When you’re a kid,
you want to believe that your parents are superheroes.
For some people, it’s true.
If they work a demanding career
but still manage to find balance
and spend time teaching you new skills or just being silly,
they’re doing it right.
not all of us grow up with healthy parents.
The ugly truth is
that some people are better parents than others.
And it’s not some special “parent gene”
we win like the lottery,
it’s the constant work and the choices they make
that make all the difference.
If you grew up with a toxic parent,
know that it’s not your fault
and your future is not a product of your past
but the actions you are taking right now in the present.
Here are 10 signs of parents manipulating their kids.
1. They compare you to your other siblings, relatives or friends.
Parents who manipulate their kids
will often try to turn everything into a competition.
Even if you’re someone who gets along well
with your siblings or relatives,
they will try to drive a wedge between all of you.
Your brother gets an A on his math test
when you just got a B on your science report,
or maybe your cousin Suzy just started taking dance lessons,
and your parents accuse you of being lazy,
all because you’d rather watch movies
and take some downtime.
Don’t give in to their tactics.
Instead, stand your ground firmly
and assure them you’re doing just fine.
2. They raise you to be codependent.
Does your parent try to do everything for you?
It’s one thing to provide financial and emotional support,
but it’s a whole different story
if they try to stop you from being independent,
using this as a leverage to make decisions for you.
Manipulative parents will often butt in
and do the problem-solving for their kids.
Consequently, this makes the child feel as though
they’re unprepared to handle obstacles and setbacks
on their own as they become young adults.
3. They constantly guilt trip you.
Parents are supposed to teach their kids
that it’s okay to say”yes” to new opportunities
and”no” if the situation compromises their health.
But if you’ve grown fearful of saying “no” each and every time,
then they’ve been emotionally abusive towards you.
Do they blow things out of proportion?
Quickly jump to conclusions?
Or skip the subject altogether?
Look through their guilt shaming techniques
and realize that you’re being taken advantage of.
4. They set unrealistic expectations.
Are your parents highly demanding people?
It’s good to never settle for Less in life,
but if they are frequently being unreasonably strict,
this can take a major toll
on your emotional and physical well-being.
whether it means
pushing you to take on more extracurricular activities
than you can handle,
signing up for honor classes
that you don’t have a passion for,
or pursuing a career you’re uncertain of,
tell them to back off,
you grow at your own pace and no one else’s.
5. They make everything about them.
This is a classic case of the narcissistic parent.
If they constantly play the victim card
and never take any blame for the times they’ve hurt you,
then they want to turn the tables
so all eyes can be on them again.
They will trivialize your needs until you feel
as though you have no choice but to give in.
Don’t let them have the upper hand,
instead, call them out on their behavior.
如果找学校辅导员 或朋友 或信赖的人寻求指导
If it makes you feel safer,
you can get your school counselor to supervise,
or a friend, or someone you can trust.
6. They intimidate you with cruel punishments.
Manipulative parents might seem
all polished, put together and wonderful people out in public,
but behind closed doors,
they may act the complete opposite.
Instead of being nurturing individuals,
they might resort to cruel tactics and instill fear in you.
They might say things
like “why are you making me do this,
you gave me no other choice”
or “it hurts me to do this as much as it’s hurting you”.
Realize that this isn’t a healthy form of discipline
and don’t be afraid to tell someone
if it worsens over time.
7. They treat you more like a trophy than a human being.
A good parent allows the creative freedom for their child
to embrace who they want to grow into.
But if all your life
they’ve only tried to shape and mold you into
what they want you to be,
it’s not necessarily because
they “know what’s best for you”.
Instead, they may create these restrictions for their own benefit
of dolling you up and showing you off to the world.
8. They gaslight you.
Gas-lighting is a serious form of abuse.
It’s when the individual tries to
make you feel like you’re the one going insane,
when in reality, they’re the ones taking advantage of you.
They’ll make you second-guess what you know
and try to brainwash you with memories that aren’t true.
Beware of this.
If you feel like you can’t remember your life events
without the help of your parents,
chances are they’re gaslighting you.
9. They don’t respect your boundaries.
Everyone needs a certain amount of space to live happily.
But if they’re constantly going into your room
without your permission
or nosy about all the details of your life,
it can get overwhelming, frustrating
and just be downright rude.
Tell them you want some time to yourself.
And if they continue disrespecting you,
那就去告诉老师 管理员 或者辅导员
tell a teacher, administrator or counselor.
You’d be surprised what measures can be taken
when you receive outside help.
10. They fail to provide you with unconditional love.
You never know which side of them you will experience.
will they be friendly and flexible, or ruthless and selfish?
This keeps you walking on eggshells,
afraid of setting off the next bomb.
So you do everything you can to be good,
but a parent is supposed to support you through your mistakes
and offer unconditional love.
You should never feel as though you have to earn their support.
We hope wherever you are
that one day
you can move out of your toxic environment.
Because you deserve so much more.
Do you think you’re being manipulated by your parents?
Let us know in the comment section down below.
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Thanks for watching!