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10个迹象表明父母有控制欲 – 译学馆
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10个迹象表明父母有控制欲

10 Signs Your Parents Are Manipulative

小时候
When you’re a kid,
你希望相信你的父母是超级英雄
you want to believe that your parents are superheroes.
对于一部分人来讲 他们的父母真的是超级英雄
For some people, it’s true.
如果他们一边费心忙事业
If they work a demanding career
还一边设法去平衡工作与家庭
but still manage to find balance
花时间教你新技能 或者只是与你发呆傻玩
and spend time teaching you new skills or just being silly,
那他们做得很对
they’re doing it right.
但是很不幸
But unfortunately,
并不是所有人都有明智的父母陪伴成长
not all of us grow up with healthy parents.
残忍的事实是
The ugly truth is
有一部分人做父母比其他人做得好
that some people are better parents than others.
而这并不是像买彩票一样
And it’s not some special “parent gene”
我们中了什么特殊的“好父母基因”大奖
we win like the lottery,
这是他们持续的努力和他们做出的选择
it’s the constant work and the choices they make
使他们比其他父母做得更好
that make all the difference.
如果在成长过程中你的父母对你有负面影响
If you grew up with a toxic parent,
要知道这不是你的错
know that it’s not your fault
你的将来不是过去行为的产物
and your future is not a product of your past
而是你当下行动的产物
but the actions you are taking right now in the present.
以下是父母操控孩子的十种迹象
Here are 10 signs of parents manipulating their kids.
一 他们拿你跟兄弟姐妹亲戚朋友做对比
1. They compare you to your other siblings, relatives or friends.
有控制欲的父母
Parents who manipulate their kids
经常会把每件事都当做竞赛
will often try to turn everything into a competition.
即使你跟兄弟姐妹亲戚朋友
Even if you’re someone who gets along well
相处得很好
with your siblings or relatives,
他们也会想方设法破坏你跟他们所有人的关系
they will try to drive a wedge between all of you.
假设你哥哥数学测试得了A
Your brother gets an A on his math test
而你的科学报告只得了B
when you just got a B on your science report,
或者假设你表妹Suzy刚要开始上舞蹈课
or maybe your cousin Suzy just started taking dance lessons,
那么你父母便会指责你太懒了
and your parents accuse you of being lazy,
就因为相比于做那些事
all because you’d rather watch movies
你更喜欢看看电影放空自己
and take some downtime.
不要屈服于他们的计策
Don’t give in to their tactics.
相反地 你要站稳脚步
Instead, stand your ground firmly
向他们保证 你现在过得很好
and assure them you’re doing just fine.
二 他们在养育你的过程中让你产生依赖感
2. They raise you to be codependent.
你父母是不是想方设法为你做一切事情?
Does your parent try to do everything for you?
提供经济支持和精神支撑是一码事
It’s one thing to provide financial and emotional support,
但是如果他们试图阻止你自立
but it’s a whole different story
那就是另一码事了
if they try to stop you from being independent,
或者更糟的是
or worse,
他们把这当做替你做决定的手段
using this as a leverage to make decisions for you.
有控制欲的父母经常插手
Manipulative parents will often butt in
替孩子解决问题
and do the problem-solving for their kids.
结果 当孩子慢慢长大
Consequently, this makes the child feel as though
他感到似乎没有准备好
they’re unprepared to handle obstacles and setbacks
自己处理阻碍和挫折
on their own as they become young adults.
三 他们时常让你有负罪感
3. They constantly guilt trip you.
父母理应教导孩子
Parents are supposed to teach their kids
可以接受新机遇
that it’s okay to say”yes” to new opportunities
也可以对危害身心健康的情形说“不”
and”no” if the situation compromises their health.
但是如果你在成长过程中每次都害怕说“不”
But if you’ve grown fearful of saying “no” each and every time,
那就是他们对你精神虐待了
then they’ve been emotionally abusive towards you.
他们有没有把事情过分夸大?
Do they blow things out of proportion?
有没有过早下结论?
Quickly jump to conclusions?
或者有没有完全跳过主题?
Or skip the subject altogether?
识破他们的“内疚羞愧”伎俩
Look through their guilt shaming techniques
并且意识到你正在被他们所利用
and realize that you’re being taken advantage of.
四 他们设定不现实的期望值
4. They set unrealistic expectations.
你父母是不是高要求的人?
Are your parents highly demanding people?
生活中始终保持更高的追求是很好的
It’s good to never settle for Less in life,
但是如果他们三番五次对你不合理地严厉
but if they are frequently being unreasonably strict,
那这会对你精神和身体上的幸福感
this can take a major toll
造成巨大的负面影响
on your emotional and physical well-being.
无论这意味着
whether it means
是强迫你去参加
pushing you to take on more extracurricular activities
多到都顾不过来的课外活动
than you can handle,
还是报名
signing up for honor classes
你没有兴趣学的荣誉班
that you don’t have a passion for,
又或者是从事你不确定的职业
or pursuing a career you’re uncertain of,
都请告诉他们让开
tell them to back off,
你按自己的步调成长 而不是其他人的
you grow at your own pace and no one else’s.
五 他们使每件事都跟他们有关
5. They make everything about them.
这是自恋型父母的一个典型案例
This is a classic case of the narcissistic parent.
如果他们不断地扮演受害者
If they constantly play the victim card
而且从不为他们伤害你的那些次数承担责任
and never take any blame for the times they’ve hurt you,
那他们就想扭转形式
then they want to turn the tables
以便让所有的目光重回他们身上
so all eyes can be on them again.
他们会无视你的需求
They will trivialize your needs until you feel
直到你感觉 除了屈服貌似别无选择
as though you have no choice but to give in.
请不要让他们占上风
Don’t let them have the upper hand,
相反地 谴责他们的行为
instead, call them out on their behavior.
如果找学校辅导员 或朋友 或信赖的人寻求指导
If it makes you feel safer,
可以让你有安全感的话
you can get your school counselor to supervise,
那就去找他们聊
or a friend, or someone you can trust.
六 他们用严酷的惩罚胁迫你
6. They intimidate you with cruel punishments.
有控制欲的父母可能看上去
Manipulative parents might seem
是在公众场合光鲜体面 落落大方的人
all polished, put together and wonderful people out in public,
但是关起房门
but behind closed doors,
他们的举止可能大相径庭
they may act the complete opposite.
为人父母 他们不做养育之事
Instead of being nurturing individuals,
而是可能采取严酷的手段给你逐渐灌输恐惧
they might resort to cruel tactics and instill fear in you.
他们可能会说这样的话
They might say things
“你为什么逼我这么做
like “why are you making me do this,
你让我别无选择”
you gave me no other choice”
或者说“这样做我也很心痛 跟你一样痛”
or “it hurts me to do this as much as it’s hurting you”.
请注意这不是健康的惩罚方式
Realize that this isn’t a healthy form of discipline
如果情况愈演愈烈
and don’t be afraid to tell someone
也不要害怕告诉别人
if it worsens over time.
七 他们更像是把你当战利品而非人类来看待
7. They treat you more like a trophy than a human being.
好父母允许孩子有创造性的自由
A good parent allows the creative freedom for their child
去拥抱他们想要长成的样子
to embrace who they want to grow into.
但是如果终其一生
But if all your life
他们只想把你塑造成
they’ve only tried to shape and mold you into
他们想让你成为的样子
what they want you to be,
那这必然不是因为
it’s not necessarily because
他们“知道哪些是对你最好的”
they “know what’s best for you”.
他们对你的约束反而是对他们自己有利
Instead, they may create these restrictions for their own benefit
他们把你装扮得品学兼优 并向全世界炫耀你
of dolling you up and showing you off to the world.
八 他们会对你情感操纵
8. They gaslight you.
情感操纵是一种严重的虐待方式
Gas-lighting is a serious form of abuse.
那是指有人试图
It’s when the individual tries to
让你感到自己疯掉了
make you feel like you’re the one going insane,
而实际上 他们才是利用你的人
when in reality, they’re the ones taking advantage of you.
他们会让你质疑你的认知
They’ll make you second-guess what you know
并且试图用不真实的记忆给你洗脑
and try to brainwash you with memories that aren’t true.
请一定要留心
Beware of this.
如果你觉得没有父母的帮助
If you feel like you can’t remember your life events
就记不起生活事件
without the help of your parents,
那很有可能他们是在对你情感操纵
chances are they’re gaslighting you.
九 他们不尊重你的生活边界
9. They don’t respect your boundaries.
每个人都需要一定的空间来开心的生活
Everyone needs a certain amount of space to live happily.
但是如果他们未经允许
But if they’re constantly going into your room
三番五次进你房间
without your permission
或者总是追问你生活中所有的的大事小事
or nosy about all the details of your life,
那这会让人崩溃 使人沮丧
it can get overwhelming, frustrating
并且绝对是蛮横无理的
and just be downright rude.
告诉他们你想有一些独处的时间
Tell them you want some time to yourself.
如果他们还是不尊重你
And if they continue disrespecting you,
那就去告诉老师 管理员 或者辅导员
tell a teacher, administrator or counselor.
当你得到外界援助时
You’d be surprised what measures can be taken
看到他们为你采取的保护措施 你会大为震惊
when you receive outside help.
十 他们未能给你提供无条件的爱
10. They fail to provide you with unconditional love.
你永远不知道你会看到他们的哪一面
You never know which side of them you will experience.
他们是平易近人呢?还是无情又自私?
will they be friendly and flexible, or ruthless and selfish?
这让你如履薄冰
This keeps you walking on eggshells,
害怕是否下一步就会踩雷
afraid of setting off the next bomb.
所以你竭尽全力表现得乖巧
So you do everything you can to be good,
但是父母本应该为你做的错事提供帮助
but a parent is supposed to support you through your mistakes
并且无条件地爱你
and offer unconditional love.
永远都不要认为好像你必须要博取他们的支持
You should never feel as though you have to earn their support.
我们希望无论你在哪里
We hope wherever you are
终有一天
that one day
你会走出困境
you can move out of your toxic environment.
因为你值得拥有更好的人生
Because you deserve so much more.
你有没有感觉自己被父母操控了?
Do you think you’re being manipulated by your parents?
请在视频下方留言告诉我们
Let us know in the comment section down below.
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please be sure to also subscribe to our channel.
感谢观看
Thanks for watching!

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视频概述

你的父母是天使还是魔鬼?哪些迹象表明父母有控制欲?而面对有控制欲的父母你该如何去做?

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翻译译者

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS4zJF0yVlE

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