you from making the same mistake I did.
Today we are going over 10 tattoo don’ts.
Tattoo don’t No. 1, don’t ever get your girl’s name tattooed anywhere on your body.
我知道她很有魔力 你在三个月前见了她 并且她是你一生的挚爱
I know she’s magic. You met 3 months ago and she is the love of your life.
好吧 哥们 娶了她
Well dude, marry her.
千万不要文她的名字 因为比起除掉在你身上文的某个名字
Just don’t get her name tattooed because a marriage is a whole lot of easier to get rid of
than somebody’s name tattooed on your body.
此外 你还得跟你新女友解释这个带有心形“TLF”的“Sheila”只不过是你曾经养过的一只猫
Besides trying to explain to your new girlfriend that Sheila with a heart TLF was your cat.
iiiiit’s kind of a tough sell.
文身禁忌第二条 第三条 第四条 不要在你的脸上 你的脖子上或你的手上文文身
Tattoo don’t No. 2, 3 and 4, don’t tattoo your face, your neck or your hand.
Who are you pissed at?
Why would you think in the realm of tattoo placement options
你的脸 你的脖子或是你的手是一个好选项
that your face, your neck or your hands is a good option.
You’ve got a sea a skin on the rest of your body.
但如果你不能用汗衫遮住文身 那你没必要文他
But if you can’t cover it with a dry shirt, you don’t need to be doing it.
You want a single handedly eliminate 95% of your potential employment options,
那就在脸 脖子和手上文吧
tattoo your face, neck and hands.
伙计 这是歧视如果我不能……
Dude, that’s discrimination if I can’t.
不不 伙计 那是你愚蠢
No, dude, that’s stupidity on your part.
Tattoo don’t No. 5, no lower back tats.
That is a trampstamp and that’s for chicks.
Tattoo don’t No. 6, do not get your fraternity letters tattooed on your body.
如果你文了 那这样我明白我真的不想跟你做朋友
You do, and that way I know that I don’t wanna actually be friends with you.
呃 我希望我能说这是开玩笑 但当我看见一个人
Em em I wish I could say I’m kidding. But whenever I see a guy,
他文了“Sig Ep” “Sigma Pie” “Beta Cap Epsilon”这样的信息
he’s got like ‘Sig Ep’ or ‘Sigma Pie’ or ‘Beta cap Epsilon’ delivery,
我自然认为这个人是个傻逼 我可能是错的
I automatically think that the guy is a douche, I am probably totally wrong.
但据我经验 这事实上很准
But in my experience, well it’s actually pretty accurate.
Tattoo don’t No. 7, don’t get portraits of your kids.
喂 这是个爱的表达 我也知道你很爱你的孩子
Now, it’s a loving gesture and I know you absolutely love your kids.
But I’ve never actually seen it not look weird.
所有孩子们的脸都看起来不自然 他们都看起来有点
AII the kids’s faces never look natural, they’re always like kind of
笑的扭曲 很奇怪 他们看起来变形了
smiling distorted just weird. They looked deformed.
如果你曾想为什么当你给别人展示你女儿的照片时 他们……
If you ever wondering why when you show people your daughter’s picture they go eeeerrr.
看啊 她看起来很可爱 文名字很酷 文照片就算了吧
look at, she’s so cute. Names of your kids cool. Pictures of them don’t.
Tattoo don’t No. 8, don’t go with whats trendy and popular.
如果你不相信我 那就问一下有刺带 部落符号或是亚洲标记的人
And if you don’t believe me just ask all the dudes out there with barbwire bands, tribal anything
傻逼 傻逼 傻逼 傻逼 我有资格这么说 我可是曾经有过大黄蜂和月亮纹身的人
or Asian symbols. Dork dork dork dork, haha I can say that. A bumblebee and a moon for God sake.
Tattoo don’t No. 9, don’t get anything on your body
that you wouldn’t be proud to show grandma. Muma, hmhmhmhm. Nana
Last, but certainly not least tattoo don’t No. 10, don’t be impulsive.
听冲动纹身之王一句劝 你要仔细考虑在你身上要文的东西
Take it from the king of impulse tattoos, you need to think through what you’re getting on your body.
因为文身不像打耳洞或是剪头发 文身是永久的
Because unlike piercing your ears, unlike cutting your hair. Tattoos, they’re pretty permanent.
最好的文身都有一段故事 有意义 并于你独一无二
The best tattoos have a story, have a meaning, are special to you.
And those are the ones that you’re going to be proud to wear for years to come.
Ones that you’re just like yeah I like that, put it there.
都会有一天让你感到后悔 这就告诉我们很重要的一点
Those are the ones you tend to regret. Bringing us to the very important point,
当你处于别的事情的影响下 绝对不要走进文身店
never go to a tattoo parlor when under the influence of anything,
这影响包括欲望 比如sheila 我爱你 我要把你文在这里
including lust, like when you are like I love Sheila, right there.
嘿嘿嘿 不 千万别那样做 伙计们 以下是我的建议
Heyheyheyhey, no, definitely don’t do that. Gentlemen here’s the deal,
如果你文了个文身 你以它为耻 而且你希望你没这么做
if you got a tattoo that you’re absolutely ashamed of, and you wish you didn’t do,
there are some options and treatments out there to get them off of your damn body.
并且我做了个视频 其实我做了一系列视频
And I actually did a video where, I did a bunch of videos.
I took you through the process of me having lazar tattoo removal done.
如果你想看看最新的视频 且你想看看其他视频
If you want to check out the last video, and then you can find all the other videos.
There is a link down below in the description.
伙计们 在正确合适的地方文身
Gentlemen, tattoos when done right and appropriately. Oh
非常的酷 但是在棒极了和糟糕中间存在着一条界线
Em emm, so damn cool. But there is a fine line between great and god awful.
所以算我求你们 下次在文身前好好在坐在椅子上前想一想
Please do us both a favour, next time before you go in sit in the chair think before you ink.